Alien Hope, page 14
“I didn’t know what else to do! I’m so sorry,” she choked out. “I feel like I’ve taken away all your choices. Like I’ve ruined your life.”
I forced my fists to uncurl, keeping my voice steady when I wanted to roar back at what she’d just said.
“No, kind little creature. No. The only thing that could ruin my life now is something happening to you.” My gaze dipped to the sleeping babe in her arms. “Or your child.”
“You mean that? Even though he’s human?”
“Yes,” I answered instantly. “Your child is as much under my protection as you are. I swear to you that as long as breath fills my lungs and my claws can still cut, I will take care of you both.”
My eyes met hers once more, and I held her gaze firmly, hoping that the steadiness of my expression would convince her as much as my words did.
“I choose this, Abby. I chose to find you, and now I choose to stay with you.”
A ragged breath tore out of her. For some miserable reason, my words had made her cry even more.
“Oh, Kohka,” she sobbed. “You’re too good.”
“I am not especially good,” I muttered, rubbing my knuckles along the underside of my snout, embarrassed by her words.
Not especially good.
Merely devoted. Endlessly, achingly devoted.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Abby
There was more I wanted to say to Kohka. Despite his assurances, I still felt like I had to explain myself. Apologize more. I was so glad he’d come and found me. But at the same time, guilt plagued me. He was doing what I wanted – keeping me away from the settlement – to the detriment of his own choices, his own path. Yes, he said he’d chosen this, but I wasn’t entirely convinced of that.
But, even with the doubt and the guilt swirling, I didn’t have the energy to talk anymore. Peanut was still sound asleep, so I laid him down gently on a flat, smooth rectangle of hides beside me.
“Rest now,” Kohka murmured. I couldn’t believe someone so big, with fangs and claws, could sound so sweet and gentle. “I will take care of everything else.”
The words were a balm to my ripped-up nerves. I reached over to my pile of clean hides, grabbing a small one and fashioning it into a diaper around Peanut’s hips. Then I scooted down until I was lying on my side, wincing at the pain between my legs. Luckily, the ship had ample menstrual supplies from Earth. I’d taken a bunch of pads and was wearing one with some clean undies now. I had a feeling the pain would have been a whole hell of a lot worse if Kohka hadn’t arrived just in time and shared some of his mating venom with me.
All in all, I’m pretty fucking lucky he showed up.
I reached over, settling my hand on Peanut’s chest, lulled by the rise and fall of his breaths. I’ll need to think of a name for you soon, I thought as my eyes slid shut. The sound of Kohka puttering around the cave, tidying up, soothed me into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I woke up to slight movement and quiet words nearby. My eyes flew open, searching for my baby.
I found him just where I’d left him, beside me.
He’s OK. He’s OK...
Peanut was awake, now, but not making any noise. Instead, he was staring upwards at Kohka, who loomed over him.
I realized the movement I’d felt was Kohka untying Peanut’s diaper. I watched Kohka for a moment, not moving or letting him know I’d woken up.
“I hope it is alright that I do this in your mother’s stead, young one,” Kohka rumbled quietly. “But I do not wish to wake her yet. And I imagine it cannot feel nice to stay soiled.”
Kohka peeled away the diaper, then hesitated.
“Ah. This is... Slightly messier than I was anticipating.” When Peanut’s face crumpled inward, like he might begin to cry, Kohka made a growly humming sound, deep in his chest.
“Not to worry, young one,” he said quickly. “As a warrior, I was trained always to be prepared for any situation.”
I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing. Kohka had told me once, when we’d first met, that he almost never talked to himself. But it seemed like, in the quiet confines of the cave, he talked quite a bit to Peanut. I wonder if Kohka talked to him the whole time I was asleep...
God, I liked that idea.
It was harder and harder to keep from laughing out loud as I watched Kohka try to figure out how to clean my baby’s messy bottom. But despite the newness of all of this, Kohka was smart. He figured things out quickly. He dumped some water from my water bottle onto a scrap of hide, cleaning the baby’s front before gently pinching Peanut’s ankles together to lift him and clean the back.
“Hmm,” Kohka said, carefully folding and placing the dirty hide off to the side, “I may need to blunt my claws if I am to do this more often. You have even softer hide than your mother, which I did not think could be possible.” Using a clean square of hides, Kohka retied a new diaper. “There, young one. I hope I have done a serviceable enough job. I imagine I’ll be doing this often, as I wish to help your mother as much as I can.”
Kohka got into a more comfortable seated position. He idly cleaned his hands with some more of the water, continuing to speak to Peanut in hushed tones.
“She’s very special, your mother,” he said. “Strong. Beautiful. Capable. Kind beyond measure. I hope that, in time, you will see just how lucky you are to have her.”
Right now, I felt like the lucky one. Watching Kohka care for my child, so naturally, almost as if Peanut were his own, made my chest ache. If there was any question how I felt about Kohka before this, it was gone, now.
I’m in love with him.
The love got bigger and bigger inside me until I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Kohka.”
His eyes shot to mine.
“I-”
My words were cut off by a mewling cry. Peanut was red-faced and wiggling. Since I knew he’d just been changed, I could only assume he needed to eat.
“Help me up, would you, Kohka?”
I grabbed one of Kohka’s hands with both of mine. His other hand settled on my back, easing me upwards. I loved the feeling of his hand on me. So warm and strong and supportive.
Once I was sitting upright, I reached for Peanut, lifting my tank top and helping him latch. The crying subsided instantly. Guess he was hungry.
I stared at Kohka, mulling over what I’d been about to say. But the moment was gone. Kohka grabbed the soiled diaper and hide he’d used to clean Peanut with.
“I will go clean these,” he told me, standing. “There is another source of fresh water outside this clearing. A stream. I propose we use that stream for any cleaning purposes, and leave the pool in this clearing for fishing and drinking water.”
“That sounds good. Thank you,” I said.
“Do not thank me, kind one. Merely tell me what to do, and I will do it.”
With that, he turned and headed out into the late afternoon sun, his bulky body gleaming until he was out of sight. The way the cave faced, light streamed in here in the morning, slowly fading away as the day progressed. Luckily, even in the morning, there were areas of shade in here. But I was glad for the lack of light, now. I could tell the cave was cooler than the outside air, but it was still hot in here. At least the gloom helped keep things from getting even warmer.
I am in desperate need of a shower, I thought. I was sweaty and grimy and needed to change my pad and underwear, but I wanted to wash a bit first. Just as I was figuring out how exactly I’d make that happen, Kohka reappeared, the hides clean and dripping water in his hands.
“It’s good to see you,” I said, meaning it. He hadn’t been gone long, but I realized that even in that short span, I’d started missing him. “Can I have those wet hides?”
Kohka handed them to me. I cradled Peanut against me with one arm, and with my free hand, gave myself a quick sponge bath with one of the wet hide squares.
“Wow, this smells really nice,” I said, surprised how fresh Kohka had managed to get it after what it had gone through.
“I could find no talka stalks that you would typically use for cleaning the hides,” Kohka said, seating himself on the floor of the cave. I noticed that he kept his gaze riveted to my face, as if trying very hard not to look down at my bare chest. He’s too sweet.
“However,” he continued, “I found a sort of moss similar to one that grows on our island. It lathers up and cleans very well when combined with water. It did a satisfactory job. I would not have let you use it on your skin if I had not gotten it entirely clean.”
“Well, I’m sorry to say it’s not clean anymore,” I said, laughing and wiping the cloth along my face. Man, this feels good.
“It is no great matter,” Kohka said. “I’ll simply clean it again. Along with anything else you need.”
So, he’s not only going to change my kid’s diapers, but do my laundry, too?
I wanted to thank him again, but he’d already stood once more. He walked to the mouth of the cave, looking out and sniffing the air.
“Everything alright?” I asked uneasily. Was something, or someone, out there?
“Yes,” Kohka said, turning back to me. “If we are to remain hidden, I was thinking that I should go retrieve your tent and my spear from our old camp as soon as possible.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot all about that stuff,” I said.
“I do not want to do it,” Kohka admitted. “It will take me some time to retrieve them. You travelled an astonishing distance during the night. But a predator could catch your scent on those hides and try to track you. And, of course...”
“If a Deep Sky warrior finds it, he’ll start searching for us in this area.”
“Precisely.”
“Well, it has to be done, I guess,” I replied, already hating the idea of him leaving.
“If we will remain hidden here, then yes, I believe it does.” Kohka’s eyes glowed in the gloom, fixed on me. “I will hurry, Abby.” He turned halfway towards the outside world, then hesitated.
Then, he spun, crossing the distance between us in great, quick strides. He crouched beside me, his huge hand going to the side of my face, cradling it. I gasped, then leaned into the contact.
“Stay hidden, kind one. Stay here and stay safe. I will return to you as quickly as I can.”
“You promise?” I whispered.
“I do.”
He paused, as if he were about to say something else. But before I could guess at what it was, he pulled his hand away from my face. He brushed a knuckle along Peanut’s shoulder, murmuring, “Take care of your mother, young one.”
Then he rose, turned, and left the cave.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Abby
The time that Kohka spent away from the cave felt both long and short. Short, because it seemed I was busy the entire freaking time.
And it felt long for the exact same reason.
If I wasn’t nursing Peanut, I was cleaning him or myself up, changing his diaper, making sure he wasn’t too hot, or, after the sun set, too cold. He started doing this thing where he wanted to nurse every few minutes, but only for a few sips at a time. Every time I thought he was done and I tried to put him down, he’d start bawling, which mean I spent hours just holding and nursing him. I barely got a chance to find a place to pee outside the cave, hissing as even that simple act caused me pain – stinging my raw flesh. I crammed a few protein bars into my gob and chugged some water with my one free hand when I could. I didn’t sleep at all, despite desperately needing to, because I was too worried about closing my eyes without Kohka there.
The result was that, by the time Kohka returned that night, I was a stressed-out, exhausted mess.
“Kohka, thank God,” I groaned with relief. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
I didn’t think I’d ever been happier to see anyone than I was to see Kohka when he entered the dark cave. And I wasn’t just glad that he could help me again. I was happy he was safe. He came back. Just like he said he would.
Kohka dropped the tent hides and poles, and his spear, at the entrance to the cave. The lack of fire in here turned him into a silhouette, the occasional scale catching starlight and glinting. I shivered, feeling suddenly cold. I’d gotten Peanut all wrapped up and cozy in some hides, but was still only wearing my tank top and undies.
“I caught a rakdo on my way back. Are you hungry?” Kohka asked, stepping into the cave. The darkness in here extinguished the silvery reflections of light along his scales, making him into a statue wrapped in black velvet.
“I ate a bunch of snacks. I’m OK for the moment. Honestly, I just need to sleep. I’m so tired,” I whimpered. “But you should eat it, though,” I added hastily. I hadn’t seen Kohka eat the entire time he’d been with me since this morning, and it was halfway through the night, now.
“I will eat once you are asleep,” Kohka said. I shivered again, and he kneeled beside me. “You should lie down.”
I gave a mirthless laugh.
“Yeah, I would, except this child now cries every five minutes if he isn’t eating.”
“Can he not feed while you lie down and sleep?”
“I... I didn’t think of that,” I admitted. “But how would that even work? What if I roll over on him, or smother him, or-”
“I will be here. I will make sure nothing happens.”
All the stress of the evening drained out of me. Kohka’s presence was like a strong, steady boulder. Something I could anchor myself to after being lost at sea all night. Something I could endlessly lean on, could put my full weight against, and would not crack under the pressure.
“OK.”
I snuggled down into my hides, shivering again, but this time with pleasure at the soft, cozy feeling against my skin. I lay on my side and pulled up my tank top just as Peanut started to cry. It took a bit of manoeuvring, but I got him latched, both of us on our sides, facing each other.
“There. OK. This is working,” I said. It felt like I weighed a million pounds. Like my body was heavier than the stone I laid on.
“You should eat now, Kohka,” I said, fighting sleep so I could talk to him a little more. “Bring the rakdo in here so you can stay beside me.” It was almost terrifying how much I’d come to rely on him, to the point where I couldn’t even sleep unless he was here.
But I can rely on him. There’s nothing to be afraid of, now.
Kohka obeyed, bringing his meal into the cave.
“Sleep now,” he said, his voice quiet and deep in the darkness.
This time, I was the one who obeyed.
When I woke, morning light was streaming into the cave, along with one of the most delicious scents I could imagine. Smoked fish.
I realized I was sleeping half on my stomach, and gasped, horrified at the idea I’d rolled over on Peanut. But Peanut wasn’t there. I sat up, panicked that I couldn’t find him.
But I saw him almost immediately. He was naked, lying on his back on some hides, while Kohka sat beside him, talking quietly, his back to me.
“I figure,” Kohka was saying, “That a small fire during the day should not be a problem. Do you not agree? It is already hot and bright out there. So, the light and heat of a fire should not attract any foul creatures here. And this way, we can cook your mother’s breakfast for her. She has not had cooked meat in some time. I believe she will enjoy it, don’t you?”
Peanut responded with a wiggle, and Kohka’s snout tightened in a smile.
“Yes, that is a very good point, young one.”
Grinning like an idiot, I took advantage of the baby-free moment to wipe myself down with some talka and change my pad and clothes. I smoothed more talka gel through my short hair, feeling a little more like my old self now that I was more clean and presentable.
“I think he likes your voice,” I said as I padded slowly over to the two of them. My ankles twinged with the movement, but I could tell they were getting better. Kohka turned back to look at me.
“Ah, well, I’m glad someone does,” he muttered awkwardly.
“Hey! It’s not just him,” I said, poking Kohka in the forehead. “I like it too.”
“I... I made you breakfast,” Kohka stammered, as if unsure how to respond to what I’d said.
“Thank you. I’m starving,” I said. I sat down gingerly. Peanut lay between us, looking so freaking cute I practically wanted to eat him up instead of the fish.
As Kohka used his spear as a giant spatula, hooking the piping hot fish out of the fire, I noticed the range of motion in one of his arms seemed... Off.
“Oh my God! Kohka! What happened to your shoulder!”
This was the first time I’d had a spare moment where I wasn’t nursing or completely exhausted to look at Kohka in bright daylight. The scales all along his collarbone and right shoulder were broken and buckled. I was sure that hadn’t happened with the fight with the salamander thing – I would have noticed.
“Oh. This?” Kohka deposited three smoked fish, with scales the colour of bubble gum, onto a smooth clean rock in front of me. “This is nothing. It happened when I moved the boulder outside this cave.”
The boulder.
I’d nearly forgotten about it. I’d heard the crash of it falling, of course, but I’d been so overwhelmed with my contractions that I hadn’t had the brain power to figure out Kohka had to have been the one to move it. It was gigantic, even bigger than him...
“Jesus, Kohka. I’m so sorry,” I said, tears filling my eyes. Peanut started to squawk, so I blinked the tears away, picking him up and helping him latch.
“Truly, it does not matter,” Kohka said. “The boulder was keeping me from you. There was no other choice.” His brow lowered heavily over his eyes as he stared into the flames of the small fire he’d built at the entrance to the cave. “When I heard you screaming in here, I thought I’d go out of my mind. Trust me, Abby, I felt no pain. No pain except the thought of what might happen if I didn’t get to you.” He turned his face towards me, capturing me with a simmering silver gaze. “I would have smashed my way through that rock, breaking every scale and claw in the process, if I’d had to.”
