Macon's Heart, page 14
part #2 of San Francisco Series
“I have a flight tomorrow. I’ll just sleep it off.”
“Your flight is to London, not New York, Macon. It’s super short. You need to drink a lot of water before you go to sleep, take some aspirin right now, and do the same in the morning. Have a big breakfast with lots of protein. It’ll soak up all the crap you drank tonight. You’ll feel better.”
“You’re very smart,” Macon stated a little louder than was necessary.
“It’s common knowledge, Macon.”
“Is it common knowledge that I can’t wait to see you?”
“I don’t know, but I would assume it’s not; and that’s probably especially true since you haven’t talked to anyone else since you left.”
“I know. I know. I don’t have a lot of time, Jo. I’m working. What time I do have, I just want to talk to you. I’ll apologize to them when I get back, okay?”
“Okay.” She smiled at Macon’s words. “I’m almost home. I was just at Worthy Bash.”
“Getting interrogated by Keira Worthy, I assume.”
“She does have a lot of questions about us.”
“What are your answers?”
“You really want to know?” she asked suggestively and then remembered there was a man driving this Honda Accord in the front seat.
“Yes.”
“That I want you.” She’d covered her hand to try to keep the driver from hearing. “That I can’t wait to see you because I want you.”
“You can’t say stuff like that to me right now.”
“Why not?” She smiled and blushed as the driver turned down her street. “Right here is fine,” she requested as he was near the front of her building.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m in an Uber. He’s dropping me off now.”
“Home?”
“Yes.”
“So, you’ll be alone?”
“Yes.”
“In your apartment?”
“Yes, Macon.” Joanna climbed out of the car and laughed.
“And I’m alone in my room.”
“And you’re drunk.”
“Drunk and horny,” she replied, and Joanna laughed wildly as she walked hurriedly to her building.
“Romantic.”
“I’ll be romantic when I see you. I watched a bunch of girls make out at this sexy lesbian club while I had to sit there, thinking about how much I wanted to touch you. My body is on fire right now.”
“You’re overheated because of the alcohol.” She unlocked her front door.
“Trust me; it is not because of the alcohol. Jo, I kept thinking about how you dreamed about me. I couldn’t stop.”
Joanna felt the blush creep across her cheeks as she made her way through her living room and into her bedroom, dropping her bag by her desk.
“I can’t believe I told you about that.” She sat on the edge of her bed and kicked off her shoes.
“I’m glad you did,” Macon replied. “Jo, tell me what else you want. Tell me how you want to be touched.”
“Are you–”
“Not yet.”
“But you want to?”
“Yes,” Macon replied immediately.
Joanna stood and ran her hand through her hair before she moved to her side of the bed, laid back on top of it, and bravely unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans.
“Did you just–”
“Yeah,” she interrupted. “I did.”
“Is this okay?” Macon asked.
“Yes,” Joanna agreed, feeling herself instantly wet. “But I want you to tell me how I should touch you.”
“You do?”
“Tell me, Macon.” She slid her hand between her legs and moved her fingers to her clit, waiting for Macon’s words.
“No, wait.” Macon seemed to snap out of something.
“What? Wait? Macon, come on.”
“I need to get myself in check.” Her deep sexy voice had disappeared. “I’m on my way to London, and then New York.”
“So?”
“So, I think we should wait.”
“You think we shouldn’t have phone sex right now?”
“I haven’t heard you yet, Jo.”
“Heard me?” Joanna tried to piece it together. “Oh, heard me when I come?”
“Don’t say come right now.” Macon laughed.
“You’re the one that started this.” Joanna laughed back and removed her hand.
“I know I’m going to regret this later, but I want to wait until I can be with you in person.”
“Okay. You can still do it, though. I’ve kind of already heard you.”
Macon laughed loudly and replied, “True. That wasn’t exactly planned. I still think I’d like to wait, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, it’s okay,” Joanna confirmed.
“I should probably try to get some sleep.”
“You’re going to hang up on me, get off, and then go to sleep, aren’t you?”
“No.” Macon responded. “I’m going to force myself to go to sleep while I’m this turned on, and then I’m going to resist doing anything else to myself until I can get to you.”
“And then I can do it for you?” Joanna asked, trying to be brave. “Or to you? Is it for you or to you? To you, right?”
“Oh, my God. You are so adorable.” Macon laughed. “You can do whatever you want for me or to me. How about that?”
“You’re making fun of me.”
“I’m not, I swear. I just think you’re cute.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Macon Greene.” Joanna laughed.
“What are you going to do tonight?”
“Not myself.”
Macon burst out laughing again and said, “Now, I feel bad.”
“Don’t. I can wait for you.”
“I promise, I’ll make it good.”
“You can’t say stuff like that to me.”
“Noted,” Macon replied. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Sleep well.”
“I’ll do my best. Jo, I’m…”
“Macon?” she asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Nothing. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, Jo.”
“Goodnight.”
CHAPTER 15
“So, where is our violinist on her world tour today?” Emma asked as she and Keira sat across from Joanna at one of their usual bar hotspots.
“She’s in New York, finally. She had her second show tonight and just texted that she’s back in the hotel,” Joanna replied. “One more tomorrow night, and the next day, she’s off to Boston for two weeks.”
“She texts you, huh? No text for her friends?” Hillary entered and sat next to Joanna.
“Sorry.”
“She could text me that, you know?” Hillary retorted in Joanna’s direction.
“Don’t shoot the messenger.” She held up her hands in defense.
“You’re the girlfriend now, dear. You’re linked,” Hillary stated.
“Oh, we’re not–” Joanna started. “We haven’t taken that step yet.”
“I just assumed, the way these two have gone on and on about you and her.” She pointed at Emma and Keira.
“We have not gone on and on,” Keira defended.
“You told me you wouldn’t be surprised if they get married one day,” Hillary professed.
“You did?” Joanna nearly choked out as she’d taken a sip of her drink one second too soon.
“So, no on the wedding then?” Emma laughed at her reaction.
“We’ve kissed once,” Joanna replied, taking a real drink now.
“And how was it?” Hillary nudged her shoulder.
“Right.” She shrugged her shoulders with a smile. “It just felt right.”
“Boring,” Hillary said. “What did it really feel like? This is your first kiss with a woman, right?”
“Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. You’re bi,” Joanna announced loudly.
The three of them laughed at that statement.
“I am, yeah,” Hillary replied and smiled at her. “But I can understand how you’d forget it: I’m usually surrounded by lesbians.” She pointed at the two across the table. “But if you need to talk, I’m here.” She said more quietly to Joanna.
“I might take you up on that.”
“I need a drink. Want to walk with me?” She nodded toward the bar.
“Sure.” She stood along with Hillary.
They walked together to the bar – which wasn’t as crowded as it normally was – and took two stools, knowing Emma and Keira had no problem keeping one another company for a few minutes as they ordered and talked.
“So, how are you handling this revelation of sorts?” Hillary asked.
“That’s the thing: it doesn’t feel like a revelation.”
“Feels normal?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“And I assume you’re not ready to label it anything?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really care. Is that wrong?” she asked.
“No, it’s not wrong. Human sexuality is a fluid thing that most people never open themselves up to experience. Some people are raised to hate anything other than the hetero norm: others are raised to be open-minded and understand that it’s okay to be different. Then, there are people that actually open themselves up to the possibility of love coming in from a totally different place; and that’s you with Greene.”
“She’s amazing.” Joanna blushed at the thought. “I honestly never thought I’d be interested in a woman. But I kissed her, and it felt…”
“Right?” she repeated Joanna’s earlier word.
“It felt like home. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Hillary ordered her drink when the bartender approached. “How else was it, though?”
“You mean you want the not-boring details?”
“Yes.” Hillary laughed and grabbed her wine glass when it was presented in front of her.
“You can’t tell her this.” Joanna squinted at her with a shy smile. “I mean, we’ve talked about it some, and I’m sure I’ll tell her sometime at least...”
“I’m sworn to secrecy.” Hillary mimicked locking her lips and throwing away an invisible key.
“She played for me,” Joanna admitted.
“For you? Like, only for you?”
“Yeah.”
“She doesn’t do that. Keira and I have asked for a private concert for years.”
“She did for me.” Joanna smiled. “And it was one of my favorite songs. She knew that because we’d gone to see West Side Story together, and she knew I’d bought the performance soundtrack and that I’d listened to the song over and over, because she’d been there to hear it. It was like I suddenly remembered that she’d been there for a year. We’d spent practically every single free moment together. And it hit me in that instant that I wanted it to be that way. I wanted to spend every moment I could with her; and that wasn’t normal for people who were just friends. Then, I really watched her play. She’s so beautiful when she’s playing – like, really playing; not just sitting in the orchestra playing what they tell her to play. She let go that night. And I think I fell in love with her then. She doesn’t know that part. Please–”
“I won’t say anything.” Hillary laughed.
“I just stood up and kissed her. It wasn’t anything major; I just kissed the corner of her mouth, because I was too terrified to actually kiss her lips. Then, I did. I got up the courage and I kissed her on the lips, and then I pulled back to check to see if I was way off-base – when she pulled me back in, and we really kissed. I mean, we really kissed. It was hot, sexy, and slow. And then it was fast and, somehow, even hotter. It was the best kiss of my life.”
“Damn, sounds good. I’m kind of upset I didn’t try to get Greene to kiss me once so I could experience that.”
“Why do you assume she’s the one that made it so good?” Joanna tossed back with a wink.
“So, are you offering?” Hillary joked.
“Uh, no. I’m not.” She laughed at her.
“All that really matters is that you’re honest with yourself about how you feel about her, and that you’re honest with her about it. Greene can be a patient person. She is a pretty good listener. Even if the hormones are going crazy – thanks to that hot kiss you two shared – if you need to slow things down, or you need to talk through stuff before you take certain steps – like that pretty big one – you should.”
“I know; she’s good like that.”
“She is. She doesn’t let a lot of people in. And even when she does, she doesn’t let them in far. It’s different with you; I can tell. So can Keira and Emma.”
“I hope so. I guess I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. I don’t have a clue how to…” Joanna paused, embarrassed. “You know.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Hillary winked at her.
“What if I’m not?” She lifted a shoulder.
“You’ve had other first times with men, right?”
“Obviously.”
“Were you nervous with them?”
“Yes, but this is like that times ten.”
“Why?”
“The woman part.”
“And?”
“And I want to take care of her, you know? I want to make her feel good. I want to see her like that. I don’t know if I’ll be able to. With guys, it’s not exactly a concern.”
“Men don’t take a lot of work is what you’re saying.”
“No, not usually.” She hesitated. “I was nervous for each first time with all the guys I’d had sex with. But this is…” She allowed herself to think before she spoke. “This is Macon, and she’s not just a woman. She’s–”
“You’re in love with her, and it matters.”
“Yes. I know she’s worried that I might freak out or not like it, but I know that won’t be the case with her. I don’t want her to worry more if I’m unable to perform, so to speak. I don’t want her to think I’ll be phoning it in.”
“She won’t think that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Greene knows you. And besides, you won’t be phoning it in, will you?”
“What? No,” she exclaimed as Hillary stood.
“Then, she’ll see that. She’ll probably feel it, too.” She took another drink while Joanna stood.
“I hope so.”
“And look, it’s been a while for me, so if it’s good, please give me the details so I can live vicariously.”
◆◆◆
Joanna arrived home around midnight, and she was ready to crash, but there was one more thing she needed to do for herself before she went to sleep.
CHAPTER 16
Greene had an interesting first few days in Boston. It had been strange: being back there after all this time. She’d taken the train with Gail, because she was sick of flying. She’d taken the T a lot in Boston, because she hadn’t had a car and she’d enjoyed it most of the time. She’d taken the trains to and from New York and Rhode Island a few times while she’d lived there and liked that she could relax while someone else was in control of the trip. Since moving into San Francisco proper, she’d rarely taken BART, because her world was really just a few blocks. She could walk to work when the weather was nice, which it often was, and she could walk to the few bars her group frequented. She could get to Keira and Emma’s by foot, along with Hillary’s place. Though she was rarely there these days. Most important to her now was Joanna’s place. She could easily walk there, even while carrying her laundry. Her world had been rocked recently with this trip. She’d enjoyed almost all of it. What she didn’t enjoy was the time away from Joanna.
She’d spent her first day in Boston just getting settled in and checking out the old hall she’d played in hundreds of times. The next day, she’d gone on a short sightseeing trip to visit a few of her old haunts. She’d had a late afternoon rehearsal and then met up with a few old friends that night. The third day of the trip had her back on campus, talking to current students and advising as she could. She found that she really enjoyed that work and considered maybe getting more involved with her alma mater from home if she could or, perhaps, partnering with a university in the city if any of them were interested. Most importantly, though, Greene felt that her playing had improved. By traveling and working with these different people and hearing their music, she’d improved her own. She’d been surprised to find how good it felt to truly let go when she was on stage. She had Joanna and their growing connection to thank for that.
Greene had always lacked confidence, despite being called a prodigy and one of the best in the world. Her preference had always been to sit in the back and play whenever she could get away with it. She soloed when asked but never suggested or asked for one herself and only followed the notes when she delivered it. Technically, she’d played in front of her parents as a youth, but not really in front of them. They’d hear her in her room as she practiced, but she never performed for them. She never did the recitals the normal young musicians deliver to demonstrate her skill, because her teachers could see the skill and Greene had no desire to perform by herself in front of small groups of parents like that. Her teachers chalked it up to stage fright which she’d eventually grow out of, so they didn’t press.
When she moved on in her playing career, she knew it wasn’t stage fright; she could play in front of thousands. It wasn’t that. She’d always preferred to be in the back. She suspected there was an initial cause for this behavior. It could have been her first actual violin teacher that told her she slouched when she played. She was three and didn’t know what that word meant. It might have been when her second teacher told her she was playing her age and she expected more from her. She’d been four then. It also might have been when her mother opened her bedroom door when she was six, to find her watching TV instead of practicing, and told her she shouldn’t be lazy. If she was going to keep ahead of all the other students, she needed to practice every single night. There wasn’t time for TV back then. Her mother had closed the door after Greene had picked up her instrument. Five minutes later, she’d knocked loudly and, through the door, yelled that Greene was off-tempo.
By the third night in Boston, Greene was ready to show her old school that she still had the stuff. She played the three pieces they’d arranged for her at her old hall. They played a few pieces with the school orchestra, and it felt, in a strange way, like home to her. She knew none of the musicians she was playing with by name, but it felt good all the same. When the performance finished, she received her accolades and even some long-stemmed roses. She’d given them to Gail to give to a pretty girl she’d spotted in the woodwind section, and then headed out the back to get to her hotel and call Joanna. They hadn’t spoken that morning due to Greene’s schedule, and she’d missed her already.
