“You have to trust that I’m actually good at my job."

  The next words out of my mouth were born of fear and worry. “Maybe Gabe was right. You’re not thinking clearly, and you’re going to get yourself killed.”

  She jerked as if I’d slapped her. “I think one of us is experiencing an overwhelm of emotions right now. Newsflash, it’s not me. Like I said, we’re going after them. If you’re not up to it, head back to the safe house. But this mission is still on.”

  I knew I was saying exactly the wrong things. I knew that I was fucking this up. But panic had me by the balls, and I couldn’t let her walk into danger. I had to say something. I had to do something. ”This is reckless, Saff. Maybe we should call this in and get our directive from Gabe.”

  She blinked at me slowly and said. “You don't believe in me."

  My heart sank. “I'm not saying I don't believe in you. I’m saying maybe your judgment is compromised."

  Way to keep digging yourself a hole there.

  She crossed her arms. "We are field agents. We could die any day. I'm not going into this with zero intel. We are the team on the ground. And last I checked, I was mission lead."

  I pursed my lips then. "Right. Back to that again. You're taking risks I am not comfortable with you taking."

  “You sound just like Gabe."

  “I never thought I’d say this, but maybe he's right."

  She flinched. “Wow. Tell me how you really feel.”

  When she turned to leave, I grabbed her hand. “Don't do this, Saff. It feels like a trap."

  “I have to follow my instincts on this one," she said and pulled her hands free.

  At the end of the day, she was there to be a field agent, not the woman I loved. But all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and keep her safe, whether she wanted it or not. And to prevent that from happening, I let her walk out the door.

  33

  Saffron

  "Are you mad? Because you look mad."

  “I'm not mad, Tabs."

  “Do you want to talk about it?"

  "No, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to finish this mission and get back."

  "He doesn't understand how it works."

  I shook my head. “It doesn't matter."

  “I think it does. It feels like he doesn't believe in you."

  "Tabatha…" I gave her a firm press of my lips and my serious eyes.

  She strapped on her bulletproof vest. "Look, I know how this goes. I understand it. I've been in your shoes before. And let's face it, he's a man. He hasn't done enough of these missions to know that sometimes you have to go on your instincts. And I trust yours with my life."

  I frowned at that as I checked my magazine. “I don't want your life to be in danger. I know that’s part of this. I understand. It's a hazard of the job. I still don't like it.”

  “He'll come around," she said, trying to soothe me.

  “I'm not sure I want him to come around. This is too hard, Tabs."

  She finished strapping on her vest as she studied me. “You love him, don't you?"

  “I don't love him. That's bullshit."

  "Honey, I can see it. You're completely smitten. For weeks, you two have been running around here sneaking glances. You've gotten better at hiding it in the building, but you forget, I see you when you wake up. I see the smile on your face. I see how he makes you feel. You are giddy and excited. And that's fantastic."

  I felt like a vice had wrapped around my heart. “I don't want this. I don't want these feelings. I have so much to do, so much to prove. If I make one wrong move, I could get everyone killed. I nearly got everyone killed yesterday."

  "That was not on you. You were following protocol."

  “Yeah, protocol. But I didn't clear the room. Rookie move. I made a mistake."

  Tabs sighed and then strode over to me, planting her hands on my shoulders. “Do you remember Berlin?"

  I frowned. She'd had several missions there. "Which mission?"

  “You know, the one where the bomb was left behind. That was my fault. I got made. Simple as that. And as a result, the guy left his bomb behind instead of taking it to the actual intended target. Luckily, no one died, but several were injured. And that one haunts me. We all make mistakes."

  “I know." And I did, or at least tried to. “But how am I supposed to trust my instincts, which I can feel in my bones are right, when the one person who’s supposed to believe in me doesn't?"

  Tabs whacked me on the arm. "The one person?"

  I laughed. “I'm sorry. You're right, actually. You, I can count on."

  "Always. Now, what do you say we go pick up that stropping cunt?"

  I laughed. "Tell me how you really feel."

  "How I really feel is that she lied to us. She played us, or played you, from the beginning, and no one does that to my best mate."

  "Sometimes I feel like I’m going completely crazy."

  "Maybe you are. Maybe we come up snake eyes on this. I don't know. But you have a hunch, and if you back it up with some intel, I’ll follow you over a cliff. As long as you're Thelma and I’m Louise."

  "Whoa. Why do I have to be Thelma?"

  “I don't know. You just look like a Thelma."

  She tried to hit me again, but this time I blocked her easily. “I'm Louise."

  She winked. “If you say so."

  I knew she was doing anything she could to make me smile, and I loved her for it. “You're right. Let's go get this stropping cow."

  "Cunt. I said, cunt, okay?"

  I laughed. “Yeah, stropping cunt, got it. I love you, Tabs."

  “I know. I'm pretty awesome. And just so we're super clear, you love Lock too. And he loves you. Though how you two are going to make this work in Rogues, I have no idea."

  “I really don't want to think about that. I'm not sure it can work. I don't know. I feel like I’ve been fooling myself this entire time. And it's too complicated now. I'm just worried about everything."

  “Focus on things you can control and the rest will be okay."

  "Are you sure about that?"

  “I'm sure."

  As she turned to leave with her bag of equipment, I called out to her, "Hey, Tabs."

  “Yeah, babe?"

  "Thank you."

  "Anytime. Now finish getting suited up. We're going to show everyone how it’s done."

  Did I have any idea what I was doing?

  34

  Saffron

  As it turned out, the Highland was a hotel featuring luxury bungalows. And when pressed, our contacts had in fact seen Graciella on the premises, and they even gave us her exact bungalow. It was quiet, closer to the water, out of the way. And hopefully no one would see us coming.

  I was surprised to see Lachlan step out of the safe house fully geared up.

  I frowned at him. “So, you’re coming?”

  He nodded. “This is the mission.”

  As if that answered every question. As if yesterday, he hadn’t directly questioned my ability to run this team, to run this mission to success. All I could do was give him a brusque nod then load my team into the van.

  From the safe house, the drive out to the Highland was only about twenty minutes away. The sun had just started to go down, so luckily, we would have some cover.

  As we sat outside the property waiting for the security guards to make their shift change, my knee started to bounce up and down.

  Tabatha and Rookie didn't see it, but Lock did. He placed a hand on my knee, gently squeezing it. All I could do was stare at him. We were not ok. How did he think we were at all ok?

  I cleared my throat, checked my magazines again, and resolutely turned away from him. Despite what I had allowed myself to believe, he wasn't mine. And despite what he believed, he wasn't the one running the mission. I was. I didn't need his reassurance.

  “Let's go.”

  I could hear his frustrated sigh behind me. “I was just trying to be supportive.”

  “Now is not the time for that, King. We have bad guys to catch.”

  Tabs gave me a fist bump as I clambered out with my two hulking agents next to me. The Winston Isles felt like a baby mission compared to this. It hadn't been classified as active and dangerous. But marching into the Highland to catch Graciella and Webster, the adrenaline that poured through me was off the charts. This was the kind of thing that I had dreamed of my whole life. Vengeance for my parents, but also putting a dangerous man away. One who had no qualms about killing people.

  At the fence, Lock set a small explosive charge, and we backed up about twenty feet. When he hit the button on his detonator, it blew, breaking open a hole for us in the wrought iron.

  We climbed through and headed around the east side of Graciella’s bungalow.

  I placed my tech wand on the base of the window. Rookie said that it would track any electronic activity inside the house like alarms, phones that sort of thing. And since it was on the same frequency as our equipment and our phones were already calibrated, it wouldn't pick ours up. But when I flipped the switch, it showed nothing, no electronics inside. That was bullshit because we knew Graciella was here.

  Unless your intel was bad again and you made another bad call.

  I couldn't think like that. We need to clear the house, and if neither one of them were here, we’d regroup. But I wasn't letting Lachlan’s doubts get to me. That could be death out in the field.

  I signaled for us to move. I was heading for the main door, Rookie for the back, and Lock for a side door leading out to a large veranda. Saint was in the van on Coms and Tabatha trailed Rookie. The adrenaline barreled through my veins, making my heart pump excitedly and my breathing go shallow.

  Easy does it. Breathe. Nice and steady. You have this.

  At the front door, I used the key code given by our contact. The door eased open with the audible grind and click of the heavy duty lock. One by one we cleared the rooms downstairs. As we were coming back around toward the kitchen, I heard footsteps. Someone was moving fast. Someone big.

  I signaled to them that I was going after him. Lachlan tried to reach for me, but I shook him off and ran up the stairs, my gun trained for anyone coming down. I heard him curse under his breath as he followed me. Despite his hesitance, he had my back.

  We moved quickly from room to room clearing then. And then I heard a crash in the master bedroom. We both went running, with Lock watching my back and Rookie coming up the stairs. When I kicked open the door of the bedroom, there was Drake Webster throwing something out the window. I shouted, “Of course, it's you. Why is it always fucking you? Going somewhere Webster?”

  He chuckled low. “Would you believe I think we've both been played?”

  “Doesn't matter. You're the one who's going to be in cuffs.”

  He eyed me up and down then assessed Lachlan and Rookie. “Are you sure about that? Tell you what, how about we fight for the privilege of bringing me in? You win, I come willingly. I win, you let me go. Hell, I’ll even throw in that I take care of your Graciella problem for you.”

  I stepped forward, and Lachlan cursed under his breath. “Fucking hell, Saffron.”

  He really thought I was going to take this monster at his word? That I would fall easily for the nonsense? Did he think I was that naive, that dumb?

  Still, I stepped forward and removed my jacket.

  Even Rookie seemed concerned “Boss?”

  I paused in the room full of three of the biggest, baddest men I’d probably ever met in my life, and I knew I had the upper hand.

  Webster smiled when he saw me taking off my jacket, and he tsked. “I can't say I’m disappointed, but at least you're predictable. Come on now, why don't you give me the beating you're so desperate to hand out so I can hurry up and get out of here. Because you can't win. You won't win.”

  I shrugged. “You're right. If I play the way you play, I can't win. But if I play my way, I always come out on top.” Then I palmed the gun that I’d pulled up from the holster as I was removing my jacket, and I tranqued him in the dead center of his chest.

  There was nothing more satisfying than watching a massive tree go down.

  Saffron

  I wish I could say I felt something, anything other than pure numbness.

  But I didn't. Okay, fine, maybe exhaustion. On my first mission, I had nearly gotten my entire team taken out, been kidnapped, gotten blown up, fought with my boyfriend, then broken up with said boyfriend. Then as a final topper, I’d captured one of the most notorious criminals in the world, the same one who happened to have killed my parents.

  I was long overdue for a nap.

  Yes, we had captured Webster, but even that felt too easy and not quite right. It was almost like he wanted to be caught.

  And I had no idea why.

  In our pursuit of Drake Webster, Rookie had been shot, Lachlan had been injured trying to get to me, and Tabs… Well, Tabs was just pissed right the fuck off.

  All because I made the wrong call about Graciella.

  One bad call and we had lost Graciella, and I’d almost gotten everyone killed.

  This was why they didn't let agents date. Too many distractions. There was a perfectly good reason for it, other than my brother being a dick.

  But in this case he had good reason to be. And sure enough, even Lock questioned my judgment.

  So yeah, everything was shit.

  There was nothing worse than having the man you loved—okay, fine, I said loved—question your call in the field because you'd already made the wrong one.

  There was nothing worse than having your own team doubt your competence because you'd already screwed up once.

  Yeah, there was a reason they didn't let agents date.

  I hadn't believed in it, hadn't wanted to adhere to that rule. I thought I was exempt and that the rules didn't apply to me. But even funnier was that they applied to me most of all.

  The fucking heir. What load of bullshit was that?

  I didn't have some great legacy to uphold. I was like every other rookie agent trying to survive. And I made a colossal mistake.

  After the prisoner transport at the airport and during the long drive to Rogues Division, I was just relieved to be in one piece, prisoner intact, ready to go.

  But I knew what was waiting. There would be no hot shower, no moment of respite. My brother would have a lot to say to me. And sure enough, he was waiting for me.

  He glowered at me then at my whole team. "Mission debrief, now."

  I could have argued. I could have pushed, but he had the right to be pissed the fuck off. Exhausted, I followed behind Gabe, and my team followed me. Because at the end of the day, we all screwed up together. In the debrief room we all took seats, and I glanced around at my team. They were all road weary. Tabs though, ever the faithful sidekick, was glowering at Gabe. Lock's expression was stoic.

  My brother turned to me. "Explain yourself."

  "Any mission protocols broken were mine. My team only followed my lead."

  "That's what you have to say?"

  I nodded. “Graciella Natanya evaded capture for now. But we brought in number two on Interpol's list. Drake Webster."

  Gabe sat back and lifted a brow. "Right. How did you lose Graciella?"

  I squared my shoulders, leveled my gaze on him, and told him the truth about how she’d disappeared pretty much right in front of us.

  "Right. And then you got yourself nicked."

  Yes, there was that. “Obviously, I didn't realize that was going to happen.”

  “You let an asset, one that you insisted you could cultivate, walk."

  I swallowed hard. “Yes. I did."

  Gabe just stared at me. "There could be consequences." Then he turned his attention to the rest of my team. "And you lot?"

  But before he could start, I pushed to my feet. “I accept full responsibility for their actions. The breaking of protocol was a pattern I established early on to get the job done. They weren't wrong. Because they are responsible for capturing Webster, not me. I was merely the bait."

  "Well, these sacks of shit have actually passed the teamwork marker,” Gabe said. “Congratulations. You are all grounded. No one leaves the campus."

  When Gabe dismissed us, I turned to go with my team, but he held me back. "Oh no, not you, Agent Abott."

  When they were gone, I turned to him. "Can’t this one wait? The lecture, the grounding, stripping me of my Rogues agent status, whatever it is? I am knackered."

  His voice was low and gruff. "Are you all right?"

  I frowned at that. "What do you mean?"

  "Are you harmed in any way?" He couldn't meet my gaze.

  “I'm fine. Scrapes and bruises. Nothing permanent."

  His shoulders sagged a little. “I died a thousand deaths when Webster took you. Do you understand that?"

  "That wasn't my intention, Gabe."

  “I know, it's just—"

  “Yeah, I already know. I'm a shitty field agent. I understand."

  He sighed. "That's not what I said. Look, off the record, every first mission goes shitty. That's why I wanted you to have more seasoning. They're all supposed to go shitty. Your first field agent op wasn't supposed to be something like this. Oversight interfered, and I have no idea why. They've been happy to let me run the show up until now. I don't know what possessed them."

  “I'm fine, Gabe."

  He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah." And then he dropped his head and rubbed at something on the end of his nose before inhaling deeply and blinking rapidly. I frowned. Was he crying? There was no way he was crying.

  “You ever scare me like that again, I swear to God, I will kill you myself."

  I shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. “I really am okay, Gabe."

  He nodded. “Fine. Yeah." He cleared his throat. “Get the fuck out of here before I remember how mad I am."

  I nodded and headed for the door. Pausing, I turned to him. “I really am okay, Gabe."

  “Go. And don't let me see you for at least twenty-four hours." He paused then added, “Well done bringing Webster in. I’ve been trying for two years, but you actually managed it.”

 

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