Shadowman (Alabaster Penitentiary Book 5), page 64
Hancock is silent, just breathing because I think he’s panicking a little. So am I. I’m not afraid to admit it. All it takes is one of The Ivory’s guys bumping into us with a goddamn M16 and it’s lights out for real.
“Byron!” Dash gasps.
“I’m thinking…” I stammer, racking my brain for thick seconds chugging by slow, until finally it comes to me. “There’s a panic room. It’ll have backup power. Maybe even something that controls the collars.”
“Perfect. Let’s go,” Dash breathes out as I lead the way.
It’s difficult when I can’t see a damn thing. And all the while, I’m freaking the fuck out.
Where’s Trevel?? Is he okay?
I need to find him. I’m not leaving without him.
This adrenaline that’s been coursing through my veins for minutes, hours, days, weeks at this point is doing nothing to thwart my feelings for him. If anything, it’s clearing my vision. Like a fog light, I can see.
I just want him, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I care more about him than I’ve ever cared about anyone else… I feel things for him that I haven’t felt for anyone before.
Not Michelangelo… Not Ren.
This is different. It’s more than a secret lust, hidden away in the dark, or a fucking proxy. It’s so much more than physical.
I think he might really be it.
My real, true partner. Not just in crime, but in life.
“Is that it?” Hancock whispers.
There’s a faint glow coming from up ahead in the distance, and now that my eyes have adjusted, I can see that we’re in the library. Just beyond the study is where the panic room is located.
“Yea.” I bring them with me, through the rooms, slowing down when I hear hushed voices coming from inside the panic room.
“Fuck,” Dash mumbles. “This might not be a good idea…”
Swallowing, I release Dash’s hand, inching closer by myself.
“Byron!” Dash whisper-shouts after me. But I’m still going.
Whoever they are, I can take ’em.
“Ha! I fucking told you I’d find it,” a familiar voice rumbles.
All the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
“You’re a genius, baby. We all know that. Now what?”
My heart is lurching up my throat and out my goddamn motherfucking mouth as I peer into the room.
Everything falls…
Heart, gut, hands, head. No air in my lungs… My knees are buckling.
“W-what…” is all I can say, eyes wide and burning with baffled emotion.
They jump at the sound of my voice.
“Oh, thank God,” Luthor cries.
“Babe, shh!” Ren scolds him, tripping over his feet to get to me. “Byron, Jesus, you’re here…”
He throws himself at me, knocking me into the wall. His entire body is coiling around me, but I can’t… move. I can’t breathe.
I’m fucking stunned, coming apart at the seams of my soul.
Is this a dream…? Is this some kind of sick joke??!
What?? How??
Luthor curls around me too, the both of them hugging onto me tight. But I’m limp, arms hanging at my sides.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Luthor whimpers.
Ren sniffs in my neck. Like he’s… crying.
Jesus Christ, what is happening??
My heart can’t deal with this much emotional whiplash.
“You’re… you’re…” I stutter, unable to catch my breath as my hands lift to touch them. To verify that they’re really here. “I thought…”
“Kang, what’s—” Dash’s words come to the same frozen halt when he enters the room. “Holy fucking shit…”
“Dash?!” Luthor squeaks, his voice a broken sob of disbelief as he pries off of me and Ren to attack Dash. “What the fuck, man?? How are you here?!”
Ren finally releases me, tear-stained sky-blue eyes finding mine. “I’m sorry I left you,” he sniffles, then chokes. “We had to try… You understand, right??”
He seems desperate for me to know this, but I’m too busy losing my sanity… Attempting to unlearn everything I thought I’d known for the past however many weeks.
I… think I’m… having a… panic attack.
Dash lunges, wrapping himself around Ren from behind, sobbing while Ren rumbles out wet chuckles. The emotion is overwhelming this small room, like a change in altitude. The air is thin, and it’s making me dizzy. I can barely see through the blur in my vision, but I make out Luthor trying to calm Dash down, holding his face and telling him to breathe.
“What the hell is going on??” Ren croaks, rubbing his eyes before they slide to Hancock and his dark brow cocks. “Why is Simon dressed like a thirsty bottom at a circuit party?”
Dash snorts a laugh that makes him cry even harder.
“Funny, you dumb skank.” Hancock grins, hugging Ren hard while he chuckles. “Glad you’re okay, 48.”
“You too,” Ren chirps.
“Are you…?” Luthor asks, nervously looking over all of us. “Okay?”
“We should be asking you that,” I finally find my voice again, though it’s grating over the emotion in my throat. “We… thought you were…”
It dries up again, and I just stare.
Their brows pull together in matching puzzled expressions.
“We thought you were dead,” Dash is finally able to croak. “Byron said you t-tried to escape and you… didn’t make it…”
“We thought that too,” Hancock jumps in.
“Everyone did.” My head wobbles, still bewildered as fucking hell, though now I’m also fidgeting with guilt, at upsetting Dash so deeply with clearly false information. “I found the remains of your boat…”
Luthor and Ren share a look, and Ren’s brow lifts. “Are you sure? That boat was made of fiberglass, man. It’d take a fuckin typhoon to smash it to smithereens.”
I blink at him. What the hell do I know about boats?! I’m not a white guy named Chad! “Okay, well, I found a piece of a boat, then…”
They laugh softly, rubbing my back while I scoff and shake my head.
Jesus… All this over the wrong fucking boat?!
“It was close, though,” Luthor says. “We definitely almost died… But somehow, we made it.” He grins at Ren, who winks back. “And we found each other, in Cali.”
“California??” Dash gasps, eyes wide. “How’d you get all the way to California?”
“Long story,” Ren hums, rubbing Luthor’s back. “What about you?? Why the hell are you here?” he asks Dash.
“Same reason you are, I’m guessing.” Dash smirks.
“Yea, guys, this is a great reunion and all, but we might need to put it on ice till later,” Hancock interrupts. “The Ivory’s around here somewhere, and this place is crawling with cartel men…”
“Where’s Velle?” Luthor asks.
“Prison…” I manage to mumble, my head spinning.
They’re alive…
They’re… alive.
Not dead. Alive!?!
“Did you guys cut the power?” Dash asks.
“Not technically…” Their conversation is coming in and out while my mind reels. “Our friends hooked us up with a helicopter… Landed on the roof… Immediately started running around, looking… for this.”
Luthor holds up some clunky device, a sly grin on his lips.
“What the hell is that?” Hancock asks. “A calculator from 1945?”
“No… Rude,” he grumbles. “It’s LOIS 2.0.! And she’s a fucking boss bitch.”
My lashes flutter, but Dash asks before I can, “Is that your… computer?”
“Oh yea, baby.” Luthor shimmies around. “I can disable any of The Ivory’s security systems with this baddie.”
“Hang on,” I snap out of it. “You think you can disable these??”
I pluck the collar around my neck.
Luthor’s head cocks while he and Ren assess them.
“Ooh… kinky,” Ren hums.
“They’re like a shock collar you put on your dog, except that if we leave the mansion, we get paralyzed. Not shocked,” I tell them.
“Good times,” Hancock grumbles sarcastically.
Luthor’s mouth slopes into a wicked grin. “Why didn’t you say so?? Fuckin’ child’s play. Give me two minutes! No! Ninety seconds.”
Ren chuckles, hugging onto him from behind while he works. “Look at that big, sexy brain go.”
I’m buzzing from head to toe. Being back with them—all three of them—feels like the best moment of my life. But I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
I’ve been grieving them for weeks! This is insane…
“Are you sure you’re not dead…?” I whimper, and Ren pouts, stepping over and hugging me again. I can’t stop crumbling to bits. It’s every two seconds, and it would be embarrassing, but I don’t even care. My hand cups the back of his head. “I’m… so sorry.”
“Shut up,” he mumbles. “I don’t wanna hear that shit.”
“I know, but—”
“We’re just glad you’re okay. And that you’re not with that awful British ghoul.”
I stiffen in his arms, pulling out of his hold. “Wait, what do you mean?”
“Fenwick,” Ren huffs. “He’s a fucking prick. He’s the reason we’re here…”
I’m giving him a bizarre look. Hancock and Dash are shifting awkwardly.
“We’ve been trying to reach anyone over here pretty much since we left,” Luthor mutters while typing away on his device. “We finally got through to Joy’s the other day, and Trevel answered… God, this thing is a bitch.”
His tongue pokes out in his concentration. But I’m dizzy again.
The whole world feels like it’s flipping upside down.
Wait… what?
“You… spoke to Trevel?” I croak.
“Yea. He was being an epic douche, as usual,” Ren grunts.
“Got it!” Luthor cheers.
“Are you sure??” Hancock flutters.
Luthor nods enthusiastically. “You’re good.”
Hancock carefully brings his fingers to the collar. “Can you get it off?”
“I think you need to be putting things on, not taking them off,” Dash teases, fiddling with the back of his collar.
“I told you, if you don’t wanna look at my ass, you’ll need to find me some pants,” Hancock gripes.
“Hang on…” Ren mutters while Luthor comes to me, fighting to get the collar off gently. “So Trevel didn’t tell you he talked to Lex?”
I swallow a mouthful of nothing that feels like gravel. “No…”
I’m shivering all over, confusion working through my muscles.
“That’s fucked up.” Ren shakes his head. “I told you he was a fuckface.”
“Ren…” Luthor scolds, finally getting the collar off of me.
“Fuck that,” Ren growls. “He let you think we were dead!”
I blink at him, then at Luthor, with my heart splintering all over again.
“When did you… talk to him…?” I ask for the information again, desperate not to believe it.
No… He wouldn’t do that to me.
Trevel wouldn’t…
“It’s been, like, a week, fam,” Luthor replies, with unease, and something else on his face…
Pity. He feels sorry for me. Because my boyfriend is a lying sociopath.
My world is collapsing all around me, everything I’ve been hanging onto for months blowing up in my hands like dynamite. And I’m fucking bleeding.
“He wouldn’t…” I whisper, bending at the waist. “Why?? Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s not good for you, Byron.” Ren rubs my shoulder. “I’ve been telling you this since day one. He’s a fucking snake.”
“Guys, we have to go,” Dash mutters. “Kemper, Rook, and Joy are out there. We just have to try to get to them.”
“I can’t… breathe…” I shudder.
Everything hurts. It fucking kills.
This betrayal is… goddamn excruciating.
“Byron…?” the smooth voice, with that accent, calls from the doorway, and I cringe.
The way he says my name… Jesus, I fell so hard for it.
I barely even noticed how effortlessly he became my world.
But he’s just another liar.
Flinging upright, I turn to find Trevel standing at the entrance of the room. But I’m already stalking to him, vision doused in red. Every muscle in my body is woven tight with the agonizing fury of his deception. I feel so fucking stupid, and it’s making me so much angrier. Rage clouds my vision until I can’t see straight.
Ren growls, “Look who it is… Fucking Aro.” He folds his arms over his chest, gaze narrowed. “That’s the bad guy from Twilight, in case you didn’t know.”
“Babe.” Luthor smacks his arm. “Not now…”
I’m not paying attention. I’m up in Trevel’s face in an instant. Zero fucks given that he’s taller than me. I’m going to lay him out.
I want him to bleed for this.
Trevel can’t look at me. He’s just trembling in place, entire body practically convulsing. I want to scream at him, but I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, I’ll either throw up or start crying again.
“Well, bitch?? Speak up!” Ren barks. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Okay, stop,” Luthor rumbles, and I can feel him holding Ren back.
“He’s right,” I snarl, barely audible, eyes boring rage into Trevel’s face. My mouth is inches from his… That sweet mouth I thought was finally opening up and giving me the truth. But it was all bullshit, made to hurt me. “Say something…”
His lips part, but all I get is a weakened, “I’m… sorry, baby…”
“Wrong fucking answer.”
I cock back and swing, punching him so hard in the face that he flies back against the wall. Diving onto him, I hit him with all the fury I possess. All of that anger I’ve been giving up is back with a vengeance, erupting with blow after blow… after blow.
He’s bleeding, and I’m shaking. I think I’m crying, and it just pisses me off more. Dash and Hancock are using all of their strength to pry me off of him. And when I can’t feel my hand anymore, I let them, stumbling back, breathless and pacing like a caged wild animal.
“Yo, we have to go,” Dash croaks again.
Trevel pushes himself up on shaky arms, bleeding from the face. He coughs and spits blood onto the floor. “F-Felix…”
“I’m gonna fucking kill him!” I roar, but Dash holds me back.
“Stay… west,” Trevel rasps.
He looks broken. Bruising already, swollen and bloody… He’s a wreck. With only agony on his battered face.
Good. Fuck him.
But it doesn’t feel good. It feels awful. I’m miserable as Dash hustles us all to the door.
“Why should we trust him??” Ren gasps. “He could be leading us into a trap!”
“Doesn’t matter,” Dash breathes out. “We have to get out of here either way. Kemper and I came up on the west, so chances are, it’s still relatively clear.”
They all scramble out of the room. Luthor grabs his computer, shooting me a pained look that he also aims at Trevel on his way out. “Your collar is… disabled. You can leave if you want.”
Trevel just shakes his head. He still won’t look at me.
“Figures,” I grunt, though it’s too shaky, giving away the sorrow rising like bile.
“Come on,” Luthor hums to me.
But I lean over Trevel once more and whisper, “I never fucking knew you… And I don’t want to.”
He finally slides his eyes up to my face, my violet eyes, welling and spilling tears down his blood-smeared cheeks. I gulp.
“You got what you wanted. I hope it was worth it.”
Stepping over him, I leave him on the floor.
Broken and bleeding and alone.
Just like my foolish fucking heart.
This is dangerous. Not that I care.
What’s danger anyway, when you feel nothing and life is pointless?
“Shit shit shit,” Dash huffs from a few feet ahead. “Watch out for whatever that is… I almost tripped over it.”
“Good looks,” Hancock grunts, hopping over this weird cluster of rocks that could be a boobytrap.
Maybe I should throw myself on top of it.
We managed to locate Hancock a pair of pants and some shoes before we escaped the mansion, so he’s not hiking through the woods in a jock. Kind of a bummer. The thought of it brings on some mild amusement…
Until I remember that I’m dead inside, and I scowl it all away.
I should’ve known, man. I should have fucking known that even the most confusing of good things would never last for me. Just like always… It’s ripped out of my hands, just when I’m warming up to the idea of happiness.
That’s my bad. I’m meant to be forever bitter and alone.
It’s just who I am. That’s my identifier.
Ren’s the slutty one. Luthor is the smart one. Dash is the sweet, broken boy. Felix is the lovable lunatic. The Ivory is evil… Velle’s gonna win.
And I’m the lone wolf. On the outside, looking in.
“Felix?!” Luthor calls out in a hushed voice.
“I don’t like that we haven’t found him yet…” Dash murmurs.
“Don’t think about it,” I rumble. “Just keep moving.”
The shore is visible up ahead, just through the trees. Based on where we came out of the mansion and the direction we’re headed, the old armory should be close. Hancock says it’s a safe spot. Apparently, they’ve been stashing guns and supplies there for months, using it to prepare for this uprising since long before the new guards showed up.
It’s kind of amazing. There we all were, just going about our vacant lives in that prison, thinking things had calmed down a bit after Dash escaped and Darcey killed O’Malley. Sure, we were on lockdown, but after Velle came back, it seemed like the tension had cooled off. But his guard was up the whole time.
When The Ivory brought in his guys, it was technically a move Velle hadn’t anticipated, but that didn’t mean they weren’t prepared. And now, I can’t believe I doubted him, even for a second.
