Bound By Temptation, page 9
I wanted him to break his oath, wanted nothing more, but something in his gaze made me back away a few steps. I was brave but I wasn’t stupid. Letting my gaze travel the length of him one last time, I quickly rushed outside and crossed the bedroom, only stopping to check the corridor before I left. There was nobody around so I stepped out and hurried toward my room. I’d almost reached my door when Gianna showed up, still dressed in pajamas and cup of hot chocolate in her hands. She halted, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What are you doing sneaking around the corridor in your nightgown?”
Why did she have today to get up early?
“Nothing,” I said a bit too fast. I could feel heat creep up into my cheeks. When would my body ever stop betraying me in situations like this?
“Nothing,” Gianna repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest and taking a casual sip from her cup. “Right. Isn’t Romero’s room in that direction?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not like he’s ever invited me over.”
“Doesn’t mean you haven’t been there.”
“Are you done with your interrogation? I don’t know why you suddenly try to sound like Father. It’s not like you’ve always been playing by the rules.”
“Easy, tiger. I was just curious. For all I care you can visit Romero and whoever else you want as often as you like, but you know how things are. If the servants catch you, rumors will spread like wildfire. You have to be clever about it and running around the house like a chicken without its head isn’t going to help. If Aria had caught you like this, you’d have a lot of explaining to do.”
“I did nothing wrong,” I said stubbornly.
Gianna smiled bitterly. “I know, but that doesn’t mean they won’t punish you for it. Just be careful.” She handed me her cup of hot chocolate. “I think you need it more than me.”
I’d thought I was being careful, but at least my sisters seemed to see right through me. I could only hope they would keep my secret from their husbands. Both Romero and I would get in huge trouble if people started to believe something was going on between us, even if there wasn’t. Nobody cared about the truth. I wished there was something to talk about, wished Romero had kissed me like I’d wanted him, wished he hadn’t stopped at kissing.
Romero
I almost chased after Liliana to drag her back into my room and have my way with her. Damn it. She’d wanted me. It had been written all over her face plain as day. The first moment I’d turned around and seen her standing there with huge blue eyes, I’d thought I was imagining it. After all, I’d been thinking about her during my shower. She was on my mind way too often. If Luca knew how hard it was for me to concentrate at the moment, he’d have someone else protect Aria, and he’d definitely have me sent back to New York, far away from Lily. If I was a good soldier, I’d ask him to do it, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay near Lily.
I ran a hand through my wet hair as I glared at the bathroom door. Why had I sent her away? She’d wanted me to kiss her. She’d wanted more than that. Why did I have to listen to my fucking conscience then?
But it wasn’t even morals that kept me from kissing Lily. It went against my oath, my duty, but that wasn’t the main reason. Even though she wasn’t really mine to protect, I still wanted to protect Lily, even from herself. She couldn’t possibly realize the consequences of flirting with me like that. In our world a girl’s entire worth was based on her reputation, her pureness, that was true in particular for girls from high-ranking Made Men. But even among soldiers only very few women were allowed to date someone they chose. We still followed the same rules from more than a century ago and I doubted that would change any time soon. If I let Lily close, if I let this thing between us unfold, if I took her the way I wanted her, then she’d be ruined in our society’s eyes.
Of course, there were plenty of things we could do that wouldn’t destroy her virginity. So many things, damn it.
That was a very dangerous thing to consider because if I really started to think of all the ways I could have Lily without ruining her, the likelier it got that I actually acted on those ideas, and I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to stop at a certain point. At least, not if Lily didn’t ask me to, and I had a feeling she wouldn’t.
During breakfast, I acted as if nothing had happened. Aria was already too attentive. And Gianna seemed to know more than she should as well.
Lily met my gaze when her sisters weren’t looking and the look in her eyes made my cock twitch. Today I’d given her an opening. She knew now that I wanted her.
I’d spent my life for others, always putting my own needs second. Would it really be so bad if I took what I wanted for once? Never in my life had I wanted anything more than the girl across from me.
Why should I deny myself this?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Liliana
I stared up at the ceiling, or rather where I knew it was. The darkness was impenetrable, I couldn’t even make out my own hand. Sometimes it felt like darkness was all there was in my life. A long tunnel without an end. Especially at night Mother’s words haunted me. I’d promised her I’d be happy, but I wasn’t even sure how to do it. A deep loneliness filled me, had taken hold of me ever since Mother had died. We’d never been as close as some daughters were with their mothers, but she’d been there, a constant presence. And now it seemed like I was all alone. Of course there was Fabi, but he was young and would soon be involved in mob business¸ and Father…Right now, being here in the Hamptons made me happy but it was a temporary thing.
My sisters, they were always there for me, but they had their own lives, they had husbands, and one day they’d have their own families. They’d still love me, and still take care of me, but I wanted my own happiness, separate from them. I wanted what they had. And I knew the only person I wanted that kind of happiness with was Romero.
He had been watching me differently this summer. In the past years, his expression had made it clear that I was nothing but a girl to him, someone to protect. But recently something had changed. I wasn’t an expert when it came to men, of course, but his gaze had held a hint of something I often saw on Luca’s face when he watched my sister Aria.
At least, I was quite certain. I pushed my blanket off my body and sat up. I didn’t bother turning on the lights from fear of attracting attention and instead felt my way toward the door. I inched the handle down and slipped into the corridor. It was silent and dark, but at least here I could make out schemes. Not that I needed to see something to find Romero’s room. I knew exactly where it was. I had lost count of the times I’d imagined going there. But so far reason had stopped me. Tonight I was tired of listening to reason, of playing it safe. I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to spend all night staring into the darkness, being lonely and sad. I crept down the corridor, careful not to make a sound, hardly daring to breathe. When I reached the door to Romero’s room, I stood there for a long time. It was silent inside. Of course; it was already way past midnight and he always got up early for his run.
My fingers shook with nerves when I gripped the door handle and pushed it down. The door opened without a sound. I snuck in and closed it again, then I didn’t move for a long time, only stared toward the bed and the contours of Romero’s body. His curtains weren’t drawn, so the moonlight provided some light. His back was turned toward me and the blanket only reached his waist. My eyes traced his muscled shoulders and arms. I moved closer, one hesitant step after the other. This was so wrong. Romero had caught me in his room before, and worse, he’d caught me spying on him in the shower, but this felt more intimate. He was in bed, and if things went my way, I’d soon join him. What if he sent me away? Or worse, what if he got angry and told Luca? What if they sent me back to Chicago into that dark and hopeless house with my father who didn’t miss my mother at all?
I froze a couple of steps from the bed. My breathing had quickened as if I’d exerted myself and my hands were clammy. Maybe I was losing my mind. I was trying to tell myself that I was doing this because Mother had wanted me to be happy, but maybe I was only using that as an excuse for my insanity. I’d wanted Romero long before Mother had ever said anything, and had even tried to kiss him long before her death.
I shook my head, getting mad at myself for overthinking everything. There had been a time when I’d done whatever I wanted as long as I felt like it. I took another step toward the bed but I must have made a sound without noticing it because Romero’s breathing changed and his body tensed. Oh no. There was no going back now.
He rolled onto his back in one fluid move, then his eyes settled on me. He relaxed but quickly tensed again. “Liliana?”
I didn’t reply. My tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. What had I been thinking?
Romero swung his legs out of the bed and sat on the edge for a moment, silently watching me. Could he see my face? I probably looked like a mouse trapped by a cat, but I wasn’t afraid. Not one bit. If anything, I was embarrassed, and strangely excited. I was a twisted and sick mouse, that much was sure. He stood, and of course my eyes did a quick scan of his body. He was only wearing boxer shorts. He looked too good to be true. Like he’d stepped right out of my dreams. It was embarrassing to think how often I’d dreamed of Romero and all the things I wanted to do with him.
“Lily, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” There was worry in his voice, but there was also something else. Something I’d heard when he’d caught me spying on him in the shower. It was something darker and almost eager.
My stomach fluttered with butterflies and I took a step in his direction. I wanted to fly into his arms, wanted to kiss him, and so much more.
“Can I sleep with you?” The words shot out, just like that, and once they were out I couldn’t believe I’d said them. Especially since they could easily be taken the wrong way.
Romero froze. Silence stretched out between us. I was sure it would crush me any second. I took another step in his direction. I was almost in arm’s reach now.
The sound of Romero’s breathing was incredibly loud. I could see his chest heaving. Was he angry?
“This isn’t something you should joke about,” he said quietly. “It’s not funny.” He was angry. Maybe I should have taken the hint and turned on my heel to leave his room, but like Gianna I had never been very clever in situations like this.
“I wasn’t joking, and I didn’t mean it like that,” I whispered. “I want to sleep in your bed, just sleep.” For now. I wanted more than that, eventually.
“Liliana,” Romero murmured. “Have you lost your mind? Do you even realize what you’re saying?”
Fury rose up. Everyone always thought I was too young, too naïve, too female to make decisions. “I know exactly what I’m saying.”
“I doubt it.”
I bridged the distance between us until our chests were almost pressed against each other. Romero didn’t back away but he braced himself. “Every night I feel like darkness is swallowing me whole, like my life is spiraling out of control, like there’s nothing good in my life. But when I think of you those feelings disappear. I feel safe when I’m with you.”
“You shouldn’t. I’m not a good man, not by any standards.”
“I don’t care about good. I grew up in this world. I know how things are, and I’m fine with it.”
“You don’t even know half of it. And if you really know how things are, then you should realize what could happen if someone found you in my room at night.”
“I’m tired of hearing what I can’t do. Can’t I decide for myself? It’s my life, so why can’t I make decisions?”
Romero was quiet for a moment before he said, “Of course, it’s your life, but your father has certain expectations of you. And not only that, Luca gave him and Dante Cavallaro his word that he’d take good care of you and keep you safe. That includes your reputation. If someone told them you were in my room right now, that could mean war between the Outfit and New York. This isn’t a game. This is too serious for you to play around.”
“I’m not playing around. I’m so lonely, Romero,” I whispered. “And I like you. I really like you.” That was an understatement. “I only want to be close to you. You kissed me back and I know how you’ve been looking at me. I know you are interested in me.”
He didn’t say anything.
Doubt wormed its way into my brain. Had I been imagining the looks he’d given me? “If you don’t like me, then tell me. It’s okay.” It wasn’t. I’d be crushed, but maybe it would be for the best. I’d move on with my life somehow.
“Fuck,” he murmured, turning away from me and leaving me to stare at his back. “If I was a good guy, I’d tell you exactly that. I’d fucking lie to you for your own good. But I’m not good, Lily.”
Relief flooded me. He hadn’t said he didn’t like me. I’d read the signs right. God, I could have screamed with joy. I rested my palms against his bare shoulder blades. His skin was soft except for a few small scars, but they made him only more desirable to me. They flexed under my touch but he didn’t step away. “So you are interested in me? And you like me?”
Romero let out a harsh laugh. “This is crazy.”
“Just tell me. Do you find me attractive?”
He turned around. I wasn’t quick enough to pull my hands away so they now rested against his chest. That felt even better. I had to stop myself from running my hands up and down his body. Even in the half-dark I could see the fire in his eyes. He scanned me from head to toe. I was only wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, but I wasn’t even embarrassed. I wanted Romero to see me like that, wanted to get a reaction from him.
“Lily, you are stunning. Of course I find you attractive. Look at you, you are too fucking beautiful for words.”
My lips parted. That was more than I’d dared to hope for. I moved even closer and peered up at him. “Then why do you keep pushing me away?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do, and because I know the risks.”
“Isn’t it worth the risk?”
Romero stared down at me with such intensity that I couldn’t help but shiver. He didn’t reply. He gripped my hips and pulled me against him before his lips came down on mine. I opened up without hesitation, eager for that kiss, eager for his closeness. His tongue plunged into my mouth. There was no flicker of hesitation or doubt in his kiss. I moaned. This was so different from our first kiss, more intense. He cupped the back of my head, guiding me the way he wanted it. I could hardly keep up. I stepped on my tiptoes and leaned against him as I gripped onto his shoulders for balance. The kiss consumed me, stirred a fire in my belly and made me long for much more.
Romero jerked away and I tried to follow him but he kept me at arm’s length. His breathing was harsh and there was a wild look in his eyes. “Give me a second,” he rasped.
He squeezed his eyes shut as if he was in pain. All I could think about was to kiss him again, to have his hands on my body. I wanted nothing more. But I did as he asked and gave him a few seconds to get control over himself. Eventually he opened his eyes again. The wild look was gone and was replaced by something more controlled. His grip on my shoulders relaxed and his thumbs lightly stroked my skin. I wasn’t even sure he noticed. The light touch raised goose-bumps of delight all over my skin. I waited for him to say something, but also feared what he would say. One of his hands traveled up to my cheek. “You should leave now,” he said quietly.
I froze. “You’re sending me away?”
Hesitation flickered across his face. “It’s for the best, Lily, believe me.”
I took a step back. I wasn’t going to beg him. If he didn’t want me to spend the night, then I’d have to accept it. “Okay. Good night.” I turned around and hurried out of the room. I hardly paid attention as I crossed the corridor toward my room. I’d put myself out there today, had risked everything to get what I wanted. I wouldn’t do that again. I had a huge crush on Romero but I also still had my pride. If he didn’t want to risk this, then I’d accept it.
I closed the door and crept back into my bed. Like before the darkness closed in on me. It was too silent in my room, too lonely and empty. Even the memory of the kiss Romero and I had shared couldn’t cheer me up. Not when it was probably the last time I’d kissed Romero. It took a long time for me to fall asleep and then Mother’s pale unhappy face haunted my dreams.
***
Romero and I barely looked at each other the next morning. I didn’t seek his closeness like usual. I tried to avoid his eyes as much as possible but a few times I caught him stealing glances my way. I wasn’t sure what they meant, but I was glad that he and I didn’t get to spend time alone together. Of course he was almost always around. It was difficult to avoid your bodyguard, but I did my best to focus entirely on my sisters, to enjoy my time with them.
Romero
It was way midnight when I headed for my room. Luca, Matteo and I had played cards until an hour ago, a distraction I fucking needed, and afterward when they had joined their wives in bed, I’d sat on the terrace, and wondered why I couldn’t have the same.
A noise made me pause. My hand went to my gun as I followed the sound toward Lily’s door. She sounded like she was in distress, mumbling in her sleep and crying. I checked the corridor, but I was alone. Everyone was long asleep or at least busy behind closed bedroom doors. I pushed the door open and slipped in. It took my eyes a moment to get used to the darkness, which was worse than in the rest of the house. The curtains didn’t let any light in. I kept the door ajar and moved further into the room. I knew what I should do, and it definitely wasn’t being alone in Lily’s bedroom with her at night. On my list of things to avoid that was really at the top.
She was in obvious distress and I’d vowed to protect her but a nightmare wouldn’t harm her. There was no reason for me to be here. I could have called Aria or Gianna, or just let Lily sleep through her nightmare, but I was a stupid fucker.
