Adamant Spirits, page 51
April’s hands clawed at the brick and mortar debris of the collapsed building, desperation an ever-tightening band across her chest. “Please. Please!”
Dave’s breath wheezed ominously. Had something punctured his lung? No, she couldn’t think like that. She wouldn’t! He’d be okay once she got him out from under the rubble of the collapsed building. He had to be.
“April…”
“I’m here, Dave. I’m not leaving without you, I swear to God.”
He exhaled another wheezing breath. “They’ll be here for you soon.”
“Stop it! They’re not taking us away. We’ll hide from them.”
“You’re going to be okay, April,” he murmured. “You and our baby.”
Our what? Her hands moved over her abdomen, and she met his crystal blue gaze. How could he know? She hadn’t even taken a pregnancy test yet to confirm her suspicions.
“I’m not going with you, pumpkin. Protect him, and protect yourself. Promise me.” The fingers of his free hand encircled her wrist. “Don’t be afraid to love again.”
A dry choking sound escaped her as the muzzle of some sort of olive drab weapon came between them to rest against Dave’s forehead. His eyes shifted up behind her to meet those of his executioner.
A scream burst from April and she bolted upright on her bed. Her breath came in short, sharp gasps, and her heart beat as wild and as fast as a hummingbird’s. It was a dream. A hard shiver wracked her entire body.
Her bedroom door burst open and late afternoon light surrounded Garrison as he filled the doorway, his brow creased with worry. “April?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Little David stirred in his cradle. Wasn’t he with Garrison for the afternoon?
Garrison was at the side of the cradle faster than she thought anyone could move. He bent and slid the binky into the baby’s searching mouth, holding it there with his finger until David clamped onto its soothing presence.
As the baby relaxed back into sleep, the corners of Garrison’s mouth pulled upward in a tender smile. Was it really possible that David was his first experience caring for a baby?
Garrison straightened, his gaze locking with hers as he placed his finger to his lips. Then moved to the bedside and scooped her up into his arms.
“What? Garrison…?” What is he doing?
“Shh.” He carried her out of her bedroom, toeing the door closed before heading in the direction of the sunroom. “You need a little privacy, and David needs a little sleep. He had an exhausting day at the office.”
Her lips twitched and she gave in to the smile. There was no arguing the obvious. She released a soft sigh, and allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. Over the past three months, he had become a constant presence in her life. When he wasn’t on duty, he was here at the orphanage helping in whatever way he could. He’d even taken David to work with him today to give her a break. And last week Li-Min had joked that they may as well add another room to the building for him.
They entered the deserted sunroom. Garrison made a beeline for the white wicker-like bench against the back wall and lowered himself onto the cushion without dropping her in the process. He said nothing, just held her. No questions, no pressure to do or say anything. It’s like he knows I need space.
She breathed in his scent, a mixture of fresh ocean breeze and something woodsy. The room warmed with the afternoon sun coming through the windows. Outside, birds chirped and the trees were budding with the season. Was it really spring already? A full year since her old life had crashed to a sudden, agonizing end.
Garrison’s fingers stroked her arm. His hands were rough with calluses, yet warm and gentle. The same hands that had guided her son into the world now comforted her. A tough-as-nails military man with a soft side—what woman wouldn’t want that? One whose heart didn’t still beat for another. Would she ever feel for another man what she’d felt for Dave? There was no telling what the future held, but not being honest with Garrison now was wrong.
“I dreamed about the last time I saw Dave.” She swallowed as her throat constricted. “Same dream at least once a week since David was born.”
“I suspected.” His arms tightened around her, and he buried his face against her hair. “Dammit, April, what I’d give to go back and change that moment for you. I’d take Dave’s place in a heartbeat to spare you and little David the pain and loss. But I can’t.”
“And I can’t stop loving him. Do you understand, Garrison?” How unfair that he would give his life for her sake, but she couldn’t give him anything in return. Not even hope. I’m so sorry, Garrison.
The pressure of his embrace did not lessen, but his head moved in a slow nod and he kissed the top of her head. “I understand. But you know I’ll still be here for you and David as long as I can. I have a vested interest in his welfare, and yours.”
That, she could appreciate. Garrison was fiercely loyal, to his friends and to his duty. If only she could give him what he deserved. But, those feelings weren’t there. All she could do was nod as hot, silent tears slid down her cheeks.
Four
Five months later
“Don’t put that in your mouth, buddy. Ice plant doesn’t taste very good.” Gunner folded his letter of acceptance and orders from the Unified Defense Fleet and shoved them back into his coat pocket. “Mama would not be happy with me if you ate it.”
David looked at him with those crystal-blue peepers of his. “Ga?” The boy opened his chubby hand and shook it, but the tubular leaf stuck to his palm. “Uh-oh.”
“Here, let me help.” Gunner flicked the leaf with one finger, and it dropped to the ground.
Looking first at the leaf, then up at Gunner, the little boy laughed, his round cheeks pink from the crisp autumn air. Gunner’s heart squeezed at the joyful sound. He couldn’t love this kid more if David were his own son.
But he’s not my son.
A heavy sigh slipped out. Last night he’d made a decision, and today he had to break the news to April. He would accept his orders with the UDF. Then he’d have a week to report in for his two-year tour of space duty. He didn’t want to leave, but it didn’t seem she would ever be ready to let him be more than a good friend. She was still in love with Dave. And at her age, with all the romantic notions of youth, that wasn’t unreasonable.
There was a good probability that she’d be relieved to see him go. Or maybe she’d ask him to stay. Reed, you’re a pathetic lost cause.
He checked his watch. Almost naptime. “Let’s go, buddy. Mama’s waiting.”
David fit into the crook of his arm as though it was custom-made to hold the boy. Gunner strode through the town, greeting others who greeted him. At least people no longer asked why he carried April’s kid around. The innocent reminders that David wasn’t his son had shredded his heart.
The orphanage cube came into view at the top of the rise, and Gunner stole a glance at the child cradled against him. David’s eyelids drooped, then closed with a sigh of surrender.
Li-Min met them inside the front entrance, reaching for the sleeping baby. Gunner waved her off and she gave him an understanding smile. Turning, she shooed the kids in the room toward the back door and the playground beyond. Bless that woman.
He treaded the hallway as quietly as humanly possible in Army boots, then gave a light rap on April’s door. No answer. He nudged it open with one shoulder. “We’re back, Mama.”
The sound of running water came from the direction of her bathroom. In the shower. No problem. He’d become an expert at putting David down for naps. Gunner settled the little guy on the mattress. Perfect.
David’s eyes popped open, and he began to fuss. Not so perfect. Gunner cast a look rapidly around the cradle. “Binky. Where’s the binky?” Not here. Not on the night table. Not on April’s bed.
Crap. He was doomed.
Wait—the bathroom. It had to be there. But so was April, and wouldn’t she be thrilled if he walked in now? David’s pre-cry coughs were reminder enough as to who was really in charge.
“Well, hell.” Gunner scooped up the baby and stuck his pinky in the wide-open mouth. David clamped down around it and sucked hard.
Gunner gave the bathroom door a tap with his toe, pushing it open partway. Steam swirled around him. “April, it’s us. We’re not peeking, honest. We just need the…”
He froze, his eyes transfixed by the sight before him. April stood over the sink, her head resting on her arms against the mirror. Droplets of water clung to her naked body. Damp, dark-gold tendrils of hair stuck to her neck, shoulders and back. He couldn’t stop his gaze from traveling downward. Faint silvery lines etched her softly rounded belly, signifying her hard-earned rank of motherhood. Each line was a badge of honor in his eyes.
Why was the water running if she wasn’t in the shower? His gaze traveled back up, stopping at her full breasts. They leaked steady drips as she leaned over the sink. Good God, she was gorgeous.
And, she was sobbing her sweet heart out.
He swallowed hard then cleared his throat. “April, what’s wrong?”
She turned her head enough to meet his gaze, her eyelashes clumped together with dampness, and her eyes puffy. “The hot water makes them leak.” Her voice was small and high pitched. “I just want my body back.”
Apparently, being completely exposed to him didn’t faze her. Don’t focus on anything below her chin. He swallowed hard against the lump rising in his throat and reached for a towel from the hook. “Here’s a towel, little mama. I’ll put David down and be right back.”
He snatched the binky off a shelf, then hurried back into April’s bedroom to lay David in his crib.
“Come on, buddy.” He inserted the binky between the baby’s puckered lips and continued to croon. “Nighty-night. Mama needs some grown-up conversation time.”
David seemed to be on board with the plan. Sucking hard on his binky, the boy’s eyelids drooped closed again, his fists loose at either side of his fuzzy head. Gunner stroked his finger against the velvet cheek. “Mama thanks you, buddy.”
Okay, now for Mama. Gunner pushed the bathroom door open a crack. The shower was off now, which had to be a good sign. “Are you decent, April?”
“Yes.” Her voice sounded so small and lost.
“May I come in?”
“Yeah.”
He gave the door a tentative push in case she wasn’t as ready as she’d indicated. His eyes located her through the steam. She sat on the edge of the tub, wrapped in the towel, her elbows planted on her knees. Her chin rested on her palms, and her face wore a forlorn expression. Man, his heart ached for her.
“I’m really sorry about barging in...I thought you were in the shower.”
“I left the water on so no one would hear me crying,” she murmured, not looking up.
Ouch. He moved closer, and eased himself down next to her, then leaned his forearms on his thighs. “April, I know this hasn’t been easy for you. My mom was a single parent too, and it was rough.”
She sniffled. “Is that why you’re still around? Because of your mom?”
He compressed his lips and blew a sigh through his nose. “That’s one reason.”
“Oh.”
“And David, well, he’s pretty special, y’know. I’ve never been a part of someone’s entire life.” Boy, was that ever the truth. “I was pretty blessed to be in the right place at the right time when he made his entrance.”
April sniffled again. The front of her towel was damp around her breasts. How could he concentrate with that enticing scene staring him in the face? Raise your eyes, moron.
No sooner had he done so, she looked up at him. “I’m sorry, too. I kind of freaked out.”
“I can’t blame you. You’re right. Your body hasn’t been yours in over a year.” If only her body weren’t so soft and round. If only her eyes weren’t so beautiful. If only he hadn’t fallen in love with her the first time he’s laid eyes on her in that slave cell.
But there was still the matter of his orders. Give it one last shot. The worst she can say is no. He took in a deep breath. “You know what I think? I think that Dave would be very proud of you. I also think that he would not want you to do this alone.”
Her lips parted, but she didn’t say anything.
“I don’t want you to do it alone, either.” He was setting himself up for a galaxy’s worth of grief, but he couldn’t leave without knowing. “And I don’t want to be on the outside looking in. April, I have loved these past eight months. I love David, and I love you. I want to be part of both of your lives—a permanent part.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek. He was about to be torpedoed, but he had to finish.
“I’m not trying to take Dave’s place. I’m not asking you to shove him in a drawer for my sake. I honor him, and what he meant to you. And in some weird, roundabout way, I love Dave too, because he gave me you and David.”
The look on her face was one of incredulity, but he held up his hand to stop her from interrupting. Come hell or high water, he would say his piece.
“I’ve tried hard not to expect or even ask anything of you, April, but my orders from the UDF arrived last night. Before I respond, I have to ask: do we have a chance?”
And with that the deed was done. All he could do now was brace his heart for her rejection.
Garrison’s words wrapped themselves around April’s heart, melding with Dave’s final words to her.
“Don’t be afraid to love again.”
She inhaled a short, sharp breath through her nose. How had Garrison done it? He had patiently woven his way into her life—into every fiber of her being—without her realizing. He’d given her space to grieve Dave, and still stayed close enough to catch her when she stumbled. This whole time she hadn’t recognized the signs. You love him, April. You know you do. To tell him no now would leave another deep gouge through her heart, deep enough to rival the one left by Dave’s death. No way would she lose another man she loved. Not if she could help it.
“I am not afraid, Garrison. I...I want to give us a chance.” There. She had said it, and there was no stab of guilt that she was betraying Dave. In fact, everything about this felt right.
His gaze darted from her eyes to her lips, then back. He raised his large, square hand to cup her cheek, and it trembled slightly. “April, I very much want to kiss you.”
Heat spread through her chest, and her pulse beat in her ears. He wanted to kiss her. Her! “I very much want you to kiss me, too.” Oh, so badly.
Wonder filled his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe he’d heard her right. But you did, Garrison. You did! And to prove it, she leaned toward him. The light brush of his lips against hers sent tingles cascading through her body, even to the tips of her fingers and toes. Oh! Her eyes fluttered closed. His mouth opened against hers, and their tongues met and caressed. As the kiss deepened, an aching need that had been absent for so long filled her. A moan built at the back of her throat as his arms slipped around her and drew her to him.
The painful tenderness of her full breasts pressed against his hard chest intruded. She’d need to nurse before she and Garrison went any further. And, God, she wanted to go further. Like all-the-way further. She’d been numb for so long and she wanted to feel again, body and soul.
As she pulled away from him, he gave her a questioning look. She stood up cupping her hands over her towel-covered breasts. “I’m sorry, Garrison. I need to wake up David. It won’t take long, I promise.”
She turned toward the door, but Garrison’s fingers closed gently around her wrist—the same wrist Dave had held. A sense of destiny filled her, as if this was meant to be, and she let him pull her to stand between his knees.
“David’s asleep.” His voice was rough and desire burned in his eyes. “Let me care for you this time, April.”
Her lips parted, and her body seemed to forget how to breathe. Does he really mean…? Garrison worked the towel from her loose grip and lowered it to rest on the swell of her hips. He lifted one heavy breast in his palm. Oh, God, he’s going to… His mouth closed over her areole and sucked her deeply.
The letdown hit hard, drawing a ragged gasp from her. White hot bolts of lightning shot from her nipple straight down between her legs. If a person could die from pleasure, then she was almost gone. A long, low groan born from relief and ecstasy welled up from her soul. She arched into him, gripping his shoulders as his tongue stroked her nipple, taking just enough to bring relief to one breast before moving to the other. This is heavenly. He really was caring for her; seeing to her needs ahead of his own. She’d been the caretaker of others for so long, she’d almost forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end.
Garrison’s hand slid behind her neck, drawing her mouth back down to his. She tasted herself on his lips. A moan rolled in her throat, and the towel slithered off her hips as she straddled his lap. His hands glided down her back and over her bottom, pulling her snug against him. Against the hardness inside his camo pants. She rocked forward, thrusting her tongue as deep into his mouth as she could. This is what I want you to do to me.
The rumble of his growl seeped into her, flowed through her veins and became part of her very essence. God, she wanted him in every way a woman could have a man. He broke the kiss, his breath warm against her skin as he buried his face at the hollow between her neck and shoulder.
“If we don’t stop now, April, I don’t know if I’ll be able to later,” he rasped.
She leaned back to meet his heavy-lidded gaze. “I don’t want you to stop, Garrison. I want all of you, completely. Permanently, like you said. If you can honestly give me that, then we’re not stopping.”
The heat in his blue-gray eyes warmed her. “You’ve had all of me, April, from the moment we met.”
