Suburban Warlock: A Slice of Life Fantasy, page 20
Locks on the door.
People trying to sabotage her.
Of course.
She was the one having the backs of the local farmers.
But only half of my surprise came from the revelation about her profession.
The other half came from what she was wearing.
I had a feeling that no matter what she wore she would look incredible. Assets like hers definitely had a means of effectively distracting the opposition, and she leaned into it hard. She wore the tightest white blouse, the buttons pulling over her enormous chest as if they were about to burst free, and a black pencil skirt to match that stretched over her round behind.
There were plenty of women of a magical persuasion that I had run into who looked like that over the years, including plenty in a professional setting, but having peered behind the curtain – pun kind of intended – she really got my heart rate up.
And if all of that wasn’t enough, those damned horns sticking out from between her hair and snaking back over her head really spoke to the devilish side of her lawyering abilities.
‘One for you, Mr. Morelian,’ she spoke formally, the slightest hint of a smile at the edge of her mouth, ‘Just for the sake of professionalism.’
‘Thank you, Ms. Jones,’ I replied with equal formality, taking the sheet before she headed back to her clients, her round behind looking ready to split that skirt open.
Nope, you’re here in a professional capacity. Focus.
While Victoria began her opening statement regarding, I quickly glanced over the document she had handed me. It was just as I suspected – these half-assed land developers were trying to steal the farmland by forcefully purchasing it based on all kinds of woeful bullshit.
Victoria was helping the locals in this dispute, the only lawyer that seemed to be doing anything about it.
I glanced over at Terali Inc’s team of faceless representatives. Truth be told I had never had a problem with land development. People needed places to live.
But it seemed that Terali Inc. were using improper means to try and take over local land. They were really wringing the towel dry.
And the farmers didn’t want to sell. Not only were they holding their own, they had sought to hire somebody who really knew what she was doing.
Just before Victoria began, I glanced about the large hearing room of the town hall beyond the desks either side of the aisle where the farmers and the lawyers resided. Barely anybody was present for the discussion save for a few older folks, half of them sleeping – and a suit-clad sun-elf at the back of the room.
He sat watching the proceedings carefully, a large troll standing guard behind him.
His whole demeanor told me that he was used to feeling in control, and this was one such situation where he wasn’t.
He definitely had something to do with this.
Victoria held the floor with the absolute apex of professionalism. Everything from her tone to her cadence to her pacing worked as if it had been rehearsed to within an inch of its life, and her incredible appearance only served to keep the attention on her.
I had zero doubt that she knew exactly how good she looked, and she was using it to her advantage. Could I blame her? Hell no.
But I also now possessed zero doubts about who was responsible for unleashing the temp dungeon at Victoria’s house.
Intimidation was a feeling I had had since my first week in the dungeons, but I was more than content to throw it back when necessary.
Fortunately Javvik possessed a sub-class of his own outside of the Healing abilities fall under his Ward abilities: ice.
‘It’s a little warm on this side of the room, Javvik,’ I whispered to my familiar, ‘why don’t you help our friends on this side of the aisle to cool off.’
Javvik drew a deep breath and blew a gust towards Terali Inc.
The icy chill of air washed towards them. I swore that I could see it, even if Javvik would always swear blind that the spell was never visible.
The chill raced so sharply over the group that several jolted uncomfortably, as if they had just finished off a long night of drinking and felt as if they were about to be sick.
One of the more brash Terali squad piped up angrily.
‘The familiar is using its magic!’ He barked. ‘This is a clear bias!’
‘Is that true, Mr. Morelian?’ Mayor Crocket asked.
‘My apologies, mayor,’ I said, ‘I take full responsibility for my familiar’s actions.’
Further spells were off the table, but other tactics weren’t.
That being said, despite Javvik possessing no face, he could still direct his hooded headed towards Terali Inc.’s reps, those terrifying purple eyes glaring out judgmentally.
The two of us spent the next hour staring them down; on my face it was the cold look that unconsciously took over my expression during any fight, and while Javvik’s face was masked, imagination was often a lot more effective than reality, and the concerned glances that frequently edged towards my familiar and I told me that Terali found us just a little intimidating.
Chapter 34
Sports Bar Scheming
After the hearing was over, I hung around outside the hall to wait for Victoria. The moment she left and set her eyes on me, she smiled.
‘So this is what you do,’ I started. ‘Do the horns help with the low-key intimidation?’
‘Somewhat.’
‘No surprise there.’
‘I’d say I’m happy to see you,’ she replied, ‘but that would be seriously understating how grateful I am. You really helped me out back there. And that cold thing? Genius.’
‘Officially I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ I replied. ‘You’d have to ask my familiar.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ she winked. ‘What have you got to say about it, Javvik?’
Javvik looked to me, then back to Victoria.
‘Nothing at all,’ he droned.
Victoria and I stepped outside into the plaza. Back in the professional setting of the actual world, Javvik still looked like the specter of Death.
‘Eughh!’
An elderly goblin woman hobbling by took notice of him and cowered a little, backing away as she waved her walking stick at the air.
‘Madam-’ He began.
‘No, please, no!’ She yelped, ‘I’m not ready to go!’
‘It’s fine, he’s just a familiar,’ I said, ‘he doesn’t mean any harm.’
‘Back, devil!’
The old woman took off down the street, suddenly forgetting the need for a walking stick now that the hooded specter of death was at her heels.
‘Maybe you ain’t the harbinger of death, but you might bring it upon people if they set their sights on you,’ I said, ‘Best to hop back into the seal, I think.’
‘Gladly.’
Javvik swept back into it.
‘Walk with me,’ Victoria invited.
The early morning rush for coffee was over, giving us free reign to pick up our orders at the coffee shop nearby.
I didn’t have time sit and talk considering I had promised Sophie her coffee order over an hour ago, but the wait for our brews gave us a couple minutes.
‘So you’re a lawyer.’
‘Well spotted.’
‘I’ve been trying to figure out what you do for a living since I saw you running by.’
‘Funnily enough, I’ve been trying to figure out what you do ever since you got rid of that dungeon from my house.’
‘Lawyer was a contender in the back of my mind, but last night might have changed my mind.’
‘Last night?’ She replied. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
She gave me a look – a look that showed all the deliberation she had put into undressing behind the curtains last night, into showing me a hint of her, into teasing me relentlessly.
‘Must have been my mind playing tricks on me,’ I spoke knowingly.
‘Must have been,’ Victoria smiled smoothly, taking her coffee. ‘I’m done with work for today. You didn’t forget about our date tonight, did you?’
‘Definitely not,’ I replied. ‘Sophie didn’t forget either.’
‘Good. Stop by at 8pm. Dress code?’
‘Casual. I’m not exactly a fan of edge-of-your-seat fine dining.’
‘A man after my own heart. Give me it hot and quick.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘The food.’
Victoria had mastered misdirection in her line of work, and damn, did she know how to use it. She brushed off the comment like it was nothing.
I couldn’t exactly say the same.
I left with the coffees and headed back to the house where Sophie was relaxing on the couch with some breakfast.
‘You took your time.’
‘It’s a long story,’ I replied, closing the front door behind me, ‘Still up for that date with Victoria tonight?’
‘Is that a question?’
***
The dinner date was casual, but that didn’t mean that either Sophie or Victoria was intent on dressing casually.
Sophie returned from her house just before 8pm wearing a red dress that was the perfect length, stopping halfway down her thighs and showing off her long, sun-kissed legs and slender shoulders.
We headed next door just as Victoria emerged from her house. The busty brunette lawyer next door brushed up in anything just as well as Sophie did, but in a pair of black jeans so tight it looked she had been stitched into them and a loose blouse, top three buttons undone over a push-up bra that made her chest somehow even more prominent, I could have lost my mind on the spot.
‘Hey,’ she smiled charmingly, her enormous breasts bouncing beneath the silk of her shirt. ‘You two ready?’
‘Definitely.’
‘Looks like you got to him first, huh?’ She smiled at Sophie.
‘Are you kidding me? I’m surprised you two didn’t cross paths first.’
‘Actually we did, we just didn’t know it.’
Maybe if they were competing over me it would have been awkward, but they weren’t; it already seemed like they were both intent on sharing me.
Before I could hug Victoria, the two beautiful women crossed to each other and embraced.
‘Been a little while, huh?’
‘Because you’ve been working so much. How come you never mentioned that you were a lawyer?’
‘I need something to do with my time. I’ll go stir-crazy if I’m not doing something productive.’
‘Just how well do you two know each other?’ I asked.
‘We borrow ingredients from each other on occasion,’ Sophie said. ‘And that’s a fact, not a euphemism. Didn’t I mention that?’
‘You mentioned that you kind of knew each other.’
‘We do,’ Sophie said.
Considering how clear Sophie had made her feelings about how good Victoria looked, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was a euphemism.
‘Should we call a cab?’ Sophie said.
‘How about we drive?’ Victoria suggested.
‘You mean this?’ I said, gesturing to the pristine car. ‘I’d be terrified to park this most places.’
‘Fortunately we’re not in most places,’ she smiled. ‘Exact reason I bought it.’
‘I vote car,’ Sophie said.
‘Wanna drive?’ She asked, holding up her keys and swinging them smoothly around her finger. ‘If you can command a steed aside from that bike of yours, that is.’
‘It’s been a while,’ I replied, ‘but I think I can manage it.’
I climbed into the driver’s side and resisted the urge to run my hands over every surface.
‘Oh, lord…’ Sophie sighed, ‘This thing is even more glorious inside than it is outside.’
‘I get the whole thing detailed properly every couple months,’ Victoria replied. ‘No point owning a car like this if it doesn’t look good all year round.’
I turned the keys in the ignition. The car purred to life smoothly and the engine shuddered with power.
‘Okay, I’m willing to be turned to the other side,’ I admitted, pushing down a smile. ‘Maybe I do need to get a car…’
We left the neighborhood and headed to the plaza. Walking into a sports bar with two women who looked like Sophie and Victoria was practically asking for trouble, but having spent a lifetime accidentally turning myself into a walking tank, I didn’t feel that kind of worry anymore.
A group of guys watching the game turned their attention to us the second we entered. It was like watching a bunch of killbots zone in on their targets and conduct their initial assessments, only instead of intentions to kill, it was to home in and be those guys.
Only the alpha of the group had eyes on me. I could see the whistle on his lips, but after a look from me he held up. He staggered to his feet and prepped to head over and try his luck.
As always, the temptation to send a non-fatal arcane blast sweeping over the bar was there, but where would that land me in a civilized area? Slapped with a magical discharge conviction and in hot legal bother, no matter how hot the lawyer on my arm was.
But there were other resources at my disposal. Mind control was a dead field of magic that was impossible to conjure in this world. Still, there were various spells in the Arcane/Destruction subcategories that were largely untraceable if used correctly.
In this instance, one would do – one that Javvik had mentioned earlier at the town hall.
‘Felantria.’
Before any words could even leave the guy’s mouth, the transparent shudder on the air wisped forwards and washed over him under my command.
I had learned Felantria by way of pure accident; shit-talking in a squad had never been of any interest to me, but it had provided me with other info besides how to craft the perfect burger.
The shudder effect was a particular type of affliction curse that branched into destruction right at the edge of my skill tree in the briefest of crossovers from Curses. It recreated that feeling of unpleasant dread that somebody got when they were about to be sick.
The kind of feeling that threw anybody off.
The moment it hit the guy, he literally shuddered and staggered to the side, knocking into the bar and sending drinks scattering over his buddies.
‘You should be a little more careful,’ I spoke flatly, brushing past him and heading to my booth with Sophie and Victoria.
I ordered a beer, Sophie ordered a strawberry daiquiri and Victoria took a dirty martini.
‘How did I know that you were going to go for that?’ I asked as the waiter brought the drinks to our table.
‘How did I know that you were going to go for something as basic as beer?’ Victoria smiled. ‘This is Emberfall.’
‘It’s a sports bar, what else would I order?’
‘The town might be refurbished, but the roots are still there where it counts. There are good whiskies behind every counter around here.’
‘Better question is how did you know I was a whisky man?’
‘Because you seem like the kind of guy who’s had his tastebuds fried several times over.’
‘Right,’ I smiled, holding back a laugh.
‘Anyway,’ Victoria continued, ‘much as I would love to wax lyrical about myself, after the speech I gave this morning, I think I’m done talking for the day. I think I’ve earned some answers.’
‘To what?’ I shrugged knowingly.
‘To the real reason that you were fucking around flying a drone over my property and then over Felgrom’s yard.’
‘Should we tell her?’ I asked Sophie.
‘I don’t see why not,’ my blonde girlfriend replied.
‘I am sitting right here, y’know?’ Victoria laughed.
‘Fine,’ I conceded, ‘How much do you know about the Elderax?’
***
Another good reason not to pick a fancy restaurant for our date was the nature of our discussion. The sports bar was loud, and with every yard the team gained, the rowdy drunks got louder.
Fine by me. In our own little corner of the bar, nobody had a clue what we were talking about.
‘That’s one hell of a story,’ Victoria smiled, taking in our tale so far as she sipped on her martini. ‘Well, that seems as good a reason as any. Legally, of course, I never said that to you.’
‘Now all we’ve got to do is find the location of the dungeon,’ Sophie said, ‘The wood-nymph’s staff and a trove of Elderax artifacts are buried in it. And seeing as Trent is one of the most seasoned dungeon clearers in the country, an unregistered low-level dungeon like this should be a piece of cake for him.’
‘So now you know,’ I said, sitting back against the leather seat of the booth.
Victoria nodded to herself.
‘So…’ She replied. ‘You have the key to this dungeon, but how are you going to find its location?’
‘With another riddle,’ Sophie said, fishing out her journal and showing the page to Victoria.
‘Green… A long blade, longer than any that a man could possibly hold. My staff, and all else that I hid, sits at the very tip of this blade. Interesting. Well, I’d be more than happy to help you out skirting around any laws that might get in your way. Unfortunately, right now, I’m a little preoccupied dealing with my own enemies.’
‘Terali Inc.,’ I nodded. ‘The ones who were at the town hall.’
‘They’re causing me a mighty headache. I’ve taken the locals’ cases pro bono, but Terali have got a few connected guys on their side who will stop at nothing to keep throwing wrenches our way. I try to keep my head separate from these situations, but with this one I can’t. They’re good people, and Terali Inc. are doing some really shady shit.’
One of my main objectives in retirement was to keep my head down. I definitely didn’t need anybody finding out that the sole survivor of Ice Delve was holed up here of all places.
But that need was flexible. As long as I could securely disguise my identity, I could help out.
‘These Terali Inc. guys,’ I mused, ‘Do you think they have anything to do with the temp dungeon that landed at your house?’
‘It seems that much like you, I’m a no-name around here,’ Victoria smiled, ‘I worked a lot of cases back in the day in New York that I won’t go into, but there isn’t anybody from back then who dislikes me that much.
