When We Were Romans, page 14
After that mum put on new clothes and they all started arriving. The doorbell rang again and again, Jemima tried to get it but I was quicker, so I never did do my fort in the end, but I didn’t mind, actually, I just thought “hurrah, it’s a party.” First it was the Vanhootins, and they really liked our flat, everybody did actually, Bill vanhootin said “these paintings are quite something.” After that it was mum’s cristians, and they weren’t cross any more that mum didn’t go to work today, they said “what a wonderful cooking smell” so I thought “I really must give you your animals now, you cristians” but there wasn’t time, because more people kept coming. It was Crissy, she gave mum a big hug and then she said “is Franseen here yet?” and mum gave her a look, she said “she’s not coming actually” so I thought “uhoh” but it was all right, because then the door bell went again and it was Marther special monkey’s house, all five of them. They really liked our flat too, Gus said “you jamy beggars” and Freddy chrismas bear said “a penthouse of wonders.” Then suddenly I looked all round and I thought “what a lot of people there are in our flat, isn’t it amazing, its like we are in a train.”
Though I hadn’t done my fort I showed Crissy chick my roman solders, I told them I was going to make a fort later, and she said “how lovely.” Then I showed Hermann to Tina mouse and Leonora bossy rabbit, I let them hold him for a bit and they really liked him, they said “hes so cute” and then I showed them all our toys to cheer them up and they said “wow you’ve got lots of leggo.” After that I showed them how we could make lots of things like cars and airoplanes, not just walls, and I showed them my tintins but they could only look at them a bit because mum came in and said dinner was ready.
Everybody said mums pasta with tomato sauce was really delicious, I had seconds, then I had chicken too, I scraped off all the mushroom sauce because I don’t like that, and though it was on my lap so I had to be really careful I only spiled a tiny bit, it didn’t go on the carpet. Janniss pretty pig made everyone say “cheers” she said “heres to the cook, heres to Hannah” and mum was smiling like she might go “pop” she wasn’t sad at all any more, so I thought “that’s good, shes all right now.”
After that we had the cakes, everybody liked them too, but then Crissy and mums cristians said they had to go home now, so I thought “no don’t go yet, please don’t go because this is all so nice, why can’t you stay.” Jemima fell asleep on the sofa so mum put her to bed, and then the Vanhootins all went too, that was a shame, which just left Marthers ones. They stayed a bit, Gus opened some more wine, which was nice even though they weren’t my favorites, I thought “my favorites are Crissy chick and the Vanhootins I think.” But then they all got up too, Hillary nice cow said “I brought you some jinger biscuits I made” I tried one and it was nice, you had to chew it really hard. Freddy Chris-mas bear gave mum a poem on a piece of paper, it was about the moon going up into the sky above rome and watching all the people eating dinner and drinking wine and driving on their motor bikes, mum said “oh freddy, how lovely.” Marther special monkey said “you must all come over to dinner really soon, come next week” and Gus was funny, he said “no come tommorow, actually come right now” and Oska did his funny face like he was going “pling pling” because he didn’t have his giutar of course, he left it at home, but everyone laughed anyway.
So we shut the front door and suddenly the flat was really quiet and empty, it felt all sad. Mum started clearing up all the plates and things and she looked tired so I said “I’ll help you mum” but she said “no Lawrence love, you go to bed, its really late” so I did. I got into my pijamas, I brushed my teeth and I said good night. Then I lay in bed, I could hear mum doing washing up in the kitchen, and I thought “mum should let me help, actually, because I cant go to sleep at all because I am so excited” I thought “I bet I’ll be awake all night, I bet I’ll be awake till dawn” I thought “I must remember to tell mum we must have another dinner party like that really soon.”
SUDDENLY IT WAS DARK and someone was shaking my arm so I thought “whats happening?” She was wispering “Lawrence wake up, please wake up” and it was mum, I could see her face from the light that came round the curtin and her eyes looked funny, it was like she was scared but she was all excited. I thought “uhoh, whats this?” She said “we mustn’t wake Jemima, something’s happened” so I got out of bed quietly, I followed her out, and I was thinking “I wonder what it is, is it a burgler or did something get broken, was it one of the pictures of people in old cloths? Or did somebody ring up from england, did the cottage get burnt down?” But it wasn’t any of these things at all actually. We went to the kitchen, the light was really bright so my eyes went blink, then mum opened the fridge and took out one of the cakes that we had for pudding, it was Jemimas pink one, there was just a big slice left, and mum said “look.”
I looked but I couldn’t see anything, it just looked like cake, so I said “what is it, I don’t understand.” Mum pointed at it again and this time I notised that there were some tiny red spots, I didn’t see them before, so I said “what are they mum, are they juice from the strawberries?” but mum shook her head, she looked sort of sad now, she was holding the cake and she was looking at the floor. She said “smell it, Lawrence love, its poisson.”
I didn’t understand. I smelt it and I thought “actually it does smell a bit funny I suppose.” I said “what d’you mean?” and then mum started crying a bit, she said “Lawrence love, I’m so sorry, the last thing I wanted is to scare you with all of this but I’m so worried, I found out yesterday but I didn’t want to tell you, actually I didn’t want to believe it myself. But you have to know, for your own safety. Your fathers here in Rome. He’s followed us. Its so awful. Just when we’ve finally got everything sorted out this happens.”
I could hear a car go beep somewhere, it was quiet so I thought “that cars a long way away” and then I thought “here I am with mum by the fridge in the middle of the night” I don’t know why I thought that. I looked at the red spots and I thought “if I eat those will I die?” and suddenley I wanted to touch them, that was stupid, I knew I couldn’t really. I thought “so that was why she kept stopping and looking round the corner when we went down the stairs, she was watching for dad.” I felt like my arms went all heavy, I thought “this is dreadfull, we came all the way here to be safe and now we aren’t after all” and suddenley I got angry, I thought “why does he have to follow us everywhere like this, why does he have to put poison on the cake and spoil everything every time.” I thought “I really hate him” I thought of his face with his hair that went up like smoke and I wanted to hit it hard so it was just gone, it was all smashed away to nothing. But then a funny thing happened, I thought “wait a minute” and I said “but he cant be, mum, he doesn’t even know we’re here.”
Now mum was exited again, she wasn’t crying any more, she wiped her nose with a paper hankercheef, her eyes were all quick and looking and she said “just come over here.” We went into the sitting room to a window, I thought “is he down there in the road?” but when I started looking out of the window she stopped me, she said “be careful Lawrence love” and she just let me look round the edge. She said “over there, d’you see?” It was another big building down the road a bit, it was just like ours, I didn’t understand. Mum said “you see those windows at the top, the shutters were all closed before, now they’re open, he’s in there, he’s watching us. I saw him, I’m sure of it. That was last night, but it was just the same. The shutters were shut during the day but open in the evening.” I said “are you sure it was him?” and mum gave me a look like I was being so stupid but she didn’t want to get cross, she said “don’t you remember the car, the yellow car, it was parked just below there.” I thought “but mum…” I said “that wasn’t his car, it was different” but she said “of course it wasn’t his, but he always likes that color, don’t you see, so he hired that one when he flew here. I bet he came with rianair, they come from scotland now, I saw it on a poster.” I said “but you still haven’t told me, mum, how would he know we’re here in Rome?”
Now mum got annoyed, her arms went in the air like she was throwing up little balls and she said “Franseen of course. She told him. Haven’t you noticed how strange she’s been to us. She really hates me, I know it.” Then she wispered. “I never told you this, Lawrence, because I didn’t want to upset you, but all those years ago when I lived here, Franseen really liked your father.” I said “you mean she wanted to get married to him?” and mum said “that’s right. So that’s why she wants to hurt us, d’you see, she hates me because I got away from him, because I got us all away, they both do.”
I didn’t know, actually. I thought “mum is clever” I thought about Franseen cat liking dad years ago, I thought “go away cat, leave him alone” but then I thought “but Franseens nice, she gave me my hideous histeries.” And then suddenly I thought of something else, I thought “oh yes, hurrah” I thought “why didn’t I think of that before, thats silly” I thought “we’re safe after all” so I said “but mum, he can’t have poissoned the cake, because the front doors locked, remember, he can’t get in.” But Mum didn’t look pleased like I thought, that was a pity, she just shook her head and said “it was Beppo, Lawrence love, can’t you see. Beppo gave him the key. Beppo would do anything for money.” She said “your father must have been here for days. That’s how he’s already been turning people against us, like the woman in the market.”
Suddenly I felt all sort of tired, like all the breathe went out of me. I thought “it was all so nice, and now its broken.” I think mum saw, because she looked sad again, she closed her eyes and said “I’m so sorry about all of this, Lawrence. I really shouldn’t have told you, I tried not to, but I was so worried, I thought you just had to know.” Then everything went quiet, mum was looking at me, so I thought “now she is waiting” and d’you know I couldn’t think what to say. It was like all my thoughts went somewhere else and there was just an empty space.
I didn’t want to make mum worse, I didn’t mean to, I thought “I must help her” but it was like it didn’t work. I thought “I want to go back to bed” and then suddenly I just said it, I didn’t mean to, it was like an acident, I said “but Franseens always really nice.” That was wrong, mum looked surprised like I hit her. She said “he could come back at any moment, for goodness sake Lawrence, I really need your help.” I tried to get scared, I really did, but somehow it all went wrong again, so I said “its really late mum, hes probably gone to bed” and she turned away, she frowned like she had her headacke, she said “what d’you think, should we put a chair against the door?”
She was waiting again. I thought “why are you asking me, mum, you usually do the chair against the door, you don’t ask me” so I said “I don’t know, I suppose so” and d’you know that was what got her really angry, it was funny, I only said “I don’t know I suppose so.” She gave me a look like I was horreble, like I was a really bad boy, and she said “all right then I’ll just do it myself.” So she went off with a kind of thumping walk and got a chair from the dining room and I tried to help her, I tried to carry one of its legs, but it was too late, she wouldn’t let me now, she lifted it high up so I had to let go, actually it hurt my hand a bit but I didn’t say anything. Then she put it against the front door and walked off, she didn’t look at me at all.
I thought “all right then, mum, I’ll just go to bed then, it’s the middle of the night isnt it.” But it was hard to sleep, I could hear Jemima breathing and then I heard mum walking about, she went past again and again so I thought “shes not tired” her feet went “tap tap tap tap” really fast so it was like she was in a race.
WHEN EMPORERS DIED they got made into Gods but only if they were good and everybody liked them. Caligula was bad and nobody liked him so one day he thought “I know, I won’t wait until I’m dead, I will make myself into a god right now.”
So he told everybody “I am a god actually” and he made his servants build a new temple. They made a statue out of gold and put it inside, it looked like Caligula, it was just the same size and every morning his servants dressed it up in the same cloths he was wearing that day. After that Caligula said “everybody can come and wership me now” and lots of people did, it was so he wouldn’t execute them. Caligula was really pleased, he thought “I like being a god” and he started talking to all the other gods because he was just the same as them now, he talked to their statues in their temples. Sometimes he was cross with them, he shouted “I will get you for that” and sometimes they were his friends. His best freind was a god called Jupiter and Caligula liked him so much that he built a little house right next to Jupiters temple so he could go and stay with him sometimes.
After that Caligula decided that now he was a god everything had to be really special, it had to be just what a god would do. He had his bath in oil that was really expensive and for his supper he had pearls that were melted down in viniger, or special meat and vegtables that were all colored gold. I don’t know what they tasted like, probably they were a bit funny but Caligula didn’t mind as long as it was real gold gods food. Then he thought “wait a minute, what about my holidays, what does a god do for that?” so he got his servants to build him a boat which was enormous like a palace, it had thousands of slaves to push the oars, it had jewels stuck on the outside, it had a huge bath, it even had a collonnade where you could go for a nice walk. Calligula sat down on a special sofa on the boat, he listened to singers singing him lovely music and he watched the land go past far away, and he thought “oh yes, this is good, this is right, now I really am a proper god.”
But there was a strange thing. Even though Caligula was like a proper god and did all his gods things, he still got really scared. When there was a big storm with thunder and lightning he hid under his blanket because it made him jump. Sometimes he got worried that Germans would invade Rome, he thought “oh no, they will come and get me” though of course this was impossible because there were no Germans for hundreds of miles and the Roman army was really strong, it would defeat them. Most of all he was scared that someone would sneek up and assasinate him, which was possible, actually, because everybody hated him. So he had thousands of people executed so they couldn’t assassinate him, it was just in case.
Often he couldn’t sleep at all, he lay awake for hours, he thought “its boring lying here.” He got headaches which were really bad, he said “I feel all confused” he thought “I don’t know whats happening.” So he decided “I know, I will go to the seaside, that will help clear my head.” But it didn’t work. So poor god Caligula executed more and more people, he went to the seaside again and again, but it didn’t help at all, his head just got worse and worse.
When I woke up I could hear the cars were quiet and the sun was hot which meant we hadn’t gone to the Vanhootins again, mum hadn’t gone to her job, so I thought “uhoh, those cristians will be really cross now.” I could hear mum and Jemima outside, Jemima said “I don’t want that one, I want my red dress” but I just stayed in bed, I didn’t want to get up, I thought “I just don’t feel like it.” The shutters were open a bit so I could look out and see some sky and a roof, I thought “I wonder if dads in his building, I wonder if hes watching us” I thought “he might be.” I thought “what will I tell Hermann?” but I couldn’t think of anything, so I just said “hello Hermann.”
A bit later the door opened and mum looked in, she was still cross, I could see it. She said “hurry up Lawrence, we’re going out to get some breakfast at a café.” I thought “that’s strange, why does she want to go outside to a café when shes worried dads out there?” But then when I got up I saw there were two garbage bags by the door and I understood, I thought “oh yes of course, mum has thrown away all our food in case its poissoned, so we have to go out.” I thought “I hope it really is poissoned or thats a big waste of food” but I didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to make mum crosser. I decided “I will just stay really quiet today, I will be like a mouse, it will be like I’m hardly here at all, then everything will be all right.”
Mum rang up someone, I think it was her bank again, she said “no I can’t come in and see you, I already told you that” so I thought “uhoh mum” I thought “you shouldn’t have annoyed your cristians like that, they won’t pay you now I bet.” Then we went out, mum took both the garbage bags, she didn’t even ask me, and on the stairs she kept stopping and looking round the corner. I thought “I know why you are doing that now, mum” and then a funny thing happened, because Jemima noticed too, she said “what are you looking for mum?” so I thought “what will you say now, what will you tell her?” and mum said “I’m just checking everything’s all right, lamikin, I’m just checking there isn’t a big dog or something.” That was a big lie of course, and it was a mistake, actually, because Jemima is really frightened of dogs, even silly little ones like chiwawas, so she said “I want you to carry me mum” which mum couldn’t do because of the garbage bags, so she made me stay with Jemima while she took them down, but then Jemima was a cry baby, she shouted “mummy mummy, what about the big dog, it will bite you.” I told her “stop it Jemima, there isn’t any dog, you silly” but it didn’t help, she kept shouting until mum ran back up again.
Outside in the road I could see mum looking up at dads building, actually she was watching everywhere, her eyes were pointing like arrows. I looked for the yellow car but it was gone, so I thought “perhaps he has hidden it now.” I thought “is dad suddenly going to come out of his buildings door right now?” I thought “is he going to jump out of that green tram, is he going to run out of that choclate shop” I thought “that will be really really bad” but he didn’t, and then somehow I couldn’t quite think it any more, I just kept forgeting, I thought “I wonder what crus-son will I have, will I have jam or cremer?” We had to eat our breakfast really fast because mum got annoyed, she said “hurry up you two, we’ve got so much to do” and then in the end she got fed up and just pushed us out of the door, she said “you can finish your crussons on the way” but Jemima dropped hers on the pavment so we had to go back and get another one.
