Sweet Madness, page 31
Arianna steps closer, her heels sinking slightly into the mud. Yet she doesn’t seem bothered by the state of her shoes. Silence falls between us, the only sounds being the horses behind me and the leaves rustling in the wind. The silence stretches as she looks at me, her green eyes studying me as if she’s trying to peer into my soul.
After what feels like an eternity, she speaks. “I was sure of what I wanted to tell you when I landed here in Montana. I knew exactly what to say,” she begins delicately, choosing her words with care. “But now…”
“But now?”
“I just have one thing to say to you,” she steps even closer, her head held high and her shoulders back.
I hold her icy stare. Although I’m not afraid of this very powerful woman, I know she has every right to be furious on behalf of her.
“You hurt my Ellaiza,” she whispers harshly, as if she could reach inside my heart, rip it out of my chest, and stomp on it with her pointy, expensive shoes. I would deserve it too. “I don’t take kindly to anyone who hurts one of my children, and you… you hurt the one with the softest heart.”
The mention of Ella’s name sends a pang through my chest. Guilt and sorrow claw at me. I turn away slightly, unable to meet Arianna’s gaze.
“I don’t think it matters much, but for what it’s worth, I fucking broke my own heart the day I broke your daughter’s.” I laugh without humor. “Fuck, I thought what I was doing was what’s best,” I admit gruffly, my voice rough and angry. I feel like a broken record. What a fucking fool. Frustrated, I turn to look at the horses, existing quietly. “Your daughter deserves the world, and look around… this world—my world—is too small for her.”
Silence falls upon us once again, and when it stretches on for too long, I turn to meet her gaze.
Arianna’s expression softens, but her eyes still hold anger and sadness. “I knew someone like you long ago. A stupid, stupid man,” she says softly. “He too thought he was doing what was best for me, but he was wrong. What was and still is best for me is him. Just like, for some reason unbeknownst to me, my girl thinks you’re the best thing for her.”
I shake my head. “I am not.” How could I be when I failed to see that the best place for her was here with me?
“I might not know the man you are now, but one thing I do know for certain is that my daughter was lost and she found herself here with you. The parts we love most about her are because of you and this town.”
I frown, not understanding.
Arianna Kenton sighs softly, her patience clearly waning as I struggle to grasp what she’s saying. She tilts her head slightly, her brow furrowing in mild exasperation. “I don’t think you’re quite getting it,” she says, her voice tinged with frustration. “This isn’t just about you or your feelings. I couldn’t care less about those. This is about my daughter. She is hurting, deeply. And you need to realize that and fix it,” she warns, revealing the ruthless businesswoman and fierce protector of her family.
I don’t blink or flinch at her blunt honesty. I’ve heard worse from myself every day. I do feel guilt twist in my chest, knowing I’ve caused pain not just to Ella but to the people who love her and have had to watch their daughter, sister, and friend suffer.
“I don’t know if she’ll forgive me,” I admit truthfully. “If I were her, I sure as hell wouldn’t.”
Ella’s mother fixes me with her frosty glare. “I wouldn’t forgive you either, but my daughter has a soft heart—a forgiving one,” she says softly. “Go get her. I promise you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t because one day, a man will make her forget you, put a ring on her finger, and give her the love she deserves. It will eat at you until there’s not a trace of the man you once were. Make sure that man is you, or you’ll live the rest of your days miserably.” Arianna pauses and pierces me once again with those frosty green eyes of hers, so unlike her daughter’s gentle blues. “And if you ever hurt my girl again, I’ll make sure that’s the last thing you do.” With those words lingering in the air, she turns and walks away toward her car, the gravel crunching softly under her cream-colored heels.
“Thank you,” I say just loud enough for her to pause mid-step, her posture stiffening imperceptibly. She turns slowly, her icy stare fixing on me with a hint of suspicion. “What for?” she asks, her tone cool and guarded.
I hesitate for a moment, my gaze sweeping across the land that used to mean so much to my Ma. Then I meet Arianna’s gaze again. She frowns slightly, her confusion evident. She searches my face for any hint of clarity, but my expression remains hard to read.
But realization dawns on her. “You know,” she murmurs softly, more to herself than to me, “You made her proud. Every day you work like a dog to keep this place what it once was when she was here, you’re making her proud.” She looks down at the ground, then lifts her head, her eyes clashing with mine. “Can I ask how you know?”
I grin, even though I don’t really feel like it. “I didn’t know until later, but it was obvious. Benjamin has money, yes, but not what this place needed to keep itself afloat.”
Arianna studies me intently, a mixture of emotions flickering across her features—surprise, apprehension, and perhaps a touch of admiration. “No matter what, be gentle with her heart,” she whispers, her voice betraying a hint of vulnerability. Even though she’s a powerhouse businesswoman and fashion icon to some, here she is a mother. One who loves her child dearly because a woman like her wouldn’t end up in this small town asking a man like me to fix what he broke for her daughter’s sake unless she loved her child with every fiber of her being. “Oh, and give my girl a scene out of those romance novels she and my sister love so much. She doesn’t deserve anything less.”
I bite my lip, trying not to smile.
Not knowing what else to say, I nod once. She does too. A sense of closure settles between us as she acknowledges it quietly.
As I watch her get into her car with her bodyguards in tow, I feel a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can make things right and get the light of my life back.
Maybe…
Space Note
“Rather than hurtling alone through the void, several stars out there have a significant other.”— E
Chapter
Thirty-Four
MY GIRL
Shaw
“Tulips didn’t have a meaning until I saw you.” – S
Later that night, I sit on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in a towel from a shower with the iPad Ella left behind in hand. The glow of the screen is the only light in the room as I watch Ella’s live video stream. My heart sinks as I see her, looking beautiful as ever, yet her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
Fuck.
In the past months she’s been away, I didn’t look her up online to see how she was doing. At first, I was too afraid to, fearing that if I did, I’d go after her. Then, as the months passed, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was so filled with guilt that I couldn’t handle seeing what I’d done to her, but at the back of my mind, there was also the doubt that maybe her father was right and she was better off. Seeing that would’ve hurt like hell.
But seeing her now…
She’s lost weight, and guilt claws at me. She also has shadows under her eyes, and I wonder if she too can’t find sleep. I sure as hell can’t. I haven’t had a full night of sleep since the last night she shared my bed.
Touching her cheek with my fingertip through the screen, I think about how, despite all that, she remains the most beautiful woman in my eyes. Her presence captivates me even through a screen.
“Hey, guys!” Moonshine’s voice, though filled with enthusiasm as she greets her followers, carries an undertone of sadness. She’s wearing a pink coat with a white tube top underneath. Her hair is neatly done in a sleek back bun without a single hair out of place. She looks stunning with her makeup done. Her cheeks are pink, her eyelashes long, her lips glossy, and she’s adorned with gold jewelry.
God, she was fucking beautiful and still stole my breath away.
“Hey, Moonshine,” I whispered to the lonely room as if she could hear me.
I sat there watching as she spoke about her upcoming venture—her dream place in the city where her parents had once fallen in love, Paris. Even though my heart felt like it had gone through a meat grinder, I smiled with my entire face because she did it. She reached for the stars and made it happen.
I listened intently as she shared details. Her passion was evident in every word. Though her eyes still seemed sad, they lit up whenever she spoke about the grand opening of her new project. It was clear she was excited but also nervous for her followers to see it. Her determination and anxiety came through despite the cracks in her facade.
As the live stream continued, I wrestled with my conflicting emotions. I felt so fucking proud of her, yet it also cut me deep that I wasn’t there to share in her joy. “I fucked up, baby,” I whispered harshly, holding the iPad tighter.
In that moment, Ella glanced down briefly—I assumed she was reading the comments scrolling on her screen—and then she lifted her head, her eyes momentarily meeting the camera as if searching for something—or someone. My heart skipped a beat, wondering if the someone she was looking for was me, if she still cared amidst all the hurt I caused her.
The smile on her face dropped, and so did my heart at witnessing her reaction. But then she carried on as if nothing had happened. She continued to fake-smile and engage with the people who sent her questions or compliments while I stayed vigilant, blocking any mean or cruel comments that were sent her way. Maeve, a friend of Ben’s, was a badass hacker, and even now that Ella is gone from my life, she still hacks all her live streams, checks posts, and messages to prevent Ella from seeing any hate, just like she did when Ella was under my care.
I might not be with her, but she’ll always be safe and protected as long as there is air in my lungs and my heart still beats.
“See you later, loves.” Ella smiled at the camera, and I traced her image with my fingertips, closing my eyes to let her sweet voice wash over me and heal all that was broken. “I hope to see you in Paris, and if not, you can meet me here in two days to experience the grand opening of my very own pink planet,” she grinned, her excitement radiating through the screen.
“Way to fucking go, baby,” I whispered, pride swelling within me.
When the live video ended, I sat in silence, my lonely room still and quiet. Ella’s words replayed in my mind, her image lingering in my thoughts. The distance between us cut me deeper every day, and the weight of my mistake felt heavier than ever.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
This wasn’t a life. It was dark, lonely, and so fucking painful.
I knew I had to make things right. More than anything, I needed to see my girl smile with her heart again, to hold her close and remind her how much I still loved her.
With a sigh, I set the tablet aside, determination settling in my heart. I rose from the bed, the towel dropping to the floor as I moved with a purpose that had been missing since she left. I navigated through the room, my footsteps quiet against the wooden floorboards.
I quickly searched the closet for what I needed. In the corner, a small black leather bag rested atop a trunk. I grabbed it and went to work on packing everything I needed.
As I packed, my thoughts continued to drift to Ella—her smile, her laughter, the way her blue eyes sparkled with passion and love when she spoke about her own pink planet. It filled me with so much joy for her. She found her purpose, and now I’m going after mine.
I couldn’t bear the thought of another night on this ranch without her, of being separated from the light of my life.
Out of nowhere, Arianna’s words replay in my mind.
“Give my girl a scene straight out of those romance novels she and my sister loved so much.”
Determined to do just that, I walk back to the closet and grab the only suit I own. Once the bag is packed, I swing it over my shoulder and hurry out of the room.
As I step into the cool night air, I manage to take a deep breath. The stars twinkle overhead, guiding my path as I make my way toward the truck. The engine roars to life as I settle into the driver’s seat, the rumble echoing in the night. Looking through the rearview mirror at the ranch house, I hope that when I come back, it will be with her to stay forever.
Yesterday, the thought of Ella not sharing her life with me cut me deep, but now, after seeing her beautiful smile as she spoke of her accomplishment, the thought of a life without her kills me inside.
I was a fucking fool, but that shit ends now.
I’m getting my girl. I just hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me and allow me to mend the broken pieces of her heart.
But first... I have two stops to make.
Space Note
“Hey, Shaw, we’re all made of stars. Just over 90% of the human bodies were formed in stars over the course of billions of years and the lifetimes of many different stars.” — E
Chapter
Thirty-Five
COWBOY IN PARIS
Ella
“There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss your smile.” — E
The grand opening of Cosmic Chapters, my pink planetarium-slash-bookstore in Paris, was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of my life. It was the culmination of my dreams and a celebration of my love for astronomy and reading. Yet, I found it hard to breathe and keep a straight face. All I wanted to do was hide somewhere and cry.
That’s all I’ve been doing these past few months. During the day, I worked hard on my studies and on this dream place I’ve created, but at night... At night, I looked out the window toward the sky and cried silently for the life I miss more than anything.
I cry for the man who haunts my dreams.
I haven’t detached from life or my family, but at times it’s hard to pretend like my heart isn’t broken because it is, and it won’t ever be the same.
At first, I held on to hope that Shaw would pull his head out of his ass and realize that my place was with him in Canyon Creek. My happiness was there.
But as days turned into weeks and then months, that hope slowly died, along with all the dreams I had of a life with him.
I should be happy. I’ve been doing great at university, and this night has finally come. I created a magical space where boys and girls who love both the wonders of the sky and fictional worlds can come and experience the universe while losing themselves in a good book. There’s even a book-themed bakery inside the building for visitors to grab something sweet while they’re here.
It’s perfect.
My entire family helped, so this isn’t just my accomplishment but theirs as well.
Due to my family’s famous status, I couldn’t do a grand opening with the public, which is why tonight I only have my family and the press here. Tomorrow night, I will host a second opening for the public. I even got bestselling author Poe James to come and sign books for her fans. Since she’s still young, she’ll come with her parents and Aunt Kadra.
It’s crazy how she blew up. I had no doubt she would. Her book was brilliant, and I’m looking forward to the next one. I don’t doubt it’ll be another hit.
Yes, everything is going as planned, and my heart should be bursting with happiness. Yet, as I stand in the elegant foyer of the building, surrounded by the glittering lights and the buzz of excitement from my family members, my heart feels heavy with a different kind of emotion.
I’m heartsick.
I put on a brave face for the cameras and reporters outside while they capture every moment of the event for the world to see, but inside, I am struggling to maintain my composure and keep from crying. So I do what is expected of me at that moment. I smile, pose for cameras, and answer questions about Cosmic Chapters with practiced ease, all the while masking the turmoil brewing in my heart.
For so long, I am lost, and I find myself the moment I find him. I start to dream again with Shaw, and this dream is inspired by every second I spend with him in Canyon Creek. The pink tulips hanging from the ceiling and decorating every corner of this place remind me of our shared moments in his tulip field. The constellations projected on the ceiling and walls remind me of the freckles on his face that I love so much.
God, I miss him, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing him, let alone loving the man.
I hope that if I pour my heart and soul into this project and give it all my time, once it’s done, I’ll have him back. But now, I am facing the reality of his reluctance to fight for the dream of us.
Is it all even real?
Does he really love me, or am I just a fool?
When the questions haunting my mind start to hurt, I move through the crowd of family members, my smile bright and my words gracious. Yet, my thoughts keep drifting back to him. Having had enough of pretending for one night, I walk away, needing a quiet moment.
I stand before a window overlooking the city lights of Paris. The twinkling stars above are as bright as the moon. “One, two, three…” I count the stars with no hope of him coming back. Taking a deep breath, I steel myself against the ache that threatens to overwhelm me. I can’t fall apart. Not here. Not now. I’ll do that when no one is watching.
Looking at the Paris skyline, I think of how this city means so much to my family. My father’s mother was born here, and my parents fell in love here. That is why I chose the City of Love for my first location.
My gaze is fixed upon the distant Eiffel Tower, shimmering under the night sky like a sentinel of love. The soft murmurs of admiration from the guests behind me are distant hums, overshadowed by the memories flooding my mind.
