Discovering Truths, page 13
“I mean, people’s lives and futures are in my hands, Abby. Not to mention the business side of things now that I’ve taken over, it’s just a lot.”
“It’s still not acceptable for you to act the way you did the other night.”
“I know it’s not,” he said. “And I truly am sorry.”
“Is there anything else going on that I need to know about?” I asked.
I was opening the door, giving him the opportunity to come clean. In this moment, we could have ended it all.
“What do you mean? No. The office has had me really stressed. That won’t happen again, I promise.”
Back to the work excuse and apologizing…anything but the truth. I wasn’t going to say that I accepted it, because I didn’t.
“You kept talking crap about my job. Do you have a problem with me working? Because when I mentioned the job you talked about how good it would be for me and blah, blah, blah…”
“I was just saying things out of anger. I like that you have a job and I like that you love it.”
“Okay.” I turned my attention back to my desk and continued to work.
“Abby,” he said, moving toward me. “Why are you acting weird?”
“Do you expect things to go back to normal like nothing happened? I mean, that was kind of a big deal.”
“I just want us to move past it.”
“And we will, and I’ll get over it eventually. The fact that you’re just now coming home doesn’t really help matters.”
“Yeah…you’re right.”
He grabbed all his things and walked to the bedroom. I found it odd that he didn’t elaborate when I brought up how he didn’t come home. I knew he really stayed at a hotel because I saw the charge on our debit card. What I didn’t know, was if he was there alone. I shook my head and finished what I was doing.
Me: He’s home.
Gage: What happened?
Me: He apologized, said it won’t happen again, blah blah…
Gage: What a piece of shit.
Me: Agreed. I have to get out of here.
Although I said the words and I knew it was true, I wasn’t sure that I would ever leave unless it was with Gage.
Gage: Soon enough, baby.
Me: I hope so.
Gage: I have the weekend free. She’s taking Bentley with her to visit her parents for the weekend. Want to try to get a room Saturday?
Me: Should be fine…
Gage: I don’t want to rush anything. No pressure. Just a thought…
Me: I definitely want to.
Gage: We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be with you.
Me: Lol. Don’t be stupid. We both know what’s going to happen in that room.
Gage: I’ve missed being with you, and I won’t regret anything that happens. There’s nothing I would love more than to kiss every inch of you and be inside you.
Me: Now that’s going to be all I think about.
Gage: Good. Then hopefully everything will work out.
Me: Everything good for you?
Gage: Everything’s okay here. Getting ready for bed.
Me: I’m going to head that way myself.
Gage: I love you.
Me: I love you more.
And that was the truth. He probably couldn’t fully understand how much I really loved him and I wasn’t sure that he ever would.
When I entered the bedroom, Marcus was laying on top of the comforter in sweatpants with his shirt off, scrolling through his phone. Typically, if he was in our room alone, he’d already be asleep, or watching something on ESPN. Please don’t tell me he wants to talk more because I’m over it.
I went to my side of the bed, plugged my phone in on the charger on the nightstand, and crawled into bed. He sat his phone down and lifted his side of the blanket, sliding under. He scooted closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
“I really am sorry,” he said.
“I can’t say that it’s okay, Marcus,” I explained. “It’s not okay.”
“I know that. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just want you to know that I am sorry.”
“Thank you.” I said. At this point, I’d say anything for the conversation to cease. Anything but it’s okay.
“Why don’t we take a trip? A weekend getaway? Don’t you think some time away might do us some good?”
My mind instantly went to Saturday with Gage. That was something I definitely didn’t want to miss out on, but I couldn’t be like Marcus and make excuses for everything,
“That sounds nice,” I said. “When were you thinking?”
“Next weekend should be free and clear for me. Friday will probably be a long day, possibly late night, so this weekend would be too much of a rush.”
I let out a mental sigh of relief. I didn’t want to go anywhere with Marcus, but I couldn’t let that be known. I’d become a good actress.
“That sounds good. Figure it out and let me know.”
Travel was his thing, so I always let him figure out our plans. I didn’t plan to mention it anymore, and I secretly hoped that he’d forget, or he’d get busy and we’d have to “reschedule.” I had no desire to go anywhere, or do anything with Marcus. Gage had taken precedence in my mind, and anything with anyone else felt like a betrayal. Even my own husband.
I rolled over and shrugged his hand off my waist. I was over him. Just let me go to sleep and forget it all.
My life was so backward. My home life was a nightmare and my heart was so twisted, but for the first time in a while, I was happy. It was my mayhem and I was at peace with the turmoil.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Three-day weekends were awesome. I loved having Fridays off. It gave me time to catch up on errands and household chores, even if my jerk husband said I’d been “slacking.” I’m not sure that I believed him when proclaimed he said those things out of anger. His recent behavior proved otherwise.
But I didn’t care, nor was I going to spend my time worrying about him. Gage and I had the morning to ourselves tomorrow and I couldn’t wait. To make it even better, Marcus said he’d be going into the office to go over…something. I didn’t even recall what he said. My only concern was not having to worry about him being home while I was out.
I moved clothes from the washing machine to the dryer as my cell phone started blasting music from where it sat on the kitchen table. Melinda’s picture flashed across the screen.
“Hey, chick.” I answered.
“I did it.” She said.
“Did what?”
“I talked to Jon.”
“Oh,” I said. “And?”
“He said he agreed with me. I knew he would. See, always trust your gut.”
My gut was kind of all over the place, but it told me that Gage was the one for me, and deep down, I knew that wasn’t morally right. I disagreed with her in that aspect. I wasn’t sure that you could always trust your gut.
“What did he say exactly?” I asked.
“He said he’s been meaning to say something to me too, but didn’t want to hurt me. He said he loves me, but we’ve drifted apart. Basically, the same thing I told him.”
“Wow. So, what now?”
“I think we’re going to put the house on the market. I don’t want it and neither does he. We’ll split the profit. As far as our stuff, we’ll just divide it up.”
“I can’t believe everything is just that easy. Sounds like the smoothest divorce in history.”
“Yeah it’s kind of crazy. I’m just glad things worked out and it wasn’t a big fuss. I’m so relieved.”
“I’m sure you are,” I said. “Wish it would be that easy for me.”
“You don’t know the level of difficulty it will be for you because you won’t make the first move.”
Nope. I sure wouldn’t. I couldn’t. She didn’t understand the mess I was in. Not only were Marcus and I betraying each other, I had my own demons that literally ruled my mind. I wasn’t sure I’d ever win the battle between my emotions and mental state.
“If I felt like it was something I could handle, I’d do it. Just not a good time,” I said. “But this isn’t about me. Are you going to get an apartment?”
“I’m going to start looking. Will you be able to help me move?”
“You know I will. As long as it’s a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, I’m in. Just let me know when you need me.”
“You’re the best.” She said.
“I’m proud of you, Melinda. I know divorce is awful. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting it to end, but I’m proud of you for having the courage to end something that wasn’t right for you. It was a strength I wish I possessed.”
“You’re strong too, Abby,” she said. “You just have to believe in yourself and know that you have a support system. Don’t let the demons win. You’re not alone.”
Her words went in one ear and out the other. I wasn’t sure there was anything my best friend, or a therapist could say at that point to make me feel any differently. The majority of the time I felt alone and depressed. There was only one person who could shift my spirits.
Gage: We still on for tomorrow?
Me: Yes! I can’t wait! What time?
Gage: Would nine-ish be okay? As long as I’m able to check in the room?
Me: That would be good! How long will you have?
Gage: A couple hours. You?
Me: I don’t really have a time limit, but a couple hours will probably be safe.
Gage: I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited for something before. To kiss you, to hold you, to feel you. Everything will be so much better now that we’ve admitted we love each other.
Me: I totally agree. I still can’t believe this is real.
Gage: Believe it, baby. I love you.
Me: I love you.
Every time he said those words my heart melted into a puddle. I could swim there happily forever. Despite all the woes and troubles in my life, he was the light in the darkness. I knew it from the moment I first met him. He was the puzzle piece I’d been missing.
The haunting demons that ruled my mind never let me stay at peace, though. They were always there to remind me that this was all too good to be true, and someone else’s husband wasn’t my soulmate or missing piece.
A war was brewing within my soul, and it was unclear which side would win the battle. I pulled for the side that said Gage was it for me. He ignited a fire that I’d never felt before, one I couldn’t stand the thought of diffusing. Despite all our struggles and all the trials, it always came back to my love for him. It was so strong that if I lost him again, I didn’t know how I could ever move on with my life. I never knew love could hold so much power and that scared the crap out of me. Worry often engrossed my brain, but I was in too deep. There was no going back now.
***
Marcus left out early Saturday morning, giving me plenty of time to prepare for my visit with Gage alone, in peace. My closet was a disaster as I tore it apart in search of the perfect thing to wear. I’d taken a shower, applied my make-up, and let my hair hang down long in loose curls. I wanted to look my absolute best. Honestly, I wanted Gage to realize what he’d been missing the time we were apart.
I finally settled on a black dress, my under garments black to match. I put on a pair of dressy sandals and looked at myself in the mirror, satisfied with my appearance.
Gage: I’m here.
My heart fluttered at the message. He’d gotten in the room. There was always the chance that he wouldn’t be able to check-in, but everything worked out and he was waiting on me. The thirty-minute drive to the hotel was going to drag. I couldn’t wait to see him.
Me: On my way.
The drive was torturous. Gage gave me the first-time butterflies every time I saw him. Things are always good in the beginning, but I didn’t know how I could ever get tired of this feeling.
He texted me the room number and I entered the lobby and climbed onto the elevator. I kept my head down the whole time, discreetly trying to be on the lookout for anyone familiar. That was all I needed, to run into someone I knew. That was a chance I was willing to take.
The elevator ride seemed like it took forever, but I finally made it to the fifth floor. I exited to the right and walked a few more steps before I arrived at my destination. I’d been waiting long enough. I turned the knob and stepped inside, locking the door behind me. The room was dark, the only light emitting from a few lit candles placed around the room. There was a trail of red rose petals from the door to the bed and I walked in slowly, taking in the beauty of the room. I was so anxious to see him. He finally stepped out of the bathroom in only a pair of grey gym shorts. He was gorgeous. His chest was rock hard and the tattoo on his right arm drove me wild.
“Did you do this?” I asked, looking around the room.
“I did,” he said, grabbing my waist. He pulled me into him and kissed me hard. Like every time we kissed, it was full of need and desire. I sensed his feelings because I felt them too. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” I said.
“I don’t think that’s possible,” he said. His tongue was still locked in with mine as we moved closer to the bed. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said. I wrapped my hands around his neck and jumped slightly, wrapping my legs around his waist. He grabbed my legs, pulling me into him, and I felt his excitement immediately. If he only knew, I felt the same way.
He sat down on the bed, my body still attached to his as we continued to kiss and explore each other. Every time he touched me, I felt like my whole body was going to explode. I didn’t know how much more I could take before I devoured him.
He slipped my dress over my head and let out a deep breath.
“Damn, you’re gorgeous,” he said. His hands continued to roam around my body, and I did the same, moving across his solid chest and down around his waist.
“Better watch where you’re grabbing,” he warned.
“Or what?” I whispered against his ear.
“Mm, Abby,” he groaned. He picked me up and laid me on the bed, crawling over top of me. In between the flip, his shorts had somehow disappeared and he hovered over me, kissing my neck as he teased my entrance.
“Please,” I begged. “I need to feel you.”
Those words were all it took for him to give me his all, filling me completely. It was in this moment, I felt complete. Every touch, and every move felt like it was all I’d ever needed.
***
We spent over two hours tangled together. Occasionally we’d stop and lay there wrapped up in each other’s arms. As we laid there, we’d talk, laugh, and everything felt natural. If only I could have met him earlier in life, things would be different. We wouldn’t have to be in this awful position. I wondered if he had these same thoughts.
When the time came for us to get dressed and ready to head our separate ways, sadness washed over me immediately. I didn’t want to leave Gage. I wanted to stay just like this forever. I couldn’t stop the tears that threatened to fall, and he noticed.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
I slipped my dress over my head and looked anywhere but his eyes. I knew if I looked, I’d lose it. “I don’t want to leave.”
“Come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“This is the part that sucks,” I said, blinking my eyes. I couldn’t let the tears spill.
“I know. It does.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m trying not to be so dramatic. I just can’t help it…I love you.”
“I love you too, Abby.”
Although he said it and I believed him, I knew he didn’t love me the way I loved him. I was much more invested. My feelings were on a whole different level. Still, I’d take what I could get from him. I needed something. I wanted and hoped for more, but for now, I’d take whatever he was willing to give.
We pulled ourselves together and I poked my head out the door to see if anyone was around. A familiar voice caught my attention and my heart dropped. I shut the door quickly and peeked out the peephole to confirm what I thought I heard.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered.
“What?” Gage asked.
“It’s Marcus.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gage’s eyes grew wide as my heart raced uncontrollably. This was my luck; for us to be at the same place at the same time…doing the same, dirty thing. How twisted my life had become.
“Do you think he followed you here?” he asked.
“No…” I said, not meeting his eyes. This was a truth I didn’t want to reveal, but now I had no choice. “He’s with someone.”
“He’s with someone? Abby, what do you mean?”
“He’s with a woman…” I trailed off.
He looked just about as confused as I felt. “And this doesn’t faze you?”
I let out a deep breath as I walked to the bed and sat down.
“Marcus has been cheating on me for a long time. He doesn’t know that I know.”
He sat down in the chair at the desk across from me and continued to stare at me with confusion. “Why haven’t you left him?”
“I don’t know. I had this plan…that I was going to do the same thing to him that he was doing to me…but then when I met you…things changed. I didn’t mean to fall in love.”
“I see.” He said.
“You can’t be mad at me,” I said. “We’re in the same boat.”
“I know. I don’t know why it bothers me, really.”
“We both went into this looking for an escape. So maybe in the beginning, yes, I was using you for revenge, but it didn’t last long. I never imagined I’d find someone like you, and I definitely didn’t think I’d end up falling for someone.”
The look on Gage’s face filled me with a fear I’d never felt before. I couldn’t lose him…I had just gotten him back.
