Shadowman (Alabaster Penitentiary Book 5), page 45
His tone has a serious bite to it, but he’s gone before I can say anything, leaving me staring in the direction he disappeared.
“Wow, so Velle wasn’t exaggerating, huh?” Joy shakes her head. “You and emo Mick Jagger are an item now? Just flitting around, free as two little lovebirds while the rest of this place is a blazing goddamn dumpster fire??”
I narrow my gaze at her, irritation causing fidgets in my limbs. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?? I’m not doing anything. We’re down here to see Dr. Love. It’s not like we’re having a fucking party…”
“Dr. Love’s not here,” she mutters. “He’s gone for the night.”
I give her a puzzled look. Why would The Ivory tell us to come see him if he’s gone?? Maybe he doesn’t know…?
“Whatever. You’re proving my point,” I grunt. “Felix fucking Darcey has been freely strutting around this place for months. His sketchy boyfriend is technically still on The Ivory’s roster, but they’re treated like the goddamn president and first fucking lady of Alabaster Isle! You know he sleeps in the mansion, right? Darcey?”
Her brow arches. “Who told you that? Benedict Arnold Cumberbatch over there?”
My scowl deepens. “What difference does it make?! You guys are all butthurt that Trevel works for The Ivory… Well, guess what?? We all work for The fucking Ivory! Excuse me for finding someone who likes me for me… For the first time since I’ve been here, I’m someone’s main priority. And my friends, the people who supposedly care about me so much, are out here trying to make me feel bad about it! Fuck that.”
Growling, I rake my fingers through my hair, pulling in breaths while attempting to calm myself down before I really flip the fuck out. “Side with Darcey and Dr. Love all you want, but at the end of the day, they’re here for themselves, just like the rest of us. They’ll dime on you to save their own asses, I guaran-fucking-tee it. There’s no honor among thieves, jeulgeoun.”
By the end of my tirade, I’m exhausted. My heart is jackhammering, and I just want to lie down. I never thought finding someone who makes me happy would require this much fight.
Is that really what Trevel is…?
Someone who… makes me happy?
How can I tell? I guess if thinking it is a reflex, it must be true…
Blinking hard, I shake the thought away. Joy is chewing on her lower lip, looking all manners of distraught. I didn’t notice it as much before, but she’s visibly exhausted, and rigid with obvious stress. Maybe she was those things before, but never this noticeably.
“I’m sorry,” we both say at the same time, then chuckle. And sniff.
We’re so similar in so many ways, which is why we’ve clicked since day one. I truly love her as a friend, and it kills not to be as close as we once were.
“I don’t want to fight,” she murmurs. “Not with you.”
“Funny, considering how many times you’ve kicked my ass,” I tease, and she grins.
“Hey, you got your licks in.” She wiggles her brows, and I scoff.
“Pervert.”
“Seriously, though,” she says. “How are you holding up? Better than your boys, I’m sure…”
My forehead lines in obvious confusion, the twinge of guilt that’s been living in my gut since my fight with Luthor and Ren growing rapidly into a churn of acidic remorse. Naturally, it makes me defensive.
“I’m just fucking breathing, like I’ve been doing since the moment I got here.” I struggle to tone down the hostility. “What do you want me to say? They separated us… I haven’t seen either of them since that day in the rec room.”
The look on her face is worrying, and I’m bracing for impending pain. She has something to say, I can feel it. But she’s holding back too, and it’s gutting me.
So she doesn’t trust me either now??
Joy scrapes hands over her face, those black tactical fingerless gloves she always wears lingering on her eyes. “Listen, I love you, but you’ll have to forgive us for being skeptical of your new boyfriend. I’m fucking exhausted… We all are. I haven’t slept in days… weeks, who fucking knows anymore. They kicked us out of the mansion last night, so it’s been—”
“They kicked you out of the mansion??” I gasp.
I had no idea…
I’ve been so wrapped up in my violet-eyed stranger, I’ve barely noticed that everything around me is deteriorating. And I’m momentarily awed by how much he’s distracted me. How deeply Trevel Fenwick has sunk inside me and filled up all those vacant places.
“If you think Trevel had anything to do with it, you’re high,” I mumble. “He wouldn’t…” My words trail off, and I swallow.
Would he…?
A noise pings—like a phone chime. Joy straightens, and my brow furrows.
“Gotta go.” She squeezes my shoulder. “Keep your guard up, gwiyeoun sonyeon.”
“I… will.” My words are left fluttering in the air as she darts through a different door.
I’m frozen solid for minutes, recoiling at the fact that I clearly don’t know shit anymore.
What am I doing??
I’m a stalker, for fuck’s sake. I’m best at falling back and observing details. How could I have been so blind to all of this?
Maybe because someone covered my eyes…
Finally forcing my legs into motion, I wander, distracted, in the direction Trevel went, all the while obsessing over the events of the last few months.
All of my friends, either leaving, or dying, or betraying me. And I’m left with only one person—the mysterious stranger who arrived just in time to pick up the pieces.
It seems… almost too perfect to be a coincidence.
I spot Trevel up the corridor, propped against the wall, staring blankly at the floor. He notices me right away, uncoiling as I approach him slowly. I peek at the door he’s standing beside, a nameplate on it that reads Dr. Lemuel Love, PhD.
My gaze flits to Trevel, and the first thing I see in his eyes is an uncharacteristic flash of guilt. But it vanishes quickly enough, replaced by a forced indifference.
“He’s not in there… is he?” I blink at him.
The mound of his throat dips visibly. “Doesn’t seem to be.”
We stare at each other in silence for a moment. There are a lot of things I want to say… Questions I want to ask. And I think he can sense it.
Trevel turns and knocks on the door, sort of jittery as he presses his ear up to it. I don’t hear anything from where I’m standing, and I assume he doesn’t either because he grabs the handle and whips the door open, striding inside the office.
As I peer up and down the hallway, something feels off. It’s too quiet. There’s a vibe in the air I can’t explain that has me tensing all over, like a fight response lying in wait.
Reluctantly, I follow Trevel inside Dr. Love’s office. As expected, it’s empty.
“Joy said he was done for the day,” I rumble.
Trevel pauses his snooping to glare at me. “Did she, then?” I nod. “What else did she have to say?”
I’m taken aback by the severity on his face. “Why does it matter?”
“So you’re keeping secrets again?” He looks both hurt and enraged.
“I’m not the only one…” I whisper.
His jaw clenches visibly. “I’m going to look for Felix Darcey.”
He brushes past me, out of the office. Of course, I follow him.
Why am I always blindly following him…?
“Why do you need to find Felix Darcey?” I power-walk after him while he strides swiftly up the long corridors, toward Darcey’s room.
“Because this is all his fault,” he seethes, barely audibly.
“What is…?”
“Everything, Byron!” he snaps, screeching to a halt and whipping in my direction. I almost crash into him. “Bloody everything is his fault, you know that! I thought we were on the same page. But now… I’m not sure what you want.”
My lashes flutter up at him. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I’m tense and overflowing with apprehension. “I don’t know… what you want me to say.”
“Yea, no shit,” he grunts, spinning away from me to resume his storming up the hall.
What is his problem??
If anything, I should be mad at him…
I should be… fucking suspicious of him, goddamnit! Just like everyone else is. Not allowing him to fucking own me without a single shred of hesitation.
It makes no sense to be so happy… out of fucking nowhere.
It can’t be real.
I mean, look at me! I’m chasing after him… It’s fucked!
He’s not Michelangelo.
I can hear the wind thrashing against the building, even stronger than before, as we stalk the halls. The faint sound of pelting rain is accompanied by the occasional rumble of thunder shaking the walls.
The feeling is mutual.
We reach Felix Darcy’s room, and Trevel doesn’t even knock. He just bursts inside.
“Aha!” he shouts, frowning when we find this one also empty.
“Aha? Really?” I snort.
He looks like he wants to grin, but he’s stopping himself. It’s cute, and that’s annoying me even more.
Trevel folds his arms across his chest. “Your friends don’t trust me.”
My head cocks.
“I know it’s true. You and Joy couldn’t even talk with me around…”
“Do you blame her?” I retort. “You work for The Ivory. I mean, you’re here as his spy, for fuck’s sake. Did you think they’d just welcome you with open arms??”
“That’s not why I’m here…” he grumbles, tone deep and containing his frustrations.
“How would I know??” I bark, getting up in his face. So close, I can see his pupils dilating. “I don’t know shit about you, Trevel. You could be a figment of my goddamn imagination for all I know!”
Something about those words flips a switch. In a flash, he’s no longer containing his rage. It’s lit the hell up, sparking his violet gaze and illuminating his sharp features.
“Could a figment of your imagination make you come crying?” he growls in my face, wicked amusement dancing on his lips as they hover over mine.
“Maybe,” I hum out of stubborn agitation.
The lights flicker, and we both glance up at them before returning to our stare-down.
“You think I’m lying to you, Raphael?” he snarls, dangerously quiet.
“You wouldn’t be the first liar I—” My voice dries up, and I gulp. “Do you know where Ren is?” I’m unable to mask the accusatory tone.
His blazing gaze narrows. “Why would I?”
“I don’t know…” I’m stiff, but my eyes are pleading, desperate for it not to be true…
I really don’t want to believe he’d lie to me about something like this. But I can’t shake this gnawing feeling…
“Why would I keep that from you, Byron?” he growls.
“Because… maybe you were trying to protect me,” I stammer. His eyes soften. “Or maybe you’re jealous…”
“Oh, I’m most definitely jealous,” he bites out, and my brows jump. “I mean, you’ve really spread yourself around in here, my sweet fury.”
What… the… fuck.
Fast, wrathful indignation sweeps me up, and I seethe, “Fuck you. Are you calling me a fucking slut??”
His hand curls around my throat. “If the mask fits, baby…”
“Shut the fuck up!” I rip away, shoving him hard in the chest. “What the fuck do you know anyway?? You’re a fucking stranger to me.”
Pain flashes in his eyes, filling my mouth with remorse. But I hate it because I’m right. It’s true…
I don’t fucking know him.
“You don’t know who I am…?” Trevel hisses, getting back in my face. “Is that right?”
“Fucking correct,” I growl.
He goes for my neck again, but I keep fighting him off. “Well, maybe you should just think that through, warrior… Because if you don’t know me, then who’s been draining your balls all these nights? Huh??” He’s coming at me quick, grabbing my shirt and my face while I block him and shove him away. “Who have you been letting inside your sweet little pussy, Raphael?!”
“Fuck you!” I roar, vision splattering red. Without hesitation, my arm cocks and I slap him. Hard, right across the face. Like a fucking bitch. “Fuck you, you goddamn head case fucking cunt!”
I slap him again, even harder. His face flings, and he stumbles, clutching his cheek. When he turns back to me, he’s grinning, his lip split and bloody. Licking it, he lets out a deranged cackle. Like a fucking psychopath.
I swallow a mouthful of unease.
This dude is insane. Am I gonna have to beat him into the ground right now?? I don’t want to…
We’re staring at each other, chests heaving, for no more than a few seconds, though it feels like hours.
“Hit me again…” Trevel whispers, tone low and more sinister than anything I’ve heard before.
My eyes widen, forehead lined. “What?!”
He lunges forward, and I back up. “You want to, baby, I know you do… I deserve to bleed for hurting you, sweet fury…”
“What the fuck…” I breathe out, ducking and stumbling away from him.
This feels like the last time we fought, only way worse. Because he’s making this happen, and I don’t fucking get it… Why he’d rather take a beating from me than just be honest with me.
“Please, Byron…” He grabs my arm, eyes alight with anguish I just don’t understand. This teetering scale of misery and rage is too much for me.
“You’re unbelievable.” I scoff, spinning away from him.
Storming up the hall, I’m quaking, fists balled at my sides. Just praying that he lets me go…
“Byron, wait,” he grunts, coming after me.
So I take off running.
I’ve gotta get away from this…
“Oh, you’re running from me now??” he growls from behind me.
“Screw you, Leo!” I snap, sprinting up the hall and barreling through the door. “You don’t want me to see you?? Fine. You’re invisible.”
The music of a vicious storm is audible through the cold concrete, winding me up even tighter. I’m riddled with heavy thoughts and bustling emotions, and it’s more than I’m equipped to handle. Running is easier.
Running, I’m used to.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m barely paying attention, and I don’t care. I just need to get away from Trevel fucking Fenwick. Away from the memories in this goddamn building, the feelings I’m too afraid to confront and all of this psycho shit—how unhinged he makes me feel.
Fuck it all.
Racing the halls while the lights flicker, I’m heaving for breath. I grab the next handle and turn, slamming my weight against the door. It whips open… And my entire body goes still in shock.
It’s outside.
The door opened to… outside.
I’m gaping in disbelief. Staring at… out.
A gravel path leading out to a small road. Trees off in the distance. Wet dirt and leaves. Raindrops.
I can smell it all, and it’s the most overwhelming sensation I’ve ever experienced. Smelling the ocean air and rain and wet earth for the first time in three years.
“What the fuck…” I gasp, blinking over and over.
Am I hallucinating?? How is this happening right now??
“Well… bollocks,” Trevel mutters from behind me, pausing his pursuit to marvel at this crazy shit with me.
Slanting my face, I gape at him. His eyes are also round and mystified, though there’s a shade of nervousness to them.
“How is this possible?” I shiver from nerves and the cold air hitting my skin. “Why would they… let us open this door?”
“They wouldn’t,” Trevel rumbles suspiciously.
He glances up at the ceiling, and I follow his line of sight. The camera is slumped downward. No red light to indicate that it’s on.
I squint at it. “Do you think… the storm knocked out the servers?”
I’m fizzling with a sudden thrill, peering out into the world beyond these prison walls.
“This is…” Trevel’s baffled, breathy words cut off when I step through the doorway. I’m half out when he grabs me by the wrist. “Wait!”
“Wait?” I grunt. “Are you kidding me?!”
Lightning illuminates the sky, catching my attention.
“Byron…” He slides his fingers through mine, filling me with warmth.
I peek at him, his violet irises much calmer than a moment ago. It’s not placating… But it is electrifying.
Thunder rumbles.
“You want me, Trevel…?” I whisper. His head cocks as his tongue slides over his bottom lip. “Then you’ll have to catch me first.”
Slipping out of his hold, I’m outside and sprinting in a flash.
Holy shit…
Holy fucking shit!
Feet pounding the dirt, cold rain hitting my face, my pulse rocks my insides. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m out.
I’m fucking outside!
I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, but I can’t deny that just being out here feels incredible. Even if I were to get caught right now, it’d be worth it for five minutes of jogging outside in the elements.
“Byron!” Trevel roars from somewhere behind me. I nearly stumble over my feet. “Get back here, you sweet little twat!”
A morbid smirk tugs at my lips as I huff, running faster, toward the forest. Based on the sound of his footsteps, he’s probably less than twenty feet back. A chill sweeps through me, like a current of the electricity crackling in the sky.
The fear and adrenaline… the arousal. I can’t fight it; how enticing it feels to be running from him. To be chased by him.
I wonder what he’ll do if he catches me…
Once in the woods, a bit of anxiety lessens. There are trees surrounding me, which means plenty of cover. My mind races as fast as my feet, but the farther I get from the prison, the less worry I feel.
I just need to get away from there.
That place is the problem. It’s been the fucking problem for three goddamn years.
