He shrugged. “It's not like you did it."

  "No, but that's a horrible thing to find out."

  “It should be a relief, right? But somehow it's not."

  "Even if you thought you were responsible I just want to remind you of what you just said to me… You weren't. Sometimes bad things just happen."

  He gave me a nod and a wobbly smile. “Yeah. Sometimes bad things happen." He sipped his beer. “I'm not sure why it's so easy to talk to you."

  ”It might have to do with the fact that I decided to stop hating you."

  "Told you I'd wear you down," he said with a laugh.

  “You are persistent. I will say that."

  “I should probably apologize to you."

  I frowned. “For what?"

  He gave me a sheepish look. "The pulling you in the cupboard thing. Maybe that wasn't my best look."

  "Oh, you're fine. You were right. I wasn't training you. And not training you could get you killed out in the field. That's not what I want."

  "So you do like me."

  I shook my head. "Only a little. I guess you're not always annoying. You aren't always arrogant."

  He laughed. "Well, there's that. So look at us, being friends."

  "Not quite friends," I laughed.

  "So if we're not friends, what are we?" he asked.

  Why did it feel like he was closer now? Leaning in, so close I could almost touch him.

  “I don't know. I guess I'm your trainer."

  The crease in his brow deepened. "And why are you a trainer? You're really good. You should be in the field."

  I winced. “It's a sore spot."

  "Let me guess, hurricane Gabe?"

  "On the first try. Well done," I muttered.

  "That's bullshit."

  “I don't want to talk about my brother."

  "Brilliant. I don't want to talk about him either."

  I nodded, and he nudged my leg with his. "Thanks for the beer. Being here can be isolating."

  "Trust me, I know."

  He turned to face me, and his gaze locked on mine again. He licked his bottom lip, and my insides melted and coiled all at once. God, that look could melt knickers from yards away.

  “I feel like I know you."

  “You do know me. I've been training you for two weeks now."

  He shook his head. “You know what I mean. I feel like I know you from before I came here. This is easy. It feels good to talk to you. You're the first person I can talk to since Charlie died, and that's saying something."

  I swallowed hard and shook my head. "Look, it's just transference. You have to trust me to train you, so it just feels that way."

  He nodded slowly but didn't take his eyes off me. "Can I ask you something? How much of that is what you believe, and how much of that is the fact that you train me and are just following the rules?"

  I swallowed. And then my gaze made a mistake of dipping to his lips and staying there. My brain gave all kinds of commands.

  Lift your fucking gaze. Look up at him. Eyes on him. Not his lips.

  But I couldn't. Because I did remember. Even if he didn't, I remembered.

  He groaned low. “You look at me sometimes like you want what I want, Saff."

  I cleared my throat. I tried closing my eyes and shaking it off. But still, that feeling had set low in my belly and was trying to claw its way out. Trying to seep its way into my bones. I could feel the desperation and need building. “I should go."

  I pushed to my feet, but he took my hand and stood up himself. “Don't go."

  "Whatever you're thinking might be a good idea isn't, Lachlan."

  “I like how you say my name."

  I swallowed again. “I should go. I'm going."

  “You said that already," he whispered.

  And while technically he was in my path. I could have easily sidestepped him. And we both knew I could put him down if I needed to, but I didn't. I stood in front of him, his hand holding mine, his thumb grazing over my knuckle.

  "I'm not the only one who feels it, am I?" he asked.

  I knew what would happen if I acknowledged it, but I couldn't stop myself from saying the truth. “It's not allowed."

  "So I'm told. I just want to know I'm not alone. Because I have been obsessively thinking about you since we met. I can't get you out of my head, and I just want to know that I'm not crazy and alone here. Because the more time I spend with you, the more I feel like I know you."

  “I'm—"

  “You're my trainer. I get it. And you can't say anything. I just wanted you to know that I feel it."

  I nodded slowly, not sure what to say. Knowing what I should do, but knowing that my body and my mind and my heart and my soul wanted to stay right there rooted to that spot with him holding my hand and my mouth begging him to kiss me. My core tightened around nothingness, desperate to feel the bite of having him inside me.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. "We can't. I can't."

  “I know." His voice was a low groaned whisper. But still he leaned forward. And I leaned up, tilting my face up toward his. His gaze was searching as he inched closer and closer and closer, the tension and the heat spiraling around us, sparking, threatening to set off an inferno.

  An inferno that should not be. An inferno that was going to be a problem. An inferno that was going to get us in trouble.

  “I know I shouldn't."

  “You shouldn't." I tried to swallow around the sawdust drying out my mouth.

  "But I can't help it." And as he leaned closer, only a whisper of a breath standing between us, I moaned.

  “Fuck, I'm going to enjoy this."

  The pull of the forbidden was so strong, I leaned into it. Then…

  "Lock, where are you?"

  We sprung apart, caught. I stumbled over the recliner and had to scramble to keep my balance.

  Lock reached out and caught me with an arm around my waist that brought me flush up against him. Reflexively, I shoved him hard.

  The motion only toppled us both onto the lounger with him on top of me. In a panic, I rolled us to the ground with me on top of him, my hips astride his. He was gazing up at me, his eyes wide with surprise. “Fuck."

  I tried to get up. But as I rocked backward, I felt the very hard, very thick length of his erection right against my core. And I closed my eyes and moaned, "Oh Jesus."

  There was no choice. I had to work my hips up to get up. And when I did, he hissed and gripped them. Fucking hell.

  I bit back a moan. “This isn’t happening. I'm sorry. I have to go." I clambered off him and he sprang up with an intense look toward me like he was going to prowl toward me and consume me.

  That sounds promising.

  I shook my head. “I'm just going to—" I hooked my thumb toward the door.

  "There you are," came a booming voice from the door of the cottage.

  I looked around Lock to find Saint in the doorway. "Saint, hi."

  He grinned at me. "Hey, Saff, did he fuck up today? Please tell me everything."

  I gave him a tremulous smile. "Actually he did great."

  Saint scowled. “Did he beat me?"

  “I will leave the two of you to talk about it," I said, knowing better than to get between two competing males.

  Saint laughed. “Don't let me run you off. I see you brought beer."

  "That was his reward. It was what he asked for. But we're done anyway. You guys have a good night." I forced myself to turn to him with a smile on my face. “Good job today. I'll see you for training tomorrow."

  He said nothing, his gaze intent on mine. And everything about his expression told me I should run and hide somewhere very far away, because when he caught me, we were going to break a whole lot of rules.

  10

  Lachlan

  I couldn't keep my bloody eyes off her. I wished I had a viable reason for why I couldn't, but every time I was near her, my mind took a mental vacation. I knew that I should be focusing. I had targets to hit. A course to run. Not to mention Saff was counting on me. If I'd been complaining that she should have been training me over the last two weeks, she made up for it in spades.

  She woke me up at five a.m. sometimes to give me a surprise training exercise. Now that she was on board, she was taking no goddamn prisoners, and it would serve me well to understand that.

  When she strolled out next to me, she raised a brow. “You ready?"

  She stood just a hair too close and kept her voice low so I would lean into her. Jesus, fuck. That scent, the rose and vanilla, and… God, what was that other thing? I couldn't fucking breathe in all honesty. I'd learned to start holding my breath around her if I wanted to actually do any thinking, but she caught me by surprise with her closeness.

  “Yeah," I cleared my throat. "A hundred percent ready."

  She eyed me dubiously. “You've done the work, just stay focused."

  "Right. Focused." Up ahead, I watched as Saint ran through the course.

  Rookie was up next, then it was me. Two of the other trainees had already gone before us.

  Essentially, we had to run a course at targets, shooting only viable targets, no civilians, all under duress with ample distraction. The distraction was tailored to us. So for Rookie, someone played the sound of his sister screaming for him. That had fucked him right up. He'd visibly struggled on the last three targets, but only missed one of them, which was still good enough for a pass.

  Saint was having a harder time. He had to get a civilian out before he could annihilate the target. And the problem was, he had to make choices.

  I didn't exactly know his story, because he kept his past pretty close to the vest. From the looks of it, he was struggling. There was plenty of time, but he was having a problem, and I could see him trying to make a decision about who to save first. The panic in his eyes was evident.

  All we'd been told was that our training officer would be part of the course, but we didn't know how. Tabs had been there to distract him. He'd been able to counteract a sexual distraction easily. She'd wrapped her arms around him at one point during a bar scene. He'd hit that target dead in the eye and then quickly turned a charming smile on her. He looked like he might lean in and kiss her, but when she raised an eyebrow, he chuckled and released her. But what had tripped him up was the choice on who to save, his training officer or a child.

  The child, as it turned out, was one of the daughters of someone on Oversight, and she was a volunteer. There were some pyrotechnics in there, and all she had to do was call out for help. I watched Saint as he went for the child and then went for Tabs at the same time. He was big. Not quite as big as I was, but broader. He'd thought he could save them both.

  He whisked his arms around Tabatha’s waist, and she fought him. Clawed at him. He was going to have to put her down and save the kid, but would he have time to come back?

  And then he did the one thing I never expected him to do. He put the kid down for a second and restrained Tabatha. He winced as he hit her at a pressure point on the back of the neck, and next to me, Saff hissed.

  Tabs went down easily, folding. And then he lifted her over his shoulder and bent down to lift the kid. He held them both, carrying them as easily as if they were nothing. Out the door, fire threatening to burn him. But he was nothing but grit and determination as he walked them out of the course.

  He put the kid down first, and she grinned up at him and gave him a high five. Saint leaned over Tabs, wiping the hair away from her face and checking her vitals. All I heard was Gabe's whistle. “You make it a point to assault women, Saint?"

  I watched Saint's jaw tick from where I was standing and he mumbled something in response. Something that made Gabe back off, which I had never seen before. Webb had a very clear fuck-around-and-find-out vibe, but Saint wasn't afraid of him.

  A couple of minutes later, Tabs was sitting up, blinking and clearly annoyed. But then she grinned up at Saint and gave him a high five. When he helped her to her feet, she gave him a tight hug.

  My gaze flickered over to Webb, whose jaw tightened. And I frowned at that. Wait a minute, now was he into Tabs? That was worth noting. Next to me, Saff's tension eased. "Oh, she's fine."

  “You didn't think he'd actually hurt her, did you?"

  She shrugged. “You never know about these trainees. But he did the right thing. Sometimes you have to neutralize an asset to keep them safe."

  "That's good to know. Are you going to knock me out if I need it? Then carry me out somewhere?"

  She shifted on her feet, just an inch closer to me, and her scent wrapped around me. It was like choking me from the inside out, and all I could smell was her. This was not what I fucking needed right now. Not at all what I needed. But this is where we were. "Of course, I'll carry you out. And I’m happy to shoot you with a tranq gun again."

  I had to laugh at that. “You know, I feel like I owe you for that."

  “Yeah, you can absolutely shoot me with a tranq gun, but you'll have to catch me first."

  She sauntered away then, and I knew she was heading into my course. I also knew watching her arse as she walked away was a bad move. My gaze flickered over her once, and I made sure I took that photograph and stamped it in my head and kept my gaze resolutely forward. I had no idea what I was about to face, but I certainly didn't need Webb catching me watching Saff walk away. He would make it a point to murder me for sure.

  Saint came jogging over, and I gave him a lifted chin in greeting. “Well done."

  “Yeah, it got hairy there, but I didn't really have a choice. She's a hell of a fighter. Tiny, but... Wow."

  “You look worried about her."

  His lips pressed together. “I don't like putting my hands on women."

  "Who the fuck does?"

  His gaze met mine directly. "Too many."

  Something about the way he said it made my jaw tighten. “You beat Rookie. I think Robert, too."

  He nodded. “You're still up. I could put a wager on this."

  I shrugged. "Sure. The problem is, I don't know what I’m facing, so it's a guess."

  He laughed. “You scared?"

  "Knowing that Saff is in there and she clearly has it out for me, yeah, I think I should be scared. Wouldn't you be?" Especially after we’d almost kissed. She’d been riding me… and not in a fun way.

  “I don't know. She doesn't seem to hate you nearly as much as she did a couple of weeks ago."

  She didn’t. I wondered if she lay awake at night thinking about me like I thought about her.

  "She's agreed to train me, that's it.”

  "Uh-huh." He eyed me then. “You two seem close now.”

  I shook my head. “I like my balls exactly where they are. Besides, no fraternization, remember? Or do you just not care about that rule or Webb severing your balls from you? I saw the way you were looking at Tabs."

  "Nah, she's a mate."

  "Oh, right. A mate. That looks like that."

  He shrugged. “I like her. Besides, she's smart, funny, and she knows this agency like the back of her hand. It wouldn't hurt you to make a mate or two."

  "I've been making mates.”

  “Yeah, sure."

  "Well, if I were you, and Smith is just a mate, I'd watch yourself around Webb. He thinks of her as his."

  Saint glanced back over at Webb as he was talking to her. Tabatha had her head upturned to Gabe’s and was scowling at him and gesticulating wildly while Gabe frowned down at her.

  "There's something there."

  Saint narrowed his eyes. "Well, there can't be according to the rules. But if he can break a rule, so can I."

  I chuckled at that. "Okay. If he tries to kill you, I want your album collection.”

  He laughed. “It's all yours. But who said I will be the one who dies?"

  I glanced at Gabe and then back at Saint. "Please, you're my mate, but there's something about him that just says cold and deadly. The kind of bloke that will kill you in your sleep, you know?"

  Saint shrugged. “I thought you were convinced he was shagging Saff."

  “As it turns out, he’s her brother. But you know that already.”

  He laughed. “Damn, who told you?”

  “Saff.”

  He nodded at that. "Figures. You ready?"

  “Is this the part where I say, I was born ready?"

  He rolled his eyes. “You're such a twat."

  I headed toward my course and tried to pull myself mentally back into the game. Saff had trained me for this. I just had to figure out what the hell my distraction was going to be and ignore it.

  Ten minutes later I walked into my training course, and the sense of dread fell over me like a black sackcloth.

  A little too much like a black sackcloth. Matter of fact, exactly like the one that had been shoved over me in my flat.

  They'd recreated my goddamn flat.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  I looked around and saw the markers leading to my starting point. My bedroom. Fucking hell. They’d left no detail untouched right down to the Xander Chase on my goddamn wall and the Z Con that was hanging next to the cupboard. Upon closer inspection, I saw they were prints and not originals, so they hadn't taken them from my flat. But Christ, if I hadn't been looking closely I would have mistaken them. It wasn't until I sat down on my bed that I realized what they'd done.

  They'd sprayed perfume on the bed, and for some reason it smelled wrong. But something about it triggered a memory. Me waking up alone in bed. But the more I tried to tug on that thread, the more I rebelled and couldn't quite piece it together. I knew what was expected. So I laid down, trying to clear my head and wondering what the point was in replicating my loft. But I then shoved it out of my head. I didn't need to know the whys; I just needed to follow through, hit the targets, and make it out in the right amount of time. Easy, right? I cleared my mind and waited for the buzzer.

  I heard the sound of gunfire. I could almost sense the person behind the door, so I rolled out of bed easily, palmed my gun that I'd placed right under my pillow, and fired. I didn't even wait to see the hint of green on the target's vest as I hit my mark. That person proceeded to lay on the floor in the doorway and I stepped over them easily.

 

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