The Secrets of a Sin, page 13
“Sit here.” Annalise patted the spot beside her, and I swiftly dropped down with grace, making sure my center was concealed. All in the same circle as before, something felt different as we sat on the ground beneath these ancient ruins. Outside school property, we were all alone without rules, teachers, or faith in our way. We could be ourselves.
“What do you guys do out here?” I speak up first, cutting through the thick tension between us. They all glance back and forth at each other like they're figuring out who will respond.
“Talk.” Annalise shrugs. “Get away from everyone at school where we’re not being watched like fucking hawks all the time.” Annalise informs. “We feel free out here.”
“What do you talk about?” I ask, noticing Priscilla mess with her collar again as if she’s trying to loosen it. My whole life, I’ve felt the tightness of good morals and being an unblemished daughter slowly constrict me, and no matter how hard I tried to catch my breath, I was always going to be on the verge of strangulation. Perhaps that's how we all felt at St. Catherine’s, always on the edge of something detrimental, but we somehow managed to survive.
“Everything. And right now, we’re all curious about you.” Annalise moves her hand, so it’s now resting on top of mine. My stare drops down to her perfectly manicured fingers and how different our hands look compared to one another. My nails were short and painted a pale nude color, while hers are bright pink with added length. “We want to know more about you.” Her voice comes out soft and spellbinding like she knew exactly how to reel me in. I had a feeling that whenever she wanted something, she undoubtedly got it.
“Not the boring stuff like what your favorite color is or where you're from. We want something juicy.” Verity grins deeply. “I think you know what we want.”
Of course, I knew what they wanted to hear, but revealing that was something I wasn’t willing to share. I hated how it ruled my life like, no matter where I was in life, it’s always bound to resurface. “It’s not that juicy.” I brush it off with a chuckle, hoping they’ll let it go, but Annalise’s hand squeezes mine reassuringly.
“We're not here to judge you. We all have our issues, but we choose to embody them.” She smirks beside me. “How about this? We share our story, and you share yours?”
Tugging onto my bottom lip, I drop my gaze feeling her persuasion sink into me.
How could I deny telling my story if they are so willing to tell me theirs?
On a sigh, I reluctantly nod my head. “Okay.”
Annalise immediately grins and squeezes my hand for reassurance. “I was in love before.” Annalise half-smiles, but her eyes reveal the true sadness in her words. “I never meant for it to happen, but when it did, I knew everything in my life was going to change.” Her eyes drift off into a despairing haze that even I feel its effects slowly creep into my heart. “They were unattainable. Completely off-limits with a silver ring around their finger and everything, but that didn’t stop us. We were explosive together, like the once-in-a-lifetime kind of love that you should never let slip from your fingers, but when we got discovered, they chose to live safe rather than follow their heart.” I watch as her head drops slowly, and a single tear falls from her face onto the pavement. “I didn’t want to believe it, so I kept contacting them, and then one thing led to another, and I was labeled a ‘stalker’. Which I think is complete bullshit because I only followed them a few times without them knowing. But that was only because I needed to get them alone without their spouse hovering every fucking second of every day.” She growls as her head lifts in rebellion. With her delicate chin pointed high, she continues. “So, because of my supposed ‘stalker’ tendencies, I was sent here. My mother thought I would get fixed in one year, but I’ve been here for over two now. I think they’ve officially lost all hope.” With another ‘oh well’ shrug, she doesn’t seem bothered by the fact her parents gave up. If anything, she looks chillingly happy. Nodding toward Priscilla, signaling that it’s her turn to confess, she grunts in annoyance. Rolling her eyes, she repositions herself, so she’s now resting both elbows on her dirty knees with an irked expression.
“I stabbed an asshole with my pencil.” She rambles off, nonchalantly.
“That’s all you're going to say...” Verity scoffs.
“What more do you want me to say?” She argues with a scowl. “That I’d do it all over again just to hear that fucker scream like a banshee? He was asking for it when he groped my ass like I was one of his whores.” She sneers with clenched fists as if she’s replaying the memory in her head. “I should have done more than just stabbed him with my pencil.” Priscilla grumbles low under her breath.
“What she's trying to get across is that she hates men.” Verity informs in a whisper as she leans to her left towards me. Priscilla must have heard what she whispered because the mention of ‘men’ has her scowling with a scrunched-up face. She happily grins, seesawing back and forth on her thighs like a giddy child on Christmas. While Verity appears oblivious, Annalise and Priscilla both look as if they want to ambush her, both unmoving with deep snarls on their mouths. I slowly realize that Verity is the black sheep of the group, which is odd. One would assume Annalise and her would have more in common, but even just from my few encounters with them, I can tell Verity was the odd one out. Once she realizes they are both glaring daggers in her direction, she slumps down with a frown. “Not like hate hates them.” She mumbles.
“Tell Charlotte why you’re here, Verity.” Priscilla announces in almost a half-shout. Sitting up tall, she watches Verity with a close eye and intimidating gaze. “Tell her the struggle of being the daughter of a failing actress and father who can’t keep it in his pants.” My eyes fly to Verity to gauge her reaction, and her face matches her fiery hair. She looks seconds away from tears but holds it together. “Must have been tough living in that multi-million-dollar mansion with the endless supply of pills your mom was on.”
“Shut up.” Verity snaps.
“Your mom was too fucking out of it to notice her daughter was higher than her from downing hall off her own pills.” Priscilla laughs cruelly with an ominous smirk as if she was enjoying this. I wait for Annalise to step in, but as my eyes shift towards her, she watches with interest.
“Don’t pretend like you know my whole story, Priscilla. I could have easily coughed up your fucked-up background, but I didn’t.” Verity cries out only for Priscilla to slope forward on the palms of her hands with a growl.
“Don’t you dare talk about my story like it’s anywhere close to yours. You were just a little rich bitch who wanted attention.” Priscilla screams as her words echo off the stones and vanish into the forest. “And you still do.”
Profoundly uncomfortable and ready to split, Annalise breaks in with a clap. “You both are acting like idiots right now. Priscilla, you quit being a bitch. Verity’s story is just as important as yours. And, Verity, quit making dumb comments that you know will piss her off.” They both roll their eyes in unison, but oddly, they listen to Annalise and cool down. Priscilla reluctantly pulls away from Verity and messes with her bun. “Can’t you two just get along?”
They both grunt in response, but I notice the change in them. It’s like a bucket of ice has been dumped over their heads. Verity brushes her hair with her fingers, and Priscilla picks at her nails. A cool gust of air hovers over me, and that’s when I realize Annalise has now focused her attention back on me. They didn’t forget about me. They were still eager to hear my story, and if I didn’t go through with it, I’d feel like shit, especially after listening to theirs.
“Give us what we want, little mouse. We promise no judgment.” Annalise smiles reassuringly. I hate the nickname they have for me. It makes me sound weak and small. But I guess to them I was a mute stranger, just a girl who liked to stay in the shadows, but now I had been found.
Shifting my body, I brush back my hair till it rests behind my ear and focus on a small rock that rests in the middle of our circle. I wasn’t going to be able to tell them unless I was distracted by something. I could already feel their prying eyes dissecting me, but with a deep inhale, I lay it all out. “I’m a sex addict.” The foreign words fly out of my mouth, expecting a gasp or at least a laugh, but it never comes. I’ve only admitted my addiction a couple of times, and that was to my parents and therapists. So, saying it to a group of strangers was terrifying.
“Go on.” Annalise encourages me with a soft voice that has my stiff frame relaxing.
“I uh... I never really saw myself as an addict. The urges started slow, then eventually completely consumed my life. It was all I could think about.” I continue but lift my eyes briefly and catch Priscilla’s riveted stare. “One thing led to another, and a video of me got posted online. My parents found out. My life was ruined, and so was my reputation. So, now here I am.”
I wasn’t prepared for their reactions at all, but the second a deep chuckle escapes from Priscilla’s mouth, my gaze quickly crashes with hers. “A sex addict? Seriously? If you’re a fucking sex addict, then I’m a sex addict.” She continues to laugh, but no one else finds it amusing as I cower, feeling humiliated with a frown on my face. As her laughter dies down, she tilts her head in an observing way, and she tugs on her lower lip. My eyes are immediately drawn to the gentle pressure of her top teeth sinking into the dark pink flesh of her lip. As my gaze steadily lifts, I can tell right away what she is doing as her eyes blacken and swirl with fervor. She may not like me, but the way her stare was solely focused on me, she was most definitely intrigued. “You like cock, huh? Or do you prefer pussy like me?” She asks with electricity in her eyes and a glint of desire in their depths. “Or both?”
Annalise whips her hand in Priscilla’s direction and smacks her bare leg hard, causing her to shout in agony. “What the fuck, Annalise?” I swear I could sense a hint of jealousy in her tone, but it soon drifted off as Priscilla cried, rubbing at the red handprint now imprinted on her skin. “That hurt.” She whines with a pout.
“I told her we wouldn’t judge her!” Annalise screams in a menacing tone that has everyone tensing up. Her chilling voice doesn’t sound anything like her. The same goes for her now dingy colored eyes that look seconds from striking Priscilla again. “Apologize.” She demands roughly. Priscilla grunts lowly as she rubs at her wound but remains silent and defiant. I glance over at Verity to see if she’s as shocked as I am, but she appears indifferent as if this sort of arguing happens all the time.
The eeriness of the forest wasn’t making things better either. The sky was cloudy, creating a greyish effect all around us, and there was a low howling sound from the wind as it rushed through the trees. I wasn’t superstitious, but the high tension between the girls, the creepy ancient ruins, and, of course, being coerced into an ominous forest that was likely home to serial killers made my blood run cold and an alarming sensation to strike me brutally.
What exactly was their plan for me anyway? What was so unique about me out of all the other girls at St. Catherine’s that made them want to be my friend?
It didn’t make sense. None of what has happened in the past couple weeks makes sense.
“You’ve been a real sour bitch lately, and if you think for one second, I’m going to tolerate it any longer, you have a whole other thing coming. And I promise you.” Annalise speaks with authority and sternness that has us all at attention, even Priscilla. “You won’t fucking like it at all.” A strange silence passes between them while their eyes are on each other in a war of emotions. They stare and stare until Annalise breaks the silence. “Now, Charlotte. It must have been tough admitting that to yourself.”
“Uhh, yeah. I guess.” I nod.
“And how do you think you’re doing? Think you’ll be able to get out of here soon?” Verity questions as Priscilla rolls her eyes.
“I hope.” I answer truthfully, but I knew I wasn’t any closer to being fixed from the day I started. I wanted to believe that I was doing better, but the reality was, I was damned. Each day was a struggle, and with Arsen, I find myself clawing for a taste of evil.
“How is the sex? I imagine it’s pretty fucking amazing with all the urges you feel.” Verity smiles wickedly, causing my cheeks to flame and my hair to fall over my face like a curtain.
“Don’t answer that.” Annalise shakes her head in disbelief, and reaches her hand towards me to brush the hairs out of my face and behind my ear.
“I think what she’s trying to get across is, why would you want to suppress those feelings? You were made and programmed the way God intended, and you should be proud of who you are. He made us all unique. Each and every one of us. So, why not embrace what you truly are? Fucking own it.” Annalise proudly states with her chin lifted high and a serious expression across her face.
I couldn’t decide whether to be impressed by what she said or worried. I wasn’t like the three of them. Sure, a part of me wanted to say screw it and indulge in the addiction at times when I felt hopeless. I wanted my body devoured until I forgot every flaw I had. To live a carefree life where I could do whatever I pleased without the disappointment of my parents.
It would be much easier if I did that, but I knew I couldn’t.
“I’m not telling you what to do.” Annalise smiled at me with soft eyes that soothed away any worry. “I just want you to know you’re beautiful the way you are.” Her eyes subtly drop down the length of me before rising in a grin that causes my heart rate to climb.
Why was she being so damn sweet to me?
“Time to go.” Priscilla announces, causing all our eyes to follow her movement. “We’ve been here too long already.” Her grumpy tone and void eyes give me a sense of jealousy. Was she jealous of Annalise? Was she jealous of me?
As we all walked back to the school, the foreign feeling of finally being accepted causes a smile to appear on my lips. Since we're all walking in a horizontal line, no one can see my joy, but I was completely okay with that.
“Fuck.” Annalise grumbles angrily beside me as we all catch the stiff form of Principal Welch with her hands on her hips. Her heated eyes drag over the four of us, displaying her blatant disapproval of our actions until she finally focuses on Annalise. We all knew what was coming, a trip to confessions along with penance and perhaps some other disciplinary actions. But oddly enough, when I glance at all three of them, they seem more than ready for their punishment.
“Ditching class again, I see.” Principal Welch announces with a deep scowl directed towards Annalise.
“It was for educational purposes.” She responds with a wide smile that has Verity giggling under her palm. Clearly not amused, Principal Welch meets my stare, and I can still sense the slight apprehension in her eyes from our previous engagement involving Arsen’s foul mouth. “Right, Charlotte?” Annalise crosses her arms, noticing the strange interaction between Principal Welch and me. At first, her question doesn’t register right away because I was so accustomed to the nickname ‘little mouse’, but with a soft jab to my shoulder, I nod my head. “Yeah. Educational purposes. We thought that maybe by praying under the trees God created, we’d be closer to heaven.” I come up with the lie swiftly. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch all three of them grinning ear to ear from my obvious lie, while Principal Welch narrows her eyes as if she can’t tell if I’m telling the truth or not.
“If that was true, you should have spoken to a teacher.” She grunts, removing her hands from her hips. “But you, Charlotte, have a visitor.” She aims her stare at me once again, and this perks up my interest immediately.
I never receive visitors.
As I’m about to ask who it is, Detective Rolland appears out of nowhere, sauntering over to us with a slight gimp that I never noticed the day we met. Dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a long sleeve tee, he looks the furthest thing from a cop, especially with the backward ball cap that’s resting over his head of curls.
“Holy fuck.” Verity mumbles next to me as he stops next to Principal Welch. I can’t blame her for her reaction because, for a second there, he had my full attention as well. He was rugged and manly, like the kind of man you would find at a hardware store; a good-with-his-hands type of man.
Coming to a stop next to Principal Welch, he shoves his hands into his front pockets and observes us all. I can hear the short intake of breath coming from Verity next to me whenever his eyes scan over hers, and I swear his stare lingers on her a second too long for it to be considered ‘glancing’. He quickly shifts his focus to me, and a slight grin appears across his lips. “Good to see you’re staying out of trouble, Charlotte.” He mocks jokingly, making Principal Welch roll her eyes briefly.
“Detective Pierce.” I nod. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” I lift my chin feeling all curious eyes on me. He drops his head down in a low laugh before raising it and meeting my gaze.
“Just wanted to stop by and check in on you.” He shrugs, but I could see from his facial expression that there was more to it than that. Surrounded by prying eyes and eager ears, he nods towards an empty picnic table away from everyone. “I just need a moment alone with Charlotte, if that’s okay?” He regards Principal Welch, who appears reluctant to let me go but nods in agreement.
I take one last look at all three girls, finding Annalise chewing on her bottom lip mercilessly while her eyes are solely focused on Detective Pierce. They aren’t filled with the same lust-filled intensity as Verity, but more like irritation and worry. But perhaps I was reading her wrong, especially since Priscilla was giving him the same glare, and I knew it was because of her hostility towards men.
