One Good Reason, page 14
Tonight I would enjoy the closeness; the moments that everyone wanted to catch on film. When he rested his hand on my lower back directing me to our table, or when he wrapped his arm around my waist posing for a picture, and when we exchanged glances during a moment of understanding that no one else in the room could interpret.
I would display those moments for the world but just for tonight because my soul knew what would happen tomorrow. He would revert to the cold distant man that I lived for. I would give him time. I would wait and be open to him when he was ready to come around. And he was coming around but too slowly. I needed more from him. I wanted more from him because I loved him and wanted to give more to him.
We sat at the table with Erin between us. She chatted away about everything in her child’s mind turning towards me than back to Noah. She barely took a breath between sentences. Her excitement was palpable. Noah and I smiled at each other as Erin rattled on and on.
Erin stopped her chatter when a tall handsome man approached our table. Noah stood to shake his hand and introduced Erin and myself. “Ladies this is Gregory Reed. This my daughter, Erin, and this is Natalie.”
I was curious to see how Noah would label me but he chose not to. Again, I was Natalie, just Natalie.
Gregory took Erin’s small hand in his and said something charming about her dress then he directed his attention towards me.
“Hello, Natalie, It’s a pleasure to meet you.” My hand felt small in his.
“Nice to meet you, Gregory.” He was a handsome man, but nothing compared to Noah, and he also had a familiar feel to me. He seemed charming, somewhat too charming.
“If Noah can spare you later, I would love to steal a dance.”
I glanced at Noah. His face went rigid. His lips tightened. I shifted to face Gregory. I placed my hand on Noah’s back in a gesture to calm him.
“Gregory, Natalie is with me.”
“It’s just a dance.” Gregory answered.
I watched Noah’s jaw tick in response and I intervened. "Thank you, I’m flattered, Gregory.” I smiled, nodded, and sat back in my seat.
“Noah, do you have a second?” Gregory asked Noah.
Noah nodded and stepped away with Gregory. I watched as the two men walked away. They spoke and Noah returned to the table.
“Daddy what did that man want?”
“Something he can’t have.” Noah’s clipped response sent chills up my spine.
“Are you angry daddy?” Erin placed her hand on Noah’s cheek.
“Not at all, sweet pea.” Noah looked past me to Gregory’s table. I could see the tension settle in his jaw and I knew he was lying. I had a feeling I knew why.
Later in the evening, I was walking back from the ladies room when Gregory approached me. “Can I have the next dance?”
I looked over to our table hoping Noah was not witnessing this exchange. Thankfully, he was not there. “Let me check on Erin and I’ll be back.”
I scanned the room and my eyes were drawn to his stare. He was across the room standing with two other men. They were deep in conversation but Noah was somewhere else. His face strained and his eyes narrowed as he glared at me.
I stood in place staring back at him. I tried to remain emotionless, but he was making it difficult. He stalked towards me, his determined walk told me to stay where I was.
He left little space between us then placed his hand in my hair at the back of my head. Firmly he drew my face closer to him and nuzzled his mouth near my ear. “I don’t want you talking to him.”
“What? Why?”
“It bothers me.” His said in a stern tone. His warm breath tickled my ear.
“It shouldn’t and anyway, he seems like a nice guy. It’s just a dance.”
He opened his mouth as if he was about to say no and shut it. He sucked in his breath while his body stiffened. “Did he ask you out? I told him…” He stopped mid sentence.
“You told him what?” I was furious. I loved this man, but I had to draw the line somewhere. “Noah you can’t have things both ways. I tell you I love you and you tell me I’m a fool.” Though I would be patient with Noah, I won't lock myself in his home waiting for him. “Noah, you’ve said it many times that you can’t give me more. I need more and since you aren’t offering, I have no choice but to look elsewhere. But Noah, this doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“Did he ask you out?” His voice grew louder which made a few people look over at us. He grabbed my hand brought me to a more private corner of the room. “Please, Natalie, I asking you not to go out with him.”
His expression changed, and I felt sadness for him. He was a desperate man who wanted to love but was so afraid to let go, so instead, he tried to control things, and he was trying to control me. “Noah, he didn’t ask me out, he asked me to dance.” Noah tried to interrupt me. “Noah, stop. It’s just a dance.”
I left him there when I noticed Gregory searching the room for me. The music started and couples flowed onto the dance floor. Gregory’s face lit up when he noticed me walking towards him. I slid my hand into his and he moved me around the dance floor. He was a beautiful dancer, and it felt like my feet barely touched the floor.
As Gregory spun me around, I noticed Noah moving closer to the edge of the dance floor. His hands were in his pockets as he stared the two of us down. Gregory seemed oblivious to Noah’s presence, or maybe, it was pure cockiness but I was all too aware of it.
Aware of his presence, aware of his moods and I hoped the song wouldn’t end, so I didn’t have to return to my seat and absorb Noah’s displeasure.
But the song ended, and another one began, and Noah cut in. “Natalie, may I have this dance.”
I looked to Gregory who had already put space between us. “Yes, Noah.”
My stomach fluttered as Noah drew me towards him. Something stirred in me whenever I was around him that I never experienced with any other man. Being in Noah’s arms differed from being with anyone else. By body pulsed when we touched. Though he could be so cold, when I was near him even at the worst moments, I felt warm and safe.
There was no space between my body and his. He rested his mouth near my ear. The warmth of his breathing traveled down my skin and I shivered.
“Natalie.” I felt him harden against my hip.
“Yes Noah.”
“I can’t see another man touching you.” There was a tinge of anxiety in his voice though he tried to control it as always.
“Noah, it was just a dance.” He pressed his palm firmly into my back as he spun me around.
“I can’t see it. Just don’t do it in front of me.”
“Do what Noah?” What did this man want from me? He does not want me but no one else can have me.
He stopped dancing. “Flirt, touch, any of it. I can’t watch it.” He took me by the hand and led me off the dance floor.
We returned to the table where Erin sat with some of the other children that attended the Gala. “Why did you stop dancing, Daddy? You looked so nice dancing.”
Noah had no suitable excuse prepared for his daughter so I answered for him. “My foot was hurting a little. He stopped for me.”
Satisfied with my answer, Erin went back to talking with her friends.
Noah leaned into my ear, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I can’t tell you what to do but I can’t control myself when it comes to you.”
He wasn’t kidding. The man had serious impulse problems when dealing with me. He controlled so much in his life and his daughter’s life but something about me, short- circuited his control.
“Noah, I understand. It makes me physically sick to think about you fucking those whores you bring home.” I whispered back into his ear.
He whipped his head around to face me. Shock written all over his face then an expression of sorrow replaced the shock. At first, he responded by squeezing my hand in his and didn’t let go. “It’s been a while, Natalie.”
“I’ve noticed and I appreciate it.”
Erin glanced over at the two of us. “Daddy, you're holding Natalie’s hand.”
Noah didn’t budge. “Yes I am.”
“Boys hold girl’s hands that they have a crush on. Do you have a crush, Daddy?”
“I hold your hand.” Noah countered.
“Yes, but you’re my daddy.”
“And Natalie is part of our family so I can hold her hand, right?”
Erin shook her head. Somehow, that was enough for her nine-year-old mind.
“Natalie, I’m trying.”
“I know you are and so am I.”
“What do you need to try?”
“To be patient.”
We rode home in the limo in silence. Erin fell asleep across her father’s lap and I stared out the window seeing nothing because I was lost in my thoughts.
When we arrived home, Noah carried a sleeping Erin up to her bedroom. Then shut her door.
We stood together in the hallway not ready to leave each other for the night. After tonight, I was ready to put aside Noah’s transgressions. I could lose nothing else and gain so much if I could be patient with him. I needed him. I saw the ache in his eyes that told me he needed the same. I didn’t care about the niceties or the cruelties that came with tomorrow. I only wanted tonight. Tomorrow would come no matter what.
He reached for my hand and guided me into his bedroom. At the foot of the bed, he stood behind me and caressed my shoulders with his lips. He reached for my zipper and dragged it down my back. With my back exposed he moved his large hands inside my dress and allowed them to caress my warm skin.
Every part of me wanted this man. He knew how to manipulate my body to take and give more than I could imagine. His hand trailed down the front of me and cupped the sensitive spot between my legs. I dropped my head back on his shoulder, pressed back into him and pushed my behind into his long, hard erection.
He slipped my dress off my body and dropped it on the floor. It pooled at my feet and I stepped out of it. Noah pulled back the comforter and guided me onto his bed. He kissed my skin as his hands glided over my body making me quiver from his touch. I reciprocated every touch exploring his body as if it was mine to own. I breathed in his scent as I kissed his warm skin. It was a heady mixture of leather, musk, and Noah. We whispered things to each other, words of lovers, sentiments of needing and wanting.
I needed him deep inside. The pressure, the pulsating became too painful to bear. Noah moved his engorged head between my wet lips and pushed deep inside of me. Every sensitive part of me felt him. He filled me. At the perfect pace, he moved in and out of me bringing me to the most intense orgasm then his followed mine while my name fell from his lips.
We woke the next morning in the exact position we fell asleep in. Noah’s body tucked in to the side of me and his arm and leg draped across my body.
“Good Morning, Natalie.”
“Good Morning, Noah.”
He kissed my mouth then flipped over on his back reaching for his watch on the nightstand. “It’s late, do you think Erin is awake?”
“Considering how late we got in I doubt it but I should sneak back to my room before she does.” I stretched my hands above my head.
“Not yet.”
Noah twisted back to face me. He brushed the strands of hair that settled across my face then stroked my cheek. “You are so beautiful.”
I tilted my head down feeling exposed by his kindness.
“Look at me, Natalie.” He tilted my chin up to face him. “Thank you for being patient with me. Don’t run into another mans arms.”
Patient. For how long?
Right before I could respond there was a small knock on Noah’s bedroom door. I sat up in bed covering my naked body. Noah remained calm. “Don’t worry. You stay here and I’ll bring Erin downstairs while you sneak back to your room.”
I listened as Erin’s chatty voice faded down the stairs then I snuck back into my room. I could not believe what just happened. I should have felt happy, but this man has yet to prove to me that he can be different. I was glad Erin interrupted us because I was not prepared to respond to him. He played my emotions like a Ping-Pong machine. I didn’t know how I felt hour to hour.
I dressed and went downstairs. Erin and Noah were eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. There was a bowl waiting for me filled with Cheerios with a banana sliced up on top and the carton of milk next to it.
As soon as Erin saw me, she squealed. “Wasn’t last night magical!”
Noah looked at me as I answered. “It was magical.” I wanted to bottle Erin’s innocence. I came behind her wrapping my arms around her little body and gave her the biggest squeeze.
Just then, Noah’s phone rang. He stepped away from the table to answer it. When he came back in the kitchen, he was angry about the phone call. His moods permeated the surrounding air so thickly they altered everyone in proximity to him. Light and airy became dark and heavy.
“Daddy, what happened?”
“Nothing sweet pea. Finish your breakfast and I have a surprise for you.” Even Noah knew not to let his moods infiltrate light and airy Erin.
“Can Natalie be in on the surprise?” Erin jumped up and down in her seat.
“Not today.” Noah left the room without looking at me. I didn’t need to know whom he talked to or what it was about to know that he already abandoned his promise to be a better man.
Chapter 11
Noah and Erin stayed out most of the day and into the evening. When they arrived home, I stayed in my room. I heard Erin ask Noah if she could knock on my bedroom door and Noah saying “no, leave her be”.
I soaked in the bath until my skin pruned and then sat on the couch in my sitting area reading a book. Around nine fifteen my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hi, may I speak to Natalie?”
“Speaking,” I responded.
“Natalie, it’s Gregory.”
“Oh, hi, how are you?” How did he get my number?
“I hope you don’t mind I called Noah this morning and asked him if it was okay to call you.”
That explained Noah’s sudden change in moods.
Gregory continued. “I wanted to make sure that there was nothing between you two before I asked you out.”
“And Noah’s response?” I had to hear this.
“He said there was nothing between the two of you. I wasn’t sure because seeing you together last night told a different story.” He cleared his throat. “Is there something between you?”
“No. There is nothing.” I lied out of anger. “Noah gave you my number?”
“He did. I hope you don’t mind me calling.”
“No, not at all.” What I minded was how Noah dismissed me. He gave Gregory an open invitation to date me moments after we woke up in each other’s arms and after he pleaded for me to stay away from Gregory. This man was infuriating!
Gregory and I continued talking and right as the conversation came to a lull he asked me out on a date. I agreed to go out with him since I felt I couldn’t wait for Noah. What if Noah never changed, and I waited for him only to be disappointed and feel hurt? I decided I could date as long as I led no one on.
“Gregory, I don’t want to mislead you. I would be nice to go out, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
“I understand, but we can still have fun and share a meal.”
“Definitely.” It felt good to be upfront and honest with Gregory.
We decided on Wednesday night. This coming Wednesday Erin would still be with us because her mother was going on vacation, so we had her for two weeks in a row. I told Gregory that he could pick me up at nine, which was right after Erin went to bed.
Wednesday night came fast, and I was not excited about my date.
Gregory was a good -looking man, and he seemed sweet, but there was no spark when I was with him. When he swirled me around the dance floor, I searched for that feeling but didn’t find it until Noah wrapped me in his arms.
Though I had felt nothing with Gregory, I was determined to give him a chance. I needed to live a normal life of a thirty-two-year-old woman.
I told Erin and Noah that I was going out with a friend- Erin was excited, Noah not so much. However, I needed to make sure he would be home for Erin, so I had to tell him.
I showered while Erin waited on my bed. She insisted on helping me pick out an outfit. The first outfit I showed her was the winner. It was that easy. I dressed in the closet then came out to model for her.
She jumped up and down on my bed. “You look beautiful. He will say so.”
“Who?”
“Your date.” Erin plopped down on her bottom.
“Who told you I have a date?” I knew I never used those words to describe tonight.
“Daddy told me. I think he’s mad.”
“Why do you think that?” How could a nine-year-old be so perceptive?
“Because I can see it on his face. I think he loves you.” She flopped back on my pillows. “Do you love my daddy? My friends at the Gala thought you and daddy were married. I would like that. Could you and daddy marry?”
I sat down next to her. “Erin, can I tell you a secret. But you have to promise not to tell Daddy.”
“I promise.” She crossed her heart and pinky swore.
“Erin, I love your daddy very much, but he’s not ready to accept that. So we’ll just have to wait until he is.”
“Why not? Doesn’t everyone want to be loved?”
“I think so. I’ll tell you what, when he decides the time is right you’ll be the first person I tell.”
“And while you are waiting, you are going out with a boy?”
“Yes, just as a friend,” I assured her.
“But what if you like him more than Daddy? Daddy will be sad, and you might leave us.”
“I’m not going anywhere. That’s something you don’t have to worry about.”
Erin jumped up onto her knees and gave me the biggest hug.
The doorbell rang, and Erin jumped off my bed and ran downstairs. I followed behind her at a much slower pace. At the bottom of the stairs Noah, Erin, and Gregory were standing together in the living room. I thought for sure Noah would avoid seeing me leave on my date but Erin kept him on his best behavior.
