The Black Effect 2, page 11
I smiled at that declaration. I wanted Amai to move on and be happy with someone else. I secretly wanted that someone to be me.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“I like you.”
She simpered. “I like you, too, Canton.”
I was relieved to hear her say that. This was the first time I was opening up to a woman since Jaide, and I couldn’t afford to be let down.
“And while I like you,” she continued, “I need to be alone for a while.”
And just like that, my happiness had vanished. How did I know she would say that?
“I understand,” I forced out.
“Do you really?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I understand women don’t do well, jumping from one relationship to the next. Y’all be needing time to heal, and I respect that.”
“Not just that but I've never been out on my own. I went from my parents’ house and straight to Nadir. I feel like this is the time for me to really get to know me and clear my head. Plus, I would never want to enter a situation with you when I'm not completely over Nadir.”
“You still want to be with him?” I questioned, holding my breath.
She shook her head. “No, but he was a big part of my life for the last three years, and I want to cleanse him out of my system. I'm sure you can relate, especially with your situation with Jaide.”
“I know what you're talking about, and I respect you for being honest. The selfish part of me wants you to run into my arms, but then the logical side of me understands that you need to be by yourself. I won’t rush you.”
“Thank you for understanding. Also, I want to thank you for being a genuine friend. I didn’t know a friendship would start by you offering me a blunt.”
I chuckled. “I still don’t trust your ass either. Who the fuck turns down a blunt?”
“Uh, me,” she shot sarcastically. “I don’t smoke and even if I did, I didn’t see you roll that blunt. You could’ve laced it with anything and tried to take advantage of me.”
“Man, gone.” I waved my hand. “You ain't deserve my shit anyway.”
She giggled. “Whatever, Canton.”
I was enjoying my time spent with Amai. Even though, she had shot down my dreams of us starting something new, I still loved being in her presence.
“So, are you sure there’s no chance you and ol’ boy are getting back together?”
She cocked her head. “No. Why do you ask?”
“Because I know sometimes couples reconcile when they cool down. I just wanted to know if that’s what you were feeling.”
“Canton, I can’t go back. Too much has happened and too much has been said. Me and his mother had an actual fight. Oh, and speaking of that, I have some news.”
“Oh, yeah, like what?”
“Well, when I met with the attorney, I told her how Lena had assaulted me first by spitting on me. I informed her that I had a witness, and I also told her where the altercation happened. That way, they could try to get some video of her spitting on me. My lawyer promised me she would try to obtain the video. Even though I trusted the lawyer to get the job done, I took a chance by calling Lena and threatening her ass. I scared her by telling her I had a video and warned her to drop the charges. Well, today I got a call from the attorney and guess what?”
“What?”
“Lena dropped the charges,” said Amai, who was wearing an annoyed expression on her face.
“That’s good news, though.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“She probably got spooked and didn’t want to go to jail.”
Amai shook her head. “No, this is what happened. I know how Lena operates, so she went to the family and acted like she was a victim. I'm sure she conjured up some tears and painted this picture as if I had attacked her out of nowhere. So, now, she can’t let what really happened get out because she has lied to her family. That’s why she dropped the charges. She didn’t want everyone to know that she was the aggressor.”
“I know you're glad you got away from that shit.”
“Am I?” she laughed. “I'm so happy. There is no way I could ever insert myself into that family again. I'm so glad I got out when I did.”
I discreetly breathed a sigh of relief. “I'm glad too, and you know I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I got you.”
She playfully poked her bottom lip out. “Aww, thank you. I really appreciate you, for real.”
I gave her a head nod and looked at the menu. I couldn’t leave Amai hanging, especially when she had no friends or family support. If we never attempted to get in a relationship, I would still be there for her. She was just that special to me.
“Jump.”
I smiled as Nasir jumped from the truck with his hand still in mine. Cass closed the door for me, and I walked into Raye’s preschool. I had Zain securely in my arms while I held onto Nasir, who was jumping up and down.
“Hello?” the receptionist greeted with glee. “Are you here to see Ms. Raye?”
“Yeah, is she in her office?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Alright.”
Me and the boys walked to the back and stopped at Raye’s office door.
“You wanna knock?” I asked Nasir.
He nodded and banged on the door loudly. I laughed before Raye opened the door, wearing a scowl on her beautiful face. Once she noticed that it was us, her features softened.
“Oh, my goodness, I was about to go off on whoever that was knocking on my door like that.” She laughed.
Raye bent down and picked up Nasir before she reached over and kissed me and Zain.
“What are you guys doing here?” she asked.
“We came to take you to lunch,” I told her, entering the office.
“Really? How sweet.” She looked around me and then asked. “Where’s Jaide?”
“She's not here. It’s just me and the boys today.”
She narrowed her eyes while looking suspiciously. “What? No Jaide?”
“No, Raye, damn.” I chuckled.
“But we never go anywhere without her and Ama─well, without Jaide.”
I knew the name she was about to say, and I'm so glad she didn’t. I didn’t need Amai on my mind while I was trying to show my appreciation to Raye.
“Jaide is working. Y’all haven’t really been vibing, so I wasn’t going to force y’all to be in each other’s presence. Besides, I want to spend some time with you by myself.”
“Wow, Mr. Move as a unit. I'm shocked by this sudden act, but happy, nonetheless. We can go.”
“A’ight.”
Raye grabbed her purse from her desk drawer and followed me out to the truck. We buckled the boys in their seats, and Cass drove us to Queen Cee restaurant. When we arrived, we were seated in the private room I had requested beforehand.
“Nadir, are you okay?” Raye asked sweetly as we got comfortable in our seats.
I smirked while looking at the menu. “Why did you ask me that?”
“Because you’ve been very different, lately.”
I pulled my eyes away from the menu and gazed at her. “How so?”
She shrugged. “You’ve been quieter. We don’t see you at dinner that much, and I've noticed that you haven’t been attending Sunday dinner at your parents’ house anymore.”
“You haven’t gone either,” I pointed out.
“Well, I'm not going back because Lena sent me a nasty text, and I don’t want to disrespect your mother.”
My nostrils flared. “What did she say?”
Raye waved her hand. “Nothing, really. She's basically mad that I went to see Amai. She said I wasn’t loyal to this family and that I don’t deserve you.”
It was taking every ounce of self-control that I had not to get up and go curse my mama the fuck out. She was way out of line, and I declared that I wouldn’t deal with her anymore. I needed to send her a message and by me confronting her, that seemed to fuel her behavior even more. I knew what I needed to do to get through her head and that unfortunately, was going to involve cutting off all communication with her.
“I'm done with her and you are, too. We never have to go over there for dinner ever again.”
“How is your father going to feel about that?” she questioned.
“I don’t give a fuc─I mean, I don’t care.”
I glanced at the boys to make sure they didn’t hear me. Thankfully, they were too engrossed with their iPads in front of them.
“Lena has gotten out of hand. Did you know her and Jaide talk multiple times a day now?”
I kissed my teeth. “Since when?”
“I guess, recently. They don’t do shit but talk about Amai.”
I puffed out a deep breath. “Jaide has been doing too much lately, and I don’t like it. I don’t want her talking to my mama like that because Jaide seems to be easily influenced by Lena, all of a sudden. I'm gonna have to talk to her.”
Raye rolled her eyes while nibbling on some bread. “I’ll leave that to you because me and homegirl ain't been vibing like that.”
I leaned forward while carefully mulling over my words. “Raye, you're right. I'm struggling, and the reason is because… Amai is gone.”
“I knew that, baby,” she replied in a sympathetic tone. “I didn’t want to bring her up because I wasn’t sure how you would react, but this is normal. You're just going through the motions. Breakups are hard so I don’t expect you to just bounce back so quickly and get over her.”
“I really hate this though. I don’t want to miss her ass,” I groaned frustratedly.
“You can’t control it. You have to just go through it until you can finally be okay with Amai not being in your life.”
“Mai-Mai,” Nasir said excitedly.
I hated that my son was missing her as well. When we decided to end our marriage, I didn’t factor in how the kids would feel. Thankfully, Zain was too young to remember, but Nasir still spoke of Amai when we were home.
“Have you uh… have you talked to her?” I carefully asked Raye.
She swayed her head from left to right. “Not recently. I kind of let her go just so she could get herself together. I miss her, but I didn’t think it was healthy for us to keep in contact with each other. Besides, I didn’t want to hear your mouth either.”
I smirked. “I wouldn’t have given you any trouble.”
“Man, please.” She rolled her eyes. “You almost chewed my head off when you found out I went to see her.”
“I know, and I was mad about that. Then, when I calmed down, I understood that you would always want to make sure she was good, so yeah. I wouldn’t be mad about you keeping in contact with her.”
“Well, that’s nice to hear, but I'm going to give her time to get herself together. Amai is hurt and confused and while I wish I could be there for her, I know she doesn’t really want that, right now.”
I didn’t respond because I truly had nothing to say. The only thing I yearned for was to get Amai’s ass out of my mind.
“You know, I'm thankful for you, right?”
Raye grinned while pushing her thick hair behind her ear. “I know, Nadir.”
“No, for real. You know you're my heart, and I can’t do this thing called life without you. I need to know that you're always gonna be mine.”
“You know, I am.”
“And I'm going to start doing things differently when it comes to you and Jaide. In the past, I've been selfish and only wanted things to be my way. Well, I've realized that it’s not fair to you both, especially when y’all are grown women. I remember you saying that you, Jaide, and Amai were three different women with different needs. I never looked at it like that and that’s probably why Amai wasn’t happy being with me. I didn’t cater to her needs but y’all catered to mine. I'm a man, who makes mistakes, Raye, so don’t expect me to be perfect. But you have to promise me this, if you're ever feeling unhappy with me, come to me and let me know. Don’t go to anyone else because they don’t have the power to fix anything for you except me.”
Ever since Amai had left me, I had been doing some heavy reflecting. I didn’t realize how wrong I had been in the marriage. The sticking together at all times, forcing them to go to my parents’ house for dinner, and not providing them with affection that they needed were truly hard to swallow. I had fucked up and as excruciating as it was to confess, I had to own my part in the failure of my marriage.
“Aww, baby,” she whined, lifting up to kiss my lips. “I respect you so much for recognizing that your way may need some tweaking. And you're right, you do need to cater to our needs more. We all─I mean─we both need more of you.”
“I'm going to do better,” I promised.
“And I believe you.”
Man, I didn’t deserve someone like her. When I said that Raye was my heart, I truly meant that shit. I would walk through hell if it meant she would be safe. She was worth the change in me and so was Jaide. I had already lost one wife and couldn’t afford to lose another one.
Two months later…
I glanced at my watch before I shut my laptop and got up from my seat. I was supposed to be meeting Canton at the gym, so I changed into my gym outfit and placed my bushy hair into a ponytail. It had been three months since I’d left Nadir and things had gotten better. I still missed him, Raye, and the kids, but I wasn’t hurting as badly as I had been before.
This time spent alone was what I needed. I was learning who I was without all the noise of the polygamous lifestyle. I talked to Jazmin sometimes, and when I became sad, I wrote out my thoughts in my journal. I had learned of journaling from Jazmin and it helped me tremendously. Writing down my emotions and keeping them on paper proved to be a great coping mechanism. Although my life wasn’t perfect, I had to admit I had progressed well since leaving Nadir.
Things between my parents were still at a standstill. My father did his best reaching out to me, but I still wasn’t ready to talk to him. My mother didn’t even attempt to converse with me, and I was surprisingly, grateful for that. She had proven to be a fraud, and I didn’t even look at her the same. This was awful to say, but if we never spoke again, I wouldn’t be sad about it. She didn’t care about anyone but herself and money, so not having her presence in my life would be beneficial.
The only people I conversed with on a regular basis was Canton and Jazmin. I’d never had a friend quite like her. She was honest, relatable, and she knew exactly what I was going through. I never had to question her motives and our conversations always left me uplifted. Canton and I had grown closer as friends. We hadn’t visited the conversation of being together, and I was secretly relieved about that. A relationship was the furthest thing from my mind, at this point. Nadir had drained me so badly that I didn’t think I had anything left to give another man. I wasn’t ready and Canton seemed to understand that. I understood he wouldn’t wait on me forever, and while I knew I shouldn’t take my time when it came to him, I promised myself that I wouldn’t rush into anything if I wasn’t ready. And right now, I wasn’t ready.
I put on my shoes, grabbed my gym bag, and headed for the garage. I still favored my truck, so I hopped inside and made my way toward the gym. Me and Canton always met up at the gym, or I would go to his coffee shop to edit my videos and sit with him. I cherished the time we spent together because it always took my mind off of what was missing in my life. He had a way of making me feel like everything would be okay, and I craved that from him.
The drive to the gym was quick since it was ten minutes away. I got out and grabbed my things. For some reason, we liked to work out at night since it wasn’t so packed like the daytime. When I entered, I spotted Canton by the weights, securing his gym gloves on his hands.
“I don’t know why you're doing all that. You're only about to lift twenty pounds,” I joked, walking up behind him.
He turned around and gazed at me with those mesmerizing hazel eyes. I swear, if I wasn’t trying to get myself together internally, I would’ve been fucked Canton. His entire face was just a work of art, but those eyes always did something to me.
“You better chill because yo’ lazy ass only does ten minutes on the treadmill and swear you did some shit.”
I chortled. “Boy, fuck you. I do at least fifteen minutes.”
He snorted. “Like that’s any better.”
“Whatever. I'm going to put this bag in the locker, and then I’ll be ready.”
I walked toward the back where the lockers were. I made sure to grab my phone and AirPods before I placed it inside. Afterwards, I went back on the floor and met Canton near the treadmill.
“Now, why you had to wear that?”
I looked down at my baby pink outfit that consisted of a tight sports bra and leggings.
“What's wrong with my outfit?” I asked, stepping onto the treadmill.
“You always trying to entice a nigga,” he chuckled, shaking his head.
Despite us being friends, Canton never let a moment pass to flirt. I didn’t say anything because I enjoyed it, especially when it involved him studying me with those amber eyes.
“I'm just trying to get summertime fine, fam. I'm not thinking about you.”
“Yeah, whatever… and in case no one told you, you already fine.”
I simpered at his compliment. “Thank you.”
We began our twenty-minute walk on the treadmill and then traveled over to the weights. I watched as Canton lifted 150 pounds like it was nothing. His muscles flexed as beads of sweat rolled down his skin. I always enjoyed watching him work out on the low. His body was just right. He wasn’t bulky but he also wasn’t skin and bones. If I had to describe his body type, I would say he had an athletic build.
“You done for the day?” he asked, after doing his sets.
“Yeah, you know I don’t like to lift too much. I don’t want to get too muscular and start looking like a man.”
Canton chuckled as he shook his head. “Amai, you always saying some off the wall type shit. You ain't nowhere near built like a nigga.”
“I know because I try not to lift too many weights.”
