Finding Forgiveness: Second Chance Romance/Enemies to Lovers, page 13
“Have you told anyone about the pregnancy yet?”
“No.”
She arched an eyebrow like she didn’t believe me. “Not that boy or his sister?”
“No. Connor has exams on at the moment. I’m going to talk to him when he’s home for the holidays.”
“Good idea,” she said with an approving nod as she turned to leave. “This stays between us for now. I’m not going to mention it to your father either, he has a lot going on at the moment. The news will probably kill him.”
I rolled my eyes at her retreating back. Naturally, he’s not going to be thrilled that his sixteen-year-old, unmarried daughter is pregnant … but kill him? I highly doubt it.
My mother paused at the doorway just as I reached over to grab my phone off the bedside table. When she glanced over her shoulder and saw what I was doing, she spun around and stalked back towards the bed.
“What are you doing?” she snapped.
“Messaging Jacinta to let her know I won’t be at school. She’ll worry if I’m not there.”
“Make it quick.” Once I pressed send, she held out her hand. “I’ll take that.”
“Why?”
“Because you need your rest.”
“Can I just keep it here with me?”
“Give me the damn phone, Cassandra.”
Hesitantly, I handed it over. Just as I did, it dinged. “That will be Jacinta messaging me back.”
Ignoring me, she turned back towards the door and left.
Ugh. She is such a bitch at times.
On my mother’s insistence, I stayed in bed all day. Only getting up to use the bathroom and go downstairs for food. She’d left a sandwich and some cut-up fruit in the fridge for me, which equally surprised and pleased me. She wasn’t usually so thoughtful.
I rubbed my hand over my stomach and smiled, silently hoping that this child would bring us closer together. Finally giving me that mother-daughter bond I’d always yearned for. Just like the one Jacinta had with her mum.
I took the following day off school as well, and virtually rinsed and repeated the day before. I had no idea if Jacinta or Connor had reached out to me because I still didn’t have my phone back.
It was late in the afternoon when my mother entered my room again with another glass of water in her hand. “I have another vitamin for you to take,” she said.
I sat up and took it from her, completely unaware that this exact moment would turn out to be the biggest mistake I’d ever make. And believe me when I say I’d done some stupid shit in my time.
Within an hour, the pain started … excruciating pain. Like nothing I had ever experienced before. Those cramps were like period pains on steroids and I immediately knew something was wrong. It felt like someone was continuously slashing my abdomen with a razor blade.
I clutched my stomach and curled my body into a tight ball and groaned. “Mum … Mum!” I screamed and continued to call her name over and over, but she never came.
I somehow managed to slide out of bed, crawling towards the bathroom on my hands and knees. It’s where she found me a few hours later. Curled into the fetal position and soaked in my own blood. “What did you do?” I asked through racking sobs.
Her response was as calculating and cold as her. “I took care of it … you’re welcome by the way.”
Chapter 16
Connor
I’m livid and so fucking hurt. She was pregnant. With my child no less. I can’t believe I’m finding out about it six years down the track. What a fucking joke. Did she lose it? The alternative is a place where I refuse to let myself go. She wouldn’t, would she?
I thought I knew her, but I’m realising now I never really did. She was an illusion … a figment of my imagination. I’ve put her up on a pedestal for far too long, but this news has knocked her straight off. The person I’ve loved for all these years wouldn’t do something so cruel.
I’ve been driving around in circles for hours. I’m supposed to be in court soon, but I’m too fucked up to care. I bang my hand down on the steering wheel three times. “Fuck,” I scream. Of all the scenarios I’ve imagined over the years, concerning our breakup, this certainly wasn’t one of them.
My phone rings in my pocket, but I ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Only when it ends and starts ringing again straight away do I think twice. As mad as I am at Cassie right now, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. She was sobbing when I left, and considering what we went through a month ago, I feel compelled to answer it the second time.
I flick on my indicator and pull over to the side of the road. When I slide my phone out of my jacket pocket and see Jacinta’s name on the screen, I feel relieved, but also concerned to hear what my sister has to say. Did Cassie call her after I left?
I close my eyes and silently pray that nothing has happened as I accept the call.
“Con.”
“Hey.”
“Where are you?”
“Driving around in circles.”
“I just left Cassie, she’s a mess.”
“How the fuck do you think I feel? She was pregnant with my kid, Jaz … and I’m finding out six years later.”
The line goes silent before she says, “I’m so sorry, Con.”
“You have nothing to apologise for … you didn’t know.” My breath hitches in my throat as soon as I voice that. “You didn’t know right?”
“Of course, I didn’t know.” Thank fuck for that. I couldn’t handle a second betrayal today. “I’m devastated for you … for both of you.”
Wow. She’s devastated for Cassie? That might sound selfish, but she caused this mess.
“I’m sorry, Jaz but I can’t do this right now.”
“I understand. I just wanted to check you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay, this … this news changes everything.”
“Aww, Con. I wish there was something I could say to make things better.”
“There’s nothing you can say that will change what I learnt today.” I swallow thickly, trying to remove the lump that’s now formed in my throat. The anger I was feeling moments ago is slowly fading, and the sadness is settling in. “Did she tell you what happened to the baby?”
“No. She could barely string two words together.”
“Do you think it’s wise to leave her alone?”
“I’m just going to drop Blake at school, then I’m heading straight back to your apartment. I made her promise she wouldn’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. She was more concerned about you, but I told her it may seem hopeless right now, but things will work themselves out in the end.”
I scoff, I can’t help it. Things will never be the same between us again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for this.
When court breaks for lunch, I pack up my things and hightail it outside. I don’t speak a word to anyone as I do. I’m sure my client and the courthouse staff—who have dealt with me numerous times in the past—have noticed I’m not my usual jovial self today. I’ve been snappy and short with everyone.
I shouldn’t have come, but in the end, it seemed like the more logical idea. Being on my own gave me too much time to think … to seethe, to wallow. I needed a distraction and short of finding the nearest seedy pub so I could drink myself into oblivion, this seemed like a more responsible choice.
Once I’ve exited the building, the first thing I do is pull out my phone and turn it on. I usually leave it on silent, but this morning, I needed to remove myself from the situation completely. Yet here I am, the first chance I get, eager to see if there’s any news from my sister.
I’m not surprised to see I have two messages waiting for me. I also have a missed call from an unknown number.
I open the messages from Jaz, and an uneasy feeling settles over me as I do. Nothing she can say will make this okay, but I’m more concerned about Cassandra if I’m being honest. I may be distraught by her revelation, but even the angry side of me is invested in her wellbeing.
Jaz: Just letting you know I’m back here with Cass. I won’t leave her side, so you don’t have to worry. Hope you’re doing okay. I love you. Call me if you need to talk. x
I’m relieved to know she’s there, but that feeling vanishes the moment I read the next message.
Jaz: She’s gone. I tried to stop her, but she said she needed some space … some time alone. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t keep her here against her will, even though I wanted to. She promised me she’d call when she got to wherever it is she’s going. She left you a letter, it’s on the kitchen table. I have no idea what it says.
I close the thread and call her.
“Con,” she says when she answers.
“Have you heard from her yet?”
“No, she left about an hour ago.”
“Fuck.”
“She’s not going to do anything stupid.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do. I would’ve tired her to a chair if I thought she was.”
“I hope you’re right, Jaz.” I tilt my head back, pinching the bridge of my nose with my free hand. “Did she give you any indication where she might be going?”
“No, but when she was in the bathroom packing her toiletries, I slid my apple tracker off my keys and hid it in the front zipper pocket of her suitcase.”
“Jaz!”
“I know it’s illegal Mr Law-abiding-citizen, and I’m not going to track her, it was purely a strategic move on my part … an in-case-of-an-emergency reassurance. I panicked, sue me.”
“I get why you did it, but …”
“I believed her when she said she needed space … she thought you’d want some too, but I was worried about her leaving on her own.”
I look down when I see another call coming through. It’s the unknown number again. Against my better judgement, I decide to answer it.
“Jaz, I’ll call you back, I have another call coming through.”
“Hello,” I say when I end her call and accept the other.
“Connor.”
“Yes.”
“It’s Bradford Lewis, Cassandra’s father. I’m sorry to bother you again, but I’ve been trying to reach my daughter for the past few days and she’s not answering any of my calls.”
“That’s probably because your wife called her from your phone, demanding she return to Melbourne.”
“She did what?”
“Cassie blocked her number as you advised … I guess your wife used your phone to get around that obstacle.”
“That woman is testing my last patience. I told her to leave Cassandra alone. Can you please tell her that from me?”
“I would, but Cassandra isn’t staying with me at the moment.”
“Where is she staying?”
“I’m not sure … things are a little strained between us,” I admit, which is the understatement of the century. “She finally told me about the baby this morning.”
“What baby?” he asks, and I can tell by the tone in his voice he’s perplexed by what I’ve just said.
“You didn’t know?”
“No.”
“I guess I’m not the only person who’s been kept in the dark.”
“My daughter’s expecting?”
“No, she’s no longer pregnant. This isn’t a recent development, Mr Lewis. This was years ago … when we were dating. I don’t know specifics; you will have to talk to your daughter or your wife if you want to know more.”
“My wife knew about this?”
“From the little I do know; she was the reason Cassie kept it a secret.”
“I’ll be getting to the bottom of this,” he says, releasing a long breath. “If you hear from my daughter in the meantime, can you get her to call me?”
“I doubt I will, but if I do, I’ll let her know it’s you that’s been calling, and not your wife.”
“You sound upset.”
“You think? I had a right to know … and not six years later.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Connor.”
“I appreciate that. Thank you.”
When I end the call, I re-enter the courthouse and head straight for the judges’ chambers. I’m going to have to get this trial postponed for another time. I’m no good to anyone while I’m like this.
Chapter 17
Cassie
I have no idea where I’m going, so I just keep driving. I’ve been on the road for two hours now. I’m not familiar with the suburbs in this state, other than Sydney, but I’m well and truly out of the big smoke. I can only presume I’m heading inland since I haven’t driven off a cliff and fallen to my impending death into the murky ocean below.
Why did I flee? I can’t say. All I know is I had some kind of epiphany as I shed about fifty-five percent of the sixty percent of water that makes up the human body in tears this morning. It might sound a little cliché—or I’m possibly suffering from a severe case of dehydration—but during that time I realised something … I was lost. I no longer knew who I was.
That happyish, innocent, carefree girl I once was, was no more. For years, I’ve just been existing. Going through the motions of life on autopilot—living in the body of a survivor but unable to leave the scene of the crime. The trauma may not be my fault but healing is my responsibility. I’d taken the first step by finally telling Connor the truth … well part of it. Now it was time for me to work on myself.
Thankfully, my best friend didn’t stand in my way. I know it was hard for Jacinta to let me leave, but she has nothing to worry about. I’m not going to harm myself. I’m on a voyage of self-discovery … well I hope that’s what I’m doing. All I know is that I need to be alone, to have some free time to be myself.
I’ve never had a chance to do that. For years, my every move has been controlled by my mother. Even when she wasn’t around, I was weighed down by the poor decisions she made. This secret has been eating away at me from the inside out for years. On the exterior, I may have seemed happy, but internally, I was dying a slow and agonising death.
Although there’s still more of this story to tell, I feel lighter now that Connor knows about the baby. Running away and leaving him a letter may seem like the coward’s way out, but I can’t be there to witness his devastation when the real truth is revealed.
The confusion and heartache I saw on his face before he walked out on me this morning will probably plague me for years to come. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but by not telling him, it’s exactly what I’ve done.
Sure, I had my reasons, but even they seem moot now. I was a scared and impressionable sixteen-year-old child. Bullied by her mother to the point of submission. I believed her threats. The conditioned part of me still does.
I thought I was doing the right thing by him, but now I know better. He has every right to be angry; this mess affected him too. And when he finds out what my mother has done, I can only imagine what his reaction will be. I know I’ve waged a war by finally cleansing my soul of the pure evil that’s befouled us both, but that woman deserves everything that is coming her way. She needs to pay for her sins.
I stopped at a place called Katoomba—which is a hip kind of country town in the Blue Mountains—so I could pee and fill up my tank.
As I continue my drive, the small pockets of civilisation seem to be getting further and further apart. I’d hate to run out of petrol in the middle of nowhere and be stranded, only to then be eaten by a wild animal, or worse—chopped into teeny tiny pieces by a deranged axe murderer. My life thus far has been shitty enough without meeting such a tragic and dramatic end.
I place my bottle of water between my legs, using them to grip it so I can remove the lid. I need to stay hydrated because I haven’t eaten today. My stomach is too knotted up to think of food right now.
I’m wondering what Connor will do when, and if, he reads my letter. I glance up at the clock and see it’s only 2 pm. He wouldn’t even be home from work yet.
Has he tried to reach out to me?
I had the foresight to turn my phone off before I left because my main focus of this trip is to heal; I’ll deal with the fallout of my decisions when I decide to return.
It’s dusk by the time I arrive at a place called Mudgee; I’m in the bum fuck of nowhere, but I have to admit it’s the sweetest little town. As I drive down the wide main street, I feel like I’m stepping back in time as I eye all the quaint, historic buildings mixed in with the new.
I’m a contemporary, clean-lines kind of girl, but even I can appreciate the grandeur and workmanship these old buildings showcase. They just don’t make them like they used to.
I ease my foot off the pedal and lean forward slightly in my seat. What I’m looking for is a hotel … somewhere to stay for the night. I feel like I’ve been driving forever, and I’m physically and emotionally spent. I need a long shower and some food before I hit the road again in the morning.
When a horn sounds behind me, I wave my hand out of the window in an apology before pulling over to the kerb. It’s probably safer and a lot more practical if I do a quick Google search for accommodation. I’m surprised by the list that pops up on my screen. I wasn’t expecting so many.
The first listing is a place called Cobb & Co. Court Boutique Hotel. Boutique, I like the sound of that. When I see the cost of a nightly stay, I gasp. One hundred and ninety-one dollars. Growing up, my family would stay in hotels that cost ten times that, but then I remember I’m living in Peasantsville now.
Punching the address into my GPS, I take the short journey to Cobb & Co.
It looks pleasant enough from the exterior; I can only hope the interior is the same. The two-story, red-brick building is turn of the century and appears to be well maintained. It has an ornate metal railing along the length of the second-floor balcony. It’s very different to what I’m used to, but one night won’t kill me. The new me embraces different, and besides, I’ll be back on the road tomorrow. The old stuffy Cassandra would’ve never considered a place like this, but I’m not that woman anymore. I’m no longer my mother’s daughter.
