Scent of a Nightmare, page 4
“You are nosy.” I shook my head at him.
“Just want to make sure you aren’t a serial killer luring me to your secret lair.” He gave me a devilish smirk.
“You offered to walk me home and you are afraid I am a serial killer?”
“Have you ever seen those shows about female serial killers? They are more frightening than the men sometimes.” He shrugged.
“You like true crime stuff?”
He grinned. “I see what you are doing. Changing topics to keep that mysterious persona.”
I laughed at him. “I can’t stand you.”
“I beg to differ.”
“I live in a boring town that is like ten hours away.” I deflected his question.
“That must’ve been hard to drive that long with your kid.” He pointed out. We took a turn down one of the streets and my heart began to race as we passed the street where the beautiful green lake house sat.
My palms began to sweat and tears threatened my vision.
Keep walking.
Keep walking.
Keep walking.
The phantom smell of firework smoke filled my nose.
My throat started to close.
I almost forgot Tate was there until he touched my elbow. I jumped and looked at him.
“You, ok?” He looked around unsure what triggered me.
“Yeah.” I lied and pulled my arm back.
“You sure?” He asked again. He was serious now as his eyes scanned my face with concern. I don’t know what it was about him. He made me feel like I had known him my entire life, but he was a complete stranger. I had never felt so comfortable and so uncomfortable with someone at the same time.
“Yeah, I thought I saw a raccoon.” I lied to him again as we made it past the street. I shivered even though it was eighty-eight degrees outside.
“A raccoon?” He questioned.
I giggled. “Yes.”
He nodded and shook his head at me.
“Noted... she hates raccoons...” he said and laughed.
Yeah... I’m dying alone.
The light posts lit the street for us, and my fingers itched to hold a cigarette between my fingers.
“This is me.” I said pointing to the large white house. My grandma sat on the front porch with Waylan in her arms as she rocked. They both were asleep while her arms cradled my baby. I wanted to take a picture of them. I pulled my phone out to capture the moment, but realized it was dead. Tate watched me and took a picture of them for me with his phone.
Normally I would find that very strange, but the way he did it... because he was observing me, made it was sweet.
“What’s your number and I’ll send it to you.” A devilish grin flashed across his face again.
I shoved him and laughed. “You are absolutely insufferable.”
He grinned again and shrugged his shoulders. “I'm an opportunist. I saw a perfect opportunity and took it.”
I rolled my eyes and held my hand out for his phone. He handed it to me, and I entered my number into it. I caught a glimpse of his background picture. It was a soccer team of some sort. I shouldn’t have cared, but the image gave me a sense of relief. I got butterflies that it wasn’t another woman, which is stupid because I couldn’t have a relationship with this man. I wasn’t going to be here long enough to go down that road. If he knew the truth about me, he wouldn’t look at me the same. Plus, he was a flirt and I figured he did this to other women. There was no way he didn’t have a line of women. Why he wanted me was a mystery. Not very many men stuck around when they found out about the possibility of filling the ‘dad’ role. They usually thought the ‘daddy role’ fit something else entirely until they found out about Waylan.
I never dated much after she was born. There were maybe two people, nothing serious and they only met Waylan through a picture on my phone. I refused to let her meet a man unless I was certain they were going to stick. However, dating with a toddler is not something that is appealing. It ended up being more trouble than what it was worth.
I handed Tate his phone back and he placed it in his back pocket.
“Well, I should get back. I’ll see you tomorrow when you stop in for coffee.” He winked at me and then turned away from me. Part of me wanted to call after him and ask him to stay, but that was highly inappropriate, and I still hadn’t seen my grandfather yet. I watched Tate until he was gone from view and turned back to my past that was going to engulf me. The secret that I needed to cover with a lie so my grandma wouldn’t be subjected to the terrible thing I did.
The real reason I had to leave.
TATE
I LEANED BACK IN MY office chair and glanced at the unmade schedules that I should have been working on. The computer screen flickered to the idle screensaver, and I stretched my legs out in front of me. Instead, I was staring at my phone like a fucking teenager. I haven't done this since I was fifteen. I felt pathetic. I just met the girl, and she clearly wasn’t really interested. She wasn’t even a resident here. I don’t know what I expected from the interaction with her.
Don’t text her.
Delete the photo and her number.
Or text her the photo and delete the number.
Or...
I grabbed my phone and walked to the front of the cafe. I snapped a picture of the silly cake pops I stayed up until one in the morning making. They were a pain in the ass, but will be even more so if she didn’t stop by again.
The side door opened along the far end of the bar. A girl with black hair walked in. Her hair was pulled into two buns on the top of her head. Her hairstyle made me think of Princess Leia from Star Wars. If I told her that, she would slaughter me. Her expression was as readable as a blank wall. She looked over at me and flipped me off while she sucked an inhale of her vape.
“Hi Mindy.” I said.
A few regulars, sitting in the cafe chuckled at her interaction with me.
“Fuck off Tate.” She muttered as she rounded the bar.
“Ouch.” I said and grinned at her.
She acts like she hates me, but deep down I think she might like me a little bit.
“What the fuck are those?” She put her vape in her pocket and pointed at my sad attempt to making unicorn cake pops. Apparently, unicorn horns were not something I knew how to make. I can run a coffee shop and make coffee recipes, but making a fucking unicorn horn is not something I excel in.
I shrugged. “I was trying something new.”
She gave me a look that was different then her grim unamused look. She almost looked surprised. “You aren’t going to make us make those right?”
I grinned at her. “Maybe, if you are late again I will start requiring you to make them.”
“Do that and I’ll make sure every single one of them is shaped like a dick.” She told me. “Don’t think I won’t.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes at her. “What am I going to do with you Mindy?”
“Fire me. That’s what you need to do. I have aspirations to be a stay at home cat mom and live off of unemployment.” She told me for the hundredth time since I hired her.
Normally, I would have fired her. However, she was the best worker I had... when she was here that is. She was quick at making drinks, she was organized, did not let anyone walk over her, and she had really brilliant marketing ideas. Her attitude was the only thing that posed a challenge almost all of the time. If you didn’t know how to handle Mindy, you wouldn’t be able to work with her.
“I’ll think about it.” I told her as I walked into the back room.
She followed behind me and took another drag of her vape.
“Are you smoking pot at work again?”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “No.”
I sat back in my office chair and looked at her. She hung her purse up and scrolled through her phone for a moment.
“Mindy, stop smoking inside my coffee shop.” I hit send on the picture of Cadence’s grandma and her daughter. I deleted the picture immediately because it felt weird to have it. Then I sent her a picture of the cake pop with hopes it would convince her to visit.
What was wrong with me? She was going to think I’m clingy.
Mindy shoved her vape into her pocket and started towards the front of the store. My phone buzzed. I glanced at it and grinned like a fucking fifteen-year-old boy.
Fuck, something was wrong with me.
CADENCE
THE NEXT MORNING MY grandma and I sat across from each other on the kitchen nook bench. It was tucked into the corner of her white kitchen. She had the most beautiful kitchen I had ever seen. She had these tall white cabinets that were always pristinely white and her countertops were white and gray marble. The appliances were new since I had last been here. She used to have black appliances, but now they were all swapped out for stainless steel ones. There were a few kitchen decorations of farm animals around the kitchen too. She had a glass cow that sat in the window. The window overlooked the front yard and hung over a farmhouse sink. We named the figurine George when I was little. He became a staple in our household with my friends.
I loved that thing.
She drummed her fingers on the table, and we both gripped cups of hot camomile tea.
It was four thirty in the morning.
We didn’t sleep last night, and Waylan was tucked away in my bed right now. I crisscrossed my legs while I waited for grandma to ask me what she was dying to ask.
“Cadence, we never used to have secrets. What happened?” She finally came to it.
I sighed heavily and dreaded this. For six years I figured that there was a possibility we could have this conversation if we ever saw each other again. Part of me was pleading to not say anything. I couldn’t subject her to the awful things that happened and what I did. She would never look at me the same again.
“Is Waylan, Shanes?” She asked.
I sucked in a breath. Anxiety triggered me to run. I needed a cigarette. She was so close to the truth and I needed her to back off.
She couldn’t know.
I bit my lower lip and didn’t respond.
“Cadence baby. You are safe here. In this space right now, nothing can get you. I am here and I am going to protect you. Tell me, is Waylan’s Shanes daughter?” She asked again.
Tell her.
You can trust her.
But who will protect her?
I wanted to tell her so desperately. I wanted her to know.
I took a drink of the camomile tea and looked away as tears fell down my face and I sucked in a sob. Grandma set the mug down and grabbed my hand.
Her touch wrecked me.
I shook my head at her.
She leaned back and sighed heavily, not in an annoyed way. She sighed in a sad way that made her look like she was going to drop the subject.
“Cadence?” Her eyes rose to mine.
My chest grew tight.
Firework smoke.
Pepper cologne.
Scratchy face.
Calloused hands.
Vomit rose to the surface.
“Cadence?” She was so quiet as I watched her connect the dots. I didn’t have to tell her. If Waylan wasn’t Shane’s there was only one other option. He was known to like younger women. He almost crossed a line of borderline inappropriate age, but he never knowingly crossed the line.
At least until six years ago.
With me.
It was my fault.
I pushed him.
I practically gave myself to him on a silver platter.
“You have to say it, Cadence because I can’t assume. We have to do something.”
I shot her a look. “No. This is exactly why I had to leave. Grandma, it’s not what it looks like.”
“The hell it isn’t. You were seventeen Cadence. You were still a baby. My baby.” She had tears rolling down her soft face. “You were my baby.”
“It wasn’t like what you are thinking.” I lied. It wasn’t what she thought it was, but it was at the same time.
Still inappropriate and violating, but provoked... maybe... I did say no and I did beg him to stop.
“Tell me Cadence.” She gripped the coffee mug again. “What do you mean?”
“I...” I started, but then stopped. “I’m not ready grandma.”
She sighed slightly irritated, and I began to notice the dark circles under her eyes were more prominent.
“I am not ready grandma. I just need some more time.” I said again, knowing full well that it wasn’t time I needed. I would most likely never tell her. I will be back at home with Ronnie before I burden her with the terrible mistake I made that night. When I can lock the imaginary closet door and push the dresser in front of it, to hold the secrets in.
I should have stayed on the boat.
The event itself was a horrendous act, but the outcome of Waylan was my saving grace. If I didn’t have her... the event itself would have destroyed me.
She nodded with more sadness and disappointment in her eyes. I swallowed hard, disappointing her was something I hated.
“Whenever you are ready Cade, I am here. Can I ask you a favor first?” She gave me a sad smile.
“Of course.” I said feeling more guilty.
“Please don’t leave again.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
My stomach dropped.
I couldn't stay here.
I needed to leave.
It was too dangerous here.
“I...I...” I began. Then the overwhelming sense of being home hit me. Raising Waylan here would be easier. Having a solid home and a good foundation here behind these safe walls, but how safe could they be when the man who took my life from me was a few streets away?
It was five in the morning now and I really wanted to go for a run. Usually back at home, sometimes I went for a run in the early morning when Ronnie was still home. She would just sit in the kitchen and watch in case Waylan woke up so I could run for forty-five minutes. It really helped with my depression that took hold of me after I had her. Even though Ronnie was a bitch almost a hundred percent of the time, she did a lot for me. Here though. I couldn’t go for a run. There was too much of a possibility of seeing him.
“When can I see grandpa?” I asked grandma.
We agreed that we would let him sleep yesterday. We didn’t want to bother him when we arrived. There was too much raw emotion and frustration with the chaos that engulfed the house. We thought the stress would be too much for him. I ached to see him, but I was terrified to see how the years had taken his youth from him.
I wrapped my blonde hair into a low bun and then looked up at my grandma while she limped towards the kitchen sink with the mugs. My chest seized at the sight of her. I didn’t want to leave her again. I couldn’t stay here though.
“I don’t want to leave you again.” I told her the truth. “But there are some things that we will need to talk about when the time comes. I just need some time to sort it out.”
She nodded at me and sighed heavily. “I missed you Cadence baby.”
My heart lurched from my chest.
“I missed you too... every day.” I admitted.
“Let’s give grandpa until lunch time before we see him. I want his nurse to be able to do her thing when she gets here. Make sure he’s ready for the surprise. Why don’t you take Waylan out and show her around town?”
My stomach dropped.
No. She can’t....
Grandma raised an eyebrow at me and then read my thoughts. “The rotten bastard you’re thinking of, is not home. Jeanie told me he went to Vermont for the summer with his new fling. You are safe.”
I could’ve thrown up.
The relief that flooded me was immense and I felt my knees give out on me as I fell to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. My grandmother's eyes shot to her eyebrows as she used her cane to limp over to me. She sat on the edge of the bench and reached for me.
“Cade...” she sobbed at the sight of me.
“Grandma... I.... I have been so.... so scared....” I writhed into her warm embrace. I craved her embrace for six years. I wanted nothing more than for my grandma to hold me.
I inhaled deeply.
Vanilla brown sugar.
Camomile tea.
Home.
“Baby... I could kill that man with my bare hands.” She growled angrily. “Bastard.”
I was tense. I never heard her say fowl language except when she was talking about Ronnie.
“You are safe.” She said again. “I have you.”
We stayed like that, embraced for a long time. Until I pulled away to the sound of tiny feet on the stairs. I stood and sucked my emotions back in. I didn’t like showing Waylan my vulnerable side like this. It made her think something bad happened and I didn’t want to worry her. I turned and walked towards the middle of the kitchen when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I glanced down at it and my stomach did a thing it hadn’t done in years.
A grin slowly pulled at my mouth. I held it back and rolled my eyes. My heart thumped in my chest. I looked at the unread message and it was from an unknown number. I clicked on it, knowing who it was. The message was a picture of grandma and Waylan in the rocking chair. Then another text came through and it was a picture of a cake pop. It was blue with pink sprinkles on it. There were tiny edible googly eyes on it, and I giggled.
Tate was insufferable.
I need a kid's opinion about these cake pops. Yes or no?
I rolled my eyes as I looked at the phone’s battery that was at fifteen percent now.
Fuck I needed a new phone.
Yes, I texted back.
Sorry, but I’m asking for your daughter's opinion.
I sent an emoji with the eye role and then added, insufferable.
Don’t forget handsome too, he texted me back. I tried to contain my excitement at his messages, but I didn’t want to seem too eager at getting them.
My grandma side eyed me from the table. She must’ve thought I was losing my goddamn mind. I was sobbing on the floor one second and grinning like a fool the next.
Waylan came running into the kitchen and was carrying a cat in her arms.
“Mommmmma! Wooook!!” Waylan squealed.
