Finding Forgiveness: Second Chance Romance/Enemies to Lovers, page 1
FINDING FORGIVENESS
J. L. Perry
Contents
Books by J. L. Perry
Blurb
1. Cassie
2. Connor
3. Connor
4. Connor
5. Cassie
6. Connor
7. Cassie
8. Connor
9. Cassie
10. Connor
11. Cassie
12. Connor
13. Cassie
14. Connor
15. Cassie
16. Connor
17. Cassie
18. Connor
19. Cassie
20. Connor
21. Cassie
22. Connor
23. Cassie
24. Connor
25. Cassie
26. Connor
27. Cassie
28. Cassie
29. Connor
30. Cassie
31. Cassie
Finding Love
Angel
Also by J. L. Perry
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FINDING FORGIVENESS
Copyright © 2023 J. L. Perry
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to the actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Cover Design by – The Book Cover Boutique
Edited by – Evermore Editing
Paperback ISBN – 978-0-9943987-7-2
Hardback ISBN – 978-0-9943987-8-9
This book is dedicated to my readers.
Without your support,
I wouldn’t be able to continue
doing what I love.
So, thank you!
Books by J. L. Perry
FINDING LOVE SERIES
Finding Him
Finding Forever
Finding Us
Finding Forgiveness
Finding Love (Coming Soon)
Finding Her (Coming Soon)
BASTARD SERIES
Bastard
Luckiest Bastard
The Thief (Coming Soon)
Cocky Hero World Series
Bossy Bastard
Sexy Bastard
Standalone Books
One Night Only
The Boss
Saviour
Nineteen Letters
Sometimes forgiveness is better than the alternative.
Cassandra Lewis has owned my heart for as long as I can remember. When I was nineteen years old, I told her I loved her for the first time … she said she loved me back, but two days later, she ghosted me.
For years, I’ve tried to hate her, tried to move on, but no matter how many women I bed, my thoughts always lead back to her. It doesn’t help when she’s my little sister’s best friend—she’s like a constant torture I can’t escape.
As soon as I graduated from college, I took a job in another state. I told my family it was all that was available. That was a lie. The truth is I was running from the woman who ripped my heart out and stomped on it like it meant nothing.
When my sister crosses the border to move in with me, the woman I can’t seem to let go of is back. The push and pull between us is stronger than ever, and it’s only a matter of time before we implode.
I’ve obsessed about Connor Maloney since I was thirteen years old. Believe me, I’m not alone. His good looks and charismatic personality made him very desirable. I stood on the sidelines for years as he moved from one girl to the next … I was almost sixteen when he finally noticed me, and what a glorious day that was.
From the outside looking in, I had it all. Money, looks, talent, great friends, but what I lacked most in life was love. To my parents, I was a burden that stood in the way of their fancy jobs and lifestyles. I had an endless line of credit to placate me in lieu of their presence. Connor was the first person to show me what true love looked like, and consequently, I fell hard and fast.
Lying to my best friend was a heavy weight on my shoulders, but I was addicted to her big brother, and the way he made me feel, so I couldn’t let him go. That is until my mother got involved and forced my hand. The sequence of events that followed my altercation with her still haunts me to this day, but hurting him paled in comparison to the alternative.
All these years later, I can still see the longing in his eyes, but if he knew the truth of my betrayal, he’d hate me. How can I expect him to forgive me for what I did, when I can’t even forgive myself?
Chapter 1
Cassie
The past …
“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Cass,” Jacinta says, hugging me on their front porch. I’ve spent the weekend with my dream family, the Maloneys, and I always get an ache in my heart when I have to leave and go back to my real home, because I want to be here with these people, forever and always.
It’s a place where I’m wanted, cared for, and loved.
The last two days have been extra special, because my best friend’s big brother, Connor—the love of my life—was home for the weekend from college. I miss not being able to see him every day; it’s been tough, even more so since Jacinta has no idea what we are doing behind her back. That is something I struggle with most.
Jacinta and I met when we were twelve and became besties straight away. That girl breathed life into my miserable existence, and for that, I’ll forever cherish her and the bond we share. She makes my life worth living. That’s why lying to her is so hard. I’ve seen firsthand how girls constantly use her to get close to her brother, and how much it hurts her. Even though I’ve been pining for him from afar for years, I still swore to her I’d never be one of them, yet here I am, carrying on a secret relationship with him, without her knowledge.
In my defence, every girl with a heartbeat wants him, I can’t help but be one of them.
I climb into the passenger seat of Connor’s car, trying my best to act cool as his sister watches on from the porch, but inside, I’m absolutely giddy. It’s been two weeks since I’ve been able to touch him, smell him, bask in his love. We still talk and text every day, but it’s not the same as having him here in the flesh. He’s nineteen—three years older than me—I have just over a year left before I graduate from high school, so it’s not like we can be together anytime soon.
My hands wring in my lap as he reverses out the driveway, and the moment we pull out onto the street, he reaches for me, lacing his fingers through mine. I sigh when he pulls our conjoined hands up to his mouth, placing a kiss on my knuckles. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, Cass.”
“I’ve missed you too, Con,” I reply as tears sting the back of my eyes.
Connor has never held a relationship for long, he’s had a plenitude of girls in the past, but they’ve always been short lived. For some reason, things seem different with me. It doesn’t stop my inner panic every time I have to say goodbye though. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep since he’s been gone—knowing he’s surrounded by women his own age—and silently worrying that he’ll lose interest in me, but that’s yet to happen. Two nights ago, he even went as far as telling me he loved me. It was the first time … and of course, I told him I loved him right back because I do.
I loved this man long before he even knew I existed.
His grip on my hand tightens as he turns the corner, heading towards our secret spot … the place he started bringing me last year when our friendship began to develop into something more.
It’s a lookout that sits about halfway between his parents’ house and mine. I was fifteen when he got his driver’s licence and offered to start driving me home. Prior to that, Jim, his father, used to give me a lift.
Connor and I have always been kind of friends because Jacinta and him are super close, so being alone with him was awkward at first. Exhilarating but weird. It was nice to finally be the sole object of his attention, because that usually went to his sister.
In the beginning, he’d drop me off without many words exchanged between us, but when he started to notice I was often going home to an empty house, the questions began, which in turn led to an interrogation. Although my family dynamic is not something I like to talk about, I found myself gradually opening up to him.
Over time, as our interactions grew, so did our friendship. I became desperate for more from this man but never believed that was possible. Somewhere along the line, things gradually changed. I noticed he started looking at me differently, staring may be a better word, and he began to prolong our time together. I’ve always loved being with Jacinta and her family, but my lift home at the end of the night was what I found myself looking forward to most.
On my birthday, as we sat in his car by the kerb in front of my house, I made a backhanded comment about how I was sweet sixteen and had never been kissed. To both my surprise and elation, he turned his body towards mine, leant forward in his seat, and whispered, “Let me do something about that then.”
My heart was hammering in my chest when his fingers threaded into my hair, drawing me closer. The instant our lips connected, I was a goner … who am I kidding? I’d been dreaming about that very moment for as long as I could remember.
Over the weeks and months that followed, our make-out sessions became longer and hotter, but apart from some light petting, he never progressed any further from there. I was at the age of consent, but no matter how much I pressured him, he was hesitant to relent. He wanted it as much as I did—the ever-present tent in his sweats told me that—but despite it not being his first time, it was mine, and he said with our age difference he didn’t feel like it was right. He wanted to wait until I was older. It was sweet of him, but unnecessary. I was all in.
I knew it was only a matter of time before we went all the way, and once that day finally came, there was no looking back. I’ve never felt so close, so connected, to another human being, but it hurt that I wasn’t able to share any of this with my best friend, after all, it’s what girls my age do. We gossip about boys and stuff.
The deeper I fell, the guiltier I felt. My betrayal towards Jacinta was profound, but my friendship with her was something I couldn’t bear to lose. I was caught between a rock and a hard place, but keeping this secret felt like my only option.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Connor says as he pulls into a parking space at the lookout and switches off the engine. When my parents aren’t there, which is often, we usually go back to my place, but my mother texted me earlier asking when I’d be home, so he brought me here instead.
I have so much to tell him, but I’m scared. I’m not sure how he’s going to react to my news, and he has exams coming up—which I know he’s stressing about—so I’m thinking it can wait. “It’s hard with you gone … I die a little inside every time I have to say goodbye,” I reply, because it may not be the real reason I’m quiet tonight, but it also isn’t a lie.
The sweet smile he gives me has me swooning in my seat. This man is seriously good-looking, and I’m so lucky that I get to call him mine.
He reaches across the centre console, wrapping me in his arms. “The holidays are coming up soon, and it will be just like old times, I’ll be able to see you every day.”
Not in the way I wish.
When Jacinta’s around, I have to act like this man isn’t the air that I breathe. It’s a constant struggle not to reach out and touch him, hold him, mesh our mouths together, or ride the high that only he can give.
“Yeah,” I say, dipping my head.
“Cass.” He grasps my chin between his forefinger and thumb, gently tilting my face up to meet his. “What’s going on? You’re not having second thoughts about us, are you?”
“What? God no! I love you, Connor Maloney … with everything I have.” I lift one shoulder. “I’m tired of hiding though, every time I look Jacinta in the eye I feel like the worst human being in the world.”
“Me too. I’m thinking it’s time we come clean.”
“I can’t lose her, Con.”
“You won’t, she loves you.”
“She’s not going to be happy about this.”
“When she sees how much we love each other she will.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, I do. We’ll talk to her in the holidays, that way we won’t have to hide our true feelings anymore.”
“Okay.” The thought still makes me sick to my stomach, but we’ve kept this secret too long.
“Now that we have that out of the way,” he says, peppering kisses along my jawline, “let’s make the most of this short time we have together before I have to head back to my dorm.”
And that’s exactly what we do. By the time he drops me off at home two hours later, I feel lightheaded, delirious, and thoroughly satisfied. Is it enough to last until he returns? Not even close; I’ll be pining for him again by morning. But for tonight at least, I’ll be falling asleep with a smile on my face.
There’s a definite spring in my step as I bound along the path that leads to my front door. Although I’m petrified about the news I’m yet to tell Connor, and our impending talk with Jacinta, I can’t stop smiling.
I punch the code into the lockbox by the front door that holds the key to get inside, but before I get the chance to retrieve it, the door swings open. “Who was that?” my mother barks.
“What?”
“Don’t play coy with me, young lady, the person who dropped you off?”
“Connor, Jacinta’s brother. He was home from college for the weekend, and offered to give me a lift on his way back to campus.”
My mother roughly grabs hold of my arm and drags me over the threshold. She may not be the most loving parent, and despite the venom she often spews in my direction, she’s never once manhandled me like this before.
“Is it him?”
“Is who him?”
I don’t even see it coming, but when her hand connects with the side of my face, the force almost knocks me off my feet. “Do you have any idea the scandal this will cause if it gets out? It could ruin your father’s career.”
My flattened palm is now resting against my stinging cheek as I try to make sense of what she’s saying. What scandal? Is she referring to the age gap between me and Connor?
“I don’t know what you are talking about, and I can’t believe you just hit me.”
When she pulls out the white plastic stick from her pocket—the one that was hidden in my room—and waves it in my face, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.
Shit!
She wasn’t supposed to find that.
Chapter 2
Connor
The present …
The moment the plane touches down in Melbourne, I’m out of my seat and collecting my carry-on luggage. “You’ll need to remain seated while we’re still moving, sir,” the flight attendant says as she approaches me.
Fuck.
It’s the sitting that is doing my head in … I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I remain standing, staring at the hostess challengingly, but when she arches one of her perfectly sculptured eyebrows and points to my seat, I feel like a kid being scolded.
Begrudgingly, I nod and sit, but my leg starts to bounce the moment I do. I bow my head, clap my hands together and do something I haven’t done since I was a small boy … I silently pray. I beg God for a second chance, for an opportunity to right all my wrongs where she’s concerned, but most of all, I pray for her. Cassie doesn’t deserve to go out like this. She may have broken my heart when we were younger, but she’s a good person. She deserves to live, a chance to find happiness, even if that’s not with me.
When I’m done, I rest my elbows on my knees, lean forward, and clutch my head in my hands. I feel like the world is crumbling around me. For six long years I’ve been acting like I hate Cassandra Lewis. I’m ashamed of the way I’ve treated her at times, and some of the dreadful things I’ve said. The truth is I still love her—I never stopped—but now, I’m faced with the real possibility that I may never get a chance to apologise. To try and make up for all the awful things I’ve said and done.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
Now that we’ve landed, I know I can turn off the aeroplane mode on my phone. I’m sure there is an update from my parents or my sister, waiting for me, but I’m scared. Petrified would be a better word. What if I’m too late?
The last news I got before I boarded was that the doctors had pumped Cassandra’s stomach, in an attempt to remove the toxins she’d ingested, and that she was in critical condition in intensive care. Why would she do this?
Jacinta mentioned she’d had a fight with her mum before coming to stay with us, and of course there was the blowout Cassie had with my sister when she busted us in a compromising position, but this? I saw how down she was before she flew back to Melbourne—and I’ll admit I was worried about her—but trying to end her life? I didn’t see that one coming. It seems so extreme.
