Night Forgiven, page 13
She didn’t bring it up, however, as each time she thought to the entire notion struck her as absurd. They’d mated for a single purpose, and it didn’t change who they were otherwise. They were not suddenly a couple in love.
As much as it bothered her, she was wrong to expect anything from him. And depending on the time of the day, her mood, and the angle of the wind, she had mixed feelings on whether she could stand it.
Then came the day of the wolf moon and logic went out the window.
Their schedule of sleeping during the day hadn’t changed, and she woke with only a couple of hours before they’d go on their run. Waking wasn’t the right word, however. It had felt more like being jolted with electricity until she shot to her feet and jogged in place.
Most lupine were, for lack of a better word, jittery in the daylight hours before the full moon would pull them down. Sierra had never been one of those lupine—until now. Her wolf was anxious for the run, and through that tether that connected them, she found herself fighting off a different expectation entirely.
“Excited?” Viktor asked.
He was already up, of course. His things were packed and settled into his backpack, which he’d propped against the base of a tree.
She shrugged, trying to shake away the instinct to go to him and hold him. Her wolf made it clear that this night was supposed to be special. It was the first run with her mate. A howl reverberated in her throat and she swallowed it with a growl.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” she said through clenched teeth. “I’ve just… got to use the bathroom.”
He waved a hand. “By all means.”
She left the clearing in a hurry and wound through the trees the way she would if she were looking for a private spot, but she’d lied and her bladder was fine.
Once alone, she rubbed her arms, which felt to be covered in a million ants dragging the world’s tiniest feathers along them and every inch of her skin.
Her wolf’s thoughts were clearer than usual, and they pulsated one concept again and again. Viktor. Viktor. Viktor.
If she hadn’t placed distance between them, she would’ve tackled him. She should have expected this side-effect of mating. She’d never heard of this reaction, but it seemed exactly the sort of ridiculousness for her. Of course she’d have the urge to jump her mate. Her wolf likely didn’t understand the circumstances and saw Viktor and his wolf as… jumpable.
She took several deep breaths which did little to calm her before heading back to camp. It would do no good to linger and risk Viktor becoming concerned and coming after her.
“Are you ready for tonight?” he asked.
“I am.” Despite her wild emotions and urges, she was confident about the wolf moon. “I’ve felt closer to my wolf in the last few days than I have my entire life. I’m not scared.”
He grinned and looked up at the sky. Dusk had settled, but if he could see as well as she could—and she assumed that was the case—the dark forest was lit with a silvery blue glow. “I’m not worried.”
His certainty helped bolster her own. It was a stark change of pace to go from worrying about going feral to looking forward to tonight’s run.
“Actually,” she said, drawing out the word, “maybe we could start early.”
“What do you mean?”
She leaned against the nearby tree as nonchalantly as she could muster. “There’s no law saying we can’t shift before the moon pulls us down. We can start our night early. Cover more ground. We’re so close to the territory—you said it yourself this morning.”
He rubbed his chest idly as he appeared to consider the suggestion. The action drew her focus to the tight black shirt he wore, and beneath the fabric where her marks were still healing on his chest.
Her jeans irritated her own healing marks, but the discomfort always came with the hot remembrance of him putting them there, and that managed to keep her from minding the tender flesh.
Unfortunately, thinking of their marks only fueled her confusing, jittery cravings toward Viktor. If it were merely physical—if this were just lust—she wouldn’t mind sating it here and now. But whatever she felt went deeper than the physical, into territory she had no business trespassing.
His eyes burned into her, and a flash of gold from his gaze cut through the otherwise silvered and shadowed landscape. “Fine. I can’t say I’m not eager to return to civilization.”
She stifled a snort. Civilization was such a relative concept for lupine. Some packs didn’t even have running water. There was no telling what they’d find when they came upon Mikos and Kyra’s pack.
Victor undressed, which made sense, given their decision, but it caught her off-guard. She averted her gaze and hurried to pack up their things. Her backpack could be strapped to her wolf form if she shifted first, and Victor had a way of working into his so that it wouldn’t be in his way.
They would look ridiculous, and if they came across humans, there was no doubt they would be confused to no end, but it was the only way to carry their things now. There was a reason the Edon pack had migrated with vehicles. Only the truly desperate set out into the wilderness with just the clothing on their backs.
Well, the desperate and the exiled.
She kept her eyes on the forest floor as she stripped, then shoved her clothing into the backpack. Before she could shift, however, Viktor closed his hand around her right elbow, making her pause and look up at him.
It was likely a mistake to look at his face right now, and it hit her like a blow. He was too handsome, and his expression seemed oddly open tonight.
“It’s our first run together,” he said. His fingers skirted up her arm, making her shiver, then settled on the sore spot on her neck. “It’s going to feel different.”
“It already feels different,” she admitted.
He smiled. It was a barely noticeable shift, and it was something she wouldn’t have noticed from him before. Maybe he’d smiled dozens of times and she’d never noticed, because before they were mated, she wouldn’t have recognized it at all.
“I’m ready,” she said.
He lifted her pack from the ground and stood a step back as she shifted into her wolf form. Her thoughts simplified, though her heart fluttered a bit when he held her to strap the backpack onto her.
After he dropped down into wolf form, he rubbed his face against her neck and sent a reassuring wave through her.
She thought shifting would ease the tension and jittery feeling she had toward him, but it hadn’t entirely. Something warmer had replaced the anxiousness, but it was still there, still tugging at her.
Her focus tightened once they started moving, however, and soon enough they were barreling through the woods.
Something woke Sierra. Nothing external, but something happening in her dreams—or beyond them, perhaps.
Viktor’s arm lay heavy across her body, trapping her where she had slept curled in a ball, her feet pressed against his warm thighs. She brushed a fingertip down his arm, leaving a furrow in the dark hairs there.
They’d had a good run, and they wouldn’t usually crash the moment after it was done, but this morning they had. She’d been so grateful to pull out of her wolf with no issue that she’d kissed him. One thing led to another, and they’d made love as dawn broke. Currently the sun hung loose in the sky with still hours to go before they needed to be up.
She’d spent a lot of time with him in the last months, and more in the last few days. Yet though they’d now bonded together body and soul, there were still layers beyond that to explore. Each time she considered him, he seemed a different being from the one she knew before.
Now they were mated, and she found herself facing the layers and secrets within herself.
“Viktor?” she asked softly.
There was no reply, no change in his steady breathing or the heartbeat pulsing against her back. He was solidly asleep. He’d earned it, of course. He’d taken care of her in countless ways over the last weeks.
Life was never fair. She knew it. Everyone knew it. The word itself came loaded with expectations and entitlement. There wasn’t much the world owed to her or anyone. Fairness included.
It still bothered her that this situation weighed heavily on being unfair to the one who’d tried to help her when everyone else would rather see her gone.
She didn’t want to live a life of regret and guilt, but nor would she blindly ignore the truth.
Viktor deserved a fair outcome because he’d earned it. He had his faults, as did anyone, but when measured on the scale for his actions, he should have found himself with more happiness than he was likely to found now tethered to Sierra.
Except for one tiny possibility.
She licked her lips and closed her eyes. “Viktor?” She waited a beat. “I love you.”
It was the truth, and it was like a cascade of joy to say it aloud, even if he wouldn’t hear it. Her eyes stung with the clarity of it. When it had happened, she couldn’t tell, and it didn’t matter. She knew it when they’d mated, though she’d tried to fight against it. Tried not to think of him and not to want him, but there was no escaping him. No running from him.
The wolf moon had done more than get her in touch with her wolf, it seemed. She’d reclaimed a side of herself that she’d thought gone for good. The side that didn’t fight to be on top in every situation. The side that cared without looking for manipulation or lies. The side capable of love.
If he could share his strength with her, she had to cling to the hope that she could share her love in turn. That it wouldn’t be one-sided forever.
Who was to say that she wouldn’t be a good mate? She’d do her best.
While they’d traveled, she didn’t recall ever thinking these thoughts. There was no deep and complex revelation moment while running, yet somehow she’d come to this point and there was no sense in denying it.
She stroked his arm again and again, slowly, consumed by the comfort it brought her to touch him so freely and know that he was hers to touch forever. The infuriating tingling sensation of the day before was gone completely, but she still had the urge to be near him.
Possibly this was how all mated couples were. There was much she didn’t know about relationships. She didn’t remember much of her parents, but she recalled that they weren’t as outwardly affectionate to each other as some couples were. They weren’t the type to touch each other when anyone was looking. She didn’t assume that meant they didn’t love each other, of course. Something had drawn them together, even if she couldn’t guess what it had been.
She only hoped her ignorance of a healthy example didn’t mean she couldn’t have a decent relationship with Viktor.
She couldn’t alter the past. They’d mated as a last resort. But she could take control of their future, and she planned to. First they’d find Kalle, and then she’d make what she and Viktor had into the best of whatever it was.
22
There was noise in the distance, something disturbing the trees and rustling the loosely packed leaves fallen on the ground, but Viktor didn’t respond.
Sierra shot to her feet.
“Relax,” he said.
“But—”
“You overreact when you aren’t calm,” he said, giving her a look. “I don’t mean in a bad way, just in general. You shouldn’t be surprised. We’re right outside their territory.”
She stared at him. “Then why did we stop? Why are we making camp instead of going in?”
“Because it’s rude to invade another pack’s territory,” a deep voice boomed from a distance.
Sierra’s heart pounded. She recognized that voice. She turned toward the speaker—Mikos.
Viktor remained squatting on the ground where he tended the fire. “Brother.”
“What a trash fire,” Mikos responded, gesturing at Viktor’s work.
“The wood’s wet. Can’t be helped,” Viktor said evenly.
Mikos nodded sharply. “The way you’re shooting up smoke, I assumed you were trying to send a signal like one of our ancestors.”
Sierra looked back and forth between the two males, feeling out of place and a tad out of sorts. This wasn’t the reunion she’d pictured. She took a deep breath, but before she could say a word, Mikos growled, his nostrils flaring.
“Congratulations,” he said carefully.
Sierra held her breath. Her scent had given away her relationship to his brother, or perhaps he’d noticed the mating mark on the crook of her neck.
Viktor glared, then rose and stood beside Sierra. “Yes.”
The two stared at each other, and Sierra wondered if interrupting would hurt the situation or distract them. She was relying on the goodwill of Mikos and his pack. This didn’t seem to be a good start.
“We aren’t invading,” she said finally.
Mikos looked at her.
“We’ve come hoping for your help,” she continued. “I’m searching for my brother. You remember him. Kalle.”
Mikos didn’t say a word, but his expression revealed his surprise and possibly curiosity.
Viktor wrapped his arm around Sierra and clasped her waist possessively, or perhaps protectively. His head tilted as he looked past Mikos for a moment. “Why did you come? And why alone?”
“One of our runners heard a stray wolf a few days back while returning from a mission. Then today I got word of possible trespassers. The scout came back and told me it was you.” Mikos glanced at Sierra. “But he didn’t mention you.”
“I didn’t see a scout,” Viktor grumbled.
“I’ll relay the compliment,” Mikos replied. “I figured if it was you, it would be best if I handled the greeting.”
Sierra bit her lip, torn between once again interrupting their brotherly sniping to get to the matter at hand and remaining silent. Watching them made her ache for her own sibling.
“You can put that out,” Mikos said with a gesture to the fire.
“Why?”
Mikos sighed. “It’s not obvious?”
“We’re visitors. You’re supposed to confer with your counsel after greeting us. It’s assumed we’ll stay here, out of your territory, until our business is concluded, or at best, be allowed limited social interaction to your pack.”
Sierra looked up at Viktor. “But you’re brothers, and we’re former pack.”
“That doesn’t—”
“You’re both right,” Mikos said. “Rules are rules, but in this case, I don’t need to discuss anything or set boundaries. I’m alpha. This is my decision to make.”
Sierra smiled, but then it faltered. “But…”
“You should probably confer with your mate,” Viktor said roughly. “I’m not looking for a problem.”
Mikos’ gaze drifted to where Viktor still held Sierra’s waist. “I’ll talk to her privately, but even so, she wouldn’t sentence you to stay out here. We know exactly how long the journey from Sarka territory is, and how unpleasant the terrain can be. We’ll get you cleaned and fed. You can visit Ross and Thea.”
“If they’d want that,” Viktor murmured.
“We’re still family.” Mikos looked back over his shoulder. “I’ll let you settle a bit before I get the rest out of you.” He faced them again. “I can’t imagine what’s happened to lead to…” He gestured at the couple. “All this.”
“Don’t make insinuations about our mating,” Viktor said with a low growl.
Mikos frowned. “I wasn’t. I won’t say I’m not confused about that, but I meant you both being here. Yes, together, but mostly just you physically being here. Either of you. I’m assuming that you left a particularly pissed Ian in your dust.”
“It’s a long story,” Sierra piped up. It wasn’t really, but she felt left out of the exchange and didn’t want Mikos to think she was Viktor’s silent partner.
“I’m honestly looking forward to hearing it. Call me intrigued,” he admitted. “Now come on. I’ll take you to Ross and Thea’s.”
* * *
Sierra stayed out of the way while Viktor caught up with his grandparents. They didn’t appear all that interested in her anyhow, and she was happy to simply sit in a tub of hot water and soak away the accumulated muck of their journey.
The pack stayed in a tight circle of old trailers and campers, but Ross and Thea’s home was set apart from the rest. Sierra had never met the couple, but she’d heard of them. Even when they were with the Sarka pack, they’d kept their distance.
What struck her was that even now that she was surrounded by a pack that used to be her own, she didn’t feel the comfort of the ancestors. Viktor had been enough for her since the mating, but she’d still expected to cross into Mikos’ territory and feel something.
Maybe it was for the best that she didn’t, though. She couldn’t stay. They’d only come to seek help finding Kalle. Only once she’d found her brother would she consider settling down anywhere, and it was highly unlikely that here was an option.
She stepped out of the tub and dried off. Viktor and his family were in the front room, not that far away, and their voices carried easily through the small home and its thin walls. She tried not to eavesdrop, but it was near impossible not to overhear the stunted conversation.
She never knew her grandparents, but thought the Feketes would be kind and doting. The way they spoke to Viktor, one might think he was just a stranger passing through. It bothered her, and she couldn’t explain why. In a way it seemed they were slighting her mate, and that heated her blood.
She shook out her wet hair and piled it into a bun atop her head before picking through the small selection of offered clothing. The pack females had donated a few items, much to Sierra’s surprise. More shocking, the donations weren’t garbage.
She pulled on a light pink sweater and a pair of jeans that were a little too big, but were soft from age, then exited the room.
