Night Forgiven, page 18
Ruby’s head tilted slightly in agreement. “When the successful challenger is… inflammatory, yes, sometimes the results do cause this sort of chaos. Ours is not a perfect society.”
“I expected disagreement, but not blood,” Viktor said. “I returned to aid the pack, not destroy it.”
“Then move forward.” Ruby rubbed her head. Her long hair clung to her forehead with sweat, dirt, and blood. “You’ll need a new circle of elders.”
“I won’t have any,” Viktor said firmly.
“What?” Sierra touched his arm.
“If that’s the alpha you wish to be,” Ruby said. Her tone gave no indicator of what she thought of this news. “It means all will hold you accountable, and likely more often.”
He crossed his arms. “I know what it means.”
“I don’t,” Sierra said. “All packs have elders. We need them. An alpha needs peers to discuss matters with and seek wisdom from.”
“Three are dead in addition to Ian,” Victor said. “The elders couldn’t have stopped it. Possibly wouldn’t have bothered. Ian had their wisdom, and look where it’s led.”
Ruby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’ll have to excuse me from tonight’s celebrations.”
“Of course.”
“Do you wish me to leave with the others?” she asked.
Sierra reached for Ruby, but her hand stopped short, uncertain. “Leave? What do you mean?”
Viktor ran a hand through his hair and glanced over his shoulder. “Some will leave the pack now. I’ll let them. I won’t mark them. If they want to start over, they can do so in peace. Otherwise… well, the ancestors will carry them or they won’t.” He met Ruby’s eyes. “I can’t claim you as my mate, as a challenger usually would. I’ve got one already.”
“That was an option?” Sierra asked. He nodded. “That’s disgusting.”
“Deposed alpha mates are usually sent away. I must admit, though, I would prefer to stay. I don’t wish to follow those who would leave you now, nor do I have the strength to strike out on my own,” Ruby said evenly.
“Then stay,” Viktor said.
“You seem plenty strong,” Sierra noted.
Ruby scoffed. “There are different forms of strength, little one.”
Sierra met Ruby’s eyes. The glow had faded, leaving cool gray eyes in its wake. Ruby couldn’t have been more than ten years her senior, but at this moment the depth of her stare spoke the story of ages and ages. Again, she wondered how Ruby could stand tall and speak calmly when her heart had to be breaking. How she could speak to Viktor with no fury when he’d been the one to strike down her mate and cleave her soul in two.
“Your wisdom will always be welcome to us,” Viktor said.
“Maybe.” Ruby slouched and turned away. “But for now, I would appreciate my privacy.” She took a step toward the cabin, then stopped.
“I won’t make you move,” Viktor said. “Keep your home. If one day you wish to find another, we’ll speak of it then.”
Ruby’s head jerked up and down, though she didn’t say a word or bother looking back. She continued to the house, seeming very small once more.
Sierra moved to Viktor’s side and he wrapped an arm around her. Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn’t bother wiping them away or fearing how they made her look. They’d reclaimed their pack, but she wasn’t sure what it meant anymore. A dull ache settled in her gut.
This didn’t feel like a victory. It didn’t feel like they’d succeeded. It felt like a confusing jumble, and she wasn’t sure how to begin sorting it out.
“I don’t want a celebratory dinner,” she admitted.
“We need it, though. The pack needs to be reminded of our ways. We fought today, but we came through. We press on. We take our happiness when it comes. We thrive.”
“I can’t imagine what Ruby is going through right now. And the others… Who else? We have to arrange—”
“It’ll be taken care of. Everyone will be taken care of, trust me.” He kissed the top of her head then took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
She squirmed in his hold to look up at him. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You saved Ruby. It should have occurred to me to find her first.”
“She didn’t need my saving. You saw her. You had to have felt her.”
He made a noise of reflection. “You’ll understand someday. But tonight, we feast. Later we’ll make love in my bed. Tomorrow we’ll mourn and pave the way to the future.”
28
A day was spent tending to the dead. Viktor had the unpleasant task of presiding over each burial, which meant examining each soul’s last moments. Ian and two who’d died challenging the alpha succession were buried outside of the pack’s territory with no markers. They would be forgotten.
Only one funeral was then held, and the body laid to rest behind their home.
The pack was somber, as to be expected. Ruby remained locked in her cabin, but Sierra dropped by daily to see if she required anything. Each day she was sent away. Not rudely, but firmly.
Today she left a tin of chocolates on the porch. It was a small treat someone had gotten in town and was saving for a rainy day, but the owner was eager to donate to the former alpha’s mate.
The act of kindness gave Sierra hope for the future, but too much felt up in the air. It seemed like they were all waiting for something to happen, but she wasn’t sure what.
Sierra walked the long way to Viktor’s home after dropping off the gift and heard the sound of chopping in the distance. She followed it and found Viktor stacking halved logs beneath a tarp arranged between two trees.
“This is interesting,” she said.
He wiped the sweat from his brow. “I needed to burn some energy.”
“Are you saying I don’t do that enough for you?” she teased.
“Don’t go there.” He walked to her, gave her a quick kiss, and then returned to a stack of wood that reached his waist. “I’m trying to get this ready for winter.”
“Aren’t there other things you could do?”
He lifted the axe from nearby. “Such as?”
The question she’d been holding onto for too long skittered back and forth within her mind before leaping forward. “I don’t know how to say this, but are you sure being alpha is what you want?”
Viktor glanced at her, brow raised. “Isn’t it a bit late for you to be asking me that?”
“Ian’s no longer a threat, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay.”
“And who would lead?”
“Ruby.”
“She doesn’t want the pack. I realize this may come as a surprise, but I know Ruby better than even Ian did. She’s… unique in many ways. She deserves the chance to become her own wolf, but she’ll never come into her own as a leader.” He took a step toward her. “Are you doubting me now? I thought we’d moved past this.”
Sierra crossed her arms and paced. Images of the bloodshed flashed before her eyes. She hadn’t expected the chaos, and her wolf still hadn’t recovered. “You’re my mate and I follow you, but for the sake of the pack…”
“Speak plainly.” He eyed her. “You don’t have to mince your words with me.”
“I’m realizing I don’t know your stances. I don’t know your ideas or which traditions we’ll uphold now. Each alpha sets the rules, and I don’t know what yours will be,” she said shaking her head. “No one does, even those who came to your side easily. Can’t you feel the tension in the air? We know Viktor, the second, and we trust him, but who is Viktor the alpha?”
He grunted and placed a log on the stump before him. The axe rested on his shoulder and he took a deep breath, looking the perfect picture of strength and masculinity as if he needed to try.
“Ian held my tongue. Mikos was free to disagree and pitch his ideas, his foolish wants. I was not. Now I can easily say that Ian was a coward and a fool. He didn’t want to hear anything I said if it wasn’t praising his efforts, and so I remained quiet.” He swung the axe, and the crack of the wood sent a chill through Sierra’s bones.
She could feel the anger still within him and could only imagine his position. She hadn’t done that fine a job of keeping her attitude in check.
“It made me appear weak and ignorant. My brother undermining me by following that narrative didn’t help. There are some in the pack who have long seen me as a hulking fool. And as is standard, they’ll be the most vocal.”
“Fool may be the wrong word.”
“Could be. Regardless, I’ll prove them wrong rather than stifle them.”
“But isn’t this exactly why a council would be prudent?”
He arranged another log and split it before replying. “Which of our pack would you place in such a position?”
She frowned as she considered this. “I’m not sure. I don’t know them as well as you do.”
“Any sensible lupine left with my brother,” he said with a hint of bitterness. “That’s the damned truth, and we both know it. I do know these wolves better than you, and I can tell you that while I believe they will fall in line and do the right thing by our future, none are capable of filling the shoes of a true elder.”
“That may be, but there has to be some compromise… something. It’s the way. They speak to the generations of ancestors.”
Viktor thumped a fist to his chest. “I speak to the ancestors. I know the secrets Ian kept. The council is not required.” His voice softened. “If I need anyone to remind me of myself, to keep my eyes focused and heart open to the needs of the pack, well, that’s what you’re for. My mate. My partner.”
She looked down, giddiness bubbling through her. He was serious, yet it felt silly to her.
He appeared before her and lifted her chin with his forefinger and thumb until their eyes met. “The strength of a pack comes from the alpha pair. You and I together. Never doubt that.”
“That is an ancient notion,” she commented.
“But it feels true, doesn’t it? And why wouldn’t it be? Our lives are messy. We do what we must to survive. This love is what keeps the hope of the pack. Through the bloodshed and tears, the strength of our mated bond will hold our pack together.”
She stared into his eyes and the boundless darkness that lurked within. Now that she could easily accept her love for him and see that it was returned, the darkness didn’t bother her. Instead, it gave way to endless possibilities.
“I know the history.”
“We all know the history. We’re taught these things and in the same breath shown to ignore the obvious. I don’t exist to rule you. You don’t exist to simply bear my pups. We are the template. The proof. We will guide the pack by our example. Unlike Ian, I don’t see my mate as an underling. You’re my equal.”
“And that’s romantic, but it doesn’t solve all of the lingering issues.”
“I think the issue isn’t that you wonder about me but more you wonder if we made a mistake,” he said. “We did nothing wrong. Alpha challenges are rare, which means most of us have never seen what happens afterward. I don’t relish the aftermath, but I don’t have guilt, either.”
His words were reassuring, but not enough. She’d come close to losing control that day. She didn’t want the nightmares to come back, the ones she had after she’d attacked Kyra. “You speak as if you’ve seen worse. You’ve never experienced anything like this.”
“No. I just know someone who has, and they’ve given me insight.”
“Who?”
“Ruby. And before you say more, remember that I don’t want to keep secrets from you. That doesn’t mean I’m eager to share things told to me in confidence. Not all I know is mine to share.”
She held her tongue. Had Ruby not been recently widowed, perhaps some jealousy would have risen within her. One day Sierra would get to the bottom of how Viktor and Ruby came to share anything, but not today.
“If I manage to forget my guilt for one moment, hypothetically, how would I help now? What do we do?”
He smiled, and it was the first genuine smile she’d seen of him since they’d returned to the pack. “Only time can heal certain pains. We’ll do our best to heal the rest. We aren’t fragile, Sierra. I feel the unrest, and I’m not ignoring it. There is no magic button, no switch I can flip that will undo the tragedy.”
“I know. I just…” Her face scrunched. “I don’t know what to do, but I know I’m supposed to do something. I feel restless and useless at the same time. Saying I want things to change but having no course of action to affect that change.”
“It’s already started to change. We lost very few when all was said and done, and the reason for that is change. Them accepting change.”
“If you say so.” She thought it more likely that they realized life within the pack would always be better than life outside, even if she’d recently discovered the limits of that compromise.
Viktor shrugged. “After I defeated Ian, they weren’t responding in hatred toward me so much as fear of what it meant for them. We grew under Ian. He was all we knew. And for him to lose, it wasn’t just about the power within the pack. It made everyone question what they thought they understood about us and about him.”
She recalled her own emotions after the Edon pack fell apart. Those were dark times, and some of the memories were hard to sort through. Days and weeks ran together in a miserable reel of shame and hopelessness.
“I suppose I forgot that moment,” she admitted. “It was different for us. Our alpha was on a long slide down before he lost everything. When he told us the pack was dissolving, I remember only confusion and emptiness. But others, Kalle included, took it much harder. They wondered what they’d done with their lives. They felt stranded.”
“The pack had to witness their alpha’s defeat and everything it meant. It meant, for one, that he wasn’t strong enough to lead. And in trying to deny me my right to challenge, he revealed himself a coward. Of course, some wanted to cling to some rationalization that changed that.”
“As a result, we’re trapped in limbo. It’s hard to be happy for the new alpha when the old one managed to leave behind roots of distrust.”
Viktor took Sierra’s hand and held it over his heart. “The pack will recover by us being strong together and showing that we love each other. And I don’t just mean you and me. I mean all of us. Why did you come back with me? Not because you’re my mate. That wasn’t the only reason.”
She searched within herself for a moment. It had been less than a week since they’d had the discussion that led to their return but it seemed like years ago. It was a choice made when the world seemed brighter, even. Beneath her hand, his heart thumped steady and strong. She knew why.
“They deserved better than what Ian could have given them.”
“Exactly. We heal this pack by giving them that.”
She looked beyond him at the stacked wood. Only a few homes relied on firewood to heat them through the winter, yet they always kept enough stacked for winters to come. The sight of it sparked an idea. “We’re going to have a bonfire.”
“What?”
She nodded to herself. “Not that wood, I know that’s your good wood. But we’ll need more. And it has to be soon…” She backed up, her fingers trailing down his outstretched arms as they separated. “Tonight.”
“You want a bonfire? Seriously?”
“It was the one thing we enjoyed from the Edon pack. We didn’t have drunken nonsense before the wolf moon, but now and then, when we had the resources, we’d do a bonfire.”
He studied her face, seeming curious. “What resources? Isn’t the fire enough? And I assume food and drink?”
“No. Yes. It’s… I’ll send Katy and Nolan to town for things and spread the word. Everyone will bring something.”
“We just had a feast for my succession,” he reasoned.
“But that was about you. And it was done while we still had death and violence on our minds. The bonfire will be for the pack. We’ll celebrate surviving and moving forward, but we’ll do so without lamenting about our survival. We’ll just… do. We’ll drink and feast and tell stories just because it’s what a pack should do.”
He pursed his lips. “I don’t want you to get too excited. It’s not a terrible idea, but I’m not sure if one party will change much.”
“It doesn’t have to. I’m not forcing the magical switch or button, whatever you spoke of. It’ll be a gathering without sides. A fresh start.”
He appeared doubtful for a moment but then nodded. “Fine. I’ll send the hunters out and see if we can get fresh game.”
“No boar.”
“I’m not going to tell them not to bring back boar if it’s what they find,” he countered.
“Boar doesn’t go well with cupcakes, and cupcakes are all I know how to make.” She paused. “Any word?”
“Nothing yet.”
She didn’t let the disappointment sink her spirits. Since becoming alpha, Viktor had communicated with Mikos frequently, and he’d always ended each conversation with an inquiry of Kalle’s status.
“Kalle doesn’t use a phone, though,” Viktor said. “Something about them being traced.”
She didn’t comment. Phones weren’t common within the pack as they were useless within the boundaries of the territory. Viktor had to drive halfway to town to call Mikos, and once the pack was more settled it was likely he’d stop bothering. For now, they kept in touch. Sierra suspected it was just as much about rebuilding their relationship as brothers as trading complaints and tips of maintaining a pack.
She closed the distance between them and used his shirt front to tug him down for a kiss. The tension of the pack had made it near impossible for them to enjoy alone time together. Nothing killed the libido quite like insurrection. She refused to allow the lack of physical pleasure between them to build into a problem.
He curled around her, and she sighed into the warmth of him encircling her and leaning his body to hers. She felt safe and loved, and there was no more questioning it.
The voice in her head no longer claimed that she didn’t deserve this, but rather, that she deserved even more. She wrapped his shirt around her fist, pulling him as close as possible as his tongue explored her mouth and set her blood on fire.
