Scent of a Nightmare, page 3
I felt like my legs were going to give out. My knees shook and my palms began to tingle. She was so much older then when I last saw her. Six whole years changed her drastically. She once had deep brown hair that was to her shoulders before I left. Now she had short hair that was styled like a pixie cut and she was completely gray. Her eyes had wrinkles at the corners, and she was slightly shorter than she had been when I left. She leaned on a cane and a boot covered her right ankle, but she still stood as strong as she had been.
Our eyes met and I crumbled like dust in the wind. I couldn’t stop the raw emotions of sorrow and guilt taking my breath away. I sobbed and even though I had vomit all over the front of my shirt and a crying Waylan in my arms, my grandma reached for me across the yard. Across the yard she brought me back to the years that brought me joy and happiness.
She was home.
She was my foundation.
And...
I was the piece of shit that left her.
The waterworks didn’t stop. They ran down my face like a cliche faucet analogy. I wiped them away with the back of my sweaty hand and the salt from my skin stung my eyes. Vomit stuck to me like slime, but it didn’t stop my grandma from grabbing me and forcing me to hug her. She pressed me into her chest with Waylan sandwiched between us.
We sobbed and I felt my nose running into her shirt. I was the definition of disgusting. This wasn’t one of those hallmark episodes where the long-lost granddaughter comes home, and they live happily ever after. This was the harsh reality that I put this woman, that meant the world to me, through hell and I will never get back those six years I pushed her away. I kept Waylan from her. I kept her from Waylan, and it was all because I didn’t stay in that fucking boat.
I played a dangerous game that went too far.
She pulled away and shook her head at me.
“Look at you two.” Grandma said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
“I...I...” I didn’t know what to say.
I’m sorry I fucked up. I’m sorry I never told you about that night. I’m sorry grandma.... none of it seemed good enough, it all seemed insulting.
“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” She ignored my inability to speak.
My grandma led us into the house. We took our shoes off and then she walked me up the stairs to the bathroom. She left us while she went to get cleaned up in her own room down the hall. Waylan and I stripped down naked as we climbed into the shower. She rubbed her eyes as she cried and whined that she was tired.
This was a hard trip for her.
I got to my knees and washed the vomit from her face and hair. She glared at me as I made her bathe. Then when she was clean, I wrapped her in a towel. I set her on the counter while I climbed back into the shower and finished washing myself. It felt good to wash my hair finally. Waylan sat on the counter as I washed the vomit from my body. Waylan watched me as I started to feel self conscious with her judging looks.
Was she too old to be in the shower with me? It wasn’t like this was in a parenting handbook and I never had anyone other than google to ask these questions to. She pointed to my stomach and started giggling.
“Momma...” she giggled, and I looked at her, more glad she wasn’t going to throw up again. “Your tummy has lines.”
I looked down at my stretch marks on my stomach and then held back a smirk.
That was your fault. I thought.
“They are stretch marks Way.” I responded and turned the shower off as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body.
She looked at me with wide eyes. “Why?”
“Because you were a big baby.” I responded while we got dressed. I ran a brush through our wet hair and then threw our vomit clothes down the laundry chute.
Waylan snuggled into my shoulder as I knelt down to her. I reached for my phone to give it to her, but my pocket was empty. My heart raced in my chest at the idea of it missing. It had a picture of Waylan and I on the Home Screen. I thought about the last time I had it and my heart sank.
It was at the coffee shop.
I dropped it on the fucking counter.
Stupid gorgeous man.
Anyone could have seen it.
What if...
What if my darkness found it?
He would know Waylan was his. He would know.... I needed to get it.
I picked Waylan up roughly and ran down the stairs. My grandma was standing in the doorway. She saw me racing for the front door and she held her hands out to me.
“Wait. Don’t leave again. Cadence.” She pleaded, but I wasn’t leaving, like she thought. I needed to get the only evidence I had of Waylan. I needed to go back. I turned and put Waylan on the couch and grabbed my shoes. I threw my wet hair into a bun on my head. I wasn’t even wearing socks, but I didn’t care as I slipped my feet into them. The canvas fabric bit into my bare feet and I cringed at the idea of having blisters that were going to form from them.
“Cadence.” Tears swelled into grandma’s eyes again as she placed a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m coming back. I left my phone at the coffee shop.” I told her.
I know I looked feral.
I needed to go.
She crossed her arms. “Okay, we'll get it tomorrow.”
Waylan curled into a ball on the couch.
He would come for her.
“You don’t understand. I have to go get it.” I pleaded. I stepped away. Ronnie walked through the front door this time smelling like a cigarette and I envied her.
I needed a cigarette.
“What’s going on?” She asked.
“Cadence left her phone at that coffee shop.” Grandma explained.
“Cadence, we'll get it tomorrow.” Ronnie assured me, annoyed. She refused to move.
“You don’t understand. I... I need to get it.” I felt the truth at the tip of my tongue. I couldn’t tell them. I must’ve looked like a crackhead. I was shaking uncontrollably as fear overtook me. The closet door of secrets crept open in my brain.
“It’s just a phone Cadence. There are more important things.” Grandma said.
For fucks sake... I am running out of time.
“You don’t understand....” I was desperate for Ronnie to move.
“Tell me.” My grandma pressed.
“HE IS GOING TO FIND HER. HE’S GOING TO TAKE HER!” I exploded on them. I slammed the closet door in my brain, but it snagged on part of the secret that stumbled out.
Grandma flinched and Ronnie’s hands dropped to her side.
Part of the secret fell from my mouth.
My grandma scrunched her forehead into a worried crease. “Who Cadence baby? Who is going to take her?”
Tears took a hold of me like a vice. It gripped me around the throat, making it hard to breathe through the sob that was sitting on edge.
“Waylan’s father.” I rasped. I pushed Ronnie away from the door as I ran. I slammed the closet door hard, cutting the secret off from the outside.
CADENCE
I WAS A MESS.
The sun began to set, and night began to blanket the sky as I got to the coffee shop. I stood at the door and saw it was completely empty inside. It was only eight thirty, but it seemed closed or close to it. I grabbed the door and said another silent prayer as I pulled it. The door opened and I sighed in relief.
The scent of fresh ground coffee hit me, and the smell of warm pastries took over the farther inside I got. I glanced around the completely empty café.
“Hello?” I called out. I walked towards the front of the store. The light in the back was on and I peered over the counter. The registers were off, and the coffee pots were prepped with fresh ground coffee for the next morning.
“Hello?” I said again, wondering if I was not supposed to have walked in. I felt a little out of place. Like I was intruding into a stranger's house.
The sound of clashing bowls on a counter sounded from the back. Then footsteps filled the room and the gorgeous man from earlier stepped from behind the swinging door. He was wiping his hands on a towel while he looked at me surprised.
“Mom, you came back. I’m sorry, but we're actually closed.” He winked at me.
My heart leapt into my throat.
“Um...I’m sorry.” The heat flushed my cheeks.
Why did this man turn me stupid.
He made me a blubbering idiot.
He looked around the empty cafe as if expecting more people to be in here. Then he glanced at the door and back to me.
“You can come back tomorrow though.” He suggested, breaking the awkward silence.
Say something Cadence.
I opened my mouth and then nothing came out.
“Okay...” I spoke. I couldn’t stop looking at him as he began to laugh.
“Okay...”
Fuck. This was painful.
Say something intelligent Cadence.
Or just something at all.
For the love of god Cadence.
“Right... um... no, I left my phone here earlier.” I felt relieved when I managed to get the words out.
“Ahh... and here I am thinking you just wanted to get my number.” He winked at me again.
Was this guy for real?
“No.” I said fast and then he raised his eyes to my reaction.
“I mean, no.” I said again.
Fuck I’m a mess.
I’m going to die alone.
“Noted. Baristas are not your type.” He joked again. He walked behind the counter and picked up my phone from under the register and handed it over to me. My fingers brushed his warm hand and my breath caught in my throat at the touch of him.
“Thank you.” I said, too slow and too breathlessly.
We stood there, with our hands touching for a second too long and then he let the phone go.
“I should... go.” I said as I turned to the door.
“What brings you to Pineview Lake?” He asked, changing the topic.
I looked at him.
“What?” I asked stupid again.
All intelligence left me.
He smirked at me. “Are you vacationing?”
“Oh... right...visiting.” I spoke.
“So, vacationing?” He asked.
He was fucking persistent.
“Not really. I don’t know how long I’ll be here.” I lied. I was staying a few days max.
“You should come back before you leave.” He said.
“Should I?” I asked.
Was I flirting with him?
He smiled at me, and my body melted. He was more gorgeous when he smiled. His dark brown eyes bore into me as he ran a tattooed hand through his disheveled black hair. Hair, I wanted to run my hands through. His tight black shirt slightly rising at his hips at the motion, and I had to swallow as my eyes tried to focus on his face. “I’ll be here if you do.”
I nodded at him. I was incredibly warm again and turned towards the door. He came around the counter and followed behind me. I could practically smell his woodsy cologne and the scent of coffee beans on his clothes. I pushed the door open as he came up behind me to hold it open.
“What’s your name?” He asked, while he leaned against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.
I turned to him and swallowed hard.
Do I tell him?
Was it safe?
“Cadence.” It slipped from my lips like all the secrets that were surfacing tonight.
He smiled at me. “I’ll look forward to seeing you again, Cadence.”
The way he said my name made me sweat.
Dear god.
“What about you?” I asked, feeling proud I was making sentences.
“I thought you weren’t into baristas.” He joked.
I rolled my eyes. “At the moment not so much.”
He laughed and I needed to take back my earlier thought. His laugh made him more gorgeous and made me on the verge of catching on fire. I tried to force my cheeks to stop reddening.
“I’m Tate.” He responded as he surveyed the area around us.
“Thank you for my phone, Tate.” I responded and turned towards the empty street. Dread filled me with the idea of walking home alone. Fear began to take hold of my ankles at the idea of walking through the neighborhood Waylan’s father lived in... Walking it by myself.
“Did you walk here? Alone?” He asked with slight worry in his eyes as he surveyed the street for a parked car.
“Kind of.” I shrugged. “More like I ran.”
He gave a devastating grin. “Just to see me, right?”
I shook my head and smirked at him. “You are really confident in yourself.”
“Devastatingly confident. Can I walk you home?” He caught me off guard.
Nervously I shifted on my feet.
Was he for real?
Or did he feel bad that I was walking by myself?
I looked at my phone. It was dead, so calling Ronnie was out of the question. It would be safer to have someone with me. I bit the side of my cheek, but we were crossing a dangerous line. I would be leading a stranger to my grandparent's house where Waylan was.... But.... What if Waylan’s father saw me? My stomach sank to the ground at the thought of him seeing me. He would find out I was back and then he would find out about Waylan. It was impossible to hide the fact she had his eyes, and her age would fit the timeline. My mouth moved faster than my brain.
“Sure.” I said and instantly felt stupid.
Sure?
Sure, you can walk me home. Forget the fact that you are a complete stranger to me. That we are in a town that holds all of my fucking secrets.
Yeah, walk me home gorgeous man.
Even though I wasn’t even slightly mad that I said yes.
I looked down at myself, feeling more self conscious now. What did he see in me? I looked like a... well I was a fucking train wreck. The only thing I had going for me was my ass was cute, but that was the only confidence I had for myself. When you’re a single mom, having the time for self care was not a reality.
He grinned again and I felt my stomach somersault in my body. He was devastatingly gorgeous, and his attitude showed he knew it. He was insufferable at the same time.
“Come inside for a moment, I have to lock up. Can’t burn the place down, you won’t have any place to visit me.” He nodded his head towards the cafe. “Do you want a coffee?”
I shook my head. “No, that's ok. Thank you though.”
We walked inside and I took a seat at a tall table that was by the front of the cafe. He walked into the back of the kitchen. I couldn’t help, but watch him...My eyes trailed down his lean body and I swallowed hard. He made the heat rush to my face. I kicked my feet as I held my hands in between my knees while he disappeared behind the swinging door. Goosebumps pricked my arms, and I couldn’t help but picture this man taking me on the counter.
Fuck, what was wrong with me?
When he returned from behind the swinging door my face reddened at the crude images I was thinking about. He shut the lights off to the back room and checked the cash registers. He also checked the ovens before he nodded for me to follow him to the front of the store. He set the store alarm, and we walked out so he could lock the door.
“Lead the way.” He held his hand out and I smirked at him as he stuck his keys into his black jean pockets.
“My husband is going to be suspicious of another man walking me home.” I glanced over at him.
He shot his head to me fast and then hesitated another step.
“I’m joking.” I told him when he gave me a serious look, equally just as devastating.
Gods, this man is hard to look at.
At least I don't smell like a dirty sock this time.
“You got jokes.” He ran his hands through his disheveled hair and chuckled nervously.
“Sometimes.” I grinned at him.
We took a few steps away from the cafe and making sentences was getting a lot easier with him.
“So Tate, how long have you lived here?” I asked him like I wasn’t the stranger in this town. Almost like I had some claim on this place.
“I moved here four years ago. I graduated from college with my degree in Marketing and Management. Then this building went up for rent and I opened a coffee shop. So here I am.” He walked next to me and occasionally I bumped into him when the sidewalk narrowed. His arms were warm and caused me to resist the urge to keep doing it.
I just wanted to touch him.
I wanted him to touch me.
Fucking stop Cadence.
“What about you?” He asked me.
“I'm visiting my grandparents. My grandfather had a stroke.” I told him as I stuck my hands into the back pockets of my jean shorts. I kicked a rock down the sidewalk and he returned it back to me with his foot.
“I’m sorry to hear about that.” He responded, looking up at me.
I shrugged. “It sucks. He can’t walk or talk anymore, but I haven't seen them in a while so we’re just here to visit them.”
We stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the light to turn green for us to walk. Some cars drove by and my eyes fell to a few kids across the street. They were walking back in bathing suits and towels wrapped around them. They were coming from a public access spot for the lake as they waited on the other side. I turned away from them to shield myself from their view. I know they were none of the people that I would have known. All the people in my friend group were adults now, but the idea of all of them not aging was stuck in my head. The memories of being their age flooded me and I grew nervous.
I could feel Tate watching me as he nudged me to walk when the crossing sign turned green.
“Did you know them?” He asked me.
I shook my head and then sighed heavily as we approached my grandparent’s neighborhood.
“No, I don’t really know anyone here.” I lied.
“So where are you from?” He asked as he elbowed me to lighten the mood.
