Secret Desire, page 10
“I can see that.” She met my eyes as Matt began to carry platters to the table. We moved to help him and sat down with wine, toasting to the meal. The salmon was cooked perfectly, and the sides complimented it along with the wine. We talked about their family, and I laughed at stories about their sister before we moved to my family. Dahlia’s eyes softened as she listened and she gave me a comforting smile.
“Do you go home for the holidays?” I asked, and they nodded.
“We fly back for as long as we can. It’s a quick flight, and we get a lot of time with them. That’s a lot easier than them coming here unless they leave Ray with someone if she’s in school.” Dahlia smiled. “We did a summer coastal driving trip the summer we came here.”
“That’s a good time. We always did that when I was a kid. I get to make a short drive home to meet with my family. We’re small but mighty.” I realized we’d be in different states for the break, and it hit me that was a long time away from Matt. He glanced at me, and I could tell that he was thinking the same thing. We enjoyed dessert and settled on the couch to talk further. Dahlia had a glass of wine, and we had beer as Matt found a movie on the big TV.
I was comfortable here. I enjoyed spending time with Matt and Dahlia, and when she excused herself to bed, I held him in my arms as we caught the end of the movie.
“I had a few drinks. Can I stay the night?” I murmured before Matt kissed me deeply.
“We can’t be loud, but I’d like that.” He kissed me again, and I smiled. “She gets what happens in the bedroom but doesn’t want to hear it.”
“I get that,” I assured him as he turned off the television set. We secured the house, and Matt led me to a room by the hand, turning on the light before we walked inside. The room was a large master with an en suite and roomy for an apartment.
“I have some shorts if you want them,” Matt called to me as I smiled. “Though her room is across the apartment and I’d like easy access.”
“Easy access, huh? You’re a naughty boy.” I teased him as I closed the door, finding the lock to turn it. I doubted that Dahlia would ever walk into this room but better safe than sorry.
“Just with you.” He walked into the bathroom, and I heard the water running for a moment. Matt came out dressed in boxers and a very hard cock, making my mouth water. I lifted my shirt over my head and slipped my jeans off in a rush as he walked over to the bed.
We were quiet but just as intense as any other time we were together. I didn’t want to disrespect his sister, but I watched him sleep later with a smile on my face. We weren’t hiding in my place. We weren’t out in public, but I was here with his family and one of the people that meant the most to him. I considered meeting the rest of them in the future and then he kissed my bare shoulder.
“I love you, Peter,” Matt said to me. Then he snuggled with me until we both fell asleep.
We all slept in the following morning, and I made breakfast for all of us once I got some coffee in me. I dressed in some lounge pants that Matt loaned me and a sweatshirt from the college, and he was wearing similar clothes. Dahlia was wearing simple leggings and a big sweatshirt and laughed at her brother, acting like she wasn’t upset about the night before. She probably didn’t hear us, and for that I was glad.
We sat down to eat the large meal with fresh coffee, and I looked out of their windows to the mountains behind their building. “You lucked out with this view,” I observed as Dahlia smiled.
“I asked for something with a view. There’s nothing wrong with Portland itself, but I enjoy the nature aspect of it as well. It feels peaceful here.” I nodded at her in agreement before taking a long look at her brother. He was watching me, and I smiled at him as I reached for my cup. “Where do you live?”
“I have a condo more in town. I see more of the street than I do any of this, but I like it. My mom’s house is in a small town in Washington. There is a creek and a hiking trail behind it. I loved that growing up.” I smiled at the memories, and Dahlia looked down at her plate.
“That’s the opposite of us.” She laughed with Matt. “Our parents live in suburbia, surrounded by other houses. They get a pass for that since the ocean is so close to us.”
“I loved the beaches when I went to school in California. I had a real knack for surfing,” I admitted as her eyes lit up.
“I can see you out there on a surfboard. You have that vibe around you.” She waved her hand in the air as Matt chuckled. “What made you come back here? Your family?”
“Yes. I can visit the ocean here, but it’s not quite surfing ready.” I smiled and picked up a piece of bacon.
“I’m sure you’d be welcome to join us on a visit. San Diego has some beautiful beaches.” I looked at Matt as Dahlia spoke, and there was mirth in their depths. “Our parents like having people there.”
“Are you inviting him before I am, Dal?” Matt teased her as she blushed.
“I guess I should take that as a compliment.” She smiled and nodded I took a forkful of eggs and chewed them slowly as I took in this moment. “I know that my family would welcome you, as well.”
“They’re supportive of you?”
“Very,” I assured her, smiling at Matt. We’d already had this conversation. We kept the conversation going, and I helped Matt wash the dishes while Dahlia disappeared into her room. We typically parted ways at this time, but I didn’t want to.
“What are you thinking about?” Matt asked me as I glanced at him.
“I like being here.” My words were honest and straightforward.
“I love you being here.” He leaned in for a quick kiss, and he reminded me of what I whispered to him last night as he slept. “Stay. We can hang out.”
“That sounds great. Will Dahlia mind?” I asked, and he shook his head.
“No, not at all. I wish we could snap our fingers and get someone here for her.” His face fell, and I frowned at him. “I don’t want her serious about anyone, but it would be great if she’d open herself up to it a little bit.”
“High walls?” I queried, and he scowled at me.
“It more of a fortress.”
We decided on take out for dinner from a great little Mexican restaurant around the corner. Dahlia offered to go and get it so I could stay hidden, and Peter moved toward me for a long kiss as she left. “She likes you a lot.” He murmured before claiming my lips again.
“Good,” I murmured as he led me to his room. We enjoyed a quickie and cleaned up before Dahlia got back with the food, mixing a batch of margaritas to enjoy with dinner. I stayed that night but left early in the morning so that I wouldn’t be seen. It was hard to leave the warm bed and even harder to walk away from the body beside me. I was getting spoiled staying here and wanted to do it every night.
I needed to fix this and soon. I didn’t want to sneak around forever, but a part of me worried that we’d always be threatened by exposure.
***
I walked into my classroom and set down my coffee and messenger bag, shaking off the cold outside. The weather was changing, and that meant the holidays were coming soon. I hated the idea of spending it away from Matt and now even Dahlia, but we couldn’t abandon our own families. I sighed and started the class, feeling something heavy on my shoulders as reality hit me.
We still saw each other about as much as before, but we had options now. He still stayed with me, but I’d be there half the time for meals. I could see how vulnerable Dahlia was as I got to know her, making me remember how I was after my breakup. Her ex did a number on her, and she didn’t see herself the way that we did. Dahlia was striking and kind when she came out of her shell. She was driven and intelligent, and I hated that we could never go out and just hang out.
It seemed like we all blinked before we were planning trips home. They already had their tickets and were locked into staying if they could, before returning to school. I was driving to Mom’s house, but technically, I could travel for a few days. I thought that but they didn’t ask, and I hugged them the night before they left. I couldn’t take them to the airport and risk being seen with Matt, so we all settled for that.
I never thought Portland could feel so empty. I ended up leaving to see my family a day earlier than planned. Mom was happy to see me but asked if everything was okay the moment that she opened the door.
What was I going to tell her?
Chapter Eighteen
Matt
The weather was perfect, as usual in San Diego. My mother picked us up at the airport, and we went to an early dinner at our favorite taco restaurant before picking Rayna up at her best friend’s house. I loved being here and soaked it all in, but something was missing.
Peter wasn’t here.
I’d grown used to spending more time with Peter over the last few weeks. My sister was getting closer to him by the day, and it fucking terrified me how much I missed him. I told him I loved him that one night, and he didn’t seem to know. I wouldn’t repeat it until I was ready and say it to his face this time. I didn’t know if it would burst the bubble that we were living in.
He was still teaching my former class. Peter was applying elsewhere but hadn’t heard back from anybody yet. I was relieved since a lot of the schools were further away, and that would separate us. I was also bothered that he was forbidden to me. We saw each other at either apartment, but that was it. It didn’t feel like enough, but I didn’t want him to move. What was the answer?
Dahlia told Mom about Peter. I recognized it the second I met her gaze at the airport, but we didn’t talk about it until three days into the visit. Dad was working, and my sisters were spending the day together, so Mom took me to lunch.
We found a seat by the window and ordered drinks and sandwiches. I brushed my hair back and settled into my seat as I waited for Mom to start talking.
“Your sister told me that you’ve been seeing someone, Matt.”
I smiled and nodded as the waitress set my beer down, needing the liquid courage.
“I am. Did she tell you about him?” I asked Dahlia to let me tell my Mom about my past with Peter.
“Just that she likes him. Want to tell me about him?” Mom sipped her iced tea, and I drank another swallow of the beer.
“Kind of.” I smiled and glanced through the glass to the blue ocean. “I met him during school at a bar. I don’t need to go into detail on that, but we hung out a couple of times. It was cool.” I paused and considered how to phrase the rest of my story. “You might not like the next part. I went to class the following week, and my regular professor had to leave for a family emergency.” Mom frowned and nodded as the waitress placed our food in front of us. “The guy-Peter-ended up working as the substitute professor for that class. Neither of us knew when we met, and we agreed to end things right away. I didn’t intend for anything else to happen, Mom. We caved though.”
“The situation could have serious consequences, Matt.” Her face was serious, and I nodded.
“I know. We both do. We haven’t left his place at all or now, our apartment. We can’t. He wants to find another job somewhere and be together. Teaching is what he’s always wanted to do. I don’t want to get in the way of that.” I shrugged and reached for my sandwich. I took a generous bite of the turkey and cheese and closed my eyes. “That’s so damn good.”
“It’s always been your favorite.” She smiled as I swallowed and opened my eyes. “Dahlia says you’ve been seeing him until you came here.”
“I have. I agreed to him finding a new job, and we’ll see what happens. I’m not going to get caught, Mom. I like him, though. I know you would, as well.” I gave her a serious look, and she smiled.
“I know. Your sister told me as much.” She took a bite of her lunch and chewed thoughtfully. “I just don’t want anything bad to happen to either of you. You deserve to have your dreams, and his is teaching. You’re at a good college.”
“I know. I’ve told him as much, but he seems to want to give it a try.” I smiled. “He’s great, Mom. You know I’m not into being serious with anyone, or at least I haven’t been before now. He’s someone worth changing that for.” Something that resembled happiness filled her eyes, and Mom sipped her drink slowly.
“I’m thrilled to hear that, Matt. I am. I worry that something terrible might happen.” Worry crossed her face again, and I let out a sigh.
“I have thought about all of this. Repeatedly. I am only going into design, and I can do that as a freelancer. Matt has money set aside like me, and he doesn’t have to work. I just have a few months left at school, and then none of this will matter.” I shrugged, trying to make it lighter in the air around us. “Don’t worry. We’ll work this out.”
“Okay.” Mom said and ate for a few minutes as I focused on my beloved ocean. I imagined Peter surfing on the waves, looking hot as hell. It was then that I experienced my first jolt of jealousy, and it took my breath away. I held onto the table and sucked in my breath as Mom reached out to touch my hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Fine.” I drank some beer and regained my composure. I continued with my sandwich and worked through my thoughts as I finished. Jealousy was nothing I enjoyed to nor something I ever really felt before. I thought it was strange that Peter thought it so much until he explained himself. I never went through that with anybody before but saw what hell my sister went through. She may never trust another man again at this point. Mom paid the bill and asked if I wanted to walk on the beach for a while. “You must miss it. I know Oregon has beaches, but they’re different.”
“I do miss it,” I admitted as I led her down the back steps to the sand. “He went to college near here. He likes the beach a lot.”
“Why is he in Oregon?” Mom asked as she moved beside me, letting the wind ruffle her highlighted hair.
“His mom and sister live in Washington. They’re close,” I replied and glanced at her. “They’re all he has.”
“That’s something to consider. Do you want to stay in Oregon or come home?” Mom asked with hope in her voice. She wanted us here, but she’d never hold us back from living our lives.
“I don’t know what I want to do. Not anymore.” Life had changed since Peter turned everything upside down. “Is that okay?”
“Of course. You’re young yet and have time to decide.” She reached for my hand, and I thought back to the days when she sat with Dahlia and me for hours before we fell asleep. We were restless twins and fed off each other, probably making our parents want to give us up for adoption. “If your sister doesn’t come back here, I hope she stays there with you. I worry about her.”
“I thought you two conspired to worry about me.” I chuckled, and she laughed.
“We do, but you are strong. She’s still so shy after what happened here while you’re the reckless one.” I pressed a hand to my chest in mock horror, and we laughed harder. “I knew that someone would settle you down in time, though I don’t know if this is best. I don’t know if she’ll ever trust anyone again. Dahlia has so much to offer, but she’s shy. She’s holding back.”
“I agree, Mom. I take her out just to get her somewhere other than school or the apartment. She doesn’t even hang out with too many friends apart from studying.” I shrugged and paused to look over the rolling waves.
“You two are so different.” Mom pushed a curl back and dropped her head back. “I love this air.”
“Me, too. I miss just coming down here to think. It’s a drive from Portland, and I don’t like to leave Dahlia for too long.” Mom smiled. “She’s down to go sometimes, of course. She misses the ocean. I just don’t go on my own.”
“Once you graduate, you’ll have more time and freedom to decide what to do. It’s hard when you’re studying.” My parents met in their third year of college and understood the struggle. They got married six months after graduation and just celebrated twenty-five years together.
“You and Dad made it.” I reminded her as she laughed softly.
“We did. Mom shook her head. “It wasn’t always easy. So much has happened over the years, but it was worth every moment. I just want my babies happy and everyone living their best life.” She stopped to hug me, and I wrapped my arms around her.
“We will,” I promised her and held her tight. “Everyone is going to be just fine. I don’t plan to leave Dahlia on her own or Rayna. They’re my sisters.”
“Good. I wouldn’t expect anything different.” We pulled apart and continued down the beach, discussing what we were going to do for dinner and the following nights. Mom always tried to fit so much tradition into our visits, and I always felt like a little boy again. We headed home after that to find everyone there and the girls with pedicures and manicures, gushing about their day. Rayna looked up to Dahlia a lot and loved spending time with her. She was the one person that brought my twin out of her shell.
I grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the couch, listening to them. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and slipped it out, smiling when I saw that it was a message from Peter.
Peter: How are things there? Have you been to the beach?
Matt: I had lunch with Mom there today. I pictured you surfing out there.
I left out the part about the green monster that took me over. Nobody needed to know about that.
Peter: I miss that. I came here a day early because I was bored. They’re happy about it.
Matt: That seems easy to do. I’m glad you’re with your family.
Peter: I kind of wish I were with you.
Matt: I’d like that. At least we’re only gone for a week.
Peter: I guess.
We chatted a little longer about light subjects though I felt like he wanted to say something else. He told me to call him before bed if I got a chance, and my body ached at the memory of what we did in previous phone calls. I heard Mom announce dinner and left my phone on the couch to eat with everybody.
I headed to my childhood room after eleven to get some sleep, looking at my phone as I closed my door. It was late, but Peter might be up. It wasn’t like being with him in person, but I could take some of the edge off my constant desire. I looked back toward the hallway, wondering if Dahlia was planning to sleep soon. My parents slept downstairs, and I doubted they’d come to see us for any reason now. I turned the lock to my door and hurried to the bed, sending Peter a text.
