The Shadow and The Draw, page 18
I inhale on the cigarette, waiting for him to continue, just wanting to keep hearing his voice. He sounds like my father, a little. Like me. My brother. My family. Just keep talking.
He scratches his cheek. “One of them reported back to say that you and Cora, they’d spotted you sleeping in a bed together. And I just, I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I know this probably sounds weird, but I’m proud of you for, you know, starting the thing with Cora. It’s good. Knowing you weren’t alone. It’s good.”
“I love her.” I say simply. “All those years I was sure that I would have to let her go, because I was the Draw, and the Draw wasn’t allowed to have anyone.”
Tal scoffs. “It’s bullshit. The new clans made that shit up, more power plays. Cora’s parents were Alpha and Draw.” He throws his cigarette into a water-filled bucket beside him, where it goes out with a hiss. “The point was to isolate you, to make sure you were alone, so you and Cora would never know that you were bound to each other. Because with her, your powers grow, and with you, she’s untouchable.”
“It still doesn’t even make sense to me why Lordain would keep us together at all.”
“Lordain’s fucking stupid.” Tal replies. “He probably saw it as an asset for his useless fucking kid, to have a more powerful Draw. But that’s his downfall, he doesn’t understand shit. He’s blinded, and his witch doesn’t help. She drives it.”
I suck on the cigarette, feeling the tension release out of my back as the sweet smoke plays across my tongue.
“She killed Mom.” Tal says quietly.
My head snaps towards him. “What?”
Tal nods. “I felt it happen. She drugged her, gave her some fucking poison, said it would help her relax. Mom was totally immobile. She had to lie there and watch this fucking witch slice open her arms. She was -“ Tal’s chest heaves, and he pulls his shoulders up. “She was crying for you, because you were asleep in the next room. She knew you’d find her.”
I lurch forward, the cigarette falling from my hands. I lean on the post of the porch, sucking in the humid night air. Tears burn my eyes as I remember, walking into the bathroom. My Mom’s hand hanging over the edge of the bath, blood dripping from her fingers, pooling on the floor. Her skin ice cold. I press a fist to my eye, trying to stop the tears, but suddenly Tal has grabbed me in a bear hug, and I gasp.
“I’m so sorry,” he says again, his voice gruff. “I’m so sorry, little brother.”
A breathless sob escapes me, and I clench my eyes shut. I remember him. I remember him carrying me on his back, through the woods, pointing at butterflies, knowing I liked the blue ones best. Teaching me to swim, in the pond with the waterfall. Showing me how to fly. A face like mine, smiling back at me.
“I remember you.” I say, and Tal exhales shakily. I pull back from him and look at his face, my face, just older, weary. “I remember.”
“The spell’s breaking,” he says, nodding. “It’ll take a while. It’s easier to make kids forget. But it’ll come back. It’ll all come back.” He steps back from me, and sighs. “We have to help Cora. She has to get ready for what’s to come.”
“What is coming?” I ask.
“Michael’s back.” Tal replies. “He can feel that the Shadow Queen is awakening, and he’ll do anything he can to stop it, because if she comes to her full power, that means his little angel mutiny was unsuccessful. He and Gabriel buried the last Shadow Queen, and he’ll want to do the same to Cora.”
“Is that why they’re allying themselves with the demons?”
Tal nods. “The other clans are on the wrong side now. The side that cast us out of the Halls in the first place, to weaken the Old God and have free reign over the Halls and Earth.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “You know what to do. You’re a warrior. You know how to train her.”
“I don’t know the first thing about the Inera,” I tell him.
“You will.” He nods, and steps back from me. “Go and get some sleep, brother. It’s late.”
I watch him retreat into the darkness, and my shoulders relax. Even with what’s coming, even with the dangers that are imminent, I feel good. I feel better. Maybe it is being home. Maybe it’s whatever was in that fucking cigarette, sweet and heady. Either way, I feel better now. Like something has released.
I head back into the cabin quietly, hoping Cora is still asleep, that she hasn’t woken in a panic to find me gone. I sneak into the bedroom, pulling off my clothes and climbing into the warm bed beside her.
Instantly, she turns over, and her mouth is on me, her arms pulling me closer. I don’t hesitate for a second, the thrill of having her to come to bed to, to climb into bed with, is so fucking sweet. I want to taste her, I want her on my mouth, and I pull her up towards me, pressing against her thighs and guiding her up over my shoulders.
“Wait, wait,” she says, turning herself the other way, so she’s facing my feet.
I pull her down onto my face hungrily, licking and sucking on her clit, her taste making my head spin. I feel her lean forward, and then her mouth is on my cock, and I moan into her pussy. Her tongue swirls over me as my tongue works her clit, and fuck this feeling is incredible.
Her hand fists the base of my cock, and she takes more of me into her mouth, taking me down, down, further, and everything is wet and hot. Her hand slides up and down my shaft along with her tongue and her sweet fucking lips, and my own mouth probes her harder. She draws me further into her throat, moaning as she does, her lips and tongue vibrating around my cock, and I groan with a mouthful of clit.
She’s moving up and down my cock faster now, and I follow her lead, licking and sucking her harder. I grip her thighs, holding her to me, determined to make her come first, but her fingers slide over the head of my cock, her lips pressing against the shaft as she kisses me, her tongue playing over my skin.
Her mouth moves back over me, and as she slides even more of me into her throat, she puts her other hand around my balls, rolling them gently in her hands. My stomach constricts as a wave of heat washes over me, and I explode in her mouth, her head bobbing up and down lightly as she swallows every last drop of my release.
I keep licking through my climax, my head swimming with sheer fucking arousal, and she releases my cock, sitting up on my face. I push my mouth against her, feeling her thighs shaking, her back elongating. She moans loudly, her hands gripping mine on her thighs. Her movements become smaller, and she’s gasping in little breaths, and then her whole body shakes, her veins glowing bright white in the darkness, her head thrown back as she cries out.
I keep licking as she subsides, until she whimpers and pulls herself away from me, convulsing gently on the bed, her breath shaky against me.
“Why does everyone say a 69 is no fun?” She asks breathlessly. “Because that was definitely fun.”
I chuckle, my hand straying over her legs curled up beside me. “Maybe they’re just bad at it.”
She sighs heavily, and stretches out on the bed. “Starting to come with your cock in my mouth, that was, that was something alright.” She runs a hand over her face and laughs. “I liked that a lot.” She sits up, and her veins are still glowing. She runs a hand over my stomach. “You’re glowing too.” She says quietly.
I raise my hand, and my veins are orange. “Must have been really good then.” I say.
“I’m scared.” She says suddenly. “What if I can’t control it?”
I sit up and take her face in my hands. “Baby, you can. We’ll do it. OK? I promise.”
“But what if I can’t -“
“You can.” I insist. “You can, and you will. We just need to find the way. I swear to you, we’ll figure this out.”
She sighs heavily. “OK. I trust you.”
“We’ll start tomorrow.” I pull her down onto the bed with me, tucking her under my arm, holding her close. “You’ll see. It’ll be OK.”
“OK. Again.” I say, holding up my hands.
Cora rolls her head on her shoulders, an exasperated sigh escaping her. “Fuck this.”
“Come on, again.”
She shakes her head. “Amryn, I can’t. I can’t fucking do this.”
“Yes you can.” I assure her. “Come on, you just need to focus.”
She eyes me cynically, then closes her eyes again. The warm summer breeze blows across the field we’re standing on, catching her hair, straying curls across her face. I see her exhale through her pursed lips, and she pushes her hands out in front of her, sending a shower of sparks dancing across the swaying grass.
“Fuck!” She sends a fireball into the ground, clawing her hands through her hair. “I can’t fucking do this!”
“Baby, come on,” I say, walking to her side, putting a hand to her cheek. “You can do it.”
“No, I fucking can’t,” she spits back, “we’ve been out here for hours, and I can’t summon more than a fucking spark and it’s not the same thing.”
“You just need to remember the feeling when it happened last time,” I tell her gently, “focus on that, and draw it out -“
“Fuck you!” She pushes back against my chest hard, her green eyes blazing. “You want me to go back to those places? That’s what you want me to draw on? One time I had a fucking drugged up demon on top of me trying to rape me, and then the other time I was watching you get whipped and thought you were about to have your throat slit open!”
Fuck. I’m an idiot. I move towards her to take her into my arms. “Baby. I’m sorry -“
“No!” She pushes me away again, shaking her head. “Fuck you, Amryn! And fuck this stupid power! If that’s what it takes to summon it, if I have to go to that place every single time, I don’t want it. It’ll destroy me. I can’t relive all of that, every single fucking time, I can’t - I can’t -“ She breaks off, turning away from me and clutching her hands to her stomach. “I can’t fucking do this.”
I approach her from behind, putting my hands gently on her shoulders as they heave, as she tries to breathe. “I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking idiot.” I say to her softly.
“Yes, you are.” She retorts, pushing her hair out of her face with the back of her hand.
“You’re right. It can’t come from a place of fear.” I turn her around to face me, and her eyes avoid mine. “Look at me.” She won’t. “Baby, look at me. Please.”
With a sigh, her eyes meet mine. “What?”
“You can do this.” I hold on to her as she sighs with exasperation and turns to leave. “Just not now. It’s enough for today.” I pull her close to me, and kiss the top of her head, feeling her relax against me. “Come on, it’s hot. Let’s go cool off.” I take her hand and pull her across the meadow, down the hill.
“Where are we going?” She asks as we approach the tree line.
I grin over my shoulder at her. “You don’t remember this place?”
She looks beyond me, and her eyes narrow as she takes in her surroundings. “The water hole?” She asks suddenly. We can hear water flowing as we approach, and as we move through the trees it gets louder and louder.
We come to a clearing, and a waterfall thunders over the rocks, down the short distance into the water hole below. The water is clear and blue, sand and pebbles glistening in the sunlight.
Cora’s eyes light up as she looks at me. “This is where we learned to swim!” She cries. With a joyous laugh she tears the shirt off over her head and shuffles her shorts down her legs, running naked into the water. I strip off quickly and run after her, seizing her in my arms. She squeals loudly as I plunge her into the cool water. “You asshole!” She cries, laughing as she grabs on to me, pulling me under with her.
She wraps herself around me, and I stand up, my hands under her ass, and carry her over to the waterfall. “You want a soaking, I’ll give you one.” I say, and I laugh as she clings to me, the falls pouring over us as we go through them to the pond just behind them.
Cora pushes her wet hair out of her face, and looks up at the roof of the cave we’re in, which is bright with craggy crystals, reflecting the sunlight that dances through the veil of water. “This place is beautiful.”
“Yes it is.” I reply, and she turns to me to see I’m looking right at her. “Really beautiful.”
Cora smiles, and wraps her arms around me tighter, putting her lips against my neck. “I love you.” She whispers.
“I love you too.” I reply. My heart still swells every time I say it.
She pulls back a little and looks into my eyes, a sheepish smile on her face. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“When you were with Ceili -“
“Oh fuck, Cora, come on.” I don’t want to talk about this.
She climbs down off me. “I mean, did you - did she - did she do anything that I don’t do?”
“No, baby, she didn’t. We were both really drunk, and that was it.”
“So,” Cora goes on, fidgeting with her fingers, “you didn’t do anything different with her, that you’d want to do again?”
My stomach drops a little, and I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to have this conversation. “Baby, it was just sex. Nothing more. That was all. She was horny and drunk and I was horny and drunk and I wanted you, and -“ I shake my head.
“So what did you do?”
“You want to know how I fucked your cousin?” I ask incredulously. “Baby, come on, you don’t actually want to know.”
“Yes I do.” Her eyes flash with defiance. “I do.”
“Why?”
“Because -“ She breaks off.
“Because you’re jealous.” I finish her sentence for her. That’s all this is. “You’re jealous and you’re insecure about it.”
“Why won’t you just tell me?”
“Because it doesn’t matter!”
She shakes her head. “It does matter!
“Cora, this is ridiculous, and I’m not telling you which positions I fucked your cousin in.” I push through the water, out of the cave and under the falls, back out into the sunlight.
“Just tell me!” She calls, splashing through the water after me. “If it didn’t mean anything, you could just tell me!”
“It’ll mean something if I tell you,” I call without turning around, heading for the sandy shore. “It’ll mean you’re upset because you know something you don’t need to.”
She reaches me and grabs on to my arm, forcing me to turn towards her. “Just tell me!”
“No.”
“Why not?” Her eyes flash with fury.
“Because it’s none of your fucking business!” I retort. “Have I ever asked you once, one fucking time, whether you and Finn did anything?”
Her eyes widen. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Well?” I raise my eyebrows. “Have I?”
“That’s not even close to the same thing!”
“No? Why? Because you were married to him?” I’m losing patience for this.
“Because you know I never did, that’s why.”
“Never?” I lean closer to her, and her face darkens. “You never made out with him, no fumblings in the back of his car, anything to avoid actual sex but doing just enough to make him feel like a big man and keep the lie going?” I know I’m being cruel now, and my own jealousy is rearing its ugly head.
Her veins glow brighter. “Just fucking tell me what you and Ceili did and stop being a fucking jerk!”
“Fine!” I shout. “She sucked my cock, and then I fucked her from behind, and she wanted me to fuck her in the ass, so I did, and she loved it, OK?”
Cora’s mouth drops open. “You did what?”
I take a deep breath. Shit. This isn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. “I told you, you didn’t want to know.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “And then?”
“What and then?” I ask.
“She said you went back to your place and kept going.”
“Oh my god, Cora.” I laugh, because this conversation is becoming more absurd by the second. “You cannot be -“
“Tell me!” She cries, and her eyes are shining with tears.
“Why?”
“Because she had what was mine and I want to know why!” She buries her face in her hands.
I run a hand over my face, and step forward to pull her close. “Baby, it was sex. That was all. It was nothing more than that, and Ceili and I both knew that. I didn’t do it because I love her or because I want her more than you or anything, it was just drunken sex, and I was hurting, and that was all.” I tilt her face up to mine. “You are who I want. And sex with you is a fucking drug, I can’t get enough of it. OK?”
Her mouth is pulled down into a frown, and she sniffs, trying not to cry. “It killed me knowing that you’d done that. I know that makes me selfish and horrible.”
“No it doesn’t,” I tell her.
“I hated you.” Her face crumples. “I was so angry. I was so jealous. And then, then I thought I’d lost you, and you died in my arms, and the last words we’d spoken to each other were in anger, and -“ She buries her face in my chest.
I simply hold her for a while, because there’s nothing else to say. She’s hurting. She’s scared. She’s overwhelmed. I know it. And we don’t know what the coming days or weeks will bring.
Cora pulls back and looks at me, and her nose is all red from crying and she’s pouting and she looks so sweet and sad. “I’m an asshole.” She says.
I chuckle and plant a kiss on the tip of her nose. “No you’re not. You’re just a regular old jealous girlfriend. I love you, and I want to have sex with you, no one else, OK?”
She nods. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise,” I reply. “I’m sorry I told you.”
“I can’t believe I’m going off on you like this when we have bigger things to worry about.” She says with a laugh. “Hey, the world could be ending, but also did you have fun with my cousin.” She shakes her head. “I’m an idiot.”
