When We Were Romans, page 20
Afterwards I felt so cross, I wanted to cry, I thought “mum wont be proud of me now.” I went to our room and a funny thing happened, because though I didn’t say anything it was like Jemima knew, because she stopped playing with the lego they gave us, it was big lego which is just for babies, I hadnt played with that for years, it just made walls, and she came and sat beside me, she leaned against my arm. She said “hello Lawrence.”
The next day something new happened. The door opened and in came Mister Simmons. I thought “oh this is good” because Mr Simmons was my favorite teacher at my old school, you see. I thought “he’s not from Scotland so perhaps dad hasn’t poisoned him against us, he isn’t an enimy yet” I thought “I wonder if he’s come to rescue us and take us to mum.” He said “how are you then Lawrence, and you’ve hurt your shoulder, poor you” so I said “We have to find mum, we have to get away from here and go home to our cottage right away” but he gave me a funny look, he said “I’m afraid that’s not possible just yet, Lawrence.” So I knew. I thought “that’s just what doctor Muckaye says” and I felt so cross, I thought “and you were my best teacher.” After that I didn’t talk to him, I talked to Jemima instead, I said “this is mister Simmons, you remember him, he taught me writing” I said “and Henry Gibson says he smells of old farts, thats funny isnt it?” Jemima looked like she didn’t know, but then she laughed a bit, and Mister simmons was blinking like he didn’t know what to say, so I did some more, I thought “this is for you, traiter.” I said “and Jemal Mustapha says hes the fattest teacher in the whole school, he says he’s fatter than a zepplin, and Lidia Fitzroy says his jacket looks like he goes to sleep in it, she says its like his pyjamas, and his shoes are like dead moles.” And though Mr Simmons stayed and talked more it was like all the air went out of him, so I thought “oh good you enimy, go away now.”
One day after that something amazing happened. Docter Muckaye came to our room, he looked like he had a big secrit, he had something really new, and he said “someones come to see you.” I thought “who is it now?” I thought “is it mrs Potter from next door or Franseen or Crissy Chick?” But it wasn’t any of them. It was mum.
She looked really thin, she looked all tired, she was sort of leaning on the table. We just ran right at her, I got her waste and Jemima got her leg, and she hugged me so hard I could hardly breath. I thought “hurrah hurrah, everything will be fine now” I thought “hurrah hurrah, we won, we beat them all.” Then mum sort of stood back a bit and she said “I’ve got something to tell you” and her eyes went blink blink blink so I said “what is it, are we going back to Rome now, is the car all fixed?” She said “no, its not that” and she looked funny like she had her headacke really badly, she said “I don’t know how to say this. You see I got all mixed up, I’m afraid. I got all confused. Doctor Muckaye helped me to see that.” This was bad, I thought “oh no, whats that spider done to you” and I said “what d’you mean mum?” and she said “I was all wrong about dad trying to hurt us. He wasn’t even there. He was here in scotland all along.”
I thought “this is new.” But it was strange, because even though it was so new it was like a bit of me wasn’t surprised actually, it was like a little bit of me knew all that already. I thought “what does it matter” I said “can we go home then? Where are we going, is it the cottage or back to Rome?” and Jemima shouted “Rome Rome.” But mum gave us a funny look and her lips went sort of wobbley a bit like Jemimas do when shes going to cry, and she said “this is very hard for me to say, lesonfon, please don’t make it harder than it already is” she said “I want you to forget everything I ever told you about your father, it was only because I was so confused. He’s a good man.”
Suddenly I had a nasty feeling, it was horrible, so I said “why do we have to do that mum?” She turned her head sideways like she was trying to hide, she said “because I want you to stay with him for a while.” I felt like I couldn’t breath, I think Jemima knew too because she was crying, so I said “but we don’t want to, we want to stay with you.” But mum wouldn’t stop, she closed her eyes like she didn’t want to hear us, she talked really fast like a shout, she said “I’m not going to discuss this. I’ve decided. Its better if you don’t see me for a while, even a long while. Because I’m just not safe for you, you see. I don’t trust myself. I might get confused again.” It was just the horrible thing I guessed, and now Jemima and me were both shouting “no mum no” but she just wouldn’t stop, she said “Your going to live with your father now. You have to do this. Its what I want.”
SIENTISTS HAVE KNOWN FOR AGES that something terreble will happen to the sun. This is sad but there is nothing scientists can do, they can’t stop it with any invention, even something really clever from the future, because the sun is too big you see, it will just happen anyway.
First it will run out of its fuel, that is like its petrol, it is hydrogen which is a gas. Then it will turn red and get bigger and bigger like a balloon, until it gets so huge that it will swallow any planets that are near, like mercury, they will just vanish. Earth won’t get swallowed but it will get all burnt up, everything will go on fire, which is sad, there won’t be anything left. If you could be there without getting burnt, if you built a special house with a special window, then you will be really suprised, because when you look up the sun will be so huge, it will go a third of the way across the whole sky. But then it will get smaller and smaller again until one day it will just go out. After that everything will be dark, so it will be like there’s night all the time, it will be really cold.
But then scientists discovered a really good thing which is called gravitational lensing. Its when there is a galaxy quite far away in space, and it doesn’t seem special at all actually, when scientists look at it through their telescopes they just think “so what?” But then one day there is a big surprise, because the galaxy moves a bit and the scientists all say “good hevens look at that.” Because, you see, there were lots of other galaxies hidden behind it all the time that nobody saw. The other galaxies are right at the other end of the universe so you could never even see them usually, they are too far away, but when the near galaxy moves out of the way it does a funny thing. It sort of bends the light from the far away ones so they look big, its like it is a huge teliscope, so suddenly you can see them really well.
Perhaps the scientists will see another planet with their gravitational lensing, it will be lovely and green, it will be beautiful. Then everybody will be all right after all. They will build a huge space craft and escape there before the sun goes out.
So we went to live with dad in his new house, it was a bit bigger than his old one. Dad said we could each have our own bedroom but I said “no lets share a room, Jemima” and she said “all right Lawrence” because we did everything together now.
When we first went to dads house he was always trying to make us do things, he said “how would you like to go to the zoo today?” or “d’you fancy a ride out to the sea?” Sometimes I let us go but then I always changed my mind, when we got to the zoo I said “actually I don’t want to go after all, I want to go home, don’t you Jemima?” and she said “yes I want to go home too” because we did everything together. Dad never liked that, he said “but it’ll be great, you can see all the animals, we can have lunch at the cafeteria” and he had his sad surprised look, so I thought “sometimes you are like a big dog who wants everyone to like you” and I just waited, I didn’t say anything at all, until he gave in and said “all right, if that’s what you want.” I had a new school now, they didn’t like me at all. First it was because I sat at my desk and tore up pieces of paper so it made a noise and I went on doing it even when Mrs Gerald said I was disturbing the class. Then it was because I threw Kevin Mclusky’s books into the loo. And after that it was because I hit Danny Monros head against the wall so it bled like a tiny little fountain, which was because I didn’t like his ginger eye brows, they were so stupid and tufty. After that I had to see Mrs Moor the headmistress, dad came too and he said I must be really good now or I would get expeled and I thought “oh yes, that will be funny” but I wasn’t in the end, dad said “its been a very difficult time” and Mrs Moor said “this is your very last chance.”
A few days after that when I got home dad was grinning like something was really good now, he said “I’ve got a surprise for you today Larry” and it was Hermann in his cage, dad said “I collected him from quorontine just this afternoon.” I went over and looked and Hermann peered out through the bars so I thought “you remember me, Hermann, that’s good.” Jemima was shouting “Hermann Hermann” and dad was watching, he was waiting, so I thought “you want me to do something happy now, don’t you dad” I thought “what will I say?” and then I thought “oh yes, that will be funny” so I said it, I said “Hermann this is dads house where we all live now” I said “I don’t like it at all, I really hate it, actually, but there isn’t anywhere else so we’re stuck here.” I wasn’t looking at dad but I could sort of see him, actually, it was from the corner of my eyes, and it was like his smile fell right out of his face, that was funny. I thought “will I say something else?” and then I thought “no I won’t.” Then one day we went to see my cousins in Glasgow. That was nice, their mum Susie made a lovely lunch, she said “eat up now Larry, we don’t want you fading away to nothing” and afterwards we went upstairs to play. Charlie and Alice started doing a big puzzle with Jemima, it was of lots of things under the sea, and then Robbie said “shall we have a game of checkers then, Larry” and I said “okay.” He took a white and a red draft and he hid them in his hands, he said “you choose” and I chose his right hand, it was white. Robbie started putting out his red checkers, he said “come on Larry” and I thought “I wanted to be red” I thought “I bet you cheated on that choosing Robbie.” Then I thought “you have to teach these cheats a lesson” and I had a really funny idea, I picked up Robbies blue scalectric car which he always has to have because its his scalectric, I think its faster than the others, and I thought “I will make you into an airoplane.” So I threw it right across the room and when it hit the floor some of the wheels came off, I thought “they are so stupid those scalectric cars, they just break.”
Robbie was staring at me, they all were, he said “why the hell did you do that?” so I said “scalectrics so boring” and I had another really funny idea, I just kicked the track really hard so it jumped into the air, and then when Robbie ran at me I sort of got out of the way and pushed him a bit so he went right into the little table with his big leggo castle on it, that was funny too, because it fell off and broke into tiny bits.
After that dad didn’t look like a dog who wanted everyone to like him, he had slit eyes and he said “this just cant go on.” So we left Jemima with Nanna Edith and we went to see doctor Muckaye. He said “so how are you, Lawrence?” and I thought “this will be easy” I said “I’m fine.” After that he said “I hear you’ve been upsetting some people” so I said “I don’t remember.” We went on for a bit, I thought “this is fun” until then he gave me a look like he was really sad for me and he said “you must miss your mother very much.” He said that before, actually, it wasn’t new at all, so I wasn’t surprised, I thought “what will I say, oh yes I’ll say ‘I’m fine’ again” but then something funny happened. You see, suddenly I couldn’t say anything at all because I was crying, I don’t know how it got in, I tried to say “I’m fine” but it just didn’t work, the words got all stuck. That was strange, that was stupid. I thought “you tricked me you spider” and I said it, I said “I really hate you doctor Muckay.” But he didn’t get upset or angry like I wanted, he just gave me a long look and he said “I’m sorry to hear that, Lawrence” he said “why d’you feel like that?” and then something really really strange happened. Because I said something but I don’t know where it came from, it was like somebody elses words just got in my mouth, they sneeked in. I said “I hate you mum.” But Docter Muckay didn’t look surprised even though I called him mum, that was funny, he just said in his usual voice “whys that Lawrence” and I felt so tired, it was like all my breathe was going out now, I said “because you left us. Because you are a traiter. Because you told me all those lies.”
Later I went home in the car with dad, and we didn’t say anything, I just looked at all the clouds, I thought “that one looks like a dog.” He parked outside the house and I didn’t move, I didn’t undo my seat belt, and when he said “shall we go in then Larry” I didn’t say anything, I thought “I will just stay like this quite still.” So we sat there for ages, that was funny, people walked past and sometimes they notised us and looked in, but we didn’t say a word. Then eventually dad opened his door a bit, he said “I suppose I’d better start making our tea” and I thought “I’d better say something” so I made myself do it, I just did it, I said “I’m sorry I burned down your house dad” and he stopped, he gave me a little hit on my back but it didn’t hurt, it was friendly, and he said “hey that’s all right, Larry. I’m sorry about a lot of things too. I’m sorry I was away so much on all those stupid work trips.” Then he said something intresting. He said “try not to be angry with her, Larry” he said “I know she and me didn’t get on, it all went wrong, but I don’t want you to hate her like this. It’s not good for you.” He said “she’s not so bad, she just can’t see things how they really are.” That was new, that was different. I said, “all right, dad.” I think about that sometimes.
A few days after that we went to the zoo, I let us go in this time, and it was nice actually. I thought “I wonder why I didn’t let us come here before?” After that everything became more like usual. In the morning dad knocks on our door and says “hey you lazy kiddies, time to get up” he makes our breakfast, toast and jam, and then he drives us to school in his yellow car, it has a stereo which mums didn’t because it was broken, so we can listen to songs. Sometimes Nanna Edith collects us from school or we go to Sarah and Bill and Jimmy and Louisa till dad comes to get us. Sometimes we go to the sea for a few days, and its nice there, if its not raining you can see Mull and Sky. We often go and stay with my cousins in Glasgow, Robbie says he doesn’t mind about the scalectric any more, the track was all right and he got a new blue car. Sometimes I think “actually they’re nice all of these people” I think “I like having them.” Its strange, sometimes its like I feel sort of sad because they’re so nice to me. And sometimes I suddenly just feel really calm and still, I think “now I will be all right, yes, I will be all right now.”
Hardly anyone ever talks about mum, Dad or my cousins, or my freinds at school. But I still think about her. I still sometimes think “are you going to come round that corner now mum? Are you going to get off that bus?” but she never is. Sometimes I’m really cross, its like I hate her, so I think “go away mum, I don’t like you, I don’t want you to get off that bus anyway.” Sometimes I’m really sad, I think “I wish I could tell you about the funny thing Kevin Clark said at school.” But mostly I just notice her. Because its like she suddenly starts talking to me, it can happen at any time. I am walking across the playground and she says “don’t step in that puddle, Lawrence love, you’ll get your shoes all wet” or I am in the supermarket with dad and Jemima and she says “put those crisps down, I’ve told you before, its not really bacon, its just chemicals” or I’m watching robot wars on television with Jemima and she says “that’s enough telly, you know you two are turning into a real pair of couch potatoes.”
I think Jemima hears her too, or she wouldn’t play our secrit game. We don’t do it often, just sometimes when we are at home and nobody is watching, when dad is downstairs on his computer or talking on the phone. Its like we both know even though we don’t say anything, we just give each other a look, and Jemima has a funny smile like she is really pleased but she is worried too, because sometimes she doesn’t like it, you see, sometimes she cries.
We go upstairs to our room, we sit on the floor and then I start. I say “d’you know Jemima, that window over there isn’t real, it is just like a computer screen.” Jemima always likes this bit, she giggels and says “what d’you mean, we’re not in Scotland after all” and I say “thats right, Jemima, those houses and garden fences and television ariels aren’t there, its really sky and rooves” I say “can’t you hear the bells ringing?” Then Jemima laughs, she says “oh yes I can hear them, their really loud” so I say “now theres a tram going past, theres a police car with its funny siren, its like a donkey isn’t it, and listen, theres someone talking in italian.”
So we sit for a bit and then I do it more, I just like to, I say “d’you hear that little noise, Jemima, d’you know what that is?” Jemima doesn’t really like this bit so she goes nervous, she says “no.” But I go on anyway, I say “that’s mums footsteps, shes right next door” I say “she’ll come in here in a moment and she’ll say ‘come on lesonfon’ because we’re going out to get some pizza at the roasticheria.” Then I say “what kind d’you want, Jemima?” If she ansewers its always the same, she says “I want tomato and cheese” but sometimes she doesn’t say anything, she just sits there really still and her eyes go blink blink. Then I sit back too. I close my eyes, we are just quiet for a bit, and d’you know its like we really are there. I feel sort of angry but I feel all calm too, that’s funny. I think “it’s a bit scary here but its nice” I think “its a real adventure” and I think “one day we’ll all come back here again, mum and me and Jemima and dad, and we’ll live here for ever and ever.”
