Outcasts MC (Complete Series), page 22
I wondered what the Savages would do to me if they knew that I was the one who did it. I knew whatever they did, I wouldn’t like it. But what worried me even more than the thought of their punishment was the worry about whether Otis would turn me in.
He was my own father; surely that had to count for something. But if it came to the safety of the club, maybe he wouldn’t think twice about throwing me over to the Savages. He had never really wanted me to begin with, and as far as he was concerned, I didn’t contribute anything to the club. He needed the rest of the guys; he didn’t need me. That was a sobering thought.
“As I told you before, unless you have evidence that one of my guys was responsible, you can take your accusations elsewhere,” Otis snarled.
“Your turn to cut the crap,” Greg snapped. “I know you know one of your guys did it, and I’m sure that you even know which of your guys did it. That body disappeared too well for your guys not to have been involved. Anyone else had killed him, he would have been found by now.”
Otis snorted. “That’s all you have to go on?” he asked.
“Look, if you give up the guy who did it, we quit putting pressure on your club,” Greg said, spreading his hands as though he had said something particularly benevolent. “It’s as simple as that.”
I swallowed hard, hoping the Savages couldn’t tell how worried I was. They were looking for me; I was the one who had killed Rich. But they didn’t have the evidence that they needed to finger me. The only people who could turn me in were the members of the Outcasts. Would they?
“Your pressure on our club ends tonight,” Otis growled at Greg, narrowing his eyes. “Or the next time we see one another, one of us won’t be walking away.”
A couple of the Savages shifted angrily at that obvious threat. Greg stepped closer to Otis, and I wondered what he was about to do. I remembered what Dax had said before, about how we didn’t know what the Savages might do at this meeting. For all we knew, Greg could have some weapon on him and be preparing to take Otis out.
I reached back for my gun but hesitated. Dax had said not to pull it out unless it was absolutely necessary. Was it necessary now? He had also told me to follow everyone else’s lead, and no one else on our side was reaching for weapons even though I could tell from their postures that they were just as tense as I was, just waiting for the Savages to strike.
Why the hell were we waiting for them to strike? We should have struck first, to show them we meant business.
That moment of hesitation cost me. Before I had a chance to pull the gun out, before I could even blink, one of the Savages had a gun trained on me. That cued everyone else to take their guns out too, while I stood there frozen in shock.
Greg started to laugh, shaking his head. “Your guys don’t seem to be as worried as you are about a little pressure from the sheriff,” he said. He shrugged his shoulders. “And if it’s come to that point, then so be it. Next time we see each other, if I don’t get the name of the guy who killed Rich, then you can rest assured that we’ll take you in place of the real killer. I think that’s a fair trade.”
He made a hand signal at his guys, and just like that, all the guns were put away. On both sides. But he took a step closer to me, leering. “Next time you reach for your gun, be a man,” he said. “Pull it out and use it. Before the other guy does.”
With those words of wisdom ringing in the air, he jerked his head and he and his guys walked off. Otis immediately turned toward me, a scowl on his face. “What the hell was that?” he snarled.
I glanced over at Dax, but even he looked pissed. Maybe I had been too quick to reach for my gun. But how the hell should I know when to go for it? We didn’t know what the Savages might do, and the last thing we needed was to let them just have us. There was no explaining that to Otis, though. He had some fucked-up sense of chivalry, apparently. Some need to only defend and never to go on the offense.
“Get yourself under control,” he told me now. “You’re lucky you didn’t get all of us killed.” Then, he turned and stalked off, the rest of the club members following. I trailed slowly after them, but I was the last one on my bike, and by the time I was mounted, they were all already gone. I swallowed hard, feeling like maybe it wasn’t just Otis. Maybe I hadn’t earned my place with anyone yet.
But there was something worse than that plaguing my mind. I glanced down at my watch. I was too late to meet Brea. That opportunity was gone. And all for…this.
I swallowed hard, hating the feeling of loneliness that came over me. There were so many other ways that this night could have turned out. If I were really a member of the club, maybe they would have supported me in light of the fact that the Savages were after me. Or if I wasn’t a member of the club, if I hadn’t been there at this meeting (which had been just as stupid as I’d expected it would be), then I would have met with Brea, and I wouldn’t have felt so alone that way, either.
I’d been somewhere in the middle of both of my responsibilities, though. Not committed to either the club or to Brea. And that had cost me everything.
But I couldn’t just sit here wallowing in it. I started up my bike and roared away from there.
14
Brea
I didn’t want to say I knew Kane wasn’t going to show up for our date. But was it a surprise, as the time ticked later on the big clock on the wall of the coffee shop, that I didn’t see him? To be honest, not really. There was a rational part of myself that knew he just wasn’t the dating type of guy. Whatever I had done previously to snare his attention, it couldn’t last forever.
I didn’t know why the hell we had agreed to go on a date in the first place. We could have just kept fucking in the coffee shop, and things would have been fine.
Except I knew in my heart that wasn’t what I wanted. The sex had been great, but I wanted more than that. I liked the easy companionship we had. I wanted to take that outside of the brief coffee meetings we had during the day. I’d been stupid to think he felt the same way as me, though.
I didn’t need him anyway. That’s what I kept telling myself as I sat there in the empty coffee shop, in that pretty dress Addison and I had picked out, running my hands over the fabric. I had felt so pretty when I had first shown up at the shop to wait for him. I was a little bit early, and I just was so excited—to see him, to go on a date, to just feel nice for the first time in who knew how long.
But of course that couldn’t last.
I glanced at the clock again. It was only a minute later than it had been the last time I checked, but that minute signaled it was time for me to quit waiting. It had been over an hour now, and even though I kept giving him more and more time, making up more and more excuses, in my heart, I knew he wasn’t going to show up.
I swallowed hard and got to my feet, lingering for one final moment in the vain hopes that he would suddenly appear out in front of the coffee shop, the lights on his motorcycle blazing, as he told me some great story about why he was late. It wouldn’t be an excuse; he would know he had fucked up, and he would want nothing more than to show me how sorry he was. But it wouldn’t be an excuse.
I couldn’t stand a man who made excuses.
But either way, it was just me on that deserted street, out in front of the coffee shop, and I knew that was the way it was destined to remain. I shook my head, locked the door to the shop, and headed out.
I didn’t want to go home, though, not feeling like this. I didn’t want to admit it, but Kane’s failure to show up hurt something inside of me. It wasn’t like he had broken my heart; I barely even knew the guy. At our best, we were just having fun. But at the same time, I’d had expectations about the way this was going to go. That was undeniable. I wasn’t just upset about the fact that I had to go home alone at the end of the night, which I hadn’t been expecting. More than that, I was upset I couldn’t count on Kane.
He’d shown up at the coffee shop every day for a week, and somehow, I’d turned that in my head into some sort of declaration that he was interested in me.
I sighed and shook my head. Of course, the only place I could go to, if I didn’t want to go home alone, was Addison’s. I had reservations about that; I just knew what she would say. She had known that Kane was trouble, right from the start. She had warned me not to go on this date with him. But at the same time, I knew she would be there for me. She would realize just how hurt I was, and she would try her best to help me feel better.
I headed over there.
I let myself in and found Addison in the kitchen, still putting the finishing touches on dinner. Right, because even though it felt like my night had gone on forever already, as I waited around in the coffee shop for a guy who wasn’t going to show up, it was still relatively early, and the rest of the world went on.
Addison took one look at my face and abandoned her cooking, coming over to pull me into her arms. “Oh honey,” she said softly. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing,” I sighed. “That’s just it. Nothing. He didn’t even show up.”
“That dick,” Addison swore, and I could tell she was even angrier than I was. At that point, I just felt resigned.
I shook my head, pulling away from her hug. “I should have known he wasn’t going to be there,” I said. “He’s not the dating kind of guy. I don’t know what exactly he thought he was doing, but he came to his senses and realized this was a bad idea.” I forced a grin on my face. “It’s a good thing, right?”
“He should at least have called,” Addison chided.
“Why?” I asked, shaking my head. “It’s not like he cares about me. He just wanted sex. But he already got that from me.” I said it with the bitter tone of having been stood up, but I regretted the words as soon as Addison’s eyes got wide.
“You slept with him?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted, ducking my head.
I could hear the disapproval and disappointment in her voice, and it made something crack inside of me. She thought I had given it up too soon. And maybe I had. I hadn’t even made Kane take me on a date or anything before I spread my legs for him. I had invited him over to the coffee shop after hours, and I had practically thrown myself at him. Did that make me a slut? It certainly wasn’t the kind of person I had ever planned to be.
Honestly, it was probably a good thing that things weren’t going any further with Kane and me. He just got me feeling so out of control. And as much as that might be fun and exciting for the time being, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted long-term. It wasn’t even really what I wanted in the short term. I should hold out for more.
Of course, Addison’s disappointment could be more to do with the fact I had kept that information from her. We had gone shopping for a dress I could wear on this date, and at no point had I let her in on the fact that Kane and I had already slept together. And maybe I should have told her about that before. There were no secrets between the two of us, ever. I should have known I wasn’t going to be able to start keeping secrets from her now. But now wasn’t the time to reflect on all the things I’d done wrong. I just felt like shit.
Again, Addison must have seen that in my face. “I’m making mashed potatoes and this Crock-Pot meatloaf that everyone’s been raving about,” she said. “Coincidentally, that’s like, comfort food at its finest, right? You want to have dinner with me tonight? You look beautiful in that dress.”
I laughed and shook my head. I had known that if anyone was going to make me feel better, it was my sister. “Yeah, I’ll have dinner with you, you goof,” I told her. “But it’d better be good. You know, not just anyone can make meatloaf the right way.”
Addison laughed as well. “Well, hopefully this is the right way, after I’ve slaved over a hot Crock-Pot for hours now.”
“Yeah, I can imagine how much work that took,” I said, fondly rolling my eyes. “You want me to set the table?”
“That’d be great,” Addison said, grinning over at me. She caught my hand as I reached for forks, squeezing it lightly. “You know you’re going to find someone better than him, though, don’t you?” she asked. She paused and then winced. “I mean, not that he was a terrible guy, but I just don’t think he was right for you, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” I told her, sighing. “And I appreciate that.” I shrugged. “I just don’t know. I never seem to find time to date anyone. Or to meet anyone, really. I’m so busy with the business that by the time I get done for the day, I’m just exhausted, and all I want to do is go home and chill or hang out with you.”
“Maybe you need to hire more staff?” Addison suggested.
I shook my head. “You know I can’t do that,” I told her. “We’re doing a good job right now, but not good enough I can afford to pay someone else’s salary, even part-time. And especially not with minimum wage going up all the time.”
“I guess,” Addison said. “Well, maybe you and I can go out to a bar sometime and find someone for you,” she suggested. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that wasn’t the kind of place I envisioned meeting the perfect guy. I’d just find someone else who wanted to take me home and sleep with me and then have nothing more to do with me.
Then again, I’d never envisioned sleeping with one of my customers, either, especially not there at the coffee shop on one of the couches in the corner. Maybe there was a first time for everything.
I groaned inwardly as I realized that now, instead of the embarrassed flush of pleasure I had expected, every time I looked over at that little couch in the corner, things were going to be a little bit different. Instead of pleasure, there would be pain, unhappiness, guilt—a whole mélange of feelings I didn’t want to bring into the coffee shop I had spent so much time turning into a home away from home.
Addison seemed to sense I didn’t want to talk about boys anymore, but her choice of new topic left something to be desired as well: “I talked to Dad earlier.”
I fought the urge to groan. This couldn’t be good, whatever it was. “What’d he say?” I asked. I still hadn’t called him about getting together for dinner, or about having him meet Kane.
At least now, I wouldn’t have to suffer through having him meet Kane. Kane wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore, so there was nothing to worry about now.
Addison shrugged. “It was nothing much. He just really wants to see you soon,” she said. “He misses you, you know.”
I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t say anything to contradict her. I knew it wasn’t the truth. He didn’t really miss me; he missed having control over my life. And he couldn’t stand the fact that he didn’t know anything about what I was up to at the moment. He figured he should know, but I made sure that unless he reached out to see me, unless he came by the coffee shop, then he didn’t hear anything about me, except through Addison.
God, what was Addison going to tell him about this? I knew she had already mentioned Kane to him. He might even know I’d had a date tonight. I could just imagine what he’d think when he found out I’d been stood up. No doubt, he would think it was just what I deserved.
That wasn’t fair, and I knew that. Like Addison had told me time and again, he just wanted for me to be happy. But he had a certain idea of what would make me happy in life, and every bit of unhappiness I suffered, I was sure he thought it was just my luck, just the path I was on. I hated that.
We were halfway through dinner when my phone buzzed. It was in my bag on the chair next to me, and I glanced over at it, then looked guiltily back at Addison. Was it Kane? I immediately felt curiosity eating at me, but I didn’t want to look desperate.
Yet again, though, Addison could read me like an open book. “Go ahead,” she said, giving me permission to take a look.
It was Kane. But instead of some elaborate apology, the message just read I fucked up, let me make it up to you?
I stared down at those ten words for a long moment, trying to sort out how I felt. If he had sent it to me before I’d waited around at the coffee shop for an hour, would things have been different? Probably. But now, I’d been waiting for long enough. I wasn’t going to be stupid enough to fall for it again.
Especially not since I was already imagining all the ways he might have fucked up. Maybe he was out with some other girl, even. I didn’t want to know, whatever it was. I didn’t want to hear it from him.
“Kane?” Addison asked quietly.
I nodded and shut off the screen on my phone, flipping it over on the table and vowing to ignore it. I gave her a tight smile and went back to dinner, trying to remember what we’d been talking about before that unwanted interruption.
I would be stupid to give him another chance.
15
Kane
I knew I had fucked up by not showing up to meet Brea, but it hurt that she wouldn’t even give me the chance to explain myself. Not that there was anything to explain. There was just too much on my plate at the moment, and I was doing a terrible job of handling it all.
Really, I knew I should be glad she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I should forget all about her. But I couldn’t seem to do that. I wanted nothing more than to make things up to her, some way and somehow. I couldn’t do that if she wouldn’t answer my messages.
Unless I saw her in person.
I didn’t want to make a scene at the coffee shop, though. I could tell what that place meant to her, and I didn’t want any of the customers getting involved or thinking they knew best. I definitely didn’t want to run into her sister, because I knew what she must think of me at the moment.
But I had to see her.
I showed up at the coffeehouse on Monday morning, before the place had even opened. I normally wasn’t an early riser, not like this, but that morning, I hadn’t been able to stay in bed, plagued by thoughts of Brea and what she must think of me now. I had to explain to her I hadn’t meant to stand her up like that, that I definitely hadn’t meant to hurt her.
