Taking the Handoff, page 13
My heart aches in my chest. “Is that what you want? To go back to how things were before?”
He breaks our eye contact and rests his forehead on my chest while taking a deep breath. “No.”
His voice trails off like he wants to say something else, but instead of speaking, he pushes into me. I arch my back, pushing my chest against his at the feel of him snug inside me.
Pure unadulterated bliss flows through me.
My God. This man is everything and more.
All my fantasies get blown out of the water as he rocks in and out, his pace quickening as we both get lost in the sensation.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he breathes out.
I grip his ass, pushing him into me as my hips rise to meet his thrusts. “Don’t stop,” I whisper.
He speeds up. “Never.”
Luke slides his hand over my breast then down my stomach until his thumb is rubbing circles on my clit.
The gentle motion spirals my orgasm into an explosion of fireworks, and I scream out his name, convulsing as pleasure wracks every inch of my body. My legs shake uncontrollably around his hips as I ride out my orgasm. His thrusts increase until he’s pummeling into me and shouting out my name.
I will never, for as long as I live, forget hearing Luke Carter yell out my name as he came.
He stills inside me and looks down at me, his chest glistening with sweat and his eyes slightly dazed from his release.
He slowly pulls out, both of us gasping from how sensitive we are, and then drops beside me on the bed, his arm resting over my stomach and his head leaning against mine.
I sigh contentedly and can’t stop the giant smile from taking over my face. Luke’s hand slides up my body until he’s cupping my cheek. He turns my face toward his, amusement clear in his expression.
“I take it the smile means it was good for you too?”
A laugh bubbles up out of my chest. “I can’t believe you even have to ask. Are you searching for compliments? I didn’t think that was your style.”
“I like to know I did a good job. That really shouldn’t come as any surprise seeing as I get a high off the praise of fans on a daily basis.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
He pulls his head back slightly, a small frown on his face. “So, you’re not going to tell me you liked it?”
I smile, a little giddy at the idea I have someone as confident and sexy as Luke Carter worried that he didn’t satisfy me.
What an insane idea.
I turn to him, my gaze softening as I cup his cheek with my hand. “It was more than I ever imagined.”
His eyes light up with a smile as he pulls me close to him. I curl up, soaking in his warmth and his strong body holding me so tight, and fall asleep wishing the night never had to end. That we could stay in this bubble, just the two of us forever.
I should’ve known better.
Twenty-Four
A ringing pierces the serene quiet of my room, and I blink one eye open, feeling Emma stir next to me. The whole night rushes back in a split second, and I pull her tighter to me and drop a kiss on her bare shoulder.
The ringing continues, and I turn to my nightstand to see my phone lit up, Drew’s name flashing on the screen. My body tenses at the realization that he’s calling me while his little sister is lying naked next to me because we spent all night having the best sex of my life.
Fuck.
“What’s wrong?” Emma’s voice is scratchy from sleep but alert. She must’ve felt me tense behind her.
“Nothing. It’s your brother. I gotta take this.”
I crawl out of bed and grab the phone on my way to my dresser. I need to get out of this room. I can’t talk to Drew while Emma’s here. In my bed.
Guilt that I betrayed my friend grips me, but I don’t regret my night with Emma. Even if it’s about to make my life a hell of a lot more complicated.
“Hey, man, what’s up?”
“Hey, is Emma with you?”
My heart stops, and my mouth gapes open trying to figure out how to answer that. I grab a pair of boxer briefs and slide them on quickly.
“Uh, no. Why?” I ask, exiting the room and walking down the hall.
“Well, she’s not answering her phone, and it’s still early so I figured maybe she was still home with you. Do you know where she is? I haven’t heard from her in a few days.”
My eyes close in relief. And then guilt washes over me again.
“Uh, she might be with Bernie.” I wince at the lie. I hate lying to Drew, especially because I know he’s calling out of concern for his sister. But what am I supposed to do? Tell him, yeah, man, I know exactly where Emma is—in my bed, naked.
I don’t think so.
Concern fills his voice. “You okay? You sound weird.”
I sit on the top step and rest my forehead in my hand, my gaze falling to the floor. “I’m fine, dude. I just woke up, and I’m a little out of it. I’ll tell Emma to call you the next time I see her.”
“I’d appreciate it. I gotta go, but I’ll call you later.”
“Sounds good.”
We hang up, and I rest my hands over my bent knees, trying to figure out how to proceed. I never foresaw this situation. I’m not a guy who fails, but I feel like I’m failing pretty hard right now. No matter which path I choose, I can’t help feeling like someone is going to end up getting hurt. Staying loyal to Drew means I have to end whatever this is with Emma. After last night, I don’t think I could give her up even if I tried.
I run my fingers through my disheveled hair, hoping an answer will come to mind. I just need time to figure this all out.
“Do you regret it?” Emma’s quiet voice asks behind me.
I turn around and take in her bare legs, my gaze sliding up to see her body covered in only my shirt which barely covers the space between her legs that I was buried in last night.
My gaze moves all the way up until I meet her eyes, and my breath stutters in my chest at the forlorn look on her face. Like she expects me to tell her I regret being with her. My heart breaks at the pain in her eyes.
I stand up and move toward her until I’m right in front of her.
“I will never”—I bend down while lifting her chin, so she’s forced to meet my gaze—“I repeat, never regret a single moment with you. Do you understand?”
A tear slides down her cheek, and she nibbles on her lip, her cheeks pinking up. She stares at me like she’s afraid to believe me, and I can’t really blame her. I’ve always chosen Drew. But things are different now. She’s different. She’s made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. I can’t give her up.
“I just need time to figure all this out, okay? Let’s just keep this between us for now.”
The words feel like glass against my throat, like I’m making her my dirty secret. And I hate it, but I can’t be seen being affectionate with her in public until I figure out how to handle telling Drew.
“Is that okay?” I stop breathing, realizing there’s a very real possibility she could say no to me. I don’t know what I’d do then.
She stares at me, her eyes searching mine, and finally nods her head. My shoulders sag in relief.
I just bought myself a little time.
Now I just need to figure out how to keep them both.
* * *
Matt’s hand reaches out to help me up. “You okay, man? You’re having a spectacularly shitty time out here tonight.”
“No shit,” I grumble, shaking out my limbs and knowing I’ll be sore as fuck after this game. I’ve taken so many hits tonight, I’m starting to think my position on the field is to flatten the turf.
I’m better than this.
Or I am when my head isn’t all fucked up. Anger rises up and shuts all my other emotions down. Emotions never solve anything. I need to lock that shit down so I can focus on what matters—making a plan for how not to blow up my friendship with Drew and my budding relationship with Emma.
I run to the sidelines as defense comes onto the field. Emma’s face filters through my mind, and I can clearly see her flushed cheeks as I brought her to orgasm twice in the shower this morning.
Three days of fucking her on every surface of my house and I still don’t feel like I’ve had enough. The more I have her, the more I worry I might never get enough of her. The more my need for her grows.
But it’s more than sex too. It’s her making coffee while I make us breakfast, and the nightly routine we still have of cuddling on the couch and watching TV. It’s the quiet moments when we’re lying in bed and learning more about each other. Even though I grew up with her, there’s so much I never knew about her. She’s brave, and strong, and fascinating. She’s also gotten me to open up to her in ways I never have with a woman. I’ve never trusted any of them enough, but Emma makes it so easy to trust her.
I’ve never felt so content and fulfilled in a relationship.
If only I could figure out a way to tell Drew about us without losing him, then everything would be perfect.
“Luke?”
I turn to see Matt staring at me, his eyebrows raised. “Huh?”
“Dude, you are massively out of it today. You need to get your head in the game.”
I turn back to the field, resolve firming in my gut. He’s right. I do need to get my shit together.
I shove my emotions down and refocus on what matters.
The next time we’re on the field, I channel all my energy into the plays and go back to being the machine I was born to be.
Twenty-Five
Is four days too soon to tell someone you love them?
Well, more like a lifetime of loving someone from afar and then having them make love to you for four days straight.
That’s not too soon, right?
Although, Luke was super distant when he got home from his game last night, and really it’s only been four days for him since we got together.
So, yeah, definitely probably too soon.
My fingers itch for my guitar, the flicker of a song coming to life in my mind, but I’m at work and the song fades away before I even have a chance to consider running to the back room where I keep my purse during my shift. Bernie moves around me to clear the plates from the table next to mine, and then we both make our way back to the kitchen at the same time.
“Girl, whatever you’re smoking, I want some.”
I turn to her, confused. “What?”
“You have been flitting around here with a giant smile on your face, in the happiest mood. I think you have to be high on something…or someone.” She winks.
I bite my lip and shake my head, but I can’t stop the huge smile or the blush on my cheeks from breaking out on my face.
“I knew it!”
“You know nothing,” I reply.
“Don’t Jon Snow me right now. You got it on with that handsome roomie of yours, didn’t you? Girl!! Why aren’t you bragging to everyone that walks through the door?”
My smile droops a little, remembering exactly why I’ve been keeping quiet about our sexcapades.
Because Luke wants to keep it a secret.
Because of Drew.
The thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
It’s the only blemish on our otherwise perfect connection. Apart from his distance last night, he’s attentive, kind, caring, tender, and yet ravaging in the bedroom.
He may not be entirely perfect, but he’s damn close.
And he’s perfect for me.
I finally feel like things are starting to fall into place. I have the man of my dreams, and I’m working on the career of my dreams.
Pulling me from my thoughts, Bernie asks, “So, are you guys a couple now?”
I don’t actually know how to answer. We’re together, but we haven’t had the talk about putting a label on what we’re doing. Will he even want to label it while he’s still trying to figure out how to tell Drew?
“I’m not sure,” I tell her, dying to confide in someone. “He wants to keep it on the DL until he can figure out how to tell Drew.”
“Your brother? Why don’t you just tell him?”
I’d already thought about that too. “Because Luke feels it’s better if he does it, and I want to give him the opportunity to tell Drew himself.”
“So, when’s he going to tell him?”
Good question.
I shrug, my heart aching a little as a deep insecurity bubbles up to the surface—that Luke is just going to keep me as his dirty little secret.
No. He wouldn’t do that to me.
“I’m not sure.”
Bernie frowns. “He’s not rushing to tell your brother.” It’s not a question, and the look she gives me tells me she thinks that’s sketchy as fuck.
“I’m sure he’s going to tell him soon,” I say before making my way back out to my tables, the whole time worrying that Luke might not ever be ready to tell Drew about us.
Then where would that leave us?
* * *
By the time I get home, my feet are killing me, and my head is pounding. All day long, worst-case scenarios swam through my head, feeding on every little insecurity I’ve ever had. I’m ready to just curl up in bed and go to sleep. I’m not even sure I want to see Luke. I’m afraid he’ll be able to read all the turmoil on my face. I’ve managed to plaster on my customer service smile all day, but I’m exhausted and can’t maintain the ruse in my own space.
A big part of me doesn’t want Luke to see how much he’s affecting me. How much his indecision on how to handle us is wreaking havoc on my confidence. I mean we haven’t even been together a week!
God, I’m a mess.
Maybe I just need him to define this so I know where we’re going. That at least we’re going somewhere, and I’m not just a passing fling.
I round the corner and stop in my tracks when I see two place settings on the dining room table, tall red candles, and a covered basket that smells like it’s hiding warm rolls inside. Luke comes out of the kitchen wearing a pair of denim jeans that sculpt his ass in the most delicious way and a tight heather gray T-shirt that shows off the tattoos going down his arms.
His oven mitt-covered hands place a casserole dish on the table and then he turns and sees me.
“Hey.” His handsome face lights up with an easygoing smile as he slides off the oven mitts and walks over to me. His attitude is already a complete one-eighty to how he acted last night after his game. Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with me at all. Maybe he was just in a bad mood because they lost.
“Hey,” I say as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. “What’s all this?” I ask, gesturing to the table behind him with lit candles.
He leans close, his lips whispering against mine. “I thought I’d make us a romantic dinner.”
All the tension I’ve been holding throughout the day dissipates as my heart melts at his romantic gesture. A smile curves my ruby lips as I glance back over at the table.
He kisses my cheek and then nibbles my ear, causing my eyes to close in bliss. “You know, since we can’t actually go out to eat at a romantic restaurant.”
My eyes snap open, and my heart stutters in my chest, that achy feeling coming back strong.
“So, you did this because you can’t be seen with me?”
He pulls away, his stance confident, and the only hint that he’s not in control of the situation is the slight furrow of his brows. “You know we can’t go out in public. Not until I figure out how to tell Drew about us.”
I pull away from him and take a step toward the table, my eyes taking in all the effort he put into this. As sweet as it is, it doesn’t answer the question that’s been nagging me all day.
I turn back to him. “What even is this? I mean, what are we doing here? It’s been several days, and you still don’t have a plan for how to approach Drew about us. I can’t help but wonder if it’s more that you don’t want to tell him about us, because there is no us. Am I just a fling to you, Luke?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “It’s fine if that’s the case. I just need to know.”
He frowns and crosses his arms. “You want a label.”
I look at him pleadingly, wishing he could understand how hard this whole conversation—hell, situation—is for me. “I just want to know what this is. I need to keep my expectations in check. If this is just sex to you while I live here, then I need to know so I don’t expect anything else from you.”
He gestures toward the table. “Does that look like just sex to you? I can’t remember the last time I made dinner for a woman I was seeing.”
“But you did it because you don’t want to be seen in public with me.”
He runs his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with me. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Em, it’s that we can’t. I can’t blindside Drew like that.”
“It’s never going to be easy, Luke. This whole thing is going to blindside him no matter what. We just need to tell him.”
“No.”
He says it so quickly and so adamantly, like there’s no other possible answer.
I cross my arms over my chest and stand tall, holding my ground. We both stare at each other, neither of us saying a word. But the longer the silence drags on, the more my heart aches, and I start to feel the familiar burn of tears behind my eyes. Emotion clogs my throat as he continues to stand there, not saying a word. Not explaining why it’s such a hard no.
I can’t help but wonder if that “no” is an always no. I know he said he was thinking up a solution, but the way he responded just now tells me he’s not really. He’s avoiding. He’s hiding us here in his house.
I can’t stand it anymore.
“If you’re not going to tell him, then whatever this is”—I gesture between the two of us—“should stop. Clearly, it’s not going anywhere.”
I see his hands drop to his sides before I turn on my toes and move to the other side of the room toward his backyard. I need space from him. The tears escape the second I turn away, and I cover my mouth in an attempt to quiet my sob. I feel the heat of embarrassment on my cheeks and wish—not for the first time—that I didn’t cry so easily. That I could be strong and composed in these situations instead of a bubble of emotions that always bursts when I least want it to.
