Sweet Madness, page 23
I manage a smile, trying to mirror the hope and happiness in my father’s eyes. Yet beneath the surface, sadness lingers, etched into the corners of my smile. It is a smile that my all-knowing mother does not miss—a smile that hides my sadness at the thought of leaving this perfect little world where the only inhabitants are my handsome Shaw and me.
Mom’s eyes soften with concern as she notices the melancholy in my smile. “Your brother will be okay, sweetheart,” she says softly, her voice carrying the warmth and strength that has always been my anchor. “Nothing will happen to any of you. We won’t ever allow it.”
I know that. I’ve always known, but that is not the reason for my change in mood.
I nod, my throat tightening with emotion. “I know, Mom,” I reply, my voice wavering slightly. “We Kentons are made of gold. We’re hard to break.” I whisper reverently the words our parents drilled into us every day of our lives. The mantra has kept me from drowning more times than I can count.
“Nous sommes faits d’or pur, ma chérie,” Dad says.
“C’est vrai, papa,” I reply.
My father’s eyes shine with love. “Tell us more about the real Ella,” he prompts, his voice filled with genuine curiosity and pride.
I shove down the sadness I felt moments ago, my face bright as I detail my adventures at the ranch and my online classes. I talk about Poppy, the tulip fields, and the horses.
I even share stories about the moments spent with Shaw, all while wearing the biggest smile on my face. The same cannot be said about Dad, though. His face sours every time I mention my bodyguard, a reaction Mom notices and rolls her eyes at every time.
A fond smile plays on Mom’s lips as she absorbs every detail about my current life away from home. “It sounds like you’re thriving,” she says proudly.
I beam happily and continue sharing my days here with my parents.
As our time together draws to an end, I feel the weight I’ve been carrying lifting from my shoulders. My parents love me, and they have proven the depth of their love time and time again. They will have my back no matter what. I know this now.
I’m sure they will understand my feelings for my bodyguard. It might take them a while to get used to, but if it makes me happy, I know they won’t stand in the way of me and my dreams. And my biggest and most special dream is him.
“We’ll see you soon, sweetheart,” Dad says, his voice strong and sure.
“I love you both. Kiss the little monsters for me,” I reply, my voice steady with affection for them and all six of my siblings.
Mom blows me a kiss. “We will,” she smiles. “To Saturn and back, Ellaiza,” she says softly.
“To Saturn and back, Mom,” I whisper back.
With a final wave and a lingering look of love exchanged through the screen, we disconnect the call.
Holding the iPad close to my chest, I get up from the bed and walk toward the window. The sun will set soon, painting the sky in beautiful hues of pink and orange before darkness falls and the stars take over.
I see him then, working on the fences that keep the cattle protected and safe. He’s shirtless, and I can see the sweat running down his chest even from all the way here.
God, he’s so beautiful—beautiful and strong.
Just last night, he was breaking apart as he shared a traumatic event from his past, yet here he is, working on his ranch as if nothing happened. He’s so strong and so resilient.
How many times has he wanted to fall apart but wouldn’t allow himself to?
Last night, I wasn’t lying when I told him that he didn’t have to carry his burdens alone anymore. I’m here now, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.
This ranch. This town. This man.
Yeah, this is my home.
Space Note
“Quick, how many stars are there in the Milky Way? There are 200-400 billion stars in our galaxy. I be you didn’t know that.” — E
Chapter
Twenty-Three
BRIGHTEST STAR
Ella
“All good things take time.” – E
When I reach the stables, the evening sky is painted in hues of pink and gold, with a gentle breeze blowing my hair. I find peace here, but I do not find Shaw. He must’ve mounted Peppermint and disappeared through the fields.
After talking with my parents, my heart feels calm, but my mind is still a mess with thoughts of a suffering Shaw. I hate seeing him in pain. I don’t ever want to witness it again. I truly hope all his days moving forward are filled with happiness and peace.
Knowing that the reason I can’t find him is probably because he doesn’t want to be found, I decide to let him be. With a sigh of resolve, I saddle Geraldine. With a gentle pat on her neck, I mount the horse and guide her toward the path leading to the lake.
The ride, although short, is soothing, with the rhythmic sound of hoofbeats mingling with the rustle of leaves in the evening breeze. As we approach the lake, the sun dips lower on the horizon, casting a golden glow over the water’s surface. It is a magical scene, untouched by all that has hurt me today.
As I ride Geraldine, everything that was holding me back slowly fades with the wind, allowing me to breathe freely.
When we arrive, I dismount near the shore, letting Geraldine graze nearby as I take a moment to absorb the breathtakingly beautiful surroundings.
You can’t get this kind of scene in the city…
Before me lies a magnificent lake, mirroring hues of pink and gold like a flawless mirror. It seems as if the sun is kissing the water.
Soon, thoughts of Shaw invade my mind. I think of how happy he makes me just by being next to me or sharing a fleeting smile. Without words, he makes me feel like the prettiest girl or the most special creature to ever exist. With him, I feel completely myself and don’t worry if I say or do the wrong thing. I simply exist, and there’s nothing more beautiful or perfect than that. I know that with him, I can be myself, and he won’t judge or mock me.
I think of how he has stepped out of his comfort zone just to make me happy, perhaps without realizing it or acknowledging it. Deep down in my soul, I know that what has bloomed between us is more than just a friendship.
Does he?
The image of his whiskey-brown eyes races through my mind, causing my heart to race in my chest. I’ve never felt this with anyone else, which is how I know he’s the one for me—my favorite galaxy. My very own constellation.
Looking at the sunset, I smile with my entire heart, allowing that blissful feeling of love to spread through my body. With that same smile and a happy heart, I walk toward the shore of the lake, its surface shimmering like liquid gold under the fading light of the sun. I love the sounds of nature in the background—the rustle of leaves and the distant call of birds dancing below the clouds.
I hesitate only briefly, glancing around to ensure I am truly alone, then slowly shed my sundress, the fabric slipping from my shoulders to pool at my feet. Standing at the water’s edge, I take a deep breath, letting the cool evening air kiss my skin.
The water beckons, its surface rippling invitingly. With each step, I feel a sense of peace that only happens while I am here, on this ranch, with its owner by my side.
Without thinking twice, I step into the lake, the water enveloping me in its refreshing embrace. The initial shock of coldness fades away as I begin to swim, each stroke cutting through the water with determination.
How is it that in this small town I feel the freest? I never imagined such freedom could exist, especially for me, but it has. In this blissful place, I feel as though I’m in my own world, and nothing can touch me. At least, nothing bad.
As I swim happily under the gaze of the setting sun, I welcome the inner peace this place offers me. My movements are gentle and effortless as I let the water carry me.
Then, sensing someone’s gaze upon me, I slowly turn, somehow feeling him before seeing him. As I pivot, my eyes meet his. Even from a distance, I find myself lost in those whiskey-brown eyes. No one on this earth has eyes like Shaw Banning.
He stands at the water’s edge, wearing a cowboy hat atop his head and ripped blue jeans, with no shirt on. My gaze lowers to his perfectly tanned torso, a bead of sweat trickling down his defined six-pack.
Oh, my.
I had imagined what his body might look like, but the reality far exceeds my vision. This man is insanely blessed. Nothing about him is ugly, not even his past. Not to me.
Locking eyes with him, I ponder whether it is too soon to love him. We aren’t officially a couple, and beyond kisses, nothing has happened between us. Yet, we aren’t strangers, not truly. I have always felt a connection as if we have known each other in previous lives—that for a while, we were just starting down a different path.
He’s always felt like a part of me, even during times when I didn’t truly know anything about life.
Another realization that has dawned on me these past few days is how much I take pleasure in watching Shaw. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing—he could be silently fixing a fence or tending to the animals—and I find him the most interesting person in any setting.
Butterflies flutter in my belly as we lock eyes, no words necessary.
His penetrating gaze holds me captive, his features softened by the fading light of dusk. There is a depth to his stare that always says more than words ever could, revealing secrets and emotions he has kept hidden beneath layers of self-preservation and strength.
For a heartbeat, neither of us moves, caught in a silent exchange that transcends words.
A rush of a million emotions, stirred only by him, surges through my body. I become acutely aware of the intimacy of the moment, of being seen naked but on a level that touches my soul.
Only by him.
Only ever Shaw.
After a long while of just staring at one another, Shaw takes a tentative step forward without breaking eye contact. I hold his gaze, my heart racing with a mix of anticipation and excitement, knowing that there is no turning back now.
His walking toward me feels like he has finally shattered all the barriers that held him back from going after what he wants.
Me.
Shaw
Throughout the day, I keep myself busy with work while moments from last night replay in my mind like scenes from a vivid dream. I never tell a single soul on this earth about my final moments with my mother, the image I hold of her in those last moments.
I wonder if it was the right thing, now that my mind is less clouded by the dark nightmare. I also question whether opening my mind and heart to Ella, like I did, was a good move. Showing someone the depths of one’s mind is dangerous, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Yet, when she looked into my thoughts with those understanding and kind eyes, I felt a weight lift from my chest. It was as if, after years submerged underwater, she held me and whispered sweet words of solace, allowing me to finally breathe again. She reached into the darkest corners of my soul and brought a flicker of light.
Her light.
Her gentle touch against the turmoil within me brings a sense of peace, ending the internal war I’ve been trapped in.
More thoughts of Ella flood my mind. I can’t shake the image of her from last night—how perfect she looked, ethereal and serene. Ella’s beauty has always been striking, but under the moonlight streaming through my window, she appeared otherworldly. Her big doe eyes, normally a deep shade of blue, seemed to reflect the cosmos itself, shining brighter than every star in the sky and the moon combined. Her hair, a cascade of black curls that usually frames her face with wild abandon, was tamed that night. A few pink and black tendrils escaped her ponytail, framing her features delicately. I loved the way the moonlight danced on those curls, turning them into strands of silver and pink that shimmered with every movement.
Fuck, nothing more beautiful has ever existed.
After waking up from the best sleep I’ve had in years, I find that Ella is no longer by my side. An emptiness settles in my chest at not seeing her there.
I leave the house early and spend most of the morning and early afternoon tending to the horses. Then I make my way towards the tulip fields, working tirelessly, hands deftly pruning and tending to ensure the blooms thrive. Each snip of the shears, each careful stroke as I arrange the blooms into orderly bouquets, is a deliberate effort to regain my composure and keep my mind occupied and away from thoughts of her. The scent of earth and blossoms fills my senses, grounding me in the present moment. But I find myself missing her. I fight the urge to go back to the house and kiss the hell out of her. With Ella, it’s more than a physical attraction. It’s much more.
When she’s not around, the world seems darker. When her eyes are not on me, I feel like I’m missing something. When I don’t hear her laugh or her sweet voice, I find myself wanting to seek her out so I can listen to her forever.
I know I’m screwed the first time that beautiful creature makes me smile, but now, while surrounded by her favorite color, I know deep in my tattered soul that Ellaiza Kenton is what was missing from my life.
Laughter.
Sweetness.
Love.
Then, as if my heart senses her, amidst the rustling of leaves and the gentle swaying of tulips in the breeze, I see her.
My heart stops in my chest as I spot her.
Dressed in one of those sexy summer dresses, Ella rides Geraldine gracefully toward the lake with a smile on her face, laughing as she goes. The sight of her takes my breath away.
Her black curls, which I’ve come to love so much, flutter behind her like a cascade of ribbons as she urges Geraldine forward.
Everything she does drives me wild. I can’t get enough of her, even when I try my best to stay away.
Before her, women were just an escape. A meaningless moment to drown my sorrows in, but Ella is different.
I never wanted to be better or more for someone else, but for her, I do.
I want to be the kind of man who deserves a princess like her. I want to be the one she gives all her smiles to, the one she turns to when the world is cruel, the one who punishes that world for hurting her.
Despite knowing that I shouldn’t go after her, I ignore it and follow my heart instead—a heart that’s beating like a drum inside my chest, as if it knows its owner is not far away.
With determination written on my face, I quickly saddle Peppermint. With a flick of the reins, we set off toward the lake. The wind tousles my hair as we gallop, and my heart races in rhythm with Peppermint’s strides.
As we near the shore, I spotted her naked silhouette against the shimmering water, reflecting the pink and orange hues of the sky above.
She looks like a vision in gold amidst the rippling waves.
Without hesitation, I dismount and approach the water’s edge, needing to see more of her. Pausing for a moment, I take in the sight of Ella bathed in the soft glow of the sun, her laughter echoing like a comforting melody across the lake as she floats.
When I’m close enough, I murmur, “You’re... beautiful,” unsure if she hears me. But then she turns, and everything around us stops; everything that isn’t her fades into the background.
I stand transfixed at the edge of the lake, unable to look at anything else but her. My breath catches as her piercing blue eyes hold me captive. Then the little vixen can’t resist flashing a wicked smile my way—a smile that tells me all I need to know from the woman who has stirred every emotion I’ve long kept guarded.
There’s no denying it: I need her like I need my next breath. I need to touch her and have her close. I need… her.
The decision to join her in the water feels like shedding layers of armor I’ve worn for too long. With a deep breath and a made-up mind, I take off my mud-stained shirt, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin.
My gaze flickers toward Ella, who is watching me with curious eyes filled with a desire that matches my own. I kick off my boots and step out of my briefs and jeans, leaving them in a heap beside my shirt. Ella’s smile widens as she wades deeper into the lake while I follow, each step bringing me closer to her.
The lake embraces me as I enter, the water cool against my sun-kissed skin. Once underwater, I open my eyes enough to see where she is. I take her in my arms and come up for air.
“You found me,” she laughs, jovially, her eyes twinkling.
“I found you,” I murmur, pulling her closer until her wet tits are pressing against my naked chest. Fuck, she feels good. She feels… right as if here, in my arms, it’s where she was born to be in.
The evening air is alive with the whispers of nature, the only sounds are the soft lapping of water against our naked bodies and the distant chirping of birds.
We are all alone.
Good.
If she had undressed where others could see her, we were going to have a problem. The green little fucker that lives inside me, comes alive with jealousy, but when she touches her button nose against mine, I melt.
I fucking melt while she calms the beast in me.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispers closed to my mouth, her lovely breath a mix of cherry and mint captivating me, just like every little thing she did. “I’ve dreamed of you for so long, Shaw,” Ella draws a long breath before she continues her thought, my heart beat rising with each word out of her sweet mouth. “At times you don’t feel real.”
“Likewise, moonshine,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper, my gaze never leaving hers. “I’m still not sure if you’re a dream my fucked-up mind has conjured after so many nightmares.”
Her eyes soften. “I’m real, beautiful man, and I’m here,” she replies simply, her words feeling like a promise.
This sweet little thing in my arms makes me feel strong yet weak at times and I’m hooked with the feeling.
I’m hooked on her. There’s no point in denying it any longer.
