"Are you going to let me go back to shooting things now?"

  "The real question is whether you think you still need to shoot things or if maybe you just use your words."

  “It's been a long couple of days, Tabatha."

  “I heard. Imagine what it's been like for Saff. I know you don't remember, but I told you in that club that if you hurt her I would sever your balls from your person."

  I lifted my brows. “I don't doubt that you're capable."

  “Good. You shouldn't. And honestly, I could eunuch you any time. It could happen in training. It could happen as an accident. But she likes you, so I’m giving you an option to fix it. Whatever you have going on with your family, however you ended up here or if you even want to be here, don't take it out on her." She turned and stalked toward the door. "Oh, and P.S., Gabe's looking for you. You fucked up."

  23

  Lachlan

  It turned out I wasn’t the only one getting a private ass chewing from Gabe since Saint was waiting on me in his office.

  “Have you two lost your fucking minds? We have protocols for a goddamn reason."

  Saint was relaxed, as if he'd anticipated this ass chewing and was taking it on the chin with his characteristic seemingly good nature. He nodded. “Yes, sir. We know, but it was necessary.” He was clearly unbothered that Gabe was well ticked off.

  "And you, King, you knew better. You had one task. Stay on target. It's not your fault the devil incarnate turned up, but you broke protocol. Went out on your own."

  I met his gaze coolly. "Would you rather I’d left your sister to die?"

  He sat on his desk and leaned forward, glowering at me with a raised brow. “You see, that's the thing. Saff, in case you haven't realized, is the fucking heir. She knows how to survive. She's been training for this since she was in diapers. She doesn't need saving. Not by you.”

  That one line pierced my soul, because it had been instinct to help her, despite how angry I was. Yes, of course, she was my teammate, but still, she was Saff.

  “I know. But we were assigned to be a team. And we don’t leave each other behind.” Maybe he would buy that I had full-on committed to a team.

  Instead, he growled at me. “A team operates when we follow bloody protocol. What if you’d saved her only to be captured?"

  Saint held up his hands. “I'm too pretty for jail." He was such a twat. But still, I wanted to chuckle. He was too pretty for jail. He would be very popular wherever he went.

  Gabe looked like he wanted to throw something. He didn't look at Saint when he spoke. "Saint, get out."

  Saint was up and out of his seat in less than a nanosecond. Gabe didn't have to tell him twice. As he strolled by me, he muttered. "Wanker." He grinned at me good-naturedly. "See you back at the flat, mate."

  When he was gone, Gabe ran his hands through his hair. “Speaking as Saff’s brother and not your superior, thank you. I owe you a debt."

  I frowned. "Weren't you just chewing me out because Saff knows how to survive on her own?"

  "She does. She probably would have made it off the island before you did. It doesn't change the fact that I’m happy someone's looking out for her. I’m also thrilled you seem to understand teamwork.”

  “You know, she's really good. I made a dozen mistakes on our little jaunt. Without her, I might not have survived."

  “I know."

  It wasn’t my place, but I had to ask. "Then why the fuck isn't she in the field? Is there something wrong with her?" Maybe I didn't have the right to this line of questioning, but I needed to know. Because Saff had been responsible for my current residence here, and I wanted to know everything.

  Gabe crossed his arms and sat back. "She's not ready."

  "Bullshit. You wouldn't have sent her on the mission if she wasn't ready."

  “You don't understand. Drake Webster… She handled that better than I would have."

  I cursed under my breath. "He's the one who killed her parents?"

  He nodded. “Yeah. Saff sees herself as responsible. Webster approached her when she was at uni. Classic asset recruitment. Except he pretended to be interested in dating her. While Saff was cagey, she couldn’t find anything on him. He looked legit. While he never progressed their relationship beyond friendship and mild interest, he kept a close eye on her, watched her for months. Stalked her and pretended to be interested.”

  Hearing that he groomed her, that she'd been that close to danger made a pit form in my gut.

  "Our parents weren't going to let her graduation day go by without being there for her. All Webster had to do was sit on Saff and wait until they turned up. Our folks were careful. They flew private on a small commuter plane in and out of a private airstrip. At least he let Saff have her graduation first, but when they were leaving, he bombed their plane. Saff saw the whole thing. She’s never really recovered."

  I winced.

  "He found her afterward. Said that if she identified him, what happened to our parents would happen to her."

  “Fucking hell, I’m going to kill him."

  Gabe nodded. “Get in line. Of course, Saff knows protocol. When we lose someone in the field, everyone comes home to their respective base. Everyone. We take all precautions, new passports, wash everything, close down that base, and return to central command. We scrubbed IDs and sent everyone back out to new posts."

  "Jesus fucking Christ. And Saff? What about her?"

  Gabe exhaled. "Because she wasn't an active agent yet, she couldn't just come home. She buried her parents and then had to find her own way to safely return using her actual name and ID. She backpacked across northeastern America, made her way into Canada where she made it to a safe house, grabbed new IDs, and came home. It took her a month."

  “Fucking hell."

  “Yeah, she was paranoid. She didn't want to lead anyone back to home base."

  “For fuck's sake. How did they even know who she was in order to target her?"

  “I don't know. We were hoping our new mission with Massimo would give us some more of the inner workings of the Igno empire. At the very least, we’d be able to listen in."

  "What about the bugs we have planted?"

  "The moment we got the red notice, we sent a cleaning crew. While you lot were vanishing into thin air, we scrubbed the listening devices. At most, Igno might wonder where you went. We very publicly cleaned out your villa and had new agents move in just to make it seem as if the honeymoon was over. We’ve also planted some tabloid rumors, with your grandfather's permission of course, about how you were seen with a secret lady love in the Caribbean and then in Ibiza."

  "Wow. Well, at least that tracks with the whole playboy image Massimo had of me."

  "Thanks for laying the ground work on that."

  “Is Saff okay?"

  He shrugged. "I might not have been helpful on that front, but my sister knows she needs to play it close for a bit."

  I lifted a brow. "Jesus, mate."

  Gabe's brow furrowed. "She's your teammate and your training officer, but I’m in command, do you understand? You can either speak to me as her brother or as commander. You can't do both." He sighed. “As your commander, you broke protocol. You have to stay on and finish the mission."

  "What is the mission now?"

  "We have to regroup. Figure out where we are. I have to talk to Oversight."

  "And my status?"

  “For the meantime, you're still a Rogue."

  Two weeks ago, before I left for the islands, all I wanted was out. But now, I owed Drake Webster a bullet to the skull.

  And here I thought we were done with Saff.

  Done or not, that twat deserves to die.

  "As Saff's brother again, thank you for watching her six. You're dismissed."

  “Is Saff grounded?"

  "No. She's finally getting her wish, actually. To become a field agent."

  I nodded. "Well, at least there's that."

  I pushed to my feet and made to leave when he called out, "And King, whatever happened between you two in the Winston Isles, I don't want to know about it. But you understand the rules at Rogues Division, yes?"

  I knew what he was asking. I turned slowly. “I know the rules. They won't be a problem. But I do have a question for you."

  He shrugged. "What is it?"

  "The forty-eight hours before I turned up here…"

  “Yes?

  "Was Saff responsible?"

  His brow furrowed. "Why would you ask that?"

  I scanned the way his eyes widened at my question. “I don't know. She said something in training that made it seem like she'd been in my flat before. And she was a little too familiar with my file."

  "We don’t disclose those details for a reason.”

  The only way you're going to find out is to ask her directly.

  Too bad I was just as likely to throttle her as I was to kiss her. And either option could get me killed.

  24

  Saffron

  Thirty minutes after arriving at Tabatha’s house, she texted me that she'd been called in on another brief and was going to stay on-site.

  Jesus Christ, that sucked. I could almost see Gabe doing it on purpose to make sure I was alone. He had texted and called once, but I wasn't inclined to answer. I made my check-in calls as required, but I couldn’t speak to him right now. Not after he'd essentially questioned my sanity and my leadership in the debrief.

  The only thing worse than being stuck on campus was being stuck alone. As much as I wanted to eat junk food and watch movies and relax and pour a glass of wine, none of that seemed the same without Tabs here.

  You should be sleeping.

  I should. But I was too keyed up, too wired. I just wanted to get back out in the field. Normally, I had a routine, but this was my first time coming back from an actual mission. Sure, I had been coms lead before, supporting other missions, but I’d never been in the field. It was completely different.

  Maybe Gabe was right and I didn't belong in the field. Because fucking hell, this feeling, the unease, the restlessness was driving me crazy.

  The doorbell rang, and I frowned. Tabs wasn't here and this was her safe space. She had an address that she would take men to, but this was her private place. No one came here except for me. So who the fuck was at the door?

  I palmed the gun under her coffee table and pushed myself up from the couch.

  I stayed out of range of the windows and watched the door, sticking to the side in case someone attempted to shoot through it, though I knew for a fact her door was steel. And there was a panic room.

  But still, I quickly checked the security monitor, and my stomach fell when I saw who was on the other side.

  I pressed the speaker and forced a deep, long breath. "What do you want, Lock?"

  "Can we talk?"

  "No. I need to get some rest. We'll talk when I’m back on campus."

  “Do you understand what I had to do to get off campus? Tabatha had to write me a special note and everything."

  “I don't care. I'm not opening the door."

  "Are you going to make me test out my lockpicking skills? You know I struggled with that in training."

  “That's not my problem."

  He held something up to the camera. "See? Here's the note."

  I squinted to read it better, and there was Tabatha’s perfect handwriting in bold script. "Let him in. Talk."

  Damn it. Sometimes having a best friend was a pain in the ass. "Lock, if you are here for retribution or you're angry, I understand, but I cannot talk to you about this right now."

  "That's fine. I will sit out here and talk through the door and make sure the neighbors know all of our business. I'm perfectly okay with that if you are."

  I dropped my forehead against the door and then used my thumb to disengage the lock, and then the deadbolt, and then the chain. When I swung the door open, I scowled at him sitting on the floor.

  "There you are. That was going to get embarrassing. Thank you for saving me from that."

  “I don't have anything to say to you."

  “Don't you think the two of us probably should start saying a lot more?"

  I ran my hands through my hair, half expecting to find the pile of braids there. I was getting it braided again tomorrow, so I wouldn't have to feel as if I was partially naked. "Lock, let's not—"

  He barged past me, leaving me no option but to close the door and lock up behind him. I turned to him, angry now. “I tried to talk to you earlier. Didn't you already say what you have to say?"

  "Why didn't you tell me?" His question was an anguished snarl.

  "What was I going to say? How was I supposed to explain that to you exactly?"

  “You didn't try."

  "When I say Rogues don't date, it's not some little thing. Relationships of any kind are frowned upon. You are forbidden from divulging anything about Rogues. And it is expressly forbidden for agents to bang, even if it's just to let off some steam, get the lead out, work out some kinks. Strictly verboten. So what did you think I was going to say to you? 'Hey, that gap in your memory… Funny thing is it happens that I’m in that gap.'"

  I could see his jaw working. "How am I supposed to feel? I've learned to trust you. You’ve become my anchor point since I’ve been here. And you've been lying to me the whole time. How that's supposed to make me feel?"

  “I don't know what to tell you. You weren't supposed to ever show up."

  He gaped at me in disbelief. “You really didn't know that I was going to be picked up?"

  I whirled on him. "No. I had no idea."

  “If you had known, would you have told me?"

  I stared at him, my heart sinking because he'd truly believed me capable of harming him. “If I had known you were going to be black-bagged, I wouldn't have slept with you."

  His gaze was fiery and intense on me. So hot, I could feel the heated tracks his eyes took as they flitted all over my body, leaving little volcanoes of awareness and need in their wake.

  “Do you know that since that night we first fought, I’ve been having flashbacks?"

  I hadn't known that. “I'm sorry. I didn't know. At first I thought you were pretending that you didn't remember me. Then I thought maybe you were a plant, that you were someone Gabe was using against me. I thought you'd shagged me as a mission and he was going to use you to keep me from the field."

  Lock frowned. "He wouldn't do that."

  “You've met my brother, right?"

  His brow furrowed. "Okay, yeah, fair enough."

  "So what was I supposed to do? That's why I pretended. And I am good at pretending. I acted like everything was fine, even if it wasn't. I didn't know what else to do. And then of course, as punishment, Gabe assigned me to be your training officer. My brother, ever diabolical."

  "Why would he assign you to me?"

  "Because I’ve been wanting to be a field agent. Because I was sneaking off campus. If I’d just told him, he would have sent me with six armed guards."

  “Fuck, your relationship is so screwed up."

  “You're telling me. I just didn't know what to say when I realized that you didn't actually remember me, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I had Tabs looking into it, and she said it was because we changed up the drug protocol because psych ops said it was less traumatic for those that needed black bagging."

  "Oh, newsflash, it's still traumatizing."

  “Do you remember the team picking you up?"

  He shook his head. "All I remember is you. Do you know what it is though? It's your scent. It's like I’m attuned to it."

  A soft smile tugged at my lips. “You asked about it that night, about my perfume."

  "Even then I knew. Can you tell me more details about that night? I don't like having these holes in my mind. My brain is not to be trusted, like I can’t rely on what I know to be true."

  "I’m not sure it’ll be helpful, but what do you want to know?"

  He took a step, closing the distance between us. “It's helpful to me. Do you know what it feels like not to be able to trust yourself? To keep running over every thought you have, every desire you have, thinking you're going fucking crazy?"

  “I do, actually. After what Webster did, I kept seeing shadows everywhere, even when there weren't any. I couldn't trust anyone. I kept going over and over all the seventy-five ways I could have saved my parents."

  He sighed and then hung his head. "Shit, Saff, that's not what I meant."

  "No, I know what you meant. And believe me when I say I understand that not being able to trust your instincts or your brain are equally as important. I get it." I wrapped my arms around myself, praying that I could piece myself together. “I'm sorry, Lock. I am. I was between a rock and a hard place. If I had told you, I risked you not believing me. I risked you asking a lot of questions. And that would have put both of our paths at Rogues Division in peril. You didn’t remember, so there was no point in bringing it up again."

  "There was no point?" his voice was strained, a note of anguish in his eyes. “I have been tortured for weeks with images of you in my bed, calling my name. I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I was going fucking insane wondering why I felt so connected to you, so attached. And you think that I wouldn't have believed you?"

  "Are you hearing yourself? Would you have believed me, if I was like, 'Hey, I know you don't remember me, but you know, before you came here, we shagged our brains out one night.'"

  He opened his mouth to speak, and I could see it, the determination on his face that he would have believed me. But then his shoulders sagged. "No, I probably wouldn't have. I would have made a lewd joke about you giving me a refresher."

  "Exactly. And then you probably would have said something to Gabe or someone else. And then instead of getting your time served at Rogues Division, your family would have found another creative way to keep you in line."

 

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