Taking the Handoff, page 14
“Em…” Luke says quietly behind me, pain in his voice.
I suck in a breath and control my voice as best I can. “I don’t think there’s anything else to say.”
“Fuck that. There’s plenty to say.” His voice gets closer, until I feel him standing at my back. “I don’t want to stop,” he says softly.
Brushing the stray tears from my eyes, I move to face him, and he immediately steps forward, cupping my face and brushing away the tears I’ve missed with his thumbs.
“Emma. It guts me to see you cry on a normal day, but knowing I’m the one who caused these kills me.”
“What are we doing, Luke?” I whisper, my eyes locking on his and searching for some kind of answer. I need to know what he wants.
His hazel gaze never leaves mine. “If you need a label, then I want you to be my girl.”
My heart leaps, but my brain reminds it to settle down. There’s still one more major obstacle in our way.
“And what about Drew?”
He sighs heavily and pulls me close to his body in a tight hug, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. “I need time. Drew and I have been through a lot of shit together. He’s going to see this as a betrayal, and I can’t stomach that right now. I just need a little time to wrap my head around all the different ways he could respond to this and figure out the best approach to get him to see us as a couple without wanting to murder me or end our friendship. I can’t lose him, Em.” His voice cracks, and another tear slips down my cheek as I realize how torn he’s feeling.
He pulls back to look at me. “But I can’t lose you either.”
Twenty-Six
Adjusting my cufflinks, I chance a quick look at the clock. Damn. I hope Emma is ready soon or else we’re going to be late to Jack and Paige’s wedding.
It crushed me when I made her cry the other night. I thought I was doing a sweet gesture by making a romantic dinner at home—something I’ve never done before—but I should’ve thought about how it might come across to her. I know it might be a little risky to take her to the wedding, but the idea of going without her causes a painful knot to form in my gut. I won’t be able to touch her as freely as I want to, but at least she’ll be with me.
I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Matt. I know he’ll be at this thing, and I’m wondering if he’s there already. Before I get a response back from him, I hear Emma’s steps coming down the stairs. I glance up from my phone and stop breathing at the sight before me. She’s wearing a figure-hugging emerald-green dress that brings out the green of her eyes and perfectly complements the rich red of her hair, which falls in soft curls over her shoulders. My stare follows the curves of her body, and the effect she has on me is undeniable.
She’s absolutely breathtaking, and I can’t believe I’m the guy who gets to call her mine—even if only in private for now.
The drive is short since traffic is light. When we get to the venue, I look around at the number of people in attendance. There are probably at least two hundred folks present. I immediately see Matt, surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women, although I notice his eyes keep gazing across the room to Denton’s daughter.
God, I hope he’s not stupid enough to put his dick in Nikki Denton. Coach will kill him.
Emma and I make our way down the aisle to find a pair of seats. Not long after, Matt sits down next to me.
“Hey, cool if I sit here?”
“Sure,” I reply.
He glances at Emma, and nods when he sees she’s already looking at him. I clear my throat and offer introductions.
“Matt, this is Emma Delaney.”
His eyes widen slightly, and I notice he casts his glance down to where my leg is flush against Emma’s before his eyes come back up to meet mine.
His brow arches. “The roommate? Your buddy’s sister?”
“Yeah, remember I told you about her.”
He nods and says low so only I can hear, “You didn’t mention she looked like a pinup.”
The soft music changes and gets louder, signaling the start of the ceremony and cutting off my chance to respond.
It’s probably for the best because I’d feel like the biggest piece of shit if I had to deny my feelings in front of Emma. We stand and all look toward the back where Paige enters, looking gorgeous as ever. A smile graces my face at how happy she looks, her eyes focused ahead of her and not seeing anyone but the man she’s walking toward. I glance at the altar to see Jack, his eyes red rimmed and his jaw dropped in awe. He puts a fist in front of his mouth, clearly trying to hold himself together.
Unfamiliar emotion swirls in my chest, and a deep desire to feel what he’s feeling nearly overwhelms me. I glance over at Emma to see her looking at Jack as well, a smile on her face and tears already filling her bright green eyes.
She must feel the weight of my stare because her gaze quickly shifts from watching Jack to looking at me.
I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve this woman, but it’s suddenly clear to me the pressure I’m under not to fuck it up. Somehow, I already know after only a week that Emma would be impossible to get over. She’s nothing like any of the women I’ve dated in the past.
No, Emma’s the kind of woman you promise forever to. The woman you spend your whole life proving you’re worthy of.
Matt bumps my shoulder, and I turn to him, quickly realizing everyone else is facing forward again, now that Paige has reached Jack.
He eyes me and then Emma before taking a seat right as the minister invites us all to sit. I try to focus on the wedding, but thoughts keep invading my mind. Thoughts about what it’d be like if Emma walked down the aisle to me. The thought of her walking toward anyone else is unacceptable.
The heat of her leg burns through my pants, and the longer we sit here, the stronger my desire grows to take her hand in mine.
Instead, I look to Matt, hoping he’ll say something that’ll help me reset and focus on why we’re all here today. When I catch his gaze glued to a blonde several rows ahead of us and on the opposite side of the aisle, I realize he’s as distracted as I am.
Relief fills me for a split second that he actually seems to be interested in a woman again. He’s been in a weird dry spell that is completely out of character for him. Or at least, I think he has. I haven’t seen him hook up with anyone on our away trips or talk about anyone here in LA.
But my relief soon fades when I realize his gaze is locked on Nikki.
“You’re going to burn a hole in her head if you keep staring,” I whisper. I drop my voice a little lower. “Not to mention what Denton will do to you if he sees you eyeing his daughter.”
“Why don’t you worry about your own issues,” he whispers, throwing me a knowing look and glancing at Emma, who fortunately is focused on the happy couple.
I frown at him and turn back to the wedding ceremony happening in front of us, my shoulders stiff and body tense. If he can tell there’s something going on between Emma and me, then there’s no way Drew would miss it.
Heaviness settles heavily on my shoulders at the weight of the choices I know I need to make—and soon.
* * *
The catered dinner tastes delicious, and the reception venue looks just as enchanting as the ceremony did. I quickly discover that Emma doesn’t just captivate my attention. She seems to draw everyone at our table to her, apart from Matt who’s off in his own world most of dinner and then ditches us the second Coach walks out the door. I watch the dumbass head straight to Nikki like she’s a beacon calling his name.
Curious about what’s going on with him, I watch them closely. When I see the look on her face, I realize something’s already happened between them. It’s confirmed when she takes his hand and joins him on the dance floor. His face lights up as he stares intently at her. I’ve never seen him look at a woman like that. He holds her close to him, affection and intimacy flowing between them. I look around and see Will and Gina on the dance floor holding each other closely as well.
Turning toward Emma, I watch as Gabe Romero sits back in his chair, his head thrown back in laughter. Gabe is a total badass on the field and one of the Fierce Four—the nickname coined for our four fiercest defensive players, who have become rather infamous within the league. I shake my head in awe of Emma and how seamlessly she’s fitting in with my friends and colleagues.
I lean closer to Emma. “Sorry to interrupt you two, but I’m gonna steal my date for a dance.”
I stand and hold out my hand for her. Her face instantly breaks out into the largest smile, and my heart beats a little faster knowing I’m the one who put it there. She takes my hand, and I pull her out onto the dance floor, joining the other couples in pulling her close against my body.
The words of the slow song filter through the speakers, piercing my heart with how apropos they are for how I feel in this moment with Emma in my arms. But the words that hit me the deepest are when he says he’ll never stop choosing her. I glance down at Emma, whose head is resting against my chest, her eyes closed and a serene smile on her face.
This moment makes it feel so easy to choose her. Apart from football, nothing has ever felt more perfect than holding Emma in my arms.
Guilt quickly seeps into my bones because even if this feels right, I know it’s not. Drew trusted me with her, and he’ll see this as a betrayal of that trust. No matter how I try to spin it. Drew’s the only consistent family I have, even if we’re not related by blood. He’s always had my back.
A memory from sophomore year of college flashes through my mind, once again reminding me how much I owe Drew for all I have in my life.
And how badly I’ve betrayed him by hooking up with his sister when he explicitly told me not to.
“Look how in love they are.”
I glance down at Emma, who’s now looking over my shoulder. I move my head to see who she’s looking at and see Jack and Paige, holding each other close, foreheads touching and dancing slowly, lost to each other like no one else is in the room.
I look back down at Emma and find her already staring up at me, a tender smile pulling up the edges of her deep ruby lips. “I love you, Luke.”
Every inch of me freezes. My feet plant on the floor, and my breath remains frozen in my lungs, my eyes locked on Emma as her words weigh me down. My lips are sealed tight while my brain goes haywire.
I attempt to open my mouth to say…something, but it’s like my jaw is glued shut. All I can do is stare at her, my eyes wide with surprise, and it kills me—fucking guts me—when I see the sadness enter her eyes at my complete and total inability to say those words back to her.
It’s not that I don’t care for her. In fact, I undoubtedly care about Emma more than any woman I’ve ever been with. I’ll admit I’m definitely falling in love with her. But falling is different than being in love.
Isn’t it?
“Emma…I, uh…” I look up hoping for some kind of inspiration to help me out of this grave I’m digging for myself and see Coach Denton walking toward his table. I look over at Matt and Nikki, who are dancing near us, completely enamored with each other and neither noticing the disaster about to happen.
“Shit.”
Like a train wreck, I watch everything moving in slow motion as Coach reaches the table he’d been sitting at and grabs a shawl hanging off the back of a chair. His gaze slides up, and the second it lands on Nikki in Matt’s arms, his face goes hard with rage. In a split second, I move Emma and me behind Matt and hiss his name.
He looks up at me, and I gesture behind him with my head at the same time that Nikki goes noticeably stiff in his arms. He glances down at her before finally turning around and catching the infuriated gaze of our coach. Nikki steps immediately out of Matt’s arms, and I don’t miss how his shoulders sag at the loss.
What the hell is going on with these two?
She walks over to her father and speaks to him softly, but his gaze is locked on Matt. I watch as Matt makes his way over after Nikki’s father orders her to leave the venue—an order she immediately complies with.
I step closer, just enough to catch the tail end of Matt’s heated but contained conversation with Coach.
He leans into Coach’s space. “Nikki isn’t a plaything at all. It’s not like that.”
Coach responds, his face red, “I’ll tell you what it is—nothing! Whatever you were doing with Nikki is done. Stay away from her. If I hear that you’ve seen her outside of a professional capacity, then your time with the Wolves will be done. Do you understand me?”
Coach doesn’t wait for a response but immediately spins around and storms out of the room. Matt watches his retreating back, his shoulders sagging even more than when Nikki pulled out of his arms on the dance floor.
“You okay?” I ask, patting him on the shoulder.
He shakes his head. “Not even close.”
“What do you wanna do?”
He stares at the exit, his eyes sad, like he just lost the best thing he’s ever had. I stare at him and can’t help wondering if this is what I’m going to look like when shit hits the fan with Drew.
And it’s definitely a when, not if, situation. I know Drew too well. Unless I’ve already messed everything up with Emma because I couldn’t tell her I love her.
My jaw goes slack, and my heart slows. Fuck. I don’t want to lose her.
I reach behind me where I can feel Emma at my back and clasp her hand in mine, needing the reassurance that she’s still with me.
None of us are in the mood to stay, so Emma and I walk out with Matt to his car where we part ways—him with a promise to fill me in on what’s going on with Nikki Denton sometime. Emma is quiet as we walk to my car and the whole way home. She barely even looks at me, which I can’t really blame her for.
When we get home, she mumbles something about wanting to change. I let her go, watching her as she walks away from me.
Suddenly, my concern over how to tell Drew seems completely inconsequential. Instead, I’m left wondering if I just fucked everything up all by myself.
Twenty-Seven
The scalding hot water pelts against my skin, but I still feel cold. Covering my face with my hands, I let out a groan. God, I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I told Luke I love him. It’s been a week! No wonder he stared at me like I’d lost my mind.
I blame the wedding. I got so wrapped up in the romance of the day, seeing a couple so completely in love with each other made me realize how much I love Luke. I spent half the wedding daydreaming that it was our wedding—Luke staring at me with such love and devotion that no one could ever doubt his feelings for me. Then we were dancing, and the song was talking about how he’s never going to stop loving her, and the words just popped out.
Now I’m hiding in the shower, wishing I could take them back. Not because I don’t mean them, but because they’ve exposed me and left me vulnerable in a way I don’t want to be with Luke.
I know he doesn’t love me—it’s been a week, come on—but a small part of me desperately wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth. I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t say them, but I was taken aback by how disappointed I was.
I’m also beyond embarrassed. I was almost relieved when Luke’s friend Matt had some drama, since that pulled Luke’s attention away from me allowing me to hide my mortification that I let my feelings slip out so freely. I was even able to avoid talking to him on the drive home. But I won’t be able to hide from him much longer. We sleep together.
I shut off the water and grab my towel off the rack, holding it to my face as I try to figure out how I can diffuse the awkwardness that will inevitably be there when I’m in the same room as Luke again. I won’t apologize for my feelings, because truthfully, I’m not sorry about how I feel. I’m just sorry I dumped it on him like that when it’s obvious he’s not there yet.
I towel off and throw on some comfy pajamas. I make my way downstairs and find him sitting on the couch staring at a glass of whiskey in his hands. He looks up when he hears me enter, and my chest gets tight. He’s so incredibly handsome, his brown hair perfectly styled to make me long to run my hands through it, the scruff on his face giving him a sexy David Beckham vibe, and his piercing hazel eyes searching mine.
God, I love him so much.
Yeah, there’s no hiding that. I’m suddenly lost with how to act. How do I brush it off, so he knows I’m not expecting anything from him?
He stands up and walks toward me, placing his glass down on the coffee table on his way. When he reaches me, he instantly slides his fingers through the hair at the base of my neck and around until he’s gripping the back of my neck. He pulls my head up as he drops his down and places a searing kiss against my lips. My hands reach up to grip his biceps, silently begging him never to stop kissing me like this.
All too soon, he breaks the kiss and rests his forehead on mine. “Emma.”
My name sounds like a prayer coming from his lips—so soft and tender.
He pulls away so he can look me in the eye. “I’ve never said I love you to a woman before.”
My eyes go wide in shock, but before I can say anything, he continues, “You have to know, what I feel for you—it’s so much more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I might not be able to say those words yet, but I promise you no one has ever owned me the way you do. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. I hope that can be enough for now.”
I’m speechless. This is more than I expected from him—even if it’s still not quite what I hope for.
He bends down, imploring me with his eyes to answer him. I nod and say softly, “It’s enough for now.”
