Five Hundred Miles From Friona, page 33
“I deserved it after what I did to you,” he says, sighing. “Probably deserved worse.”
“Shit Jake, I wasn’t trying to get even with you! It was the disorder, the IED. I don’t blame you for what happened in Llano.”
“It was my fault. If I hadn’t shot you, you wouldn’t have the problem.” I hear Rachel’s bitchy voice say something else in the background, but I can’t make out the words. “Anyway, I’ll be okay.” Then he changes the subject. “When did you get out of jail?”
“I wasn’t ever in jail. Joe Hernandez just called my dad and he came and picked me up.”
“That’s good. So, where’ve you been?”
“At home,” I tell him. “I haven’t wanted to talk to anybody. Still don’t.”
“Even Leanne?” he asks.
“Especially her.” I’m about to cry again, and I want to hang up. “I’ve gotta go; I’ll talk to you soon. Tell Rachel I’m sorry.”
When I end the call, I sit down and write a letter to Leanne.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Chapter Fifty-three
Leanne
I don’t know if I’m still mad or just plain scared. I haven’t wanted to talk to Brandon since I found out what he did to Jake. I guess he’s still in jail, but I don’t have the guts to ask his parents; I’m sure they’re heartbroken. I’ve stayed close to home for the last five days, waiting for something, but I don’t know what I’m waiting for.
Dean still wants me to come down to Llano, like we had talked about, even if Brandon can’t go. I’d like to go, but I also think I should be here to see what’s going to happen. Rachel heard that Colton Crawford hired a lawyer and was going to press charges. I hope that’s not true. Brandon doesn’t need that on top of everything else.
My parents haven’t told me not to see Brandon, but I know they don’t want me around him. “He needs help,” my mom said.
“The next time it could be you, honey,” my dad said.
I don’t know if I can give up on him, but Rachel thinks I already have. She and Jake have been super nice, trying to give me advice. They think Brandon and I need some time apart.
Cassie bluntly said, “He keeps beating you up mentally, cowgirl. If you stay with him, you’re just asking for a trip to the hospital.” Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know if I’m ready to believe it.
Poor Dean is the one who has had to listen to me cry and whine. But he just listens and doesn’t give me any advice, which is exactly what I’ve needed. He’s letting me make my own decisions, unlike all the other people in my life who think they need to tell me what I already know.
I know I probably should break up with Brandon, but I don’t want to hurt him any more than he’s already been hurt. I still love him, but I don’t think it will be good for either of us to stay together. He’s in trouble because of me. He was defending me when he jumped on Colton. This is just more proof that every time he has an episode it’s my fault. I need to walk away for his sake, but it’s so damn hard.
My mom just came in and handed me an envelope. I recognize Brandon’s handwriting, but rather than open it, I set it on my bed and stare it for a long time. When I finally read the letter inside, I find that my decision has already been made for me.
Leanne,
By the time you read this, I will be in Phoenix at a residential treatment center. I’m going voluntarily because I feel like it’s my last chance to have a shot at a normal life. I will be there for at least ninety days, so I won’t be going back to school this semester. At this point I don’t even know if I’ll go back to A&M. I’m taking this one day at a time.
I know I said I refused to live without you, but the only way I can allow myself to live at all is without you. I can’t be happy with myself as long as I can’t control my anger and now depression. Dr. Pressley said I need more help than she can give me, so that’s why I’m going.
I had hoped that I would get better, but I’ve only gotten worse. Over the last couple of months, I’ve said “I’m sorry” more than I’ve said “I love you”. It’s not that I don’t love you—I love you more than you’ll ever know—but it’s because I love you that I have to let you go. I want you to have what I can’t give you, which is the life you deserve with someone who can make your dreams come true. Please don’t be sad. I want to go to Phoenix thinking that you’re happy for me, for my chance to get my life back. I want you to be happy and get your life back too.
The only people that know I’m leaving are my family and Rob. I would appreciate it if you would tell Jake and Rachel. I can’t have mail or phone calls for the first sixty days at the treatment center, but I don’t want you to contact me at all; it will be easier that way. I know in my heart that this is the best thing for both of us.
Brandon
I pick up my phone and swipe my best friend’s number. Tears start to fall before the call is answered, and by the time I hear “Hey” on the other end of the line, I’m a sobbing, snotty mess.
“Brandon…he…he d-dumped me in a letter.”
“Why? What did it say?”
“You’ll j-just…have to read it,” I sob. “I wish you lived closer.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Really?” If I wasn’t so upset, I would be jumping up and down.
“Yes, I just made a flight reservation. I’ll be in Amarillo tomorrow around noon.”
“Thanks so much, Dean. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The End
Acknowledgements
It has been twelve surprisingly short years since I began this unknown journey into writing. Five Hundred Miles from Friona is actually my third novel, but it’s the first one I wanted to publish. Along the way, so many people have stepped up to help me realize this dream, and I appreciate their help more than I can express.
First and foremost, I want to thank my husband, Mike. He has indulged me and encouraged me to write, on top of the fact that he has spoiled me rotten. Mike, thank you for living in a not-so-spotless house, and for letting me do what I’ve come to love. Someday I might start making dinner again, but I’m not so sure our house will ever be spotless. I also want to thank you for driving me through all the locations in the book so I could see all the places I was writing about. I love you so much!
Erin Cooley, my first editor. You’re not only a great editor and friend, but you taught me invaluable lessons, and I still use much of your advice today. And I will always be grateful to Andy and Mary Ann Wilkinson for introducing us. Thank you, Erin! I hope life continues to treat you well.
My family: Justin, Jordan, Chase and Sarah. Jordan and Sarah, my wonderful daughter and daughter-in-law. You two have been two of my biggest sources of inspiration and encouragement. Thank you for reading and offering your opinions. I value your feedback more than you know. Justin, I have always appreciated your encouraging words. I know it has been a long road to get to this point, but without your gentle nudges, I’m not sure I would have ever gotten here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thank you, Chase. I would’ve never been able to write one book, much less five, without your computer expertise and encouragement. I appreciate all you’ve done for me along this sometimes scary and unknown road. I love you all!
Barbara Vinson, you’re a wonderful friend and beta reader. Thank you so much for taking your unpaid “job” so seriously when I asked you to read my first manuscript. I still have all your sticky notes! Your suggestions and input were invaluable to me. I appreciate your time and friendship more than I could ever express with words.
Chance Butman, your insights about growing up and attending high school in Friona were a huge help. I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to help me with my questions. I appreciate your answers and your perspectives so much.
Last but certainly not least, I would like to thank my readers. Without you, my writing would be nothing but a lot of meaningless words on a screen. My hope for this book is that each of you fondly remember (or look forward to) your first real love. Most of all, I hope you enjoyed meeting the characters. Their stories continue in the next book in the series, Too Many Miles from You. Much love to all of you, and happy reading!
Kellye Hefner, Five Hundred Miles From Friona
