Outcasts MC (Complete Series), page 66
16
Cora
Although I had initially agreed to go to the carnival with Xander, I got more and more nervous as the day went on. Was this the right thing to do? I barely even knew this guy. I didn’t know what his job was, just that he was part of some private security force or something. But who the hell was he protecting me from? And wouldn’t going out to the carnival together be counterproductive and make us a target?
But I knew it wasn’t just our safety I was worried about. No, what I was really worried about was my heart. I could tell that my emotions were already starting to snag on Xander, my thoughts spiraling back around to him over and over again during the course of the day.
I wanted to talk to Mandy about him, but I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I didn’t want her to think that any of this was dating. I knew she wanted me to find some great new guy, as though that was the key to my future happiness. I didn’t know how to explain my reasons for not finding someone new. She had never lost someone before, not the way I had.
And besides, I didn’t know how to talk about all of this. I was just a job as far as Xander was concerned. There was no point thinking about him in any other sort of capacity. As soon as this job was over, he’d be gone from our lives again.
I shouldn’t let Piper get attached to him. Of course, I had introduced him as just my friend, not my boyfriend or anything more, but Mandy was the best reference that Piper had for my friends, and she got to see Mandy all the time.
It was all rapidly becoming so confusing. I didn’t know what I wanted from this anymore, but I didn’t know what Xander wanted from it either.
Somehow, though, I was able to put all of that aside when we reached the carnival. As I watched Piper play nearly half the games in the festival lot, I couldn’t help smiling. She looked so happy. And seeing Xander chat so easily with her while they waited in line for various rides? Well, that was just the cherry on top of it all.
I could so easily imagine the three of us together. Maybe I had been too hasty in saying I would never be with anyone ever again. Maybe I would never find a Jackson again, but maybe I didn’t need someone just like him. Maybe there were other kinds of guys out there who would be just as perfect at fitting into that empty space in our lives.
I frowned as that thought came to mind. Empty space? There wasn’t an empty space there. Piper and I were perfectly happy, just the two of us. Or so I’d always maintained. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there was something missing. It would be nice to have someone to share the responsibilities of a family life with. And it would be nice to have a more balanced home life for Piper.
But was Xander the kind of man who could fit into our lives and help out like that? I almost thought he was. He was clearly kind and caring. He was great with Piper, and just fun to be around. He made both of us laugh.
Then, of course, he had to ruin all those fantasies by saying that he never wanted to have children. Oh, he had tried to cover it up afterward, once he had seen my expression. He tried to tell me that he just had never expected to find the woman who wanted to have kids with him. But I could tell that that wasn’t the truth. There was something to the way he held back from me, something in his contemplative gaze, that let me know he was getting ready to leave already.
I was just a job to him. Nothing more.
If only he wasn’t so good with Piper, it would have been easy just to write it all off. But the more I watched him with her, the more I had to admit I was starting to have feelings for him. That I liked having him there in our lives.
I tried desperately to forget about my misery, not wanting Piper to notice it and get upset as well, so I suggested that we all have a ring toss competition.
It had been ages since I had played any carnival games, and when I won, I was just as surprised as everyone else. That, more than anything, made my gloomy mood dissipate. I handed the soft little teddy bear down to Piper, who immediately hugged it close. I grinned down at her. Maybe I didn’t need a man around, after all, I told myself. I could provide for Piper all by myself.
I glanced over at Xander and saw him watching us fondly, though, and I felt like my heart might break right then and there. I quickly looked away, clinging to that sense of pride and victory.
“Maybe it’s time to head home,” Xander suggested quietly. I nodded and knelt next to Piper.
“What do you think, Pipes?” I asked her. “Time to head home so you can have sweet dreams with Mr. Bear?”
Piper yawned hugely at the very thought of her bed and then nodded. “Uh-huh,” she said, and I had to smile at how cute she was with the sleepiness hitting her all at once.
“All right,” I said, standing up and reaching out for her hand. As we headed toward the parking lot, though, I noticed that her feet were starting to drag. Probably should have left sooner, but she had been having so much fun. And so had I, to be honest.
I turned to pick her up, but surprisingly, Xander beat me to it, lifting the small girl into his arms and easily carrying her over to the car. He got her all loaded into her car seat and then turned toward me, raising an eyebrow at my expression as he gently shut the car door so as to not wake my sleeping daughter.
“What?” he asked, sounding slightly self-conscious.
I shook my head. “For someone who doesn’t spend much time around kids, you’re good with them,” I said.
Xander grinned like I had given him a huge compliment. And I supposed it was, coming from me. “Thanks for letting me do this,” he said. “Tonight was fun.”
“It was,” I said quietly. “Thank you.” I paused and then admitted, “You know, when you first showed up at the school, I knew you weren’t a superintendent, and I couldn’t figure out what you were doing there. I didn’t want you in my classroom, that’s for sure. But you’re not such a bad guy.”
Xander stared at me for a moment, and I thought he might kiss me. I tried to decide how I felt about that. I wanted it, I knew. But I also knew that I was already in so far over my head. Being around Xander was like riding one of the rides that Piper had dragged him on tonight. You just never knew where you were going to end up, as you spun around in dizzying circles, emotions running wild.
But instead, Xander asked a perplexing question. “Do you know who your father is?”
I frowned, thinking I had misheard him. “Piper’s father?” I asked. “Sure, I know who he is. Was.”
Xander looked torn for a moment, like he had two different questions he wanted to ask. But eventually, he shook his head. “Not Piper’s father; that’s not what I asked,” he said. “Do you know who your father is?”
I couldn’t help but feel taken aback by the question. Why would he ask that? Did it have something to do with whoever thought I needed protection? Or whoever I needed protection from? Or maybe Xander and I were somehow connected by the father I had never known? Maybe Xander was the son of one of my father’s good friends or something like that.
But I would never know. My mom had never wanted to give me any details about who my father was, and I had never been able to uncover anything about him myself. I didn’t know the first thing about him. Was he a drifter, a one-night stand, or simply just a bum who wanted nothing to do with my mother and me? I just had no idea.
I shrugged at Xander. “No idea,” I said quietly.
He nodded to himself, and I could see he was deep in thought about something. Now, there were questions I wanted to ask, but before I could, Xander smiled at me. “I guess I should let you get Piper home,” he said, glancing down toward the car. “We wore her out.”
I smiled fondly at the sleeping child. “Yeah, we did,” I agreed quietly. I lingered there, not sure what I was waiting for.
That kiss, maybe? The one I had been expecting all evening? Piper was asleep now; she would never have to know about it. And even though I knew it couldn’t go any further than kissing, I found my body craving his touch.
Hopeless. It was all so hopeless.
“Do I get to see you outside of the school again?” Xander asked, and I could hear a surprisingly hopeful note in his voice. Like he really did want to spend more time with us.
I had to nip this in the bud for both of our sakes. I wasn’t what he was looking for, and he wasn’t what I was looking for either. I was sure of that. And even beyond that, I had the feeling he was the kind of guy who liked a challenge. Make it too easy for him and he was going to get bored. He would be done with me even before his job was through with.
Slowly, I shook my head. “We’ll see,” I said. That would at least buy me time to think about all of this, I hoped.
Xander grinned, though, like he had expected that answer. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though.”
“Okay,” I said faintly before getting in my car and driving away. I wished I could leave the confusing torrent of thoughts behind just as easily as I could leave him standing there in the parking lot, one hand raised in farewell.
17
Xander
When I had first started sitting in on Cora’s classes, they had been deathly boring. The absolute worst kind of stakeout, really: I knew exactly where my target was, she wasn’t leaving, and I wasn’t learning anything interesting about her that I could relay to Otis.
But now, it was interesting to sit in on Cora’s classes and see her work. She was so good with the kids, always patient and interested in what they had to say to her. Even when they were babbling about things that had nothing to do with the current assignment, she just sat there with a grin on her face, nodding along. Then, she would deftly turn the topic back to where they started. Even though I didn’t have any training as a teacher, or even as a parent, I could tell that she was amazing in both of those roles. The kids really seemed to love her, and really, what was there not to love?
I had to admit, the more I watched her around the classroom, the more I wanted her. It was becoming more and more difficult to view this as just a job, especially since I just couldn’t see her as Otis’s daughter. She was nothing like him. I couldn’t even see a physical resemblance there. Maybe Dax was right, and Otis had been involved with Cora’s mother. But that didn’t mean Cora was his daughter.
I knew I was making excuses for myself, though. I shouldn’t be involved with her either way, Otis’s daughter or not. Otis had asked me just to become friends with her and get to know her.
I was surprised he still hadn’t asked me for an update on this assignment. I had expected he would want to pull me off this as soon as possible so he could send me on to New York with the rest of the guys. After all, Dax seemed to think that Otis was grooming me to take over as leader of that chapter of the Outcasts. If so, Otis couldn’t leave me playing babysitter to Cora forever.
But Otis was caught up in the news from the other two chapters, and he still hadn’t asked for any update. I was coming to terms with the fact that he wasn’t going to clarify what sort of information he wanted. But that, unfortunately, was all the more reason to view this as not really a job, or at least as a job I had already completed. I knew as much about Cora and Piper as I could, I was sure. They didn’t have any secrets hidden there.
There was another reason I was starting to enjoy coming to Cora’s classes, though. Cora had really opened up to me since I had first started. She chatted with me most mornings now, showing up early every morning so that she would have the chance to do so. And we chatted while the kids were at gym and other specials, too. At least, when she didn’t need to mark off assignments.
I had helped her mark one or two of those assignments as well, the two of us sitting opposite one another in comfortable silence. I hadn’t pushed it; I hadn’t asked to see her outside the classroom again. I liked the way things were between the two of us at the moment, and I didn’t want to rock the boat.
But I had to figure out some way to get to see her over the weekend; I knew that. There was no way I could go from this afternoon until Monday without seeing her.
I wasn’t the one to ask, though. Instead, Cora came up to me as the last of her students trickled out of the classroom. “Piper is staying over at a friend’s house tonight,” she said quietly.
I raised an eyebrow at her, unable to keep the grin off my face. “Oh really?” I asked interestedly. I wondered just what it was that Cora was suggesting. But her blush made me sure that her thoughts were going to exactly the same places that mine were. We had been dancing around each other all week, trying to deny our lust for one another. I hadn’t even kissed her at the carnival. I wanted her to make the next move.
But I knew it was inevitable that one of us would make a move on the other eventually. Our bodies had just fit too perfectly together for us to ignore that attraction. It fizzed between us with every glance and every conversation.
“I’m not used to cooking for only myself,” Cora said slowly. “So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?”
I grinned at her. “Sure, sounds great,” I told her, trying to sound nonchalant about it. But inwardly, I was excited. This was the first time that she had asked to see me outside of the school. Maybe I was making more progress with her than I realized.
Especially since, given the way that she had led the conversation, telling me that Piper wasn’t going to be there that night, I had to assume that meant that dinner might lead to something more. But I wasn’t going to get my hopes up. Keep letting her make the first moves.
I headed home to change before heading over to her place for dinner. When she answered the door, looking cutely relaxed in sweats and a T-shirt, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, all thoughts of letting her make the first move went out the window. I leaned in and kissed her quickly and chastely, but with the promise of something more. From the heated look in her gaze as I pulled away, I didn’t think she minded.
“Something smells good,” I said casually as she stepped back to let me inside.
“It’s nothing fancy,” Cora said. “And I’m not finished with it just yet, so you can help me out.”
“Sure thing,” I said, following her to the kitchen. I liked her place; I decided as we walked past a wall full of photos, most of which showed Piper at different ages in her young life, involved in various activities like building snowmen or posing for school photos. It was cozy, with a bright yellow kitchen that was probably sunny and happy during the day. The kind of place where a family would live, and the total opposite of the big, empty house I lived in.
Not to mention the fact that all the pieces of furniture, throw pillows, and everything else just seemed homey, whereas everything in my place sort of still looked like it came from a catalog. This place was lived in, without seeming messy or anything like that. I liked it.
“All right, I’m making fajitas; I hope that’s okay,” Cora told me as she walked over to the stove to stir the contents of a sizzling frying pan. She grinned over her shoulder at me. “It’s a little too messy to have with Piper, and she’s not big on spicy food. Can’t blame her; I couldn’t handle spice at that age either.”
“Sounds perfect,” I told her. “It smells delicious, so I’m happy eating whatever it is.” Really, I wanted to say that I was happy to eat anything, as long as I got to spend more time with her. But I didn’t want to go too over the top. I was still trying to not make her nervous. “What can I help you with?”
“So I’m in the middle of making tortillas,” Cora said, nodding toward a row of balls of dough and a rolling pin. “But I’m having a hard time handling the chicken and the veggies, plus rolling out tortillas and cooking them all at the same time. I don’t want to burn anything. Do you think you could roll those out for me? Don’t worry about making them perfect circles or anything, just try to get them somewhat even. I’ll show you.”
She grabbed a ball of dough and tossed it back and forth between her hands for a moment, patting it into a rounder shape. Then, she pressed it down on the counter into a pile of waiting flour. She started rolling it out, pressing the dough first in one direction and then the other, until it was nice and thin. “Just like that,” she said, brushing some errant strands of hair away from her forehead and leaving a streak of flour in the wake of the gesture. She didn’t seem to notice, though.
“Then, after that, all you have to do is toss it on the griddle here,” Cora said, showing me. “And then I’ll handle getting them flipped and into the tortilla container; don’t worry about that.”
“Sounds easy enough,” I said, nodding and moving to take her place at the counter while she started slicing veggies and adding them to the pan full of chicken and onions. “Like this?” I asked when I had rolled out one very oddly shaped tortilla.
Cora grinned at me and nudged me to the side so that she could fix its shape slightly. “Almost,” she said. “But make sure you’re changing the direction you’re rolling in every so often, so you don’t just end up with a long blob like this.”
“Makes sense,” I said, and sure enough, my second attempt turned out much better. I threw it on the griddle and got to work on the next one.
Soon enough, all the tortillas were done, and Cora was turning off the stovetop and setting out other condiments like salsa and sour cream. “Help yourself,” she said, handing me a plate.
I grabbed the plate and assembled a few fajitas on it, then carried it over to the table.
“You want a beer or anything to go with it?” Cora asked. “Or I have wine, water, apple juice, or milk.”
“A beer would be great,” I told her.
She grabbed two bottles from the fridge and then joined me with her own plate of fajitas. We dug into the feast, and I immediately groaned at how good it tasted. “If you’re not careful, I’m going to come over here every night for dinner,” I teased. “This is delicious.”
Cora grinned. “Thanks,” she said. “It’s nice to cook something a bit more challenging than mac ’n cheese every once in a while. I love Piper, don’t get me wrong, but she definitely has the palate of a five-year-old.”
