Night Forgiven, page 6
She put down her knife and flexed her cramping fingers as the males greeted Mama Fekete. The stern lines immediately softened upon seeing her son and alpha, and the broad smile that appeared transformed her into someone else entirely.
Sierra couldn’t guess the matron’s age, but lupine tended not to show their years until much later in life. Mama Fekete had the same dark eyes and hair as her son, and barely a wrinkle or gray hair. It was her commanding voice and presence that gave away her age, though she now spoke several octaves higher to address her son, a far cry from the harsh tones she’d used to instruct Sierra.
“You’re just in time. Ian, will you grab a bite?”
He shook his head and stepped past Viktor through the doorway.
Before Ian got farther into the kitchen, Sierra wiped her hands down on a clean towel, then slowed her actions as she realized the ridiculousness of them. He wouldn’t hug her the way he’d hugged Viktor’s mom. No one would touch Sierra.
She dipped her head as he filled the space, his eyes flickering over her in that seek-and-destroy way she’d become accustomed to.
He didn’t greet her—not even the quickest of meeting of her eyes when she looked up.
“We’ll speak,” he said to Viktor’s mom, and they both left the room.
Sierra returned to work, scooping a medley of peppers into a bowl while she studied the list Mama Fekete had written out for her. Next Sierra had to put together a marinade.
“It’s lunchtime,” Viktor commented.
“I’m aware.” Sierra nodded to the counter farthest from herself where a covered plate sat. “Your food is there.”
“And yours?”
She snorted. “I get a cup of broth once you’re gone.”
He grabbed his plate and hovered near her as she searched the kitchen for ingredients. “A cup of broth?”
She glanced to the pot simmering on the stove. “There.”
“If my mother told you that’s all you could have, you do realize she’s joking with you?”
“It didn’t sound like a joke,” Sierra replied. She rolled a lemon in her palm. “She’s not a jokester.”
He held out half of his sandwich, a tower of tender meats, cheese, and fresh vegetables she’d watched Mama Fekete craft with a smile on her face.
Sierra turned away. “No.”
“You look hungry, and I’m not really in a sandwich mood. We’ll split it and each have some broth as well.” He set the sandwich on the counter before her and rummaged behind her, eventually producing two bowls. “Take a break.”
Sierra eyed the doorway. Somewhere beyond, Mama Fekete was detailing her day so far to Ian, and despite having done all she was told, Sierra doubted there would be any praise.
Would arguing and working instead of taking a break earn her anything? It seemed unlikely. She pulled off her borrowed apron and took the bowls, filling each with a scoop of fragrant broth. Only a small section of the counter was available to them, and Viktor pulled two stools close together.
Sierra sat and tucked her arms in close to avoid brushing elbows. She didn’t want to watch him eat, she realized; not after what they’d done. He didn’t seem to have the same hang-ups, however. He ate without issue.
She hadn’t expected anything to change between them, and perhaps nothing had. It was simply strange.
How did one behave in this situation, eating a sandwich next to the male who the day before she’d allowed to fuck her mouth without abandon? Even she wasn’t so desperate that she could lust after him while sitting in his mother’s home, but she was certainly distracted.
At least he was being pleasant. Her hormones only kicked in when he was being difficult.
“She cooks like this every day?” Sierra asked.
Viktor shrugged and slid her half of the sandwich her way again with a pointed look. “Just about. Cooks up feasts to pack up and hand out, but there’s always help. Someone has to help feed those of us who can’t cook.”
“Those of us? You cook just fine.”
“Over a fire, sure. But in a kitchen? Not so much. Mom takes care of most of the bachelors.”
Sierra nodded and took a bite of her sandwich. She didn’t want to enjoy it. It was just a sandwich. Yet living alone had made her aware of the small things one could miss. Kalle used to make her sandwiches because she always told him they tasted better that way.
It was a silly notion, but it made her eyes sting to recall.
“You never wondered who put together the provisions?” he asked. “They don’t just magically appear on your front step.”
“They don’t appear at all,” she murmured.
He paused, spoon frozen midway to his mouth. “What?”
She shook her head. None of the former Edon pack got the biweekly provisions. Or rather, not the sort granted to the rest of the pack. “Nothing. I know the system, obviously. I knew your mother participated. I don’t know about the rest.”
“Her supplements always stand out, I think. Not many add the home-cooked meals and fresh-frozen packs.”
“Right,” she said, lowering her voice. She’d assumed Viktor was aware of the arrangement, as Ian’s second. Standard provisions were evenly distributed twice a month to pack members, as well as a small spending stipend. A handful of families donated additional items to each round. Mama Fekete added fresh eggs, soup, and easy to reheat frozen meals. Others added items from their gardens or jerky. Or handmade clothing.
Those formerly of the Edon pack didn’t get these additions ever, and were delivered an entirely different assortment of provisions besides.
If Viktor didn’t know, either he didn’t care or was an idiot. It wasn’t her duty to inform him, and she would rather not be caught complaining about the system under his mother’s roof with their alpha nearby.
She slurped her broth, which had started to cool. Admittedly if she could have a nice little lunch like this each day, she wouldn’t mind helping Mama Fekete regularly. Though the day wasn’t over yet. She was expecting to stay until sunset under the matron’s watchful eye.
Footsteps creaked the floorboards, and Ian and Mama Fekete appeared. Sierra detected a smugness in the matron’s eyes.
“Taking a break?” she asked, eyeing the sandwich in Sierra’s hand.
“I had to pester her to,” Viktor said. “She was determined to work straight through lunch.”
Ian tilted his head. “Is that right?”
Discomfort forced a smile to Sierra’s lips, and she laughed a little. “It’s rewarding work, helping the pack.”
Ian hummed softly under his breath.
Sierra pushed her food away. She hadn’t lost her appetite, but it seemed about time to pretend to.
“Usually this work is done by new couples,” Ian said, looking around, “to learn to run a household and prepare for caring for the next generation. But it makes sense that it could be a good fit for one such as yourself. A way to give.”
She couldn’t help but sift through his words for the underlying meaning. Her guess was he meant it as a dig at her being un-mateable. He could have simply said the obvious. Since she wasn’t expected to have children of her own, of course she could help others and fulfill her maternal needs in this way.
“It suits you,” he said, meeting her gaze.
His expression didn’t match the words, and the metaphorical pat on the head didn’t do much to disguise his true feelings. Sierra bristled and thought for sure her face would crack from the forced smile she held. She wasn’t a dog to be taught tricks, but she had to play her part. As far as Ian and Viktor’s mom could see, she was a mutt that Viktor had taught to sit and heel.
It was what she’d agreed to, but she hadn’t expected it to feel so degrading.
Viktor wiped his mouth, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room. He kissed his mother on the forehead and gave Sierra a nod.
“Should we let them get back to it?” he asked Ian.
Ian led the way out, and Mama Fekete left to see them out, leaving Sierra to pick up Viktor’s empty dishes and throw away her barely-touched meal.
Her stomach growled, but it wouldn’t be the first time she went hungry, nor was it likely to be the last. Movement outside the window caught her attention and she noticed someone walking away from the garden. Their hair blew to one side in a golden cascade she recognized as belonging to Katy.
A white envelope was tucked into the fence, swaying in the breeze.
* * *
Sierra sat on a fallen log to one side of a narrow path that led to town. The sun had set, and she’d yet to shower after her day of work. She didn’t want to miss this. Sitting in the dark, the fall chill slipping around her neck and through her light jacket, she didn’t know what to expect, and she wasn’t great at being an optimist.
She clutched a note in her hand and checked it for the tenth time in half as many minutes, as if the contents had changed or she’d misread it.
“Hey,” Katy called softly, appearing from the thick assortment of trees to Sierra’s left.
Sierra stood and shoved the note in her pocket. “What are you doing here?”
“Meeting you.”
“I know that, but why?” Sierra asked. She didn’t bother trying to sound friendly. Katy had been ignoring her just like the rest, after all.
Katy frowned and looked back over her shoulder before dragging her feet through the crunchy leaves and twigs to stand near Sierra. “Rumor has it that Ian’s happy with you.”
“Happy?”
“Or whatever he gets,” Katy said. “It’s a relief.”
Sierra grunted and looked away. Meeting with an estranged friend should have cheered her up. It didn’t.
“Don’t mess it up, Sierra.”
Sierra arched a brow. “Excuse me?”
“Everything you’ve done has made it harder on us, so maybe consider that and actually fix yourself. You’re so close.”
“Wow,” Sierra said as she exhaled. “And here I thought you were going to try to get back to being friends or something.”
“You’re a terrible friend,” Katy said with an incredulous look on her face. “You weren’t always, but you changed, and… I guess it doesn’t matter. The only good thing that’s come from all the trouble you caused was Ian allowing Nolan and me to mate. It was obviously an olive branch, and the only one we’ll get. If you screw things up—if you aren’t accepted by the wolf moon—you do realize the rest of us will suffer for it? You’ll have proved Ian and everyone that looks down on us right.”
“Look—”
“No, just listen,” Katy snapped. “You and your brother were supposed to lead us through this transition. You didn’t. This is your last chance to redeem yourself. Kalle’s gone, and in his quiet way, he always protected us. Did you even think about that before you went crazy and got him banished? He was the one thing standing between us and Ian, and now he’s gone. And you’re not doing anything to help.”
Sierra stared at her former friend, heat burning her cheeks. Anger made her fists shake at her sides, but it was more than that coursing through her. Emotions she didn’t want to acknowledge battered at her brain, demanding attention.
“I’m sorry,” she said through gritted teeth.
Katy shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. Just don’t get yourself banished. Or executed. If you do, Ian’s likely to turn us all out.” With that, she turned and left.
Sierra sat heavily back down on the log, staring at the trail as Katy’s brief, but pointed accusation sank in.
She couldn’t speak to the accuracy of it. Tremors overcame her, her entire body shaking with emotion as she tried not to think. She was foolish to have thought Katy would reach out to her in a kind way. When had anyone ever?
Tears came, and with them came frustration. She wished she was more like her brother. Or hell, even more like Viktor. They didn’t show their emotions. They could brood if they wished, or tuck their feelings away, hidden from the world that would use such weakness against them.
She didn’t want to be weak, and she refused to walk home like this and risk anyone seeing her. So she stayed where she was.
The cold intensified and time passed slowly. The event replayed in her mind again and again while she imagined herself responding quicker, defending herself, having any sort of reason that could turn the tide and change the ending of the scene.
Try as she might, she couldn’t clear away the sticky unpleasantness of it. Guilt. Shame. She didn’t deserve it, but even in her make-believe thoughts, she couldn’t free herself of blame. She couldn’t magically turn herself innocent.
She stood once her breathing evened and face had dried. The chill that followed her had a familiarity to it, as if it had been there before. Memories came with it. Memories of what she’d done.
For a brief moment, she wondered if she would mess everything up just to spite Katy.
Her stomach turned. That she could even consider it, even as a passing thought, spoke volumes.
11
Sierra returned home to find two canvas bags on her porch. Normally she only got one. Perhaps Ian was in a good mood after all. She brought the provisions inside, but wasn’t in the mood to check them just yet.
After setting them on the counter, she made her way to the bathroom, shedding her clothes as she went. Exhaustion had settled on her. Not so much from the work, but from battling herself.
Strange how she could feel a way about herself, think of her actions truthfully, and be fine with it until someone else came along and voiced aloud what she’d known all along—and then it would hurt.
She languished in the shower until the water ran ice-cold, and only then did she realize she’d lathered her shampoo and never rinsed it. She forced herself to shiver through the task, then wrapped herself in a towel and sat on the floor, drying by the small heating vent forcing air into the small room.
Even when things were bad with the Edon pack, they’d never been this bad. Never before had Sierra felt in dire straits. Never before had she felt her life was worthless. It was bizarre to look back at the days she thought she’d hit a low and compare them to now.
She hadn’t known what low felt like. She hadn’t known what emptiness felt like.
Standing, she wiped at her face. When she thought she had no more tears, of course she was wrong. She knew better than to sit around and feel sorry for herself for too long, however. She was still Sierra, still the lupine who took what she wanted from life. Right?
* * *
A knock sounded on her door just as she’d finished dressing for bed. She pulled off the towel she’d wrapped around her damp hair and tossed it into the hamper before checking out the window.
Viktor stood there. She mulled the situation over for a moment. He was likely there to discuss tomorrow’s plan—the next step in showing the pack that she could be trained to behave and accept her role within their society. Part of her wasn’t in the mood.
She let him in anyhow.
As he entered, she regretted it. Seeing him in her home brought back memories of the previous visit. He made the room look smaller due to his height and bulk. A flicker of excitement and heat flashed through her, and she turned away from him as she mentally chastised herself. Earlier it had been easy to ignore the way he affected her.
There was no more barrier between in the form of a nagging mother or judgmental alpha anymore. That didn’t mean they could do as they pleased, however. Their relationship hadn’t changed. They were still the odd couple of obedient pack second and misfit seeking redemption.
“You did well today,” he said. He dragged a hand across the worn top of the dining table in the center of the kitchen and then pulled out a chair. He seemed to hesitate. Maybe he didn’t want to stay long. In the end, he stood but kept a hand on the chair’s back. “Ian was impressed. My mother was too.”
“That’s good.” She leaned against the nearby counter, arms crossed and eyes trained out the window to make it easier not to think of him in any way other than as a begrudging mentor figure. “Is this what I’ll do for the remainder then? Will it work?”
Viktor tapped his fingers against the wood, and the fidgeting made her wake up and focus.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Ian wants you to help out a few different families.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“He isn’t sold on you being… changed. Or rather, he’s not sure there’s a place for you, even if you have.”
Sierra smiled, not because she was happy, but because it was a reflex to hide how she truly felt. She smiled when things were too much, and this moment surpassed too much. “Then what? Will he banish me the way he did my brother? Will he mark my back and turn me out?”
“Not if I have a say.”
“But you don’t.” She frowned and stared at her feet and the yellowed linoleum beneath them. “You may be his second, but Ian’s never really listened to you, has he? For all we know, this was always his plan. To teach you your limitations.”
Viktor sighed. “No.”
“Yes. It’s what he does. He set you up to fail.” She’d been played before, and it had given her hints to her alpha’s motivations. “To do your best, get involved, and have a stake in my future, only for him to cast me out and show you that you failed.”
“You think this way of our alpha and our pack, and then wonder why it’s hard for you to gain acceptance?” He scoffed. “No matter what happens, you always believe that everyone is against you for no reason but to be against you.”
“Because they are,” she shot back. “And he certainly is. I know exactly how he plays us as pawns.”
“He has no reason to play me.”
She ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. “His reasons are his own. We’re at his whim.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“If you trust him and think he’s only thinking of what’s best for the pack, why would care if I stay? Obviously you don’t believe his logic for getting rid of me.”
