Lessons In Grey: Shadows of Sin, page 16
I felt my muscles stiffen as I refocused my eyes back onto the street. Shit.
“So, are you single?”
I swallowed, my heart racing. Shit, it was Charlie’s number one rule. Never leave your drink susceptible to passerbyers. It’s fine, I just wouldn’t drink it. Accidentally spill it?
I shifted my focus to the people below me, my lip pulling up. Shit. Sorry people.
“Emily?”
“Hmm?” I asked, looking over.
He rose a brow. “Got a boyfriend?”
My mind went straight to Grey. To his smile, to his eyes, to the feeling of his lips on my neck, something I hadn’t felt since that four-person party. “Um…” My brows pulled together. I wasn’t sure. No? We hadn’t talked about it. Not in any official sense.
He smiled softly. “A no then.”
Just cough.
I coughed, releasing my cup to cover my mouth.
“Hey!” I heard from below.
My eyes widened and I looked over the balcony, feigning an apologetic look. “Sorry!” I called.
“Fucking cunt,” the woman snapped, holding up a finger.
Isaac laughed. “It’s okay, stay here, I’ll get you another one.”
I sucked in my bottom lip and nodded. “Okay, thanks.”
“Stay right here,” he told me, looking me over, his gaze making me feel sticky and gross.
When he finally turned away, disappearing into the house, I counted to five and slid into the house myself, searching the dancers for Ash and Syn, panic sliding over my skin, through my bones. I didn’t feel safe anymore. At all.
“Ash!” I called, but my voice was drowned out by the sound of the blaring music.
It took me five minutes to find them, on the couch, making out.
I shoved through the last of the people and grabbed her shoulder.
She looked up, Syn shifting to her neck, biting and kissing sensually.
Fuck, they were blazed.
“Hey,” Ash smiled, her eyes bloodshot. “Wanna join?”
Super blazed. She knew I didn’t like that. She never would have asked if she were sober. I glanced back towards the room, seeing Isaac weaving through the room, searching for me. Fuck.
“I’m going home,” I told her and headed for the stairs, my head buzzing. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I called Grey.
The phone rang.
And rang.
And rang.
I got to the bottom of the stairs, nearly falling over a woman giving some guy a blowjob.
“Emily.”
His voice sent a wave of relief through me as I shoved through the crowd, searching for the front door. Fuck, where was it? “Some guy from my publishing class just tried to drug me,” I explained in a panic. “Please come and get me. Please.”
There was a slight pause, a grunt from the distance, and then a shuffle. “I’m on my way, baby.”
My heart stuttered when I finally saw the open door. “Did Ash give you the location?”
I heard his car door shut. “I already have it. The best way to stay invisible is to change your appearance. He’s looking for you.”
I slowed, looking down at my clothes. The same thing I wore all the time. “Okay.”
“Be there soon.”
I hung up, shoving my phone into the back pocket of my jeans. Change my appearance? Shit, um…
I unzipped my jacket, peeling it off as I headed for the door, my skin breaking out in goosebumps as the wind from outside whirled inside.
I tied it around my hips and pulled my hair up, tying it in a high ponytail, tightening it painfully.
I got onto the porch. Shit, what else?
Makeup?
I rubbed my eyes hard, smearing the makeup around my eyes, wiping my lip gloss off and then rubbing my hands on my jeans, leaving streak marks across the black. Shit. It will come out.
I shivered violently as I headed down the steps, rubbing my arms. I had gotten in the habit of wearing tanktops under my sweaters. It was less sweltering, but shit. Should have gone with a t-shirt tonight.
Everything was fine.
I wrapped my arms around myself as I headed for the sidewalk, only to slow when I passed a group of girls talking about nothing, drinking. Shit. I couldn’t just leave the party vulnerable to that.
I rubbed my lips together, sending a glance back to the open doorway, my steps slowing. I had to tell someone. I couldn’t leave in good conscious knowing that sure, I was safe, but what about everyone else?
I inhaled deeply and walked up to the group. “Hey,” I called above the music.
The five girls turned to me, judging, angry, looking me over with suspicion.
I rubbed my arms again, this time out of nerves. “This guy, Isaac Doughrty, he tried to drug me. Yellow shirt, blue jeans. The drinks he is holding are drugged too most likely.”
They all exchanged glances before turning back to me, their expressions shifting to irritation and worry. “You okay?” one of the girls asked.
“Did you need us to call someone?”
“Someone is coming,” I explained. “I don’t know if he’s the only one, just needed to tell you before I left.”
“Thanks, girl,” another woman said. “Come on,” she motioned to her friend, “we gotta spread the word.”
She nodded, and they broke off.
I gave them a small smile and nod before turning to the street again. He’d be coming down the road soon enough, I’d be okay. I’d be safe.
Seconds turned to minutes, my fingers and nose were frozen.
“Emily!”
I straightened, eyes widening. Shit, he made it outside. Just don’t drink the drink if he finds you. Find a way to spill it again. Trip, be stupid.
“Emily!”
I turned my head towards the voice slightly, finding that group of girls again, their eyes finding mine.
One of them lifted a brow, hooking her thumb in Isaac’s direction.
I nodded just as an engine revved in the distance.
My head whipped around as another violent shiver shook through me.
The vehicle that pulled up slowly wasn’t what I had seen sitting outside of that gas station so long ago. It looked like a shitter, honestly. An old hatchback from the early 2000’s. I was shocked it had the ability to run.
All the windows were blacked out though, which was incredibly creepy.
I leaned over.
He cracked the passenger window, this look on his face that caused a shiver for an entirely different reason. “Get in.”
Fuck, yes sir.
I didn’t even look back as I stepped off the curb, opened the door, and slid in, the scent of stale cigarettes wafting around me.
I reached for the buckle—
“Doesn’t work.”
I paused, glancing over at him, slightly nervous.
I sucked in my lip and sunk into the old, cracked leather seats. The dash was yellowing, the carpets burned and stained in some spots. Maybe it had been made earlier than the early 2000’s.
I rubbed my palms on my thighs as the heat blasting through the old vents worked to warm my skin. The tension felt weird. Uncomfortable. We had spent this entire last month in each other’s arms, and now? Now I just felt out of place.
“It’s not my car.”
I shook my head. “I’m not judging.”
“Yes you are.”
I glanced over, taking in the tension in his shoulders, the dirt covering his hands, the sweat along his brow.
His eyes flicked to me, and it was as if he finally realized who I was. The tension eased and he rolled his shoulders, followed by his head. “Sorry.” He glanced over again, this time taking me in, his eyes lingering, causing my body to warm far too fast.
Shit.
“Are you okay?” he asked, turning back to the road as we crawled our way through the people.
I didn’t think they could see us. By their shouts and the way they started dumping cups of booze on the hood, it didn’t seem like they had any idea who was driving. Maybe that was the point of this thing. To remain anonymous.
“Just unsettled. Charlie has rules and I just…I had other things on my mind.” I picked at my nails, feeling exposed without my jacket on. “Are you okay?”
His eyes flicked to his hand wrapped around the steering wheel and back. “I got into a fight with some of Eris’s dealers.” He offered me a sideways smile. “I won.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his grin. “Good.” I turned back to the street. We had finally made it to a normal street, able to go the speed limit without fear of hitting someone. We drove for some time, heading right for my house, reminding me that he had been there once before.
“Stop a block away,” I told him when we were nearing it.
He did without question and parked the car, the silence deafening.
I stared down the familiar street for a long time, chewing on my lip. Once I said it out loud, the universe would hear it, just as it had heard me telling Ash about him. That was it. It’d be a done deal, I supposed.
I turned to my hands, picking at them again before finally clearing my throat. “I, um…I wanted to talk to my dad about moving out. I found a place.”
“You should,” he said, pulling my attention over.
His eyes were soft, tired, but not in the ‘needs more sleep’ kind of way. I think the adrenaline from the fight he was in was wearing off. The adrenaline I had felt from Isaac trying to spike my drink was wearing off too.
“Do it, talk to him,” he encouraged. “Send me the address.”
I released a breath-filled laugh. “What, so you can inspect the area and make sure it’s safe enough?”
A small smile touched his lips. “Kind of. You’re getting out, Emily. You’re getting out. That is a big step, and I am proud of you.”
My chest tightened, my eyes filling. “I haven’t done anything yet.”
“You’ve made the decision. People always think that ‘taking steps’ is so literal, but it can be as simple as making up your mind. That’s what you’ve done. You’ve made up your mind. Everything else comes next.”
I searched his eyes, and as embarrassing as it was, his words would be tattooed across my soul for all of eternity.
I am proud of you.
How stupid. How stupid that they meant so much to me. How stupid of me to have fallen so far.
I turned back to the street, swallowing the emotion. Shit. I wasn’t drunk, but I was too drunk for this. “Thank you for picking me up. I’ll text you tomorrow.”
“Emily.”
I paused, hand on the car door, my heart thumping. My eyes found his again.
“Thank you for not hiding from me.”
My brows furrowed as I looked down. It was just a dark red tank top. He couldn’t even see my breasts, and it was a size too big, but I guess it was far better than the sweatshirt that was four sizes too big.
“That’s not what I mean.”
My eyes lifted back to his, the darkness revealed in his exhaustion.
“In the last week or so, when I ask you a question, while you still hesitate, you always tell me the truth. You don’t hide from me anymore. I get all of you.”
I sucked my lips in, the guilt eating away at me as my shoulders fell. “Not all of me, Rags, not yet. Goodnight.”
I left without another word. I untied my jacket and pulled it back on, zipping it back up as I headed down the block. There were still things he didn’t know about me, but he was right. I couldn’t hide from him anymore. I wanted to believe it was because I was too tired of fighting, but honestly? I just liked talking to him. I liked that he knew things about me nobody else did, and I liked that I knew things about him very few knew about.
One day, the truth would come out, but not yet. Not yet.
18
Grey
November 1st, 2021
I slid the two keys into a red box with a green bow and while the excitement of seeing her face light up when I handed her this box gave me a type of nervous energy I wasn’t quite used to, worry filled me as well.
I checked my phone again. It was 1 o’clock. She hadn’t texted me once.
She wasn’t asleep, I knew that much. She could never sleep in that house, that’s why she tried to get every minute of rest she could at the school. My other thought was that perhaps she was just nervous, which was why I had been sending her encouraging texts all morning, but it wasn’t like her to ignore all of them.
Even on her off days, she sent me a smile.
Beckett had said to me once that I had always been attracted to broken things. Things that needed fixed or saving. That’s why I was invaluable to his brother.
We each had a part to play in The Family, aside from our titled positions.
I was the soft, compassionate one. Jack was logical. Azrael was the weapon we brought in when nothing else worked, unhinged, untethered. Everett was the passionate one. Malachi, he was our leader, and Beckett? Well, he was mostly just the fun Uncle, the advisor, I would say.
I thought it as an insult, being so soft. I thought I was seen as weaker than the others because I cared too much about the souls of this world. It took a long time for me to understand that just because I liked helping people, it didn’t mean that I was weak.
I wasn’t sure what Beckett would say about me now. I suppose Emily was as broken as they came, but it wasn’t her brokenness that had drawn me in, it was her ability to craft words into something that could destroy hearts or mend them.
She was…beyond everything. Beyond beautiful, beyond intelligent, beyond emotional. She was beyond. My beyond.
I set the box on the kitchen table and called Malachi, mainly just to keep my mind off of Emily, but also because I had seen a car following Emily recently and it kept slipping my mind to call him.
I hadn’t thought much of it this last month, but I suppose it was time to question my father on why he thought it necessary to put a man on my girl without telling me first.
“Greyson, good afternoon! How are you doing on this fine Saturday?”
It was a beautiful day out. “Who do you have on her?” I asked as I opened the fridge. I wasn’t hungry, but fuck, my mind wouldn’t stop.
“Matthew,” he answered, no less cheery than before.
Matthew? God. “Why?”
“Because you care for her. I may not be the most loving of fathers, but when my boys find their soul, I must abide by my own rules, even if I have yet to approve.”
His rule to protect our souls at all costs. I had thought it dumb when I had just been a teenager, but I understood it now. My soul was out there walking around, breathing, living, being. It terrified me every second that we were apart.
Malachi saw it all though. My brothers and I had our nightly fucks all around the world. Toys we kept around for days, sometimes weeks on end. I never knew how he could tell the difference between playthings and souls, but I did appreciate his superpower.
“Where is she?” Shit, this wasn’t about that.
Even so, it couldn’t hurt to check.
“Home. Lovely, by the way. Beautiful little neighborhood.”
“Does he have eyes on her window?”
“Curtains are closed.”
I worked my jaw, my hand tightening around the neck of the water bottle I had just grabbed. Shit.
“Are you expecting a call?”
“A text,” I said through my teeth. Control it. Control it. You are better than Azrael, control it!
Malachi was quiet a moment. “Would you like me to send Matthew in?”
I closed my eyes, a war waging in my mind. “I trust her. She is strong, she is, I’ve seen it.”
“Not to be crass, Greyson, but every kitten needs to be taught that it has claws before it can learn how to wield them. You have a good heart, my son, you’re a protector. Follow your soul and let the barrel of the gun lead the way.”
I looked around my apartment. Small, temporary. I hadn’t yet found a good place to live in this city yet. The only thing in this place of any real substance was sitting on my table, staring at me through large, golden eyes. Here I was, telling Malachi that I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t make that jump.
Sirius tilted her head to one side, her large ears folding ever so slightly. I sneered. “I have to go.” I hung up and called her.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Come on, Snowflake, pick up.
Ring.
Ring.
Ri—
“Leave me alone, Rags,” she snapped and hung up.
I pulled the phone away, looking at the picture I had taken of her that day she was leaning against her car. What the fuck? She had been crying, it was all I had gotten from it.
I called her again, but this time, it went straight to voicemail which she hadn’t set up yet.
I worked my jaw. She was shutting down, which meant the conversation with her father hadn’t gone well.
I sent her a message as I fell into my couch, Sirius meowing behind me.
Grey: Deep breath.
Sirius jumped up onto the couch beside me and threw herself down against my thigh.
With a sigh, I scratched her belly and took a swig of my water. “You’re a good kitty,” I mumbled, staring at that picture for a few seconds before I locked the screen. She was fine. I trusted her. She would be okay.
19
Emily
November 3rd, 2021
I couldn’t help but wonder how angry they were going to be.
I ghosted all three of them and Syn never texted me.
They probably had trusted me not to do anything stupid, not to let Jordan do what he needed to do.
Stupid.
It was so stupid of me to let my guard down, because that’s exactly what he had been waiting for. For me to start acting like there wasn’t something to be feared in that house.
Hope was a painful, useless thing. I could have laughed at hope. If I were standing in front of the 11th Doctor right now, I would have laughed at him. I might have even cursed at him.
There isn’t ‘surprisingly always hope’, as he had once said to Vincent Van Gogh, there was nothing.
Jordan had knocked the sense back into me. Of that, I was sure.
