One Good Reason, page 13
“What about you?”
“I will take the dishes down and clean up the kitchen then I’ll join you.”
“You don’t have to if you have other things to do.”
He kissed my forehead and tucked me in like I’ve seen him do to Erin dozens of times.
I woke again but this time Noah sat up in bed reading but now he was naked. At least he had no shirt on. I lifted the comforter. He had no pants on either but he wore boxer briefs. He looked over at me with a devilish grin. “What?” he asked.
“What happened to your clothes? Not that I mind that you’re laying naked next to me.”
“Your little feverish body was like a furnace while you slept. I was hot.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. How are you feeling?”
“I feel a chill. I think I need another bath.”
“I’ll run it for you.” Noah placed his book on the table next to his bed, stood up and walked into his bathroom.
I listened as the water gushed out hitting the tub. I expected none of this. I knew he was a loving father, and he cared for me monetarily but this shocked me. I felt sad as I thought about how disappointed he must have been when he married a woman like Erin’s mother. Noah was caring, and protective of his daughter and then I realized he was protective of me. He wasn’t a predator. He wanted to make sure Sean could never hurt me again. I understood a little more about this man but we still had a long way to go. It would take time to move past the hurt he’d caused me with his whores and the walls he put up but I could be more empathetic towards him.
Noah came back out and helped me out of bed. I walked in his bathroom and my mouth dropped open. “This is the first time I’m seeing your bathroom. It’s huge.” Marble covered every surface, the shower at a quick glance had a dozen showerheads, and the tub looked more like a tiny pool. There was a little sitting area in front of a row of windows. The same windows where Noah stood staring down at me the first day we met.
Noah stripped me of my clothes. Then he took off his underwear, stepped in and held his hand out for me to join him.
“This a nice surprise.” I expressed.
“You didn’t think I’d let this opportunity pass me by. Sick or not, I welcome every moment I can be naked with you.”
Noah sat down in the hot water and I followed him. He positioned himself against the wall of the tub, reached out, grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into his lap. He separated his legs, and I sunk in between them, and I rested my back on his chest. He brought his knees up and I wrapped my arms around the outside of his thighs. I wanted to stay like this forever.
He roamed his hands over my skin as I sunk deeper into his body. I could feel his erection growing up against my lower back. Even in my sick state, I wanted him and he wanted me. There was silence except for the trickling of water as Noah drifted his hands through the water stroking my body. My body relaxed and sleep took over.
Barely awake, Noah lifted me from the tub, wrapped a towel around me and placed me on the couch in his bathroom. He stepped out and returned with fresh clothes for me to wear. He dressed me then carried me back to his bed.
That night and the night following, I slept with Noah in his bed. Sunday night when Erin arrived, Noah greeted her while I slept. He came back to bed around eleven and I asked him if I should return to my room since Erin was here. He answered with a simple no then wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep. His steady warm breath swirled around my ear and I savored the closeness.
I woke first but instead of getting out of bed, I nested deeper under the covers. Seconds later, Noah followed. He rubbed his morning erection on the side of my thigh. I coiled into him and buried my head into his neck trailing light kisses on his skin. Noah reached his arms around me and kneaded my behind. He moved his hand off my behind and slipped his fingers between my legs. He placed two fingers inside of me and moved them in and out. “You’re so wet for me.”
I eased onto my back and let him cover me with his body. I lifted my hands over my head and he intertwined his fingers in mine. My legs opened for him and my hips invited him to enter, he pushed his erection inside of me. Our hands locked together above our heads while the weight of his body controlled the situation. Every thrust had our bodies moving like an ocean’s wave, Noah pushed my body into the bed and my body followed his current. We flowed in time with each other until the wave crashed and pure pleasure rolled over us.
We lay there quiet in each other’s arms until Noah spoke. “I wish it could always be like this.”
“It can be.” I knew somewhere in his soul, he felt it couldn’t.
“It can’t. There is a monster in me and I don’t know how to bury it.”
“Maybe we can't bury it but we can silence it. Noah, I need you. I’m in love with you.”
I thought he’d remain silent as he had in the past when I revealed such an intimate thought to him but instead he spoke. “You need to stop saying that. You should have known better than to fall in love with me. I thought you were smarter than that.”
“But sometimes you are so kind.” Pain touched all my nerve endings.
“Kindness is not love. I can care about you and your welfare but get love out of your head. I don’t believe in love.”
Noah ended the conversation by leaving me in bed. “I’ll take care of Erin this morning. Shower and come down when you feel up to it.”
Then he left.
Chapter 10
“Natalie, I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you about next Friday night.” Mrs. Ross walked in the kitchen with her cell phone in hand. “Did you see the dresses hanging in your closet when you first arrived?”
“I did. They are still there.” I tried them on but I wouldn’t tell her that.
“Did you like any of them?” Mrs. Ross placed her cell phone on the counter and walked over to the sink.
“They are all beautiful. Why?” I watched as Mrs. Ross ran her glasses under the running water then wiped them with the paper towel. She brought them up to her eyes and checked if they were clean then mumbled to herself, “much better”.
“Follow me into the office.” She grabbed her cell and continued out of the kitchen with me trailing behind her.
Hanging on the window’s wood molding in the office was a long garment bag with a shoebox on the floor beneath it.
“Open that Natalie.” Mrs. Ross pointed to the bag as she sorted through papers on the desk.
I unzipped the bag. Inside was the most beautiful Carolina Herrera gown. It was a strapless silk faille gown in the softest shade of blush with a bow detail on one hip. It was perfection.
“Do you like that gown?”
“Yes, very much so.” How could I not? It was my taste to a tee.
“Mr. Westlake thought you would. It’s what you’ll wear next Friday to the Gala.”
“Gala? Mr. Westlake bought this for me. This designer, this dress, must have cost thousands.” I reminded myself to use Noah’s full name around Mrs. Ross.
“Yes he bought it for you and five thousand six hundred and forty-nine dollars to be exact and add another thousand for the shoes. He bought you the others as well, but now, knowing you better, he feels like this is more suitable for you.”
“Mrs. Ross, this and the other dress he purchased for me cost over ten thousand dollars, it’s way too much. Oh my God, and the car. The car, it’s all too much.”
“Well you can be the one to tell him.” I knew Mrs. Ross wanted no part of that conversation.
I shrugged knowing Noah would have no patience for a conversation about money or the cost of things. “What Gala?” I changed the subject.
“Mr. Westlake donates a lot of money for research in children’s cancer but it’s all done in Erin’s name and next Friday the three of you are attending a Gala for this charity.”
“I know he’s told me about the charity but he never mentioned a Gala.” I said.
“Yes, well, there’s a Gala and the three of you are going. Now, you can go, I have a lot of work to get done. Take the dress and the shoes with you.”
Mrs. Ross had many of the same tendencies as Noah. Abruptness was one of them. I draped the dress over my arm and picked up the box that read Valentino. As I plodded away, Mrs. Ross called out to me.
“Natalie, are you sleeping with him?”
Oh my God! She didn’t just ask me that.
“You are.” She knew.
My entire body dropped in place though I was still standing.
“Come sit down my dear.” She gestured for me to come closer.
I sat in the chair in front of the desk. She came around, took the box and the garment bag from my hands, and placed it on the couch. She leaned back on the edge of the desk and took my hands in hers. “My dear, the day I met you I knew this would happen.”
“But how?” Maybe that is why she kept rubbing the skin under her ear. It was like an intuitive tick.
“Besides the obvious reasons you are beautiful, smart, you also have a trusting nature and innocence about you. You give your love easily. I knew he would find you irresistible and fall in love with you.” She paused. “And not to mention that he had dozens of applicants but only interviewed you. At one point, I thought he fell in love with you before he even met you.”
That nugget of information was curious. “But he doesn’t love me, he made that clear to me.” I wouldn’t dare mention that he spoke those words once during our lovemaking but made sure I knew that he could never love me.
“My dear, you keep telling yourself that,” She paused, “Mr. Westlake doesn’t hate you, he fears you because he’s in love with you. The most important woman in his life abandoned him so he punishes women because of her.”
“He’s gotten better but there are still so many times he inflicts pain and in the past it was so bad I thought I wouldn’t be able to bare his cruelty,” I explained.
“He can be cruel, but be patient with him. He is a good man, but he has many issues that he needs to make right.”
“He fucks escorts!” I could not keep it in any longer. It disgusted me. It was foul, abusive on too many levels. Though he hadn’t brought one home in weeks, the fact that it was a consistent part of his life for so long repulsed me.
“I know. I pay the bills though it’s been awhile since I received a bill. That’s when I assumed that not only did he love you but he also considered you on a much deeper level.” She was so matter of fact that it eased my pain. “Sleeping with those women is his way of feeling like he’s getting revenge. They mean nothing to him. He doesn’t even know their names.”
I agreed with everything she said about the escorts. It was my feeling all along. But I could not believe what I was hearing regarding his feelings for me. “But that doesn’t explain why he is so cruel to me.”
“He is making sure he hurts you before you can hurt him.” She looked me straight in the eye. “Natalie, I have known this man for his whole life. I was his father’s assistant and I am telling you, he is in love with you.”
“I’ve been patient with him, Mrs. Ross but sometimes the pain is unbearable and even his kindness feels abusive because I know his cruelty is just around the corner.”
“I know he’s been horrendous to you, yet, you are still here. One day he’ll be able to speak those words to you but for now he’ll care for you with his wallet, hence the Amex, the dresses, and the new car.” She pondered for a moment. “Every time he leaves, I suspect he thinks you will not be here when he returns.”
Oh holy shit! It all made sense. He expecting me to up and leave him. Yet, I haven’t. I’m still here no matter how he’s treated me. Unconditional Love. “I’m terrified he’ll push me to where one day his cruelty will be too much and I will leave. I considered it once, but then he surprised with a trip to Colorado. And he’s been so much better since but he still has his moments. And the thought of leaving him terrifies me. The pain I will feel if I leave will be unbearable.”
“That’s a possibility and I hope it never comes to that but for now you are here.” She paused as she looked at the bag containing my dress. “Bring the dress upstairs and try it on, make sure everything is okay, because next Friday night you, Erin, and Mr. Westlake have a Gala to attend.”
The night of the Gala was here and I showered and stood wrapped in my robe staring at my gown when I heard Erin yell from downstairs.
“Nataleeee.” Erin screamed for me at the bottom of the steps.
“What? Are you okay?” I ran from my bedroom to the top of the stairs.
“Yes. Why?” She questioned my reaction.
“You seemed panicked.” I explained.
“No. I want you to come downstairs. Daddy sent over women to fix us up for tonight.”
“Oh. I’ll be right down.”
“Okay, we’re in the guest suite at the back of the house.” She ran from my sight.
Two hours later we were primped, prodded, and poked and ready to go to the Gala. All I needed was my gown. I wore a robe so I could slip into my gown when the team of women finished my hair, nails, and makeup.
I walked upstairs hoping to avoid running into Noah. I didn’t know if he was home getting ready for tonight because I avoided him as much as possible since the morning he told me he didn’t believe in love.
But I felt beautiful and I would have fun with Erin no matter what her father’s mood was this evening. That it was an Erin night meant his mood should be good.
Erin was running through the house in her princess dress when I came downstairs in my gown. I walked into the kitchen expecting to wait for Noah but he was already there looking mouthwatering in his tuxedo.
“WOW!” Erin yelled from the hallway adjacent the kitchen. “You look like a princess.” She ran towards her father. “Daddy isn’t Natalie beautiful.”
“She’s exquisite.” He looked down at his daughter than up at me. “You are beautiful, Natalie.”
“Thank you, you look very handsome and Erin, you look like Elsa from Frozen.” I wanted to take the attention off Noah and me. I had a weakness and its name was Noah. I focused on Erin, and her dress was the perfect shade of ice blue.
Erin ran around the house singing, “Let it go, let it go…it’s time to see what I can do…. I’m never going back, the past is in the past…the cold never bothered me, anyway.”
“Okay Elsa, the limo awaits.” Noah grabbed Erin the next time she flew past him and lifted her in his arms.
I followed behind them until we were outside. Noah waited off to the side while Erin and I stepped into the backseat of the limo then he followed in behind us.
“Daddy, sit here next to Natalie.” Erin tapped the seat next to me. “This way you are in the middle, Daddy.”
The limo ride over to the hotel was seen through the eyes of a nine–year-old girl. Noah and I barely said two words because Erin filled the small space with her excitement, her joy, and her childlike love for everything!
As we walked through the doors of the massive space, camera flashes and reporters bombarded us. Noah wrapped his arm around my waist while Erin positioned herself in front of us. People were shouting from different directions and our heads followed their voices. We smiled and posed for the cameras like the happy little family we were…for tonight. The paparazzi yelled out Noah’s name. “Noah your wife is beautiful what’s her name.”
“Natalie.” He didn’t correct the man behind the camera. Why would he want people to think I was his wife?
“Natalie Westlake what designer are you wearing?” The same man behind the camera asked. I looked at Noah confused by this charade so he jumped in.
“Natalie is wearing a Carolina Herrera gown.” He touched my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Natalie you’re stunning could we get a picture of you alone.” The man behind the camera yelled back.
Noah and Erin took one step back and the camera flashes broke out in frenzy. I didn’t know where to look so I scanned over the crowd of faceless men and women behind there flashing cameras.
Once inside it was like being in the company of the president. All eyes were on Noah. People greeted him from every direction; having Noah acknowledge them was the thrill of their night. They all new Erin from past events and I recognized many of them from the fundraiser.
Noah introduced me to everyone I had yet to meet. Every introduction went the same way. With his arm around my waist he would say, “This is Natalie, Natalie I’d like you to meet (insert countless names here)” He made no explanation of how I figured into this scenario, I was Natalie.
Erin and I held hands as Noah escorted us to our table. Though his fans pulled Noah in many directions, he tried to stay as close to Erin and I as possible always only a few steps behind us.
Everyone gave Noah space and we could melt into our roles for the evening. Erin was very comfortable in these situations. This was not her first Gala, and this was Noah’s life but for me, I was not aware of his magnitude and how far reaching it was. He intimidated me at home and now more so seeing him in this environment.
At home, it was just the three of us, sometimes Mrs. Ross and with your occasional whore thrown in, but here I observed how the public viewed him. They worshipped him. He was a giving, benevolent man and tonight I felt like the woman who misunderstood him. He owed me nothing but gave me so much. He welcomed me into his home and into his life and his daughter’s life. I spent so much time being the victim of his cruelty and not enough time trying to understand him. But he also didn’t let me in. Not until he could talk to me about his mother would we be able to heal.
As they reached for him, grabbed him, bided for his attention, I judged him. It felt like my fault; I didn’t read between some imaginary lines. I should be more patient.
Tonight I would give to him as they gave to him. Erase all memories, all hurts and just love this man for exactly who he was, and I would accept the penalty. The penalty being the man I would know tomorrow and all his changing moods. The man who didn’t believe in love.
