Our Ladies, page 14
Wha’s like us? If we could get away with it, the Scots would say we invented the Internet, Kay shrugged.
Fionnula smiled.
What’s that?
Sambuca; have had a few already.
I’ve never had that.
Mmm, Fionnula held out the glass. Kay took it, seeing Fionnula’s metallic blue nail varnish but wi the pinkie-nail done glossy, thick gold, loads of layers. Kay’s nails were short an unvarnished.
Kay took daintiest of sips. Ummm. It’s nice.
Look. Fionnula took the shot glass offof and tipped it back into her mouth, placed the glass back on the bar top without looking at it cause she held her face horizontal, so hair jutted out oddly, layered down the back of her blue shirt; cannily lowered the cigarette into her mouth then as she withdrew the cigarette, a perfect rod of blue and purple flame rose out of her rounded lips till, wi a fup-sound, Fionnula closed her mouth and swallowed.
Kay opened her eyes wider and says, How to make friends and influence people.
Uh, Fionnula raised her eyes a little as she indicated Kay’s drink.
Go ahead.
And Fionnula raised that silvery glass, sweated beads wetting her palm and it actually tinkled as bubbles scootered surface-wards from eye of ice and lemon rind while she tipped the whole conglomeration to her lips on the rim just where you could see Kay’s lipstick had been then swallowed, That’s good, she viewed the globe of drink in her hand then replaced it, front of Kay.
I never used to know what Dad meant, A stiff one!
Is this us back to sailors again! Fionnula smiled.
Kay laughed, I thought it was like, shaken not stirred or something, but it just means two gin measures.
Got to watch Kay, going round asking for a stiff one.
Kay had stopped laughing and she had smiley tears in her eyes as she took big breath in. She nodded, Do you want one?
Aye, go on then, thanks. I’m pretty mashed.
Have yous all been in the pubs?
Basically. Aye. Orla went off to get boots.
What did she get?
Don’t have a inkling. Ah was meant to meet Chell an Kylah in a record shop but ah didn’t.
Rehearsal was pretty brutal, Kay nodded, sombre then called, Excuse me, can we have two gin and tonics. She turned and looked Fionnula, Stiff ones.
The two girls smiled.
What about that boy and girl, eh? Fionnula looked closely at Kay.
Did you see Sister Condron’s face?
Aye. An ah thought Orla was goan fall out the window.
And join in! Kay says.
Fionnula let out a little yelp of surprised laugh.
Is she doing okay, Fionnula? Kay says all serious again, doing that frown thing with the skin above her nose.
Orla! Orla’s fine aye, Fionnula chuckled then smiled, When she’s no worried about her hair an getting implants. Fionnula looked over at the candley lunching place. Do you know, Orla’s never been for an Indian or Chinese meal in her life? She was telling me all about it.
What. Never?
Nah, why ever should she? Like how they were out in the villages till they moved to the Port. Like we’ve got Light of India and yon Bamboo place, folk might on occasion get carry out Saturday night but when ya grow up in the villages, well when are you goan have an Indian? Then you don’t know how to order, like if you need rice and all that an in The Bamboo you’ve got all they awkwardness of the chopsticks conundrum. So now, if you don’t grow up wi that, Orla’s just too feart to set foot in those places.
The barmaid delivered the two gin and tonics. Kay paid with a twenty, swiftly looking at the picture: Brodick Castle on Isle of Arran, fore she handed over.
Thanks, went Fionnula to Kay.
Cheers, goes Kay.
Bottoms up.
Again Fionnula says, That couple, eh? an she lifted the clinking drink to her mouth while sitting downwards on a stool beside Kay.
Kay nodded an goes, If Sister Condom hadnt dragged us away we could have seen everything.
You could see everything of the girl, Fionnula says, no looking at Kay, lighting up another cigarette wi great concentration.
Kay lifted her fresh drink and swallowed some, suddenly she says, We’re all to bits with the middle section on All Around the House.
Kay, there’s no ways we’re going to win the night, ahm no being a contrary so and so; just to wind you up or that, it’s just, ah can hear a choir when it’s firing good an this year we’re pretty bloody abysmal.
Suppose, yes.
No that winning should be everything.
It shouldn’t be, no.
Ah think just being in the choir should be the main thing; ah mean, when we get it right an we’re sounding good, it feels really brilliant to me as well, ah think it’s great, but at end of the day, it’s a social thing, us, the all of us, thegether enjoying ourselves, but the Sisters have to turn it into this massive big non-stop competition affair, ah mean they’d be better looking bit closer to home than trying to bum their loaf bout a Our Lady’s choir; if they’re trying to get the school a better image, ah mean! Fucksake you know? Twenty-seven of us pregnant this year; refuse to believe none of us give a shit about the church anymore yet they all seems a bit unchristian to me, way Condom’s going mental at us to win, as if that makes any difference to the real problems in the school, or in life, an it just makes, like me and Manda, the more determined no to go along wi it. If they were more laid back I’d be that bit more enthusiastic.
Kay nodded, looked straight at her drink.
Kay, ah didn’t mean any harm snapping at you bout Michelle the morn, it’s just, ah think after Orla, ah’ve got awful, sorta all protectivey bout some folk, Michelle all pregnant and everything.
The guy could ah been nicer. That’s us back to sailors again, Kay smiled at her drink.
Fionnula laughed and suddenly went, That lot, it’s only getting back to the Mantrap for the slow dances they’re worried about, case the place is stacked wi the sailors. Fionnula smiled, maybe to herself, maybe for Kay’s benefit, You KNOW how wild Manda can be.
Oh, sure. Weirdly, Kay didn’t sound that impressed, took a big swig of her gin and tonic.
Fionnula had to take a big swig to keep up.
Where are you headed now, Fionnula?
Well you got let me get you a drink back, Fionnula glanced down at Kay’s thigh muscles, whished out the suede skirt. Kay musta known it was coming. Quite cleverly, Fionnula went, That’s really nice, is it suede? She reached out and touched the hem of the split, the material of the skirt, so close to Kay’s amazingly well-shaved, bare leg, maybe Kay could feel the just-touched-glass-coldness of Fionnula fingertips, kneading the material for that instant then quick, the hand rushing back to rehoist the gin glass.
Can we have two more of these? Fionnula kinda made a swift drunk gesture, gave a puffed out smile, the heavy bevvy starting to show.
Kay cast a look at her, from under eyebrows, had to respond, goes, If you’re wondering why I’m changed, it’s because I was looking at a house. A house to get a room in when I come down to Uni in September.
Oh. Ah was sort of wondering.
Meaning it’s only really the Sopranos that are allowed to get done up for the city?
No. No not that. There was silence. Digs and that, eh? Was the place nice?
Well, it’s an auntie to my dad; she’s quite on the elderly side, very well-to-do. You wonder if I was to have a late night and everything. They have a great students’ union; freshers’ week.
Fionnula was frowned, counting out more money on the bartop. Boys back and that Kay, eh? Quick, so’s Kay couldnie come back on it she added, What’s freshers’ week?
When you go to Uni as first year, they have a whole week for parties. Kay looked a long time at Fionnula as she paid the barmaid and Kay went, You could easily get to Uni, Fionnula.
We can’t afford it, and that’s end of the story, coming out wi thousands of pounds of debts.
What are you going to do? What is there for you to do in the Port?
Fionnula passed latest glass over to Kay, goes, Who says am staying in Port?
It takes money to go to places.
Fionnula leaned, amazingly close, without Kay shifting the least little bit, an Fionnula went an goes, Maybe YOU’LL invite me down to stay a bit? Slainte.
Slainte. Maybe.
Seriously? Fionnula went the going aboutings of lighting up another cigarette.
Ach, ach, ach ACH! Kay shook her head on the stool and gave her body a big shiver but then a chuckle too.
What? WHAT!? Fionnula nudged her. One of those instants where it’s believed someone is going say something, confirming, joyous, like the wheech of the gins up through height of Fionnula an the long suck there on the new cigarette, each intaking done wi deliberateness of real self-hatred an the last still smoking in the Smirnoff ashtray afront.
What? What do you know about me? Kay says.
Fionnula was taken aback but for a jiffy only, An what is it you know about me, up there in your house on Pulpit Hill, stared down on the Port, plugging away at yur … cello?
Kay backed right off but nodded to the cigarettes, Could I have one?
Fionnula stuck a blue, varnished nail toward the cigarette packet rested on the bar an slid it minutely along to Kay.
Bad habit, Kay grinned an with surprising ease, freed a cigarette from the packet, fired it up. She looked seriously, dead ahead.
See this we’re drinking, smoking? That’s ma holiday, Greece, Spain whatever; that’s what we’re drinking. All ma summer in Bella Bells Tea Rooms wi a bogging waitress skirt on. We’ve been talked about it two year, since before Orla got sick, but ah think we always knew, in our hearts of hearts and what-have ya-not got, we would never make it. No the five of us.
The Sopranos, Kay exhaled and grandly.
We have a good time, Kay, you don’t know the half of it. A suppose it’ll be backpacking round Himalayas or something wi your dad’s credit card when you go abroad. Ahm no thick, ah know the score.
Nope. You’re safe there. Only good thing about the Dalai Lama is Richard Gere.
With the drink in her, Fionnula smiled; no bitterness, An Australia, that’s another one ave aye wondered about. If you’ve money to go there. Like when we went on the French trip, ah was just thinking, Christ, a whole world I don’t know bout; like the cooking an way they don’t have slow dances an that, an drinking wine when they’re eleven; you’ve got all these countries no far away, centuries of history if that’s what yur into, Chartres an everything; so different, an folk go all the way round the fucking world to a place, just a place where everyone speaks English. Ah mean what’s there? Australia?
Kay was side-moving her head wi repeats towards the pillar, she muttered, Think the barmaid’s Australian.
So what? She got out the place, her an yon Clive James, Fionnula shook her hair.
New Zealand, the barmaid called, invisible to Fionnula and Kay, behind the pillar, no looking up from her paper.
Oh. Right then! Kay called, all cheery.
The two schoolgirls looked at each other, Fionnula shrugged.
Fionnula leaned elbows on the bar, craned over far, so’s ends of her hair was actual falling down the work side an it was flopping into those beer-catching basins under the tap.
Watch your hair, Kay stood and stretched an arm, cradling out the ends of the hair wi a cupped hand.
Oh, right. She called, Eh, do you have tequila?
Yes.
Can you do us two slammers? Fionnula straightened, Ever done tequila slammers?
What IS tequila?
Ah don’t know but you just drink it down quick, lick salt off your hand. That’s it! Lick the salt off your hand (Fionnula made the gestures) swig the drink, swallow an squeeze the lemon slice into yur mouth.
Why all the fantastical rigmarole?
Ah don’t know. Tastes foul. The lemon takes the taste away, like the lassies in the fish processing, use lemon juice to wash in; that Kylah named her band after cause a girl would masturbate an it would sting.
Kay ignored, You drink it with salt and lemon? Yeuch. You don’t set fire to it or anything as well?
Wait-an-ya-see. Just a couple gets ya mashed as anything. They’ll need winch us out of here, she tapped Kay’s arm, It’ll really loosen ya up.
I am loosed up. I don’t like drinking things I don’t like the taste of.
Well, time to get over that approach. It’ll help you sing.
The barmaid put down two small, clear glasses of liquid.
I’ll get it, Kay bundled out the change she’d jammed in her matching jacket pocket. The barmaid went away.
You don’t normally smoke at all, do ya?
Nope.
Ah never thought of you as a drinker either. Ah mean, drinking on your own. What’s the point in that?
The barmaid slid a plate of lemon slices on the bar, and clunked two salt shakers beside. She took a tenner offof Kay.
There you go, you don’t know about anyone, till you ask.
Oooo, hidden depths Kay? Dark secrets to shock? Just what Manda was greeting at me for the day.
What was she saying?
Christ ah don’t know. Ah was just telling a story I’d never told her. Ah mean that’s no my fault. I’m no under some obligation to tell Manda every totey wee thing that’s happened to me ever.
Why what happened?
Nothing! Nothing of any interest. I was mashed right? Staying in a caravan on the border.
What border?
Jesus Christ! That’s what they says too. What border do yous think? Ah don’t exactly spend all ma time hanging round the Mexican border.
Fionnula, we all just say that to wind you up. We know you’re a big Nat.
Aye, an by the way, we did invent the Internet.
Both girls laughed.
Cmon, do these.
You’ll need to show me.
Right get … oh but you’re left-handed, aren’t ya? So salt on the hand, like this, there, aye, an you’re gonna just lick it off wi your tongue, whack this down the thrapple then you gnash into the lemon to get the juice out, nah, look, that’s a nicer bit lemon.
I’ll use this, Kay went about the fishing a more substantial an fresh-looking lemon segment fro out among the half gone ice cubes of her drink. Cubes spun round a coupla times till her fingers got hold on the fruit ration an lifted it out.
Ever hear about the time Sister Fagan bit into a lemon? Fionnula asked.
No.
The lemon went, Yeuchhhh! Fionnula all screwed up her face.
Kay burst out a hysteric an the salt grains tumbled offof her hand, Wooooops.
Right, are ya fit?
Just about, Kay re-salted the little hollow behind her thumb, the fingers gracefully curved.
Mmmm, Fionnula put out her tongue an gave the salt line on her hand a long stroke.
Uhhh, Kay licked off the salt from her hand, wetly, leaving saliva.
Ah! raised eyes looking into Kay’s, Fionnula flicked the shot tequila into her mouth.
Uh, Kay frowned an slowly poured the drink into her mouth.
Ahssschh, Fionnula had swallowed an had the lemon neatly in her mouth, up to the rind-yellow.
Ah, yugs, Kay hesitated, gulped down an sped the lemon to her lips, nibbling away.
What do ya think?
An they say the Catholic church has some strange rituals! I’d need to try another to make up my mind.
Fionnula laughed, Hey, eh, sorry, can we have three more, ah mean three each, six more please!
Fionnula!
If yur goan be a bear; be a grizzly bear. Right, Kay?
It’s too warm a day to be drinking.
O yeah, oh yes, she looked round in appeal, as if in the forgetting all the Sopranos were long-gone. She spluttered out laughing.
Six tequilas? The barmaid smiled.
Aye, please, Fionnula goes, a bit more serious an went about lighting another cigarette.
I’m going to be absolutely pissed, Kay suddenly split up laughing.
Fionnula looked at her, shrugged and tried to light her own dead cigarette again.
Kay kept laughing. You look funny, she hiccuped the once.
There you are, the barmaid had arrived, shuttling little glasses offof the tray into two wee rows of three.
Fionnula, her cigarette lit now, pointed upwards, as if she’d had a brainwave, she picked her bag from side of the stool and started taking out her purse, using both hands wi the cigarette in her mouth.
Here, Fionnula, I’ll pay half.
Right-chew-are-okey-doke, plenty JL McAdam’s here but what am needing is more of the old Brodick Castles, eh?
Or who’s on a fifty?
Who’s on a fifty pound note?
We don’t accept fifty pound notes so I’ve never seen one, the barmaid smiled.
Not even on payday?
I don’t get paid that much.
Quite right, refusing fifty pound notes, you should have a sign up, Fionnula turned a little, to illustrate the elevated position of the hypothetical sign, Nae Rich Bastards!
I don’t think that why the manager refuses fifties.
NO OVER FIFTIES, Fionnula suddenly yelled, That should be a bar rule too, ah mean there’s no under twenty-ones and even no under twenty-fives, she glanced at the barmaid, Which I have to put up with, so why should there no be an age limit on the other end, why should we have to put up wi these ancient old grey heid bastards gawking us?
Hush, Fionnula.
Why hush? I don’t mind being barred. What’s the problem being barred if yur a Townie? Fucking bar on every corner. She sat down, The problem is getting barred in a wee town like ours, Fionnula looked at the barmaid who nodded, understandingly, A wee shitey shitey shitehole town like ours. Here yous have ALL sorts of bars. Get banned fro the one, juss shuffle on to the next. What’s the problem? Fionnula frowned. She’d forgot how they got onto the subject.
Kay gingerly rested her cigarette in the ashtray and began sprinkling salt on her hand.
Mmm, Fionnula goes, reached for salt herself.
Kay flicked out her tongue, fired back the shot an sooked on the previous, gnarled lemon.
Fionnula licked her salt, tipped two of the shots in her mouth an away they went. She busily picked up two lemon rations an devoured the juice out of them.
