Stand Up Guy, page 14
‘Very funny. In your case, that means forgetting what might have been if you’d made a different decision, or if things had played out differently. Fact: you decided to stay in Edinburgh and you just got your first big endorsement. This means you now have evidence that what you’re doing is working, and all your focus should go into delivering a top-notch show. That’s all that matters.’
‘You’re right. Totally.’ He grabs me and kisses me hard on the lips. ‘You’re a bloody genius, Lea. How did I get so lucky as to bump into you?’
We resume our walk back to mine, Shep now the one with a significant bounce in his step, while I can’t help poring over what the facts are telling me about us. We may have just been on our first proper date, but between Shep’s comment at dinner and this glowing review, which could well lead to the big break he’s been seeking, I really can’t see an eventuality where we end up together – and that makes me very sad indeed.
Chapter 20
Over the next few days, Shep and I fall into an easy rhythm of eating, sleeping (together), working (in our vastly different careers), and hanging out at mine, The Canongate Tavern and the Old Town Inn. It’s cosy and companionable, hot and steamy, engaging and enjoyable – and it’s quite possibly the best month of my life so far. That obviously shows I’m way too into the guy who’s soon going to pack up and leave, possibly for pastures rich and famous. But doesn’t every ‘holiday romance’ feel like that? It’s intense, it feels like everything, then it’s over – and the monotony of real life resumes.
As long as I don’t think about it all too deeply, I’m able to stay in the moment and just enjoy the experience.
I also enjoy getting to know Becca, Tess and Sal a bit better during another couple of visits to the Old Town Inn with Shep, between his shows. Well, I enjoy getting to know Becca and Tess, that is.
Sal’s behaviour is pretty consistent with my first impression of her: catty and unpleasant, and when she’s not centre of attention, she spends most of her time scrolling on her phone, as if nothing anyone else says is as important as her own input. It almost makes me wonder why Becca and Tess – who are both so lovely – are such close friends with her. But then they have a shared past and a connection that I’m not privy to, so perhaps it makes perfect sense to them – and as they are so solid, if I want to hang out with them then I have to accept that Sal is part of that package deal.
Though I don’t like to pick favourites, Becca is the one I connect with most, probably because she’s what I’d describe as the deeper member of the group. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with Tess. She’s super bubbly and friendly and so welcoming. She just operates at a level that makes it that little bit trickier to develop a meaningful bond with her.
On Wednesday morning, I’m double-checking the patient information I’ve created for our next drug trial, when Tanya bustles in, looking harassed.
‘Hi there, you OK?’ I ask.
She looks at me and blinks. ‘I’m unsure how to answer that, Lea. Not only am I here an hour later than planned, I also think I’ve left my phone at home.’
She yanks off her coat and hangs it up, then rummages through her bag frustratedly.
‘I hope I’ve not left it on the kitchen counter. I wouldn’t be surprised after the morning I’ve had with those little buggers.’
‘You mean your darling children?’
‘When you have teenagers, you’ll understand.’ She shoots me a knowing look. ‘They were scrapping like stray cats. I swear I nearly dragged the two of them to the school bus stop by their ears.’
I chuckle, enjoying this mental image. ‘Hopefully, they’ll grow out of that phase soon.’
‘I can only hope and pray. How are you? How have the last two days been?’
‘Fine. The patient information for the next trial is nearly ready. How was the conference?’
She raises her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Long. Dull. Bad conversation. Even worse food.’
‘Sounds dreamy.’
‘You know what would be dreamy? A coffee. Shall we?’
More than ready for a break, I get up and stretch, then chum Tanya along the corridor to the cafeteria.
‘I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you getting on with your temporary lodger?’ She regards me over the top of her spectacles while we wait in the queue.
‘Fine.’ I aim for a nonchalant nod, which Tanya immediately sees through.
‘Oh my, you took my advice.’
‘What advice?’
‘I suggested you open your mind a bit with this one.’
‘Ah, you mean your comment that Shep might be “everything I never knew I was looking for”.’ I waggle my eyebrows at her. ‘Yep, that stuck in my head like a rusty nail and had me thoroughly confused – along with all the other nonsense my mind conjures up. I’ve certainly learned that romance isn’t “one size fits all”, so… thanks.’
‘You’re welcome.’ She assumes a self-satisfied expression. ‘How’s the sex?’
I blanch. ‘What?’
I can’t believe she’s asking me this in the middle of the university cafeteria – or at all.
‘Lea, darling, it’s basic biology. There’s no need to get all tied up.’ She leans in conspiratorially. ‘Plus, when you’ve had as long a dry spell as I’ve had, you have to get your kicks elsewhere. That’s the reality of having kids. They kill your sex life.’
‘Right. Well, then…’ I bluster. ‘It’s… fine. It’s good… I mean, great. Really great.’
My pre-bedtime antics with Shep the night before flit through my mind and I redden, still uncomfortable talking about this with my senior colleague.
‘Excellent. I thought you had a glow about you late last week. I hope you used your afternoon off well.’ She winks at me and I realise she thinks I took the time off to spend it shagging.
‘Oh no, it wasn’t for that. We had lunch and a walk, then I handed out fliers for Shep’s show. It was lovely.’
Tanya scrutinises me. ‘That doesn’t sound like a lodger-with-benefits arrangement. You care about this man… Ah, here we are… two large cappuccinos to go, please.’ She puts in our order with the barista before turning back to me expectantly.
‘I don’t… Yeah, I do.’ I give a wince of a smile.
‘Well, that’s marvellous. Does he feel the same about you?’
‘No idea. Best way I can describe it is like a holiday romance. It’s full-on, you know, but we’re both aware that it’s a time-limited thing.’
Tanya purses her lips thoughtfully. ‘And you don’t want it to be.’
‘No,’ I admit, suddenly feeling quite vulnerable beneath her sympathetic gaze. ‘I’m falling for him. I can feel it, and I don’t think he’s in the same place.’
‘The path to true love is a winding little bugger, isn’t it?’
‘It so is. Anyway, I guess I just need to keep myself in check and not let things get out of hand – emotionally, I mean.’
‘That makes sense.’ Tanya looks out the window wistfully. ‘But it will be harder than you think.’
‘I know.’ I grimace.
We fall silent and our conversation prompts me to think back to the one holiday romance I had as a teenager, while on a campsite in France with my parents. I had to hide it from them, as they would never have been OK with it, which made it all the worse when the boy I’d met left to go home two days before we did. Because I couldn’t tell them what was wrong, I had to pretend I was happy and having a great time, and then I’d go for these walks on my own and cry my heart out. That was bad enough and – despite the positive intentions I’ve just conveyed about not getting too involved – I expect the end of this month is going to feel a hundred times worse.
‘Lea, your coffee?’ Tanya’s voice breaks through my inner turmoil.
‘Sorry, I was—’
‘Lost in your thoughts. I understand.’ She hands me my drink and we exit the cafeteria, strolling back in the direction of the lab. ‘I know this isn’t particularly helpful, but the best thing you can do is try not to second-guess what might or might not happen in a couple of weeks’ time. The more you overthink things, the less time you’ll spend enjoying the moment. Your lodger… What’s his name again?’
‘Shep.’
‘Which is short for?’
‘Ciaran,’ I say automatically, then clock her confused look. ‘Sorry, Shepperd. His name is Ciaran Shepperd.’
‘Right. Well, all I was going to say is that Ciaran needs to have this time with relaxed Lea, not Lea who’s getting antsy about how and when things might end between you. Take it from me, I was a nightmare date in my twenties.’
‘Really?’ I’m unable to imagine this. ‘In what way?’
‘I was clingy and insecure.’ She frowns, as if hating that she could ever have allowed herself to be that way. ‘Could never keep a boyfriend, and I couldn’t understand why, until some awful ex-public-school chap called Rupert told me I’d be as well to have “desperate” tattooed on my forehead.’
‘What a horrible person.’
‘He was, but the irony of it is that he was the one who helped me the most. Every time I told my girlfriends or my parents I’d been dumped – again – they were of the view that the offending blokes didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as me. The only person who told me that I was the problem was Rupert. As unkind as his feedback was, it made me take a good look at myself.’
‘And?’
‘It turned out he was right. After that, I made sure I always had other things going on in my life than just dating, and it worked. My husband, John, was my first and only long-term relationship after Rupert.’
‘Gosh, Rupert really did help you, then.’
We reach the lab and perch ourselves on a couple of stools.
‘It was a far better parting gift than the one I gave him.’ Tanya’s eyes glint almost sinfully.
‘Uh-oh?’ I bite my lip expectantly.
‘I sent him an anonymous parcel of fish guts.’
I nearly spit out my coffee. ‘You didn’t.’
‘Still wish I could have seen his face when he opened it,’ Tanya reminisces. ‘Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t be like young Tanya. Be relaxed, be yourself, and you never know. He might find it harder to say farewell than you think.’
‘That’s sound advice. Thanks, Tanya.’
We settle into our respective research-related tasks for the morning, working away in silence for a good hour-and-a-half, before Tanya plonks herself down beside me.
‘I’ve been thinking… when can I meet him to suss him out?’
‘Meet him?’ I give a puzzled shake of my head while trying to digest Tanya’s latest curveball.
‘Yes, I want to scope him out. Get a feel for what’s under the hood… not in a dirty way,’ she adds quickly, catching my perplexed expression.
‘I thought you said I should play it cool.’
‘Of course. You must. Doesn’t stop me having a little nose around, though, does it?’ She rubs her hands together gleefully. ‘Why don’t the two of you take a break from the bedroom and have dinner with John and I at my place on Saturday?’
‘You mean a dinner party?’
‘Yes, if you can give that label to a gathering of four.’
I’m unsure how to respond to this unexpected invite. It’s obviously very kind, and I like Tanya a lot. But she also has an ulterior motive, which she’s had no shame in presenting upfront. That’s the part that concerns me slightly.
‘Come on,’ Tanya cajoles me, picking up on my hesitation. ‘Don’t make me spend another Saturday night cleaning my bathrooms.’
‘It does sound lovely,’ I say. ‘The dinner, not the bathrooms. And Shep has a day off on a Saturday, but—’
‘Did we not just talk about you not overthinking things? Text him and see what he says. If that’s all it takes to scare him off, he’s not worth your time, no matter how good he is in bed.’
I puff out my cheeks, aware that I can’t vocalise what’s really holding me back. ‘OK, I’ll see what he says.’
Reaching across to my bag, I find my phone and tap out a message to Shep, careful to make it sound as casual as possible.
Hi Shep, hope your day is going OK. My (lovely but slightly bonkers!) workmate is asking if we’d like to have dinner at hers on Saturday. Thoughts? xx
I hit send and try to conceal my agitation while waiting for his reply, which thankfully comes within a minute or so.
Sounds good. Tell her I’m a whisky man. x
I look up at Tanya. ‘He says he’s in. And to let you know he drinks whisky.’
‘Super.’ Tanya looks delighted. ‘We have a whole whisky cabinet he can explore. John’s a fan too. Oh, I can’t wait to play Cupid again.’
I narrow my eyes at her. ‘You never said anything about playing matchmaker. That’s not part of the agreement.’
‘No, of course not. I’m just teasing.’ Tanya beams at me in a way that makes me very suspicious and slightly nervous about what she might have in store for us.
Chapter 21
Shep has offered to help Kira move some heavy items at her flat during the gap between his performances, so in the evening – after a hearty pep talk in front of my hall mirror – I haul my big-girl pants on and rock up at the Old Town Inn to meet Becca, Tess and Sal by myself. This is a huge step for me. I haven’t even told Shep, in case I wimp out. Though I’ve hung out with the girls twice since we first met, he was there both times, and it just felt like we were regulars in the same haunt. Tonight feels very different. I’d also be lying if I said the idea of being around Sal without him there doesn’t terrify me a bit. So much so that, on approaching the pub, I get a bad case of the jitters, and nearly turn around and head straight home.
‘Lea, it’s so good to see you!’ Tess jumps up, suffocating me with a hug the moment I tentatively make it through the door.
‘How are you?’ Becca reaches across and squeezes my hand as soon as I’ve slipped into one of the tartan upholstered chairs at their table.
Both of these actions really help to calm my nerves, allowing me to relax a little.
‘I’m good, thanks.’ I smile at them, still somewhat self-consciously. ‘How are you all?’
‘Great,’ Becca answers for all of them. ‘So pleased you’ve joined us again.’
‘Shep not with you tonight?’ asks Sal by way of a greeting.
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘He’s helping out a friend – one of the staff from next door – so I thought I’d pop along and have a drink with you. Hope that’s OK.’
‘Of course it’s OK,’ says Becca. ‘Isn’t it, ladies?’
‘Yah-huh.’ Tess nods vigorously. ‘The more the merrier, right, Sal?’
‘Always.’ Sal shoots me a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
After offering to get everyone another drink – which they decline due to having half-full glasses – I nip up to the bar to get myself one, then return to my seat.
‘So, what’s tonight’s show, then?’ I take a satisfying slug of my G&T.
‘One of the greats,’ says Tess. ‘Jimmy Carr, the master of one-liners.’
‘Oh fab. Isn’t his show across at the EICC? I saw a poster advertising it. That’s a bit of a trek from here.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Sal complains. ‘I have to “trek” all the way there in these.’ She sticks a slim, tanned leg out from under the table to show me her stylish but wholly unsuitable skyscraper sandals. ‘I thought tonight’s show was a few doors along from here. Turns out that’s next week.’
‘Uber?’ I suggest.
‘We’ll see if we can get one,’ says Becca. ‘Though it’s difficult during festival time. If not, we can get a bus. We won’t leave Sal to struggle.’
‘Pray for me.’ Sal adopts a martyred expression, making me laugh, and unless I’m imagining things, she seems to shoot me a dirty look.
Caught off guard by this, I shrink back in my seat, confused. Was that not intended as a joke? Or is it that I’m not allowed to enjoy her jokes?
‘Oh, stop being such a princess.’ Tess flicks Sal’s hair, earning herself an acidic response.
Note to self: never ever touch Sal’s hair. Not that I would dare to, anyway.
We continue to chat – with me picking my way across a metaphorical minefield to avoid any further snide looks or remarks from Sal – and it’s not long before the conversation moves on to dating and matters of the heart. This is an area we haven’t previously covered together, other than the grilling I got about Shep last week. I guess it isn’t a topic that Becca, Tess and Sal would necessarily cover in his presence. As it turns out, they’re all single, which surprises me, though it probably shouldn’t. If any of them were in a long-term relationship, it’s unlikely they’d have committed to three weeks plus of nights out on the trot. That is some undertaking and I expect most other halves would feel a bit miffed by it.
They are also all active on the dating scene – outside of this Fringe festival challenge – though Becca seems a far less enthusiastic participant than Tess and Sal. In fact, I can’t help thinking, from the way she talks, that this month off is something of a relief for her. This seems to confirm my previous impression that Becca’s not really over her ex, and I decide I want to ask her about it, if I ever have the opportunity to talk to her on her own.
‘So are you going to see him again?’ Tess is quizzing Sal on whether there will be a second date with the guy she had lunch with on Sunday.
It seems Sal is the only one out of the three of them who’s still trying to keep that side of her life going during the festival, and daytime dates obviously need to be a part of that equation.
‘Nah, he was hot and all but he’s moving to Australia. Not going to waste my time if I already know it’s not going to go anywhere.’
My curiosity is piqued on hearing this. ‘He isn’t a rugby player called Paul by any chance, is he?’ I ask, before thinking through the possible repercussions of posing this question.
‘Yeah, he is.’ Sal frowns. ‘How did you know that?’
