Macon's Heart, page 26
part #2 of San Francisco Series
“Greene just got back from that world tour.” It was Keira that finally spoke up for her, not Joanna.
“Which was your favorite city?” Hailey asked curiously as she dove into her food.
“Oh, I don’t know.” Greene sat down her wine glass. “I guess I wasn’t really focused on the cities I was in.”
“Oh, of course,” Hailey returned. “You were working.”
Greene met Joanna’s eyes and said, “Sure.” She picked up her fork and knife, and started slicing at the pork dish she’d ordered accidentally, because she hadn’t been able to focus on the menu, with Joanna and her parents so close.
“You’re a musician, correct?” Joanna’s mother asked.
It was the first thing the woman had said to her since they’d sat down.
“She’s a violinist, mom; you know that,” Joanna answered in an irritated tone; she had yet to touch her meal. “One of the best in the world.”
“Of course,” her mother replied.
“How did you start playing?” her father asked before shoving a bite of near rare steak into his mouth.
“I’ve always played,” Greene replied. “I don’t remember not playing.”
“And you went to Julliard, then? One would assume...” Joanna’s mother looked at her with eyes she recognized as being similar to Joanna’s, but not as kind.
“Berklee College,” she answered.
“Oh, I didn’t realize Berkeley had a music program built for the best in the world.” The woman’s tone suggested she was unimpressed that Greene hadn’t gone to a top music school.
“No, she means Berklee, Mom. She’s being modest; she went to Berklee Conservatory. It’s in Boston. It has the best program in the world for someone like Macon: the best in the world.” Joanna’s eyes were kind, and Greene had a hard time being frustrated with her.
“I see. I only knew of Julliard.” Joanna’s mother took a small nip at her asparagus.
“So, what do you guys have planned this week?” Hillary asked.
Greene was grateful for Hillary, because she wasn’t sure she could make it through this awkward dinner, with Joanna trying to compensate and her parents prodding and thinking she was unworthy of their daughter. It was bad enough that Greene often felt unworthy of Jo. She didn’t need others doing it for her.
When their meals had been complete, and the plates were taken away, the waiter asked if anyone wanted dessert. Both Emma and Keira said yes at the same time and asked that he bring them the menu. Hailey glanced at Charlie to see if she was interested. Greene looked at her wine glass, only to see that it was empty, and decided she was ready to go. Joanna’s parents had asked her several more questions, and with each answer she’d given, she’d felt it less and less likely they’d ever approve of her for their daughter. They’d mentioned a friend of a friend, who had a mayor for a son. He was forty, had been widowed seven years ago, and had an eight-year-old son.
“Well, I don’t think we’ll stay for dessert. We should be going. We have a bit of a drive ahead of us.” Her father stood. “You all should order your dessert and coffee. I’ll take care of the check.” He nodded in Joanna’s direction. “As a thank you for inviting us to your dinner.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Keira replied.
“No, you–”
“Please, allow me.” He gave a mock bow and then glanced at Greene.
He offered her a kind smile and a wink. Macon gave an awkward smile in return, not being prepared for his gesture, and watched him button his jacket before heading off to find their waiter to give him his credit card.
“Joanna, walk me to the car.” The older woman stood. “Ladies, it was an enjoyable evening. Thank you.” She placed her beige linen napkin on the table. “It was a pleasure.”
They all said the same in return. Hailey even stood to hug the woman. Charlie gave her a nod but remained seated. Joanna stood reluctantly, from what Greene could tell, and then Greene felt motherly eyes on her. They looked her up and down, and Greene realized she should be standing, too. She did so and nearly tipped over her wine glass in the process.
“Sorry,” she said to no one in particular, making sure the glass was safe before she stood up straight.
“I’ll walk my parents out and then come back, okay?” Joanna said to her.
“Okay.” Greene turned back to Joanna’s mother. “It was nice to meet you.”
“Yes,” The other woman stated without emotion, and Greene knew they at least had that in common.
“Ready, dear?” Her father returned and looked at his wife.
They all said their goodbyes again. Greene watched the three of them walk down the aisle and toward the door before she sat back down and motioned for the waiter. When he arrived, she requested a vodka on the rocks and watched as the others ordered coffee and dessert. Keira stood when her phone rang. She took the call outside, due to the noise of the restaurant, giving Emma plenty of time to take more than her fair share of the lemon tart they’d ordered to split. Greene participated only in parts of conversations here and there while finishing the drink she knew she’d regret later and periodically staring at her phone to check the time. It seemed like Joanna would miss dessert entirely. Keira returned, gave her a smile, and then took the last bite of the tart off Emma’s fork for herself. Joanna returned moments later. She appeared to be worse for wear.
Joanna had been driven by her parents, and Greene by Keira and Emma. Hillary offered them a ride instead. Greene gave a goodbye to everyone and then walked with Hillary toward her car while Joanna walked behind them. Greene took the passenger’s seat, leaving the back for Joanna.
“Which place am I taking you guys to?” Hillary asked both of them.
“You can drop me first,” Greene stated.
“Macon?” Joanna’s voice came from behind her, but Greene didn’t turn around.
“I’m tired,” Greene replied.
Joanna didn’t say anything. Hillary glanced between the two of them but said nothing as well. She put the car in drive and took off. A few minutes later, Greene was in front of her building. She climbed out of the car, glanced back at Joanna, and tried to force a smile. She shaped the word, “goodnight” with her lips but didn’t push the word from her body. Joanna didn’t reply and quickly looked away from her before Greene hustled to the door.
She closed the door of her apartment – her sanctuary – behind her, and leaned back against it. She felt the tears form in her eyes and wondered if they were more because of Joanna’s actions or her own, as she continued to push the woman away. Then, she fell to the floor to let them out.
It was several hours later that she crawled into her bed, pulled the blanket over her head, and attempted to fall asleep. It was only several minutes later that she threw off the blankets, gave up on sleep, and made her way back out to her living room, where she grabbed her violin case, pulled out her instrument, and grabbed a pencil with blank sheet music, getting to work.
CHAPTER 29
Greene heard the knock through her playing but didn’t register the sound to have meaning. The knock came again, and again, before she heard the door open and found Keira standing in her living room. She dropped her violin to her side.
“Keira, what the hell?” she blurted.
“What the hell to you, too, Make,” she greeted more than asked. “You try answering a phone now and then?”
“I’ve been playing. I didn’t hear it. Is something wrong?” She placed her instrument back in its case and closed it.
“I got four texts from your girlfriend this morning. When I texted her back, she said she was trying not to be worried, but that you weren’t responding. I took it upon myself to get over here and do a welfare check on your ass.” She flopped onto the sofa. “Also, I had a meeting with a client about a block away. I came here instead of going to lunch.”
“Jo texted you?” She began to move the disorganized pages of sheet music into one stack on the coffee table.
“What’s going on here?” Keira asked.
“I was just playing. I honestly didn’t hear the phone. It’s in the bedroom, I think; maybe the kitchen.” She pointed to the kitchen without looking up from her stack.
“Your girlfriend is trying to get in touch with you there, Make,” Keira reminded. “She is still your girlfriend, right?”
“Yes.” Greene lifted her head and glared at Keira. “I’m just–”
“Delaying the inevitable? Trying to get her to break up with you because you’re being an ass, instead of breaking up with you because she wants to be with a parent-approved man?”
“Keira, don’t be a bitch. It’s my relationship; it’s not yours to fix.”
“Why is it broken, Make?”
“Were you not at the same dinner I was last night? Did you not witness my girlfriend lead me to the slaughter with her homophobic parents?”
“I was at that dinner. I did witness your girlfriend doing her best while being obviously uncomfortable. Her father politely paid for a very expensive dinner for a bunch of lesbians. I also witnessed you clam up – which is understandable, but so is Joanna’s behavior, given how her parents treat her. And, damn, she got them back later, though. I was impressed.”
“What are you talking about?” Greene stopped stacking and leaned back to look at Keira.
“Joanna’s battle with her mother in the parking lot. Did she not tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“You really are dense sometimes. I love you, but you’re dense.” Keira leaned forward and took Greene’s hand. “Joanna was awesome, Make. That’s why I was so surprised at her texts. I assumed, last night, you had heard her out and made up. And then, this morning, I get these messages that she hadn’t heard from you today. I texted you, and I didn’t hear back.”
“Did you think I ran away or something?”
“No, but I still wanted to check on you. I went by the symphony first, but it didn’t look like anything was going on there.”
“We’re dark today,” Greene explained. “Something about the electrical needing to be fixed; I got an email this morning.”
“You can check your computer but not your phone?” Keira lifted an accusatory eyebrow.
“I had my violin plugged into it. I was recording.”
“Recording? You do that?”
“Not often,” she said. “Back to Joanna.”
“She told her mother off.”
“She what?”
“I went outside to take that call. I missed the first part of their conversation, but after I hung up, I couldn’t help but hear Joanna tell her mother that she loves you; and her mother can try to set her up with guy after guy, but nothing will change that. Her dad basically just stood there and listened to the whole thing. Her mom tried to get a word in, here and there, but Joanna wouldn’t let her. She said you were brilliant, funny, and a remarkable musician. She told her mother that she’d never felt this way before, didn’t care about what that made her, and had no intention of dating anyone else ever again, Make. Her mom tried to convince her to at least think about it, but Joanna told her that she’d treated you terribly all day because she’d been afraid of confronting her mom, and she wouldn’t let anyone treat you like that again; that included her. Joanna, I mean,” Keira clarified. “It’s hard to talk about all this and be clear with the pronouns, huh?”
“She yelled at her mom?”
“Make, she stood up to them and then came back into that restaurant where you basically ignored her. Apparently, you didn’t talk to her after. I think she’s probably worried she took that risk for nothing.”
“I was afraid,” Greene admitted.
“I get it. But you shouldn’t be telling me this; tell your girlfriend, Macon.”
“What if she’s still mad at me?”
“For not talking to her? That’s not going to get any better until you actually do. It’ll only get worse. Please fix this. And this is going to sound selfish, but please do it before we all go to Tahoe in a few weeks.”
“Tahoe?”
“Emma booked this giant cabin for all of us. Hailey and Charlie are going to come back. Hill is coming. And, we’re going to finally meet Kellan’s girlfriend, Reese. It’s a four-day affair. You and Joanna are both required; I already RSVP’d for you.”
“You can’t RSVP for people, Keira.”
“I’m an event planner, Make; I know how RSVPs work. And you have no choice. You and Joanna are two of my closest friends, but Emma is my love, and she wants this trip to be amazing. You’ll both be there, and everyone else will be there, too. We’ll have fun.”
“Mandatory fun, huh?”
“Yes, Macon.” Keira gritted her teeth at her and then gave her a playful wink. “You going to be okay?”
“I’ll be okay. I just need to talk to her.”
“Now, you’re getting it.” Keira stood. “I’m heading back to the office. Text me when it’s all clear so I can stop interfering in your relationship.”
“Like that will ever happen.” Greene laughed.
“For this month, at least.” Keira laughed and opened the door. “She really was great last night, Greene. She told her mom – the woman that nothing is ever good enough for – that she was who she was, she loved who she loved; and that person is you.”
“I wish I would have seen it.”
“You can see it every day, Make. That’s how relationships work. I can see how much Emma loves me when she makes the chicken I like for dinner with the mushrooms she hates and then has to scrape off. I can see it when she plans the weekends away for us because she knows I’ve been working so hard and could use the time off to relax with my friends. She planned one for Tahoe, because she knows I haven’t seen Kellan in a while and I miss her. I can see it when she takes my hand when we’re walking down the street just because she wants to be touching me. I can see it after we have a fight and she still falls asleep next to me.” Keira paused and tried to come back from looking so wistful. “You didn’t need to see her argue with her parents to know how much she loves you, and know how she’d choose you again and again, Greene.”
◆◆◆
Joanna stared at her screen for the seventh consecutive minute without looking away from the image. Macon had been an amazing assistant during that infant photo shoot, but she’d made an even better subject. Joanna hadn’t had to try hard to capture the woman in the perfect light, with a wide smile on her face and her gorgeous eyes not meeting the camera but looking off to the side of it, where Joanna remembered the baby’s mother was standing. They’d been in mid-conversation. Joanna had taken a few photos of her girlfriend because she couldn’t resist. Macon’s hair was a little all over the place, but something about the imperfection made it an even more perfect image. Joanna smiled before finally closing her eyes and turning away. She closed her computer, and seeing it was after four o’clock in the afternoon, she decided that she wasn’t getting anything done in the office; she should head home to drop off her stuff and then hit the grocery store to get the necessities to get her through the rest of the week.
She walked home slowly while listening to songs about breakups on her headphones because it fit her mood. She hadn’t had a moment alone with Macon since they’d had their attempt at an apology before dinner. And, even then, they weren’t actually alone. The dinner hadn’t exactly gone terribly, but it hadn’t gone well either. Then, Macon had left her in the backseat of Hillary’s car, instead of talking things out, and hadn’t responded to any of her messages. Joanna wanted to respect her space, but if she hadn’t heard from Macon tonight, tomorrow, she’d make her way over to Macon’s place to find out if they were still together.
She arrived home and turned the key in the lock before pushing the door open out of frustration, more than anything, for how the weekend had gone. She tugged the headphones out of her ears, placed her laptop bag on the floor, and then looked up to see Macon standing in her living room.
“Make?”
“Hi,” Macon replied.
The dark-haired woman was holding her violin in one hand at her side and the bow in the other. She stood behind Joanna’s coffee table on the other side of the sofa, which was facing her as if it was awaiting an audience for her performance.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Last night, I wasn’t ready to talk to you because I was afraid you’d end things.”
“What?” Joanna took a few steps in her direction. “Why would you–”
“Because your mom clearly hates me, or at least the fact that I’m a woman. And I’ve seen this before, Jo. I’ve seen women date other women and then, because of pressure, they end it.”
“And you thought I’d do that to you?”
“I didn’t think it, but I was worried. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I didn’t actually think you would but, at the same time, I had to mentally prepare myself in case you did. I realize, though, that those are my insecurities. And you did attempt to apologize last night before I got frustrated.”
“I said our situations weren’t the same; you didn’t agree.” Joanna took another step but felt like, given Macon’s posture, she shouldn’t move any closer to her.
“I’m gay, Jo. I know that about myself like I know my own name, or that I’m a violinist. I know it in my soul, bones, heart, and any other place one can know things about themselves.”
“And I don’t?”
“I don’t care that you don’t define yourself as gay; it doesn’t bother me. That’s up to you to figure out. I can tell you that the question won’t go away, and that people will keep asking it, but it’s your choice how you answer it. If you tell me one day that you know you’re gay – great. If you say you’re attracted to men and women, that’s great, too. If you’re straight outside of loving me, I don’t care. If you’re undefinable altogether because there’s no label that fits how you feel about yourself, it doesn’t matter to me as long as you love me.”
