Shadowman (Alabaster Penitentiary Book 5), page 12
“Feel free to break in again… Ghost Rider.”
Apparently, I blacked out. Or fell asleep. Same thing?
That was some strong shit…
When my eyelids flutter open, I’m in Alice’s bed. She’s nestled up by my side, her back to me. I watch her for a moment in the dark, hoping she’s not terribly upset with me for getting high. Praying to sweet Satan that if—or when—she eventually finds out that I’ve somehow wound up, on occasion, with her brother’s dick in my mouth, she won’t hate me forever.
Lifting my hand, I gently brush my fingers through her silky soft hair. I let out a sigh, about to wrap my arm around her waist. But a rustling across the room stops me.
I’m groggy, movements slowed as I glance up at the shadowed frame creeping over to the bed. I only notice that it’s Andres when he doesn’t stop and slinks into the bed right next to me. It’s a queen, so technically, there would be room for the three of us, but he’s instantly sort of wrapped around me.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, peeking at Alice. She hasn’t moved.
Her brother kisses me on the mouth, then the jaw, moving his lips to my ear. “I want more.”
“You’re tapped,” I hum, as quietly as possible. My adrenaline is giving me chills, mixing with the warm and fuzzies of the drugs. It feels good, but I don’t want it to.
This is so fucked up.
Andres rolls me over a bit, settling in behind me and rubbing his erection on my ass. I’m just now realizing I’m in only my underwear. “But I got so hard out there thinking about you…” He breathes, biting my shoulder as his hands slink down to grip and squeeze. “Let me inside. Just once, pretty boy.”
Fucking hell… This is so bad.
I’m shivering and mentally scolding myself for it. My cock is already stiff from what’s happening, and how wrong it is. But when Andres reaches around and starts rubbing it, I’m falling apart.
This is a new low, even for me. It’s one thing to suck my girlfriend’s brother off for drugs once in a while. But letting him fuck me in her bed while she’s asleep right next to us??
Alright, this isn’t working much to talk me out of it.
I try looking around for Leo as a voice of reason, but of course, he’s conveniently absent.
Figures. He worships chaos and loves when I behave like a wild animal. Rather uncharacteristic of the real Leonardo, just saying.
Andres is already pulling my underwear down, not waiting for verbal consent, which, let’s be honest, doesn’t seem quite like his thing. But I’m also not stopping him, or fighting him off, so…
I’m the worst person in the world. And I’m going to get off so bloody hard…
Squirming as he spits generously into his hand, I truly hate myself. I swear to Lucifer, I do. Because despite how purely abhorrent this behavior is, I’m quaking for it. I haven’t bottomed in so long… It’s been at least a year, maybe more, since my last venture onto Grindr. I think it’s safe to say, based on how my body is reacting, I missed it.
In the interest of making this quick—or being impatient to fuck without concern for my feelings—Andres simply pushes his cock between my ass and starts nudging. The spit-lube is there, but it’s not much. Yet it’s clear that I’m just as needy, because only a few more seconds of panting and shoving, and he’s inside me.
“Fuuuuck yea,” he groans, quietly, but still.
My heavy lids are on his sister—my girlfriend. Her back is still to us, so I take a moment to close my eyes and whimper at the sensational burn and stretch.
“Shhh,” I scold him, and myself, a louder purr sneaking from my lips when he begins stroking.
“Quiet, pretty boy. My sister will hear.” He covers my mouth with his hand, fucking slow and deep while licking and sucking on my earlobe.
This is fucking ludicrous…
I must still be high, because everything feels so infinitely spectacular. I’m smart enough to know it’s smoke and mirrors, but still… It doesn’t stop me from drowning in this bad wrong terribly treacherous thing I’m doing.
Andres is fucking me harder, rocking the bed far too much. But Alice still hasn’t so much as shifted.
Something flickers on the edge of my consciousness…
“Is this how you fuck her?” he growls in my ear, pumping between my cheeks. “Push into her tight hole in the dark and ride it deep?” I whine at his words, and the way his dick is grazing my prostate. “Must be nice to come in her as much as you want, huh?” Fuck fuck fuck… “And I bet she knows you’re just as needy for it. That her darling boyfriend wants his little pussy filled with cum too…”
Bollocks. Can’t… hold… back.
I fist the sheets as my dick shoots almost painfully into the bed, all the while staring at my girlfriend’s back.
She still hasn’t moved… Why hasn’t she moved?
God, I’m coming so… bloody… hard.
“Don’t worry, pretty boy. Daddy’s here to breed you like you need it.”
His words are rippling through my brain, desires and memories tangling into a mess, until I can’t tell what’s what anymore.
“That’s it…”
“Oh yea, baby. That’s it.”
“Take it…”
“Take it,” Andres groans out loud—way too fucking loud—hips bucking as he comes in me. “Take this load like a good boy…”
“Fuckin’ hell…” I cry behind his hand, the agony of what I’m seeing in my head somehow mixing with the pleasure, springing tears to my eyes.
He’s barely done, but I’m reaching for Alice.
Something isn’t right. Something is—
“Alice??” I grab her shoulder.
She’s stiff.
My stomach claws viciously up my throat as I roll her over. And my heart comes to a full stop when I see her eyes…
They’re open.
And her lips are blue.
No… wait.
What??
“Yo, what the fuck?!” Andres pulls out of me and jumps back.
Sitting up, I’m in a fog. It’s not registering. This doesn’t feel real.
What the bloody hell is going on??
“Alice… Baby??” I shake her, hesitantly sliding my hand up to check her pulse.
It’s not there. It’s not bloody there!
And she’s ice-cold.
“What did you do?!” Andres shouts. I whip my face in his direction. “You killed my sister!”
“What??” I gasp, shivering so hard my teeth are chattering. “No, I… There’s no way…”
I didn’t. I couldn’t have.
Covering my face with my hands, I rub and dig my fingers into my eyes. No. No no no no no. This isn’t happening. I didn’t do this.
Smacking myself hard on the cheek, I growl, “Wake up.”
“You sick fuck!” Andres hisses. “You killed her and then let me come in here and fuck you right next to her?? Knowing she was dead the whole time?!”
Standing up fast, I lunge at him, grabbing him by the throat. “Lower your fucking voice,” I snarl in his face, towering over him with my height and a pure, horrified rage. “I did not kill your sister! I’m in love with her! This has to be some mistake… Something happened, or—”
“Bullshit. You’re a fucking junkie psycho,” he spits. “You were so out of it, you wouldn’t know what happened!”
My head tilts, and I blink. Something about this isn’t adding up.
There’s no way I killed her. I couldn’t have.
My lower lip trembles, pressure building in my skull as I release him.
I’m off my meds…
The nightmares…
Dr. Love’s words ring through my brain. “There’s no way to know…
You may have been… born this way.”
Rushing back to the bed, I crash down next to Alice, wrapping her stiff body in my arms. “Baby… please. Tell me I didn’t do this… I didn’t mean to…” Sputtering for breath, I’m shaking so hard I’m nearly convulsing. “P-please… C-come b-back, b-baby.”
Fuck, this is it. I’m going back to prison.
And real prison, this time. Not juvenile detention. I’m going away for the rest of my life…
Remembering Andres, I turn to find him jumping into his clothes and sneaking out of the room. I dart after him, coming to a confused halt in the living room.
His friend is still here, passed out on the couch. Andres is shaking him.
“Yo, T, wake up, man,” he says frantically. “She’s dead. You gotta bounce.”
My brows zip together, a stunned fury filling me fast. I stalk over to them, and Andres peers up at me, looking nervous.
“What…?” It’s the only word I can produce.
I think I’m in shock.
Andres slaps his friend across the face, and he finally wakes up.
“What the hell, bro??” the dude grumbles, half-conscious.
“We gotta leave, man,” Andres says, too calmly for someone whose twin sister is dead in the next room. “Alice is dead. This asshole fuckin’ killed her, and we need to get outta here before the cops show up.”
The guy—I can’t remember his bloody name—sits up fast, eyes widening. “Shit, man, you didn’t call ’em, did you??”
Andres is glaring at me, purposely not answering. I’m assuming he didn’t call them.
“What… happened?” I croak, scared and heartbroken and angry… Fucking angrier than I’ve ever been before.
“I swear, it was an accident!” the friend shouts, and Andres backhands him across the face again.
“Shut the fuck up!” he barks at the guy. “Don’t say another word! Just fuckin’ bounce. Now!”
Everything around me feels swimmy. The air is heavy with tension and confusion and… death.
Without a second thought, I tackle Andres to the ground, wrestling him until I’m on top with my hands around his throat.
“What did you do?!” I roar in his face.
“Me?? You fuckin killed her!” he chokes out. But he’s not very convincing, and now I have no clue what to think.
I blink hard, shaking my head. “I don’t think I did…”
Glancing up at the sound of footsteps, I watch the friend scrambling for the door, whipping it open and running for his life.
Probably a smart move.
“You don’t know what’s going on,” Andres wheezes. “You’re just a worthless junkie cockslut who was never good enough for my sister!”
Lifting him, I bring his head down quick, bashing his skull on the floor. It stuns him, and he groans.
“Shut the fuck up!” I thunder, tightening my hands around his throat. “I wouldn’t hurt Alice! I loved her!” I bash his head again. “I love her!” And again. And again.
And again.
Until crack! His skull splits, blood instantly pouring out of him.
I’m gasping, panting and heaving, crying and crying and crying. I can’t see. I can’t breathe… I can’t…
I just… can’t believe it.
“I love her…” I sob.
And she’s gone.
This can’t be real.
“Nicely done, mate.” The familiar voice settles me down. I sniffle, my tear-stained gaze lifting slowly to where Leo is leaning up against the wall, smoking. “Now… Let’s get this cleaned up, shall we?”
“Snap out of it, man.”
“No… No… No no… no no no.” I’m shuddering, down to my bones. Sick to my stomach. I’ve already thrown up twice. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.”
“Hey!” Leo shouts at me, grabbing me by the face until I’m forced to stop mumbling and sniffling. “Pull yourself together.”
“I c-can’t…” I whimper, cowering as he glares at me; dark, sinister eyes behind a tattered blue mask. “She’s g-gone. I… k-killed her.”
“Trevel, look at me.” His voice is deep, commanding. “I need you to wade through the drug-fog and harness every bit of your mental capacity right now.”
Blinking at him, I sniff, “What does that… m-mean?”
“You know what it means,” he says firmly. “Think, Trevel.”
My head goes back to swaying. Lips shivering, breaths labored. “I don’t… I don’t know what… h-happened.”
“Yes, you do,” he snaps. “Think.”
Pulling a long inhale, I attempt to steady my heart rate, glancing at Andres Alvarez, dead on the floor. There’s a pool of blood around his head.
“I killed him,” I whisper.
“Yea… And??”
My eyes move to the doorway to Alice’s bedroom. I whine an aggrieved sound. “She’s dead. My Alice…” Tears slip from my eyes once more. “She was the love of my life… and now she’s just… gone.”
The feeling of Leo’s grip on my face loosens. His furry hands slip down onto my shoulders. “I am sorry, mate. She was a good girl.”
Flinging a glare in his direction, my eyes harden. “Why didn’t you stop me?! You wanted me to kill her, didn’t you??”
His look of sympathy returns to one of frustration. “No. Wrong. You will not blame this on me…”
I let out a breath and rub my eyes. “I miss her already…”
“Go…” His voice echoes, more of an internal command as I scramble to my feet and dart into Alice’s room.
I freeze when I see her still lying on her bed. And I want nothing more than to crumble to bits on the floor and die with her. But I force myself closer. At the edge of her bed, I look her over, attempting to find any sign of what might have happened.
There’s no blood. No strangulation marks around her throat…
How else would I have killed her? Maybe I… smothered her with a pillow?
My heart is cracked in half inside my chest, barely pumping enough evil black sludge to keep me alive.
I’m damaged, man. Broken. A complete and utter monster.
I was in the bed next to her… Panting like a whore for her asshole twin brother while she was lying dead right next to me?! What kind of person does that??
“An evil one,” Leo says from the doorway. I aim a tearful glower at him. “No, Trevel, you’re not a good person. But that doesn’t mean you killed your girlfriend. Now fucking focus.”
“Why can’t you just tell me what happened…?” I whine, exhausted and devastated, angry and scared. Guilty. And confused.
Very fucking confused.
“You know I can’t do that,” he hums, voice fading once more.
Shaking myself out of the grief and despair—as much as I can—I crawl tentatively onto the bed, taking a closer look. I touch her neck…
Aside from being cold, it feels normal. I check her pillows for makeup, and I check myself for scratches that could allude to a struggle. I see nothing.
Lifting Alice’s hand in mine, I brush my fingertips along her skin, still so supple, despite the early signs of rigger-mortis. I bite my lip. “Baby, I’m so sorry…” My fingers run up her arm, cherishing her one last time.
But then they stop… when I notice a small mark on her inner elbow. I recognize it immediately.
“A track mark…?” I whisper, puzzled, blinking for a solid thirty seconds before checking my own arm.
I have the same mark. It’s from Andres shooting me up earlier. Just a tiny, reddened bump. Nothing more than a swollen dot from where the needle injected the poison into my vein…
But why would Alice have one too?? She doesn’t do drugs like that…
“Remember, Trevel…”
Closing my eyes, I think hard, deep, searching my mind for any memories from earlier…
Andres shot me up, and I sort of collapsed into him. The feeling is… indescribable. Like a wave of soft ecstasy. A blanket of tranquility that folds you up and carries you in weightless perfection.
I tend to black out a bit when I shoot it, which is why I prefer not to do it that way often. I don’t like to waste the high lying around like a zombie.
Maybe that’s why Andres chose that method tonight…
Because he wanted me out of commission.
This thought sparks a recollection… The sensation of being carried. Someone was carrying me…
Andres helped me out of the bathroom and into the living room.
Alice’s voice…
“Oh my God, what did you do to him??” She rushed over, taking me from him. I can feel her touching me… I remember her arm around my waist and her lips kissing my neck. “Trevel, baby, are you alright??”
“I told her goodnight…” I whisper now. I remember getting those words out.
“Okay, goodnight, beautiful stranger,” she’d chuckled. Hearing it in my head breaks my withered heart into even smaller, jagged pieces.
Then she helped me into the bedroom, lying me down in her bed. After that, it’s all darkness. My memories are of a dark room… Her bedroom. That’s it.
Running my fingers up into my hair, I grip it hard and pull. “Think think think. Come on!”
Voices…
I hear them… Slowly, they come back into focus.
They were speaking in the living room. I’m not sure I could hear what they were saying, though.
“Focus,” Leo insists. “What were they saying? Listen to them…”
“I don’t… know,” I groan hopelessly. “The next thing I remember was waking up with Alice next to me… But when did she come into bed? And how did she get that mark??”
“You know you want to try it…” Leo says. But his voice doesn’t sound like him.
It sounds… like Andres.
“You know you want to try it, Sis,” he said to Alice. “There’s a reason loverboy in there is so obsessed with this shit.”
“Because he’s hurting,” Alice clapped back. “He’s suffering with his own shit, and you’re preying on that.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Andres huffed.
“You wanna talk about dramatic?” she muttered, her tone accusatory. “Let’s talk about why you find it necessary to take my boyfriend into the bathroom alone to do drugs…”
“Maybe they’re fucking,” someone chuckled. I think it was the friend.
“Yea right.” Andres growled. “I ain’t no homo.”
“Real mature,” Alice grunted. “Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past you…”
