Taking the Handoff, page 19
Sooner or later, I’m going to have to admit that I gave myself wholeheartedly to a man who was never going to love me back.
Thirty-Four
The house is dark and quiet when I come back from the gym. I gently drop my gym bag to the floor before I head straight up the stairs to Emma’s bedroom. She hasn’t slept in there since the first night I moved her to my bed, but I have no doubt she’s not in my room. Not after what I said to her. And I can’t even blame her because I wouldn’t want to be near me either.
I pause at her door, my hand lingering over the handle. I hate the idea of waking her up, but I don’t want to leave this until morning. I feel like the longer this goes, the worse it’ll be and the harder to fix.
Pushing past the ball of nerves in my gut, I open Emma’s door. The room is mostly dark, but her curtain is open letting enough light in for me to see that her bed is empty. Hope blossoms in my chest, and I glance down the hall toward my room. Maybe I didn’t fuck this up as bad as I thought I did.
I quickly make my way to my room and open the door. Disappointment hits me hard at the sight of my empty bed, and my shoulders sag before confusion makes it way in.
Where the hell could she be?
Maybe she called Bernie?
I go back to her room and don’t even try to be quiet now that I know she’s not here. The lights illuminate the room with the flick of a switch, nearly blinding me at first before my eyes adjust and I finally get a good look at Emma’s room.
What I see makes dread sink further in my gut.
Most of Emma’s stuff is gone. Not just gone like she packed some clothes and went to stay with a friend, but gone like she’s not planning to come back.
My body drops heavily onto her bed, her faint scent surrounding me and making me feel hollow. What have I done?
My head drops into my hands, my heart aching in my chest more than it ever has. I’m not the guy who falls apart, but losing Emma is a blow I wasn’t prepared for. How did I let everything get so twisted up? Why did I lose my shit on her?
Our fight runs on repeat in my head until I nearly break from the weight of the pain I remember in her eyes. I did that to her.
How could I have done that to her? Said those things to her?
I pull my phone from my pants pocket and send her a quick text asking where she is. I need to apologize, but I don’t want to do it via text. That doesn’t feel like enough after our fight.
I go to my room, strip off my clothes, and take a quick shower. When I get out, there’s still no response from Emma. I lie on my bed, waiting for the text message chime to go off. My eyelids get droopy, and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.
My phone ringing wakes me. I sit up with a jolt, briefly squinting against the morning sun, and then instantly check to see if it’s Emma calling me.
It’s not Emma, but it is her mom. Why is Mrs. Delaney calling me?
“Hello?”
“Luke, honey, I know there’s probably a good reason you’re not here with Emma and that you’re probably busy with football stuff, but I figured you’d want to know that Drew made it out of surgery, and it looks like he should be okay.”
Here with Emma? Drew was in surgery? What? My heart plummets, and fear and dread swirl like a tornado in my gut.
She continues, completely unaware I’m about to lose my damn mind. “He still hasn’t woken up yet and there’s…”—she pauses, her voice catching—“there’s a chance he could be paralyzed, but they won’t be sure until he’s awake and they can run some tests. I just thought you should know since you two boys are so close.”
I find my voice, but it still comes out hoarse and confused. “What happened to Drew? Where’s Emma?”
Surprise fills her voice. “You don’t know? I thought for sure Emma would’ve told you before she left.”
“She didn’t.” Because I wasn’t here, and I’d been a giant fucking ass to her.
“Oh. Drew was in an accident.” She fills me in on what happened, his surgery, his current condition, and I hear her words as if I’m standing in a tunnel, the words whooshing through my ears while my heart feels like it’s being actively ripped from my chest.
I cut her off before she finishes with, “Which hospital?” I could assume it’s the one she works at, but if he was in an accident, they would’ve taken him to whichever hospital was closest.
“Virginia Mason.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Before I hang up, I add, “Oh, and Mrs. Delaney, could you not mention to Drew or Emma that I’m on my way.”
She sounds confused but ultimately agrees. The second I hang up the phone, I pull up flights on my phone and buy the soonest flight to Seattle. I throw together some clothes and then drive to the airport, breaking multiple traffic laws but not caring. I have to get to my best friend.
But more importantly, I have to get to Emma. I have to tell her I love her and hope to God it’s not too late.
* * *
I arrive at the hospital right after visitor hours end. There was a delay with my flight, and it took all fucking day to get here. I swear I’m about ready to crawl out of my skin with how desperate I am to see them both.
The nurse takes pity on me and lets me through to see him—especially after I promise to get some signed Wolves’ gear for her eleven-year-old son. She points to Drew’s door, and I push it open, freezing in the doorway at the sight of my best friend battered and broken.
His head turns from the TV to the door, a look of surprise flashing across his face. “Luke?”
I walk farther into the room, letting the door close softly behind me. “Hey.”
Drew’s face quickly morphs from surprised to guarded. “What are you doing here?”
I grip the back of my neck. The easy answer would be because my best friend was in an accident, but the truth is I’m here more for Emma than I am for him.
“I’m here because the people I love the most are here.”
We stare at each other, both of us too stubborn to look away. I have more to prove here than he does, so I have no intention of breaking first. He needs to know I’m not backing down.
His lips quirk up in the hint of a smile, his eyes slightly crinkled, then he turns back to the TV and points to the screen, where a game between the Dolphins and the Patriots is playing. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for a game?”
“No, we played yesterday and lost to the Seahawks, which I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear since that’s your team. I have practice, but I called my coach. I won’t be starting next game since I’m missing practice, but it’s just one game. It’s more important that I’m here.”
He looks back again and then gestures to the chair by his bed. I take a seat and lean back, pretending my body isn’t strung tight waiting for him to rip me a new one about Emma like he did over the phone. Instead, we just watch the game, neither of us saying a word. I’m only partially paying attention to the game. Mostly, I’m trying to figure out what I need to say to convince him that what I feel for Emma is different than any woman I’ve ever dated before.
“This is the first time you’ve been back to Seattle that wasn’t for a game in years.”
He’s right. I only come to Seattle when I have to, mainly so I can continue to avoid my asshole dad.
“Like I said before, I needed to come.”
He watches me closely, his gaze more hawk-like than I’ve ever seen, and I imagine this is the lawyer who questions people in court trying to catch them in a lie. “Because the people you love the most are here, that’s what you said.”
“Yeah.”
“And those people would be who exactly?”
I sit up, bracing my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped together. Ignoring his question for the moment, I get down to the heart of it. “I’m sorry, Drew. More than you could ever know. I should’ve told you when it started. I…I didn’t think you’d understand, and based on your reaction, you didn’t. So I guess I know you well enough to know I was right, but I still should’ve told you as soon as I realized where things were going. It’s different with her. I’m different with her.”
“You love her.” It’s not a question.
“I do.”
“Does she know?”
“No.”
“What happened between you two?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“I asked, but she shut down.” His gaze turns stormy, the protective brother coming out. “She’s heartbroken, so I’m going to ask again, what the hell happened?”
I rub my hands over my face, the weight on my chest nearly unbearable as Emma’s face during our fight flashes through my mind. “I freaked out on her when you called me and chewed me out. I was already in a piss-poor mood before you called, but then I lost it. I took my anger out on her by saying some things I never should’ve said. Things I don’t even believe. Then I didn’t dispute her when she said I only thought she was casual and convenient for me. Even though that’s not even close to being true. I hurt her badly, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“But that’s why you came? To fix it?”
I meet his stare with my own, hoping he can see how serious I am. “Yeah. I have to fix it. I need her, Drew. I love her. I love her so much more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I hope I’ll get your blessing, but if not, then I’m still going to pursue her and do everything in my power to fix things with her.”
“You’d still pursue her, even if I said no?”
I give him a smirk that doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’d hope you’d change your mind someday.”
Realizing he hasn’t yelled at me once the whole time I’ve been here, I ask, “Are you still mad?”
He exhales a heavy sigh before he says, “Yes and no. I’m still pissed you didn’t tell me early on, but almost dying tends to put things in perspective. I’ll admit, I overreacted. It felt so important to me that you weren’t interested in her because you were my friend. But you’re also the best guy I know. I love you both. I want you both to be happy. I just never in a million years thought you two would be happy together, even though Emma’s had a crush on you for as long as I can remember. I really didn’t think you’d ever see her that way. I think what really threw me was that I always thought you saw her like a sister.”
“I’ve never seen her like a sister. I was protective of her because you were and because she needed people in her corner. But then she showed up on my doorstep looking nothing like I remembered, and something shifted between us.”
He frowns at me. “So it’s just about how she looks?”
I shoot him a glare. “You really think I’d sacrifice a lifelong friendship just because of how a woman looks? Wow, thanks.”
He holds his hands up in a pleading gesture. “Sorry, man, but that’s what it sounded like.”
I shake my head before dropping it in my hands. “I can’t explain it. I had always found her interesting and unique, but it’s like I didn’t really see her until she showed up at my house. Maybe it was all the years where our paths didn’t cross, or maybe it’s how focused I was on getting into the NFL before, I don’t know. But I was drawn to her the minute I saw her again.”
I look at him, my eyes pleading for him to understand my struggle. “I fought it, Drew. You have to believe me. I fought it with everything I had because I couldn’t lose you. But I couldn’t fight anymore. I love her, everything about her, and I won’t apologize for that, but I am sorry I wasn’t the one to tell you and that I waited so damn long.”
He stares at me, his eyes darting back and forth between mine searching for something. I just bared my soul, so I don’t know what else I have left to prove to him that I love her.
Finally, his expression shifts, and I immediately recognize the sadness in his eyes. “I don’t know if you can fix this, Luke. I’ve never seen her like that. She’s more closed off than ever. She wouldn’t even open up to me, and I’m usually the one person she’ll talk to about anything.”
My heart falls—if it’s possible for it to fall any harder than it did when I realized she was gone.
He clears his throat. “But I won’t stand in your way. If you really love her like you say you do, then I trust you with her. If she’ll give you another chance, then you have my blessing.”
She has to give me a chance. Because if there’s anything I’ve realized since the moment I returned to my empty house, it’s that I can’t live without her.
Thirty-Five
The elevator ride up to Drew’s hospital floor feels like it takes an eternity. I hardly slept a wink last night, my mind reliving the moment my mom called me about Drew’s accident, over and over again. The few reprieves I got were filled with memories of Luke yelling at me and calling me stupid.
And God, how stupid I was.
The more time I’ve had to think about it, the more I’ve realized he was never going to be mine. Not permanently. If it wasn’t Drew, it would’ve been something else. He’s a famous football player who can have any woman he wants.
Why would he want me—the woman who’s lost her music and her identity in one fell swoop?
Pain lances through my heart—my poor heart that only days ago had me convinced I’d never been happier—and I lose my breath for a moment, the burn of tears behind my eyes. But I’m not alone, so I take a quiet, shuddering breath and suck it up. I have to be strong in front of Drew and my parents.
I especially cannot break in front of my parents. The looks of pity would tip me right over the edge with my already fragile current state.
The elevator doors open, and my parents and I step out, all of us eager to see Drew again. His doctor looks up from a conversation with a nurse down the hall and makes his way toward my parents. I push forward toward Drew’s room while they walk and talk behind me. I overhear bits of their conversation but stay focused on the door at the end of the hall where my brother is.
“…Should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. He’s recovering well, and has passed all our checks, but we’d still like to keep him for one more day of observation. The physical therapist will call once he’s discharged and schedule his first appointment in the next few days. I’ve referred him to Haley Rogers, the new PT from New York, who’s highly regarded.”
“I’m surprised you’re going to release him so quickly,” I overhear my dad say.
“I would’ve recommended an extra day, but his disposition improved drastically once his friend arrived.”
“His friend?” my dad asks at the same time I push Drew’s door open and freeze at the threshold, my disbelieving gaze landing on the one man I should’ve expected but was not at all prepared for. The blood drains from my face, and I glance down at the floor before his eyes have a chance to land on mine. Oh, look at these fascinating flecks of gray in the speckled floor. Yep, this is definitely a better thing to look at.
“Luke!” my mom exclaims and gently pushes me out of the way so she can run forward and wrap him up in a tight hug.
I will not cry. I will not cry.
“Oh, honey, thank you for being here. It’s a relief to know you’ll always be here when Drew needs you.”
My mom can’t possibly know how her words slice through me, but they’re just another reminder that he’s here for my brother.
Of course he is.
He left me at his house alone but immediately jumped on a flight for my brother. I shouldn’t be surprised—it’s what I expected all along.
We were never anything serious.
Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll finally believe it—or more like my heart will finally give up on this ridiculous hold that Luke has over it.
Deciding I need to focus on why we’re all here, I walk over to my brother, my focus homing in on him. He’s the only person that matters.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Hey, Squish. I feel like I was hit by a car.”
My caring expression immediately morphs into a frown. “That’s not funny.”
The smirk disappears from his face. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” He glances at Luke and then back to me. “In all honesty, I’m still really sore, and my ribs ache like a bitch, but they keep me pretty medicated, so I’m feeling better than yesterday.”
“Dr. Reynolds thinks you’ll be able to go home tomorrow,” my mom tells him.
Drew’s face lights up. “Really? Damn, that’d be great. I’d much rather sleep in my own bed.”
“Luke, how long are you staying?” my dad asks. I don’t look up at him, my gaze dropping to Drew’s blankets, but my ears perk up waiting for his response.
“I’ve worked it out with my coach to be here for a few days before I have to go back to LA.”
“Are you staying with Drew too?”
My whole body locks up, my hand inadvertently squeezing Drew’s. I can’t stay in the same place as Luke. Not right now. Everything is still too raw, my emotions all over the place.
Drew’s hand gently squeezes mine, causing me to glance up at him. He watches me closely for a moment before turning his attention to my parents. “Actually, he’s going to stay at a hotel nearby since Emma’s already taking over the guest room and I didn’t want him to have to sleep on the couch.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea,” my mom says behind me. “I’m surprised you’re not staying with either of your parents. Your dad just got that new place that’s not too far from Drew. It’s quite a gorgeous estate.”
“Mom,” Drew scolds, “I’ve already told you that Luke doesn’t talk to his dad anymore.”
I quickly glance at my mom to see her frown at Drew but look properly chagrined. I attempt to look back at Drew, but the pull is too strong, and my gaze is drawn to the man who broke my heart not even forty-eight hours ago.
Has it really been less than two days?
God, it feels like so much longer.
My gaze slides up over the navy blue T-shirt that hugs his chest and biceps but hangs loose over what I know to be washboard abs. Abs I’ve tasted with my tongue. My wandering eyes drink in the sight of Luke, my body humming with memories of his lips, hands, and cock, while my heart flutters with so much love you’d think there was an entire butterfly habitat in my chest. My green gaze is just about to work its way up to his face when my brain catches up and reminds me he doesn’t want me.
