Alien Hope, page 11
“Stop. Lean back,” Kohka said. My brows flew upwards at his commanding tone.
“Excuse me?”
Kohka narrowed his eyes at me, giving me a look I didn’t think I’d ever seen from him before. It was a sort of, I’m not interested in your human bullshit right now, look.
If I hadn’t been so exhausted and in pain, I probably would have tried to push his buttons a little bit in response to that. I’d probably ask him, “Or what?”
But I was exhausted. And I was in pain. And I was this fucking close to spinning out entirely at the thought of leaving him so soon.
So, I kept my mouth shut, leaned back against the boulder, and watched him.
He watched me, too, as if needing to make sure I was actually going to listen to him. When he seemed satisfied that I wasn’t about to jump up and do something stupid, he turned his glinting silver pupils back to my feet.
My breath caught when his claws hooked under the cuffs of my pant legs. Carefully, he skimmed the fabric upward, until my legs were bared from knee to ankle. Harsh lines of redness roped around my legs, marks from where that snake thing had looped its tail around me. Kohka made a hissing sound, his nostrils flaring at the sight.
“It’s alright, Kohka,” I murmured.
“Nothing about this is alright,” he replied savagely. “I should not have let this happen.”
“It’s just bruising. It’s fine,” I whispered, hating how worried he so clearly was. He was the one who’d actually fought that thing.
His eyes flashed to mine, heated and maybe even angry.
“This is not fine,” he growled. “Don’t ever say that it is.”
I pursed my lips, not knowing what else to say. It was a rare occurrence for me. Usually, I was the chatterbox. But right now, all I wanted to do was sink into the quiet with Kohka.
He avoided touching my bare legs, instead shifting his claws downward to my boots. He gently grasped my left boot in both his hands, working it back and forth so gently I wondered if he’d ever actually pull it off that way. But, with unwavering focus and movements so precisely controlled they were almost tender, he eventually did get the boot off. He repeated the slow motion on the other side until that boot was off, too. I wiggled my toes and then winced. No doubt, the tight fit of my boots had been keeping some of the swelling at bay. Now that they were off, blood rushed into my sore joints, making both ankles throb.
Is he going to try to take my socks off, too?
A flush of embarrassment went through me. Up until that moment, I’d been too tired to feel any self-consciousness about my sweaty feet packed into my boots all day.
“That can’t smell great. I’m surprised you’re not running,” I joked weakly.
Kohka’s eyes were fastened to my ankles. I could practically feel his gaze as a physical touch on me.
“If you knew what your scent did to me,” he said, so quietly it seemed he spoke more to himself than to me, “you would be the one running away.”
I was about to ask him what exactly the hell that meant when the soft scrape of his scales on my bare skin stole my breath right out of my throat. My nerves jumped, tingles exploding under my skin as the tips of Kohka’s fingers and thumbs grazed my swollen ankles. He applied no pressure. It was the merest whisper of sensation. A lick of scratched leather over my hot, throbbing flesh. Goosebumps prickled all over my body, and the pulsing of blood in my ankles echoed between my legs.
I swallowed, my mouth going dry with the sudden, desperate need for Kohka to keep touching me. To touch me everywhere. To run his strong hands up my legs to the junction of my thighs. I wonder how he’d react if he felt the heat there. If he knew how just this tiny little touch was making me wet...
I wonder how he’d feel if he knew you were pregnant with another man’s child and were about to leave him.
That last thought was like a bucket of ice water dumped down the back of my neck. The arousal faded, replaced by grim nausea, and my ankles hurt more than ever.
Kohka pinched the fabric of my socks at the backs of my heels, peeling them down carefully, like he was worried they were made of wet paper. I couldn’t help but smile softly at the way he neatly folded each sock and placed them inside my boots so that they didn’t get dirty or lost.
Once my feet were bare, he gingerly probed my ankles. I grimaced, and he whipped his hands away.
“I am sorry,” he said, sounding absolutely miserable. “I wanted to be sure no bones were broken.”
“They aren’t,” I said, trying to give him an encouraging look. “I just need an ice pack. Which... I don’t have.”
Kohka’s heavy brow furrowed thoughtfully. He stood, looking down the valley, before turning back to me.
“I am going to pick you up again,” he said, as if there was no room for argument, “so you do not need to make that yelping sound the way you did last time.”
“Hey!” I said indignantly. “I was surprised, OK?!”
“I know. That is why I am warning you now.”
“Why do you even need to?” I asked as he bent down to me. One of his arms went under my knees, the other behind my back. Without even thinking about it, I half-turned towards his chest, looping my arms around his neck. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I believe the water will be cool enough to offer some relief.”
Ooh. That sounded really good.
“Good idea,” I said. “Thank you, Kohka.”
He didn’t reply with words, instead making a deep, rumbly sound that I felt reverberate through his chest.
The water was at the far end of the valley, and it took us a few minutes of walking to get there. We didn’t speak. I both loved and hated how good it felt to just be with Kohka. How comfortable it was in his arms. How solid and strong he felt against me. How reliable and soothing every step, every breath, he took was. The sun had fully set, now, and the broken band of shining, moon-like asteroids above turned the valley into something from a dream. Starlight tumbled over stone into the velvety black below.
Kohka looked like something from a dream, too. Something I never could have imagined before coming here. I looked up at him from below, admiring the ruggedly carved lines of his snout, jaw, and neck. The sterling brilliance of his eyes and scales seemed even more prominent in the darkness. Metal spearing through shadow.
He finally broke the silence, shocking me out of my dazed reverie.
“Do not put your feet in yet,” Kohka said as he crouched and placed me in a seated position on the ground. “I need to make sure it is safe.”
He crouched low, on all fours, beside me, peering hard at the rippling surface of the water. The pool wasn’t too big. Maybe about the size of a hot tub on Earth. So, I figured there couldn’t be any particularly large predators in there that would want to nibble on my little human toes.
Kohka was much more thorough than me, though. He didn’t rely simply on the size of the pool to determine its safety. Instead, without warning, he plunged his head completely into the water.
“Jesus. Was not expecting that,” I said, watching him uneasily from the side. I didn’t like not being able to see his face.
He didn’t stay down there long, though. A second later he pulled his head out of the water. I laughed as he shook his head the way a dog would, sending droplets of water splattering onto my jacket.
“There were some very small fish that scattered at my movement. They will not likely come near your feet.”
I nodded, encouraged by the fact that even this tiny little pool had fish. If I can find another valley like this, maybe one with even more water, I’ll be all set...
I made sure my pants were still securely rolled up to my knees, then scooted my butt to the stony edge I was sitting on. Gingerly, I lowered my pounding feet into the water.
Kohka was right – the water was cold. Shockingly so, considering the high temperature around here during the day. I sighed, placing my hands behind me and leaning back, closing my eyes as I relished the numbing cold of the water. Soon, the throbbing pain had become a dull ache. I had some pregnancy-safe pain medication in my packs, too, that would help even more when I was trying to get to sleep.
A loud splash startled me. My eyes shot open and I jerked my chin down to look at the water.
Kohka was in the water, standing straight ahead of me.
“Whatchya doing?” I asked.
“Keeping the fish away from your feet. If I’m in here they’ll stay away.”
The laughter that came out of me felt good, even though I was so tired.
“What? I thought you just said they wouldn’t come near me anyway.”
Kohka grunted, a sound like a vocal version of a human shrug.
“I wanted to be sure.”
I smiled, shaking my head, as I slowly swished my legs in the water. The water came almost all the way up to my knees, a cold caress. After all the sweat and the dust of the day, I wanted nothing more than to strip down and get in the water with him.
At that moment, Peanut wiggled and stretched, reminding me exactly why that would be impossible.
I may not look as pregnant as the other women with my jacket on, but there’s no doubt he’ll notice certain things if I start undressing...
Besides, I already knew that I wouldn’t just be paddling around and cleaning off. Even now, on the stony shore, I felt a tugging urge to go right to Kohka. To touch him. To feel him hold me the way he’d held me back in the ablik.
But there was no point in doing anything like that. I’d just be prolonging my own agony. Getting even closer to him before ripping myself away.
So, instead, I forced myself to be satisfied with simply watching Kohka.
It wasn’t nearly enough.
But it has to be.
Kohka was taking the opportunity to clean himself up. His clawed hands cupped water and sloshed it over his face, neck, and chest. The water wasn’t terribly deep, at least, not for him. In the centre of the pool, where he stood, the water came up just below his waist.
Even though it was fully night now, the bright asteroid- and starlight meant I could see Kohka quite clearly. And now that he had cleaned most of the gunk off his scales, I could see the results of today’s battle.
He was just as broad and bulky as ever, and had no trouble using his hands to scrub his body. Clearly, no bones had been broken. But I clenched my teeth, eyes stinging, when I saw that his scales in several places looked... Wrong. No longer sitting flat like the others, like they were bent out of shape. There were a few places where it looked as if scales had been pried loose entirely, leaving behind small but gaping wounds.
“Oh, Kohka,” I murmured. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t tell me you were hurt, too.”
Kohka cocked his head, looking genuinely confused.
“What? This?” He gestured a claw at some of the bent and missing scales on his chest. “This is nothing. I’m fine.”
“Hey! That’s what I said before and you got all mad at me!”
“But when I say it, it is true,” Kohka growled. He advanced towards me, his powerful legs moving his massive body through the water as easily as he would walk on land. He came to a stop before me, all towering and shining and wet. Onyx and platinum and steel.
“These are but shallow scrapes. I can take it, Abby. I was built for battle.” His voice lowered to a pebbly groan. “Not like you.”
It was amazing how dainty and delicate I felt beside him. I’d never felt that way around a human man, what with my height and my build usually rivalling theirs. I knew that I was tough, that I was strong. But beside Kohka, I felt...
Precious.
One of Kohka’s hands rose between us, dripping in the air, as if he was about to reach for me. He hesitated, and without thinking, I grabbed his hand between both of mine.
I’d always considered my hands to be pretty large, but Kohka’s single one dwarfed both of mine. They practically looked like a child’s hands against his.
Neither of us spoke. A heartbeat later Kohka’s fingers closed over mine.
Some of the scales on the back of his hand were mangled, and seeing that was like a physical pain in my body.
He’ll be OK. He has to be. I have all of tomorrow to make sure that he is...
But that turned out to be dead fucking wrong. I didn’t have another day with him.
Because in the dead of the night, pain forced me out of sleep, leaving me sweaty and shaking.
This wasn’t the pain in my legs.
This was...
Labour.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Abby
It’s too early! This wasn’t the plan!
The plan was to have a whole other day travelling in these mountains! A chance to continue learning the landscape, and to maybe scope out a cave to hide in. The plan was to be all settled in my camp, to get used to taking care of myself out here, before labour ever even started!
The plan was not to try to find that camp with injured ankles while in the throes of contractions.
And it was absolutely not to leave Kohka this soon.
Another undulation of pain rolled through my abdomen and pelvis, making me grit my teeth.
Fucking hell. If this went anything like my mother’s labour with me, I had about three hours before I had a baby in my arms.
“If you could slow your roll there, Peanut, it would be much appreciated,” I panted into the darkness, pressing a hand to my stomach. I felt the next contraction under my hand – a tightening of muscle that made my abdomen feel as hard as a basketball.
There’s no time. I have to get out of here.
I crawled to the flap of my tent and peeked out.
The mix of emotions was startling and intense when I saw that Kohka was sound asleep outside, curled up like a cat. There was relief – relief he wouldn’t find out what was happening, and that I probably would be able to sneak away undetected.
And there was explosive, howling grief.
I almost wanted him to wake up, right now, so he’d see me. See what was happening.
I nearly did it. Almost crawled to him, begging him to open his eyes and help me.
But he wouldn’t know how to help me besides getting me to my people.
And that meant bringing me and my baby boy to the Deep Sky settlement with all those male warriors and two territorial Gahns I didn’t know or trust.
That can’t happen.
Panic at that – the idea of being forced to give birth among men who might be hostile towards my child – obliterated every other thought. Every other feeling.
My heart hammered like it was trying to break my fucking ribs and my head spun. As another wave of pain gripped me, instincts I didn’t even know I had kicked in. I felt like a wounded animal. Like I needed to drag my body into some dark corner and hiss at anyone who came near me.
I crawled back into the tent and grabbed my boots. I bit my tongue, swallowing a cry of pain when I forced my swollen feet into them. That extra layer of pain made me feel even more frantic and feral as I put on my jacket and grabbed my two packs. Pretty much everything was stowed away in my packs besides the tent. There was no way I could break down the tent without Kohka waking up and noticing. Besides, if I found a cave like I planned to, I wouldn’t need the tent anyway.
I poked my head back out the front of my tent to make sure Kohka hadn’t stirred.
He hadn’t.
He may not have normally needed much sleep, but after not sleeping for two days and a night before this, plus all the fighting and travel, he had to be completely exhausted.
I was grateful for that. And I hated it. Hated that he was so tired because of me.
Hated that he’d be alone now. That I wouldn’t be with him when he woke up and as he healed.
Who’s going to make sure he’s OK? Who’s going to make sure his scales heal properly? Who’s going to tell him he’s so wonderful?
Who’s going to tell him that they love him?
There was so much I wanted to say to him.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t ask him to abandon his post and his people to help me on this probably-crazy mission of mine. And I couldn’t let him take me to the settlement either.
It always had to end like this.
I knew that. I knew it. And even so, I felt my control wavering again. The need to fall to my knees beside Kohka grew stronger.
Why won’t you just wake up and see me? Wake up so I don’t have to do this! Take this choice away from me! Please!
But he didn’t.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I gave Kohka’s sleeping form one last look. I wanted to burn the image of him into my mind. To be able to conjure him, in the utmost detail, in the future.
The future. When he wasn’t with me.
But your child will be. And that has to be the priority now.
As another even more powerful contraction caught me in its grip, my rational thought dimmed, moving to the back of my lizard brain. The urge to get away from everyone and everything, to go be alone in some dark and sheltered place, bludgeoned everything else.
I didn’t say goodbye to Kohka. I didn’t want to risk waking him, and I didn’t think I’d be able to get any words out through my constricted throat, anyway.
Trembling with the force of keeping my crying under control, I went back into the tent. I forced myself not to look back. Not to look at Kohka again. I shoved my packs out the other end of the tent, away from Kohka, then emerged after them. I picked the packs up, cursing the pain in my ankles that was going to make this journey all the more difficult.
But I didn’t let myself falter. Body screaming, I trudged out of the valley as quickly and quietly as I could.
I wondered, as I dragged myself into the alien landscape of my future, how I’d summon the strength to give birth like this. When I was so plagued by grief.
Mom did it once, I reasoned grimly. Dad was dead, and she was completely alone. At least you’ll know Kohka is alive out there somewhere.
