Suburban Warlock: A Slice of Life Fantasy, page 10
‘Of course I am. I’m a warlock.’
‘A warlock who’s keeping me on the edge of my seat.’
‘How about I tell you over some takeout?’
‘Now there’s a deal I don’t need to be a Joy Mage to make. But let’s sunbathe a while first.’
Chapter 17
Nights in Suburbia
After our late-afternoon session of sunbathing and relaxation in the hot tub, we ordered takeout courtesy of a fried chicken joint located in the plaza.
After showering down, drying off and changing into a fresh set of clothes, I headed downstairs just as the doorbell rang. I took the hefty box from the delivery guy and tipped him with a half-gold piece, worth somewhere in the region of $100 by current exchange rates.
‘Thanks,’ he spoke skeptically, checking out the coin and holding it up to the light before realizing what it was. ‘Wait, sir, this is a…’
‘I know,’ I nodded back, ‘thanks for the speedy delivery.’
I closed the door and headed to the living room. Sophie sat on the couch wearing her usual outfit of nothing but shorts and a faded t-shirt.
‘Amazing,’ Sophie smiled, inhaling the scent of the chicken and fries as we knocked open the lids and set them out on the coffee table. ‘I really try to stay healthy, but sometimes the places in town are too good to ignore.’
‘I’ll be the judge of that,’ I smiled, taking a bite of a wing. Salt and a mix of spiced herbs with mighty juicy chicken.
‘How good is that?’ Sophie asked expectantly, already knowing the answer.
‘Pretty damn good,’ I replied. ‘One of the best I ever had was this chicken joint in New Orleans. I forget the name… Nope, it’s gone. Eat at enough places around the country and that ends up happening.’
‘New Orleans? You got around, huh? Time to tell me all about it. Come on, no more teasing. What were you doing in the dungeons?’
‘I was clearing.’
‘Really? How long were you a dungeon clearer for?’
‘So long that if I told you, you probably wouldn’t believe me.’
‘How many dungeons?’
‘I don’t keep count, but a little over 100 if I had to guess.’
‘100?’ She repeated, a fry dropping from between her fingers. ‘You’re fucking with me, right?’
‘I wish.’
‘Nobody cleans for that long.’
I fished out my caster’s journal, opened it to the first page and handed it to her. ‘Take a look for yourself.’
There was plenty of information in there that she could have pulled from, but all it took were my HP and mana counters.
‘Holy fuck…’ Sophie trailed off as she stared at the page before laughing with shock. ‘Who the hell are you?’
‘A clearer, like I said.’
‘So you really have been grinding out floors for years?’
‘Pretty much. The coin was half-decent, so I took it straight out of the Academy. It let me travel. Only problem is most of that gold gets spent on having a good time outside of the dungeons, and by a good time I mean nothing more than a good drink, a good meal and a modest roof over my head.’
‘Because it’s dangerous?’
‘Because it’s boring.’
‘Really?’
‘There’s a difference. It’s true that no two jobs are ever the same, but when it comes to the days themselves, it can get old fast, especially when you’re only grinding through the first couple of floors. After the first dozen times it’s like taking out the trash.’
‘So how did you get out of it?’ Sophie asked, propping her elbow on the back of the couch and looking to me with intrigue.
I looked Sophie in the eyes. Ranting about this stuff to my familiars usually got it off my chest, but at the end of the day, they were demons. They would never completely understand.
But Sophie was the most understanding person I had met in some time. If there was anybody that I was okay with getting this thing off my chest to, it was the strange, busty blonde wolf-eared woman who lived across the street.
‘About a month ago I was clearing out the first two floors of this dungeon for your usual tour. It’s way west of here in Kansas, just outside a town called Indigo Lair.’
‘Wait, I heard about that place,’ Sophie cut in, sitting up suddenly and gazing at me. ‘What was it called, umm… Ice Delve! Nobody had ever made it back from beyond the second floor. That’s all I remember from the article I read. I barely caught it in passing.’
‘Yep,’ I nodded. ‘And I got dragged into it.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘This dungeon team had been on a tear after clearing a few dangerous floors from other dungeons across the country over the previous months. They thought they figured out how to take the thing down, but like I said yesterday – ego. They got cocky. I knew they didn’t have it, but I ended up getting dragged along for the ride by force, and I had to do everything I could to get out.’
‘Well, unless you’re a friendly poltergeist – and you brush up pretty well for a ghost, Trent – then I’m guessing you managed to get out. How did you do it?’
‘We reached the final floor in a total state. Javvik and Glok were both dead enough that they would need at least a few weeks to heal. We were going into the boss battle without the right tools. They knew it. I knew it. But they were obsessed. It was just a case of figuring out who was going to admit it to themselves first.
‘The final boss was an ice dragon. Brutal monster, the kind from the old world that’s been sat slumbering down there for centuries. We tried and made it no more than a couple of minutes before somebody got snagged. Then the healer went down. That was the end, and everything was going wrong. I can still remember looking around at the total carnage of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to chaos – I worked it in 9-hour shifts for a decade. But to be in the middle of it, to genuinely fear for my life…’
Sophie gazed at me intensely as I thought back to the final floor.
‘So how did you get out?’ She whispered, hanging on my every word.
‘Buried at the back of my Destruction tree is a spell called Flame of the Infernal Terror. I had never used it before. It’s a fire spirit that incinerates everything. I wouldn’t even dare use it in an open space, never mind a closed space like a dungeon. But there was no other way out, and I had to survive. It was like setting off a nuke. Killed the rest of the team in the process. Only way I survived was climbing inside of the ice dragon and clinging to its frosty core.’
‘Woah…’ Sophie gulped. ‘That’s one hell of a play.’
‘I had to pick the better odds, even if those odds looked pretty dire.’
‘So what happened?’
‘I didn’t think it would work, but like I said, it was my only shot. Fortunately I survived, albeit plenty beaten up. I was the only one left, the chest was just sitting there, the door was unlocked… So I took it and left.’
Sophie stared at me with a bewildered smile.
‘That might just be the wildest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire freaking life.’
‘I could lie and tell you that it was a perfectly choregraphed fight, but that’s not the way it went down. The stories I hear from the few dungeon runners that made it out of the game alive all go the same: total flukes and heavy luck are the only reasons they survived with their fortunes.’
‘Don’t worry, I won’t ask how much you made it out with.’
‘Let’s just say it’s enough that I can retire here in the bastion of the magical world and live a relaxed life.’
‘And plan your next dungeon run?’
‘Believe me,’ I laughed, ‘I am going to make it a point to never set foot inside of a dungeon ever again.’
‘I think if anybody’s earned that privilege, it’s you.’
‘Thanks. So what do you think of things around here?’
‘Honestly…?’ Sophie nodded her head from side to side as if she was reluctant to give an answer, ‘… I love it. Maybe that’s not the answer you were expecting, but seriously, I absolutely love it. This place is paradise. People who rag on suburban life have never known what it’s like to be cramped into some two-bed apartment in the city with a dozen people on every side yelling about nothing. Here you only have to listen to that stuff if you want to.
‘The other thing I love about living here?’ She continued, wiping her hands clean and reaching for the remote, ‘Having enough time to watch TV. Then again, it’s tough to find something that I would call quality. 1000 channels and still nothing good on,’ Sophie smiled as she channel-hopped. ‘Oh, wait, this one is amazing. Don’t judge me.’
‘What is this?’ I asked, frowning at the TV as the beautiful blonde cozied up at my side.
‘Trollish Landscaping of the Moahikil Highlands,’ Sophie said. ‘Wait, you haven’t seen this before?’
‘I haven’t watched TV for two, maybe three years,’ I replied.
‘That’s funny.’
‘Why?’
‘Wait, are you serious?’
‘When would I have time to watch TV on the road?’
‘Well, let this be your reintroduction to the world of trash TV. It’s this weekly documentary where this crew are monitoring a tribe of previously uncontacted trolls in remote Eastern Europe. The trolls are attempting to restore a collection of ancient statues in their homeland that they reclaimed from an enemy tribe. I swear, it’s the greatest thing you’ll ever see.’
Behind a suit-clad, well-spoken British high-elf stood in a rolling field with a microphone attached to his lapel, a group of trolls wandered around semi-vacantly, occasionally whacking their clubs against the statues nearby.
‘The Moahikil Trolls continue their years-long renovation project by attempting to use brute strength and angry yells to intimidate the statues to move,’ the documentarian spoke, ‘Regrettably, fighting has already broken out among the strongest members of the tribe, resulting in a slowdown to the ongoing work.’
The orcs started yelling angrily at each other, waving their clubs and getting ready for multiple fights.
‘It seems unlikely that a resolution to continue work will occur any time soon, but nevertheless, we will maintain our observations on their progress.’
‘UGH?!’
One of the trolls spotted the high-elf documentarian, setting off a domino-run of turning heads.
The cameraman’s steady hand suddenly turned not-so-steady.
‘Oh, shit, they’ve already forgotten that they gave us permission to film them…’
‘How could they have forgotten? We only asked twenty minutes ago!’
‘They’re trolls.’
‘UGH!!!’
A rock the size of a fist came hurtling towards the camera from the powerful arm of one of the trolls, cracking the lens.
‘Oh, shit!’
The camera crew and the high-elf presenter took off in a blurred mess, screaming and yelling as they hurried over the grassy hills.
‘Okay, this is pretty incredible,’ I laughed.
‘Told you,’ she smiled, leaning back and swinging her legs onto the couch where she relaxed them casually over my lap.
A part of me expected Sophie to still be hanging on my story. I didn’t want to come across as some big-headed jerk, but the fact of the matter was that the completion of Ice Delve and the survival of one member was news in almost every paper in the country.
The fact that Sophie didn’t actually care at all was what I liked about her.
‘So what about you?’ I asked.
‘What about me?’
‘I’ve fessed up, now it’s your turn.’
‘Oh, come on,’ she laughed, ‘how am I supposed to follow your dungeon-running hero story?’
‘You’re right, that was a pretty heavy story.’
‘Well…’ She trailed off, ‘I guess I’m trying to… Understand things.’
‘Right…’ I nodded. ‘You couldn’t have been vaguer if you tried.’
‘Well, being in a peaceful suburb like this, you can use it as a kind of springboard to look at yourself. In college I wanted to explore…’
‘The world?’
‘Myself,’ she replied delicately, glancing between my eyes as the words rolled from her soft lips, ‘But I barely got the time. I was with a few guys… And a few women too…’
‘Are you…?’
‘Bisexual?’ She replied with a smile. ‘I’ve done things with women before, but mainly guys. Not that I’ve been able to find one around here, of course…’
‘Are you kidding me? You’re an assistant professor in a college town. I would have thought there would be plenty of guys taking your fancy.’
‘That doesn’t mean that they’re remotely likeable. It’s tough to find an experienced guy around here… A guy who really knows what he’s doing.’ Sophie paused and glanced up at me, a wide smile rising to her full lips. ‘Sorry,’ she laughed with light embarrassment, ‘I probably shared a little too much there, didn’t I?’
‘No such thing,’ I replied.
‘What I really want is…’ Sophie trailed off, a wider smile crossing her lips as she flashed her perfect teeth. ‘No, I shouldn’t say.’
‘Come on, don’t leave me hanging like that.’
‘Okay, okay - it might seem a little out there, but what I really want… Is to share a guy.’
‘Really?’ I spoke with surprise.
‘Yeah,’ She laughed, biting her lip as she thought about it, ‘Joy magic builds connections, and I want a lot of them, but not on random terms. I want to share a guy with lots of women, to really connect with them all. Not just in bed, but emotionally too. A real relationship…’
‘I would have thought that kind of setup wasn’t so common around these parts anymore.’
‘It’s plenty common. Lots of women are into it – it’s just finding the right guy that’s the problem. Among mortals it’s fine, but magical women? They’re a lot to handle.’
‘I don’t feel the same way,’ I replied. ‘I’ve had my fair share during my travels.’
‘Why is that not a surprise to me?’
‘No idea.’
‘Seriously?’ Sophie smiled. ‘Come on, quit fishing. Hot guy, powerful magic, plenty of scars, just the right amount of stubble. Plus it’s clear you know how to handle yourself.’
‘A lot of women tell me that last part before…’
‘Before what?’
‘Nothing,’ I shrugged it off quickly.
‘Like I said,’ she smiled, glancing over at me. ‘Experienced.’
‘That’s one word for me.
‘So what do you, umm…’ Sophie whispered, glancing between my eyes and my lips, ‘what do you think of it here?’
‘It’s definitely a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I’m glad a town like this has kept its magical roots.’
‘Oh, they’re there. We found a thread of them in your backyard.’ Sophie leaned into me a little, lowering her voice to a laughing whisper. ‘And we are going to find what we’re looking for.’
‘Just as long as it doesn’t make too much noise. I’m trying to keep a low profile.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Sophie whispered, ‘Suburbia has plenty of background noise to drown out any noise you would want to make…’
Our lips found each other gently. The beautiful blonde and I ran our hands over each other. Sophie leaned into me and ran her hands up to my stubbled cheeks, kissing me passionately as light moans escaped her lips.
‘Damn…’ She whispered, running her lips over my cheek and pressing her teeth lightly to me. ‘I was really wondering how long I was going to be able to resist you…’
She laughed lightly and pressed her forehead to mine, gazing at me with her blue eyes. She bit her lip and glanced down at mine before drawing a deep breath and pushing off the couch.
Sophie crossed to the stairs, keeping her gaze on me the whole time.
‘Where are you going?’ I asked.
‘To bed,’ she replied, pausing on the stairs. ‘Wanna join me?’
She looked me up and down once more before turning away and heading upstairs, her round behind working back and forth with deliberately exaggerated movements.
Chapter 18
Like Few Others
I left the couch and crossed to the stairs, joining Sophie through the only doorway standing open in the lavish, well-decorated hallway on the second floor. I entered the room and found her in a bedroom just as decadently decorated as mine.
Sophie stood by the sprawling, lavish bed, eyeing me intensely. I closed the door behind me.
‘In my experience starting in the bedroom is always… Less messy,’ she whispered. ‘I make enough of a mess around here, and while I like to keep things tidy downstairs, the bedroom is a different story. I thought I’d reserve up here for a different kind of mess…’
We crossed to each other quickly and embraced in a passionate kiss. Having her cozied up next to me in the hot tub and downstairs was one thing, but having Sophie press her incredibly body up to me and her hands running over me as we kissed was the dream.
I wrapped my arms around her, running a hand up her back to her soft blonde hair and the other to her round, firm ass upon her slender frame. I squeezed her generously and Sophie moaned with approval between our kisses. She slid her fingers down to the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over me, whereupon I cast it aside.
‘Fuck…’ She whispered, biting her lips and running her hands over my muscular chest. ‘You’ve no idea how much I’ve been wanting to have you since I saw you without a shirt…’
‘The feeling’s mutual,’ I breathed.
‘Glad to hear…’
Sophie raised her slender arms and I pulled off her t-shirt. Thankfully it was loose; any tighter and her chest wouldn’t have let it go anywhere.
I drank in the sight of her perfect round breasts, running my hands up to them and caressing her as she kissed me passionately.
Sophie fell back onto the bed. She ran her fingers into her shorts and her underwear, sliding them down her flawless legs and kicking them away as she laid on the bed in her perfect nakedness, eyeing me as she bit her lip.
