Adamant Spirits, page 32
“I can do that.”
“Okay, so I’m about to cry, and it’ll probably be ugly so—” my voice cracked, and heat seared my eyes as the tears welled and flowed.
A sob was followed by another, then another, and then I was shaking with bone aching grief, ready to break, ready to shatter, but then solid arms wrapped around me, and I was crushed to Aeon’s taut chest. I pressed my cheek to his pectoral and let go, allowing the anguish to wrack my body, to flow and find its way out. I wasn’t sure how long I cried, but eventually, the tears dried, leaving me empty.
Aeon continued to hold me, his thumb making soothing circles on my back. The motions sent a lethargic heat radiating through me. I shifted closer, wanting to be flush up against him.
He stilled.
Shit. What was I doing?
I pulled back slightly to look up at him and our gazes collided, his too blue to be real and so intense they made my chest ache with a yearning I couldn’t define.
“What do you want, Hope?” he asked softly. “How can I serve you?”
In that moment, I knew what I needed, what I craved. A moment of pleasure, a moment to forget and just feel.
I licked my lips. “Aeon, are you able to…pleasure a female?” I looked down at his crotch. “Does that…Is it functional?”
“Yes.”
“Can I touch it?”
“Yes.”
Oh god. My heart beat faster as I reached down to caress his thick length. It swelled beneath my hand, and I bit back a gasp.
“Would you like me to pleasure you, Hope?” His tone was deeper and thicker.
I squeezed my thighs together against the wetness that bloomed there. “Yes.”
He reached for my collar and tugged, rendering my jumpsuit saggy. “Should I undress you?”
I nodded mutely, laying back so he could peel the jumpsuit from my suddenly feverish skin.
Part of me was shocked at my actions, but the other part, the bigger part, didn’t give a shit. I needed this. I wanted this, to get lost in something that wasn’t death and destruction. He was gentle, careful as he removed my underwear. His eyes seemed brighter, scanning my body from top to toe then back again as if memorizing every detail.
“Now you.” My voice was hoarse with desire.
He pinched his jumpsuit and then stepped off the bed to peel it from his taut, muscular frame. His body was sculpted perfection, wide-shouldered, slender-hipped, and oh my god, that cock. I wanted it inside me. I needed it.
His skin shimmered, too smooth to be real, as he climbed onto the bed and settled between my thighs so that his arousal was pressed to my belly. I wanted to touch it, so I did.
He sucked in a sharp breath as if hurt.
“Aeon?”
“It’s fine. It’s…I haven’t used it before, so it’s sensitive.”
I was his first? “You’ve never pleasured a woman before?”
His eyes lit up, and I could have sworn there was humor in that look, but then it was gone. “Not in a long time, and not like this.”
I didn’t understand what he meant, and I didn’t care because his hands were skimming up my sides to graze my breasts, thumbs running over my nipples until they were painfully hard.
“Aeon, I need you to—”
His mouth closed over my nipple, hot and warm and alive. I cried out and arched my back, sliding my hands into his silken hair.
He drew on me, grazing me with his teeth and lapping at me with his tongue. He pleasured my breasts until I was squirming beneath him, wet and hungry for more, and then his hand traveled south, and his fingers slid between my folds, dipping into my heat, drawing a moan from my lips. He circled my clit and began to stroke expertly until I was swelling and slick and ready for him.
His face above me was in shadow, lips parted, eyelids heavy. He looked as if he was enjoying this, as if he wanted it too, but that couldn’t be right. He wasn’t real, even though he felt damn real right now.
He locked gazes with me as he slipped two fingers inside me. I lifted my hips to meet him, biting off a cry then realizing there was no need to be quiet. There was no one to hear.
“What would you like now, Hope?” His voice sounded different, rougher, deeper.
“I want you inside me. Please, Aeon.” My chest heaved with need. “I want you to fuck me.”
He tucked in his chin and closed his eyes for a long beat, and then he reared back, falling onto his haunches so he was all glorious planes and angles edged in the starlight. His arousal bobbed, thick and long, teasing me. My stomach flipped as he nudged my thighs wider and then dipped his hips to meet mine.
He entered me slowly, stretching me inch by delicious inch. I sucked in a sharp breath at the burn as I accommodated him, nudging my hips up in increments to urge him on.
“Aeon, please.”
He paused and then pushed deep into me, filling me and rocking against me in a way that teased my clit. My eyes rolled back, and I gave in to the sensation, allowing the groans and pants to spill from my lips, not caring how desperate or hungry I might look or sound. I needed this. I wanted this.
Aeon took me with long, sure strokes, pace quickening, pumping harder and faster until I was shattering into a million pieces.
He stayed in me for long minutes, cradling me as my pulse thundered and I recovered from the limb-trembling orgasm. He pulled away carefully and lay beside me, holding me. Minutes ticked by in pleasant silence, and my eyelids drooped as exhaustion washed over me. As sleep tugged me under, I felt him slip from the bed. I wanted to reach for him. To ask him to stay, but the sandman was too persistent, and darkness claimed me.
Three
AEON
I make it out of the room before my breath explodes from my lungs in a rush. The sensors in my body are on fire; every micro-atom vibrates, leaving me quivering. This body was created to withstand time, to brave elements and eons, and to last for eternity. The high-tech biomech skin is built with trillions of sensors that I can regulate with a thought. I can numb myself to pain and sensation, or I can feel it all. My organs can operate at such a slow pace that my breath and heartbeat are undetectable to outside sensory systems allowing me to pass as dead matter if I need to.
I’ve been numb for as long as I can remember, so why did I just switch on my senses?
Why for this human female?
My cock is still hard, throbbing and aching for another release. I stride toward the cargo bay. I need to get away from her before my true nature is revealed.
It’s been too long. A time forgotten, a time running free, a time when the beast would hunt and rut and howl at the twin moons.
I can’t allow myself to remember that.
I can’t crave it.
If I do, then I’ll be lost, and the oath I took, the sacrifice I made, will have been for naught.
The beast, my true self, can’t be allowed to be free because if it does, then it will claim this human, and there will be no freedom for her.
This is my world, my lonely existence, and she cannot be a part of it.
I cannot be with her for one hundred and eighty-five days. She must sleep, and I must return to my numb state.
The pod bay doors swish open as I approach. The Arc is in motion, drones hovering over the pods, checking systems. Several lie dark and dead. The malfunctioned ones. I stop and connect with the ship.
“Hello Aeon, how may I assist you today?” Arc speaks in my mind in her melodious feminine voice.
Have we repaired the cryo-system? I project my response to her in thought.
“Yes, Aeon. The cryo-system is fully functional. Malfunctioned pods have been disconnected, and the system has been rebooted without affecting the live cargo.”
And when will you be able to repair the malfunctioned pods?
“The malfunctioned pods are irreparable. They will be recycled.”
What? I have a human who is awake and alive and needs to be put back into cryostasis immediately.
“I’m afraid that will not be possible. We have no more functioning pods.”
Curses I haven’t used in eons fill my mind, and my chest aches to rattle and growl. The beast I’ve kept at bay is truly waking, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to lay it back to sleep.
HOPE
* * *
I woke feeling lighter than I had in forever, stretched, and then winced at the tenderness between my thighs.
Aeon.
I’d fucked Aeon.
My cheeks grew warm, and then my pulse quickened at the memory of him inside me. I hadn’t known it could be that way, that I could…feel that way.
I sat up and surveyed the empty room. He was probably on the bridge. I quickly dressed and headed to the washroom. It was only when I got there that I realized there was no shower.
If I was going to be awake for the next one hundred and eighty-four days, then we were going to have to adjust the accommodations.
I headed down the corridor in search of Aeon with a strange fizz of excitement in my belly that I couldn’t quite define.
The excitement soon died. Seven days with Aeon, and he’d barely spent more than a few minutes with me. He provided holo books and old archive videos from Earth to keep me occupied, then vanished on some chore or other. At night I’d fall asleep waiting for him to come back to the room.
I barely knew him, but I craved his company. I craved his touch, but he was cool and distant like the machine he was.
I didn’t get it.
He’d been warm and attentive, and it had felt almost as if he was real that first day. But heck, what did I know.
I was lonely. I spent my days wandering around the Arc, mapping it out in my mind until I could navigate it with ease. The cargo bay became a favorite haunt of mine. I’d pick a different pod each time and sit by it and speak to the person inside. I’d make up a life for that person. Imagining what they did for a living, how many children they had, what their hobbies were, favorite color, that kind of thing. But there was an emptiness growing inside me, one that only being around Aeon seemed to fill.
He took meals with me, sitting opposite me while I ate, and I could swear I’d catch him watching me with that same intense look I’d seen on his face the first time we’d met. But I’d look again, and his gaze would be impassive.
How could I miss someone I’d only known for a day? Someone who wasn’t even a real person?
I was going insane.
Would I last until the other people woke up?
Another week went by, and Aeon continued to pull away from me. And then a whole day went by when I didn’t see him at all, and something inside me snapped.
Up until now, I’d respected his boundaries. Never following him or seeking him out after he specifically told me he was busy, but after a whole day of being left alone on this humungous ship, I lost my shit.
I strode onto the bridge to find him sitting in the same seat he’d been sprawled in that first day two weeks ago.
“I want to go back to sleep.” I stood, hands on hips, facing him. “Put me back.”
He opened his eyes and looked right at me for the first time in ages. “You can’t. There are no working pods.”
I couldn’t? I was stuck with this cold machine that didn’t give a shit about me? Stuck for almost six months?
Words, so many words, tangled on my tongue, but none of them made sense because this situation made no sense.
An angry sob broke from my throat. “Fuck you. Fuck you, Aeon.”
I spun on my heel and ran from the room. I needed to cry. I needed to rage, and I didn’t want to do it in his room, so I headed for the shower room that he’d had the Arc open for me.
The door didn’t close, but I didn’t care. I turned on the water, stepped into the spray, and let out a shriek of rage, battering the tiles with my fist.
There was a part of me that was stunned, confused by my cacophony of emotions, the rage, the feeling of betrayal toward Aeon, but maybe this was what I needed. A target for my anger, for everything that had happened, for the fact I’d lost my family and my hope. Maybe I needed someone to rage at and blame, or maybe…maybe I just needed someone.
Maybe…
My sobs softened, and I pressed my forehead to the tile, allowing the water to wash away my tears.
“Hope.” A chest pressed to my back and arms wrapped around my waist. “I’m sorry.”
The heat of anger morphed into a different kind of heat. A desperate needing. I turned in his arms, grabbed his face, and kissed him hard on the mouth.
He froze for a moment and I thought I’d fucked up, but then he kissed me back, pushing me against the tile with his powerful frame and holding me there as he devoured my mouth with a hunger that rivaled my own.
Gone was the reservation, the cool, controlled demeanor. This was no machine, this was—
My jumpsuit was ripped from my skin and replaced by his hot hands, slipping and sliding in the water. I gripped his hair as he hauled me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. He pulled back his hips, slipped his hand between us to push aside my panties and position himself against me, then entered me hard and deep. He fucked me, one hand hugging my throat, sapphire eyes locked with mine. A new connection bloomed between us, one that was more than our bodies, deep and powerful. It tugged at my chest, telling me to get closer, to meld with him. To keep him.
We took what we needed with our bodies, rising and crashing together, and in that moment, I was truly complete.
We lay on the bed in a tangle of limbs, watching the inky blackness of space dotted with pinpricks of light.
After the shower, he’d carried me to his room, dried me off, and then settled me in bed. Neither of us had bothered to dress. We both knew we weren’t done with each other, but I needed to know what truth he’d been hiding from me.
“Aeon, you’re not a machine, are you?”
He sighed. “No.”
I exhaled in relief. I wasn’t going insane. The way I felt, the things I’d noticed about him were true.
I ran my fingers up his arm, marveling in the smooth, almost unyielding quality of his form.
“What are you, Aeon?”
“This body has been my home for so long that I forgot my true self, but you’ve awakened the beast inside me.”
“You’re not a beast.”
He smiled, and it lit up his eyes. “Oh, but I am. It’s my nature. It’s the true way.”
I placed my palm on his chest. “So, this…This isn’t your body?”
“It is now, but it wasn’t. My true form was something entirely different. What you humans would call a beast, a monster. I doubt you would find it pleasing.”
He wasn’t a monster. “I don’t think you’re a monster.”
He blinked slowly, and something dark and cold bloomed in his eyes. A shiver ran over my skin. “There’s a hunger inside me, Hope. One that will burn you to ash. It will taint you. It’s why I pulled away. Why I shut down my senses and emotions. It’s why this can’t happen between us. I have eons more to live, to transport cargo. Eons of a lonely existence. If I allow my true self to awaken, letting you go will be much too hard on both of us.”
Letting me go? The thought of leaving him made my chest ache and my throat pinch. “What if I stayed?”
His smile was sad. “This body wasn’t a choice, Hope. It was a requirement of this role. The Arc passes through radiation and slips through time. It burrows through holes in space that would tear flesh from bone and shrivel up regular organs. This body can withstand everything. Only the heat of a supernova would affect it. Every Arc keeper is given one, our consciousness transferred into this biomechanical body built to last for eternity, but your human body wouldn’t survive. Your only hope is to leave with the others, and it will be easier for us both if we keep our distance until then.”
His logic was sound, but I didn’t care about logic. I was like a stubborn child that wanted what it wanted, and the thought of not getting it brought a bitter taste to my tongue.
“Why? Why would you take on this role?”
He looked out at the stars as he spoke. “My planet died a long time ago, and it was an Arc that saved us. In return, we were asked for a volunteer. I’d lost my hope, my mate, my children. The thought of being relocated to another planet was an empty black hole in my heart. So I volunteered.”
His eyes were dark and sad.
My heart ached for him. “Can’t you quit? Come with me to the Tri-star.”
He smiled softly. “It doesn’t work that way, Hope, and until you, I never wished it did. Tomorrow we will go back to the way it was. Tomorrow the boundaries will be reset.”
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him to push me away again. “Or we can have this.” I stroked his face. “For as long as we can. Until it’s time to…for me to…” I sighed. “We deserve this, Aeon, don’t you think? We both need this.”
He studied me intensely for long seconds, and then he reached up to caress my cheek. “Come here.” His voice ended in a growl, and my stomach flipped.
“Yes, please.”
Pleasure would shield us from loss and loneliness.
I just wish I’d known how hard it would be to shield our hearts.
Four
Months flew by in a blink. Aeon showed me around the Arc and taught me how some of the less automated systems worked. Overall, the Arc was a self-sustaining machine, almost an organism in itself, intelligent and able to communicate with Aeon directly through some kind of telepathic link.
It became clear to me that Aeon and the Arc were bound in some kind of symbiotic relationship. It was why he could never leave.
There was joy in being with him, in allowing myself to let go and submit to his beast, and the times where he lay back and allowed me to play, to have full control, were like nectar to my soul.
Yes, there was joy, but each day that passed brought us closer to goodbye, and sadness grew inside me like a festering sore.
