Chasing a Brighter Blue, page 19
She stood up and walked closer to him. “Are you having an affair?” she asked him bluntly. He didn’t shy away from her gaze.
“I’ve met someone, yes.”
“God, please say she’s not some twenty-something-year-old gold digger,” she pleaded.
He laughed lightly. “She’s sixty-two. A widow. Her husband died two years ago.” He held his hand up. “And no, we’re not sleeping together.”
“She lives in Aspen, I assume? That’s why you’ve been spending so much time there?”
He nodded. “I met her in a coffee bar last summer. A place I never go into,” he said. “An afternoon thunderstorm had just passed through, and it was cold. I wanted to get out of the hotel so I walked the street. Went in for coffee on a whim. She was doing a crossword puzzle.”
She decided to be honest with him. “Stephanie and I have wondered for years if you were having an affair. Your relationship with Mother is not quite conventional.”
He shook his head. “I’ve never cheated on your mother. That’s not to say I didn’t have the opportunity. Your mother and I…well, we’ve not been happy in many years. I didn’t want to make a change though,” he said. “I care about her. She’s the mother of my kids…I have obligations to her, to you and Stephanie.”
She held her hand up. “No. If you’re not happy, don’t lay that blame on us. We’re all grown up now, Dad.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that I stayed with her only because of you.” He sat back down at his desk and she, too, returned to her seat. “Your mother and I have not shared a bedroom in more years than I can recall,” he said. “She’s content with the way things are, and I suppose I was too. I was busy with the hotels. I didn’t really miss having love in my life.”
“Oh, Dad, that’s so sad,” she said.
“Yes. It is. Your mother has her friends, her clubs, her charities. She has you and Stephanie. That’s been enough for her. It’s still enough for her. It’s no longer enough for me,” he said. “When I met Beth, I realized how much I was missing out on.”
“But you’re not…involved?”
“She won’t have an affair with me. She knows I’m married.”
“That’s admirable of her, I suppose,” she said.
He smiled. “She’s four years older than I am, yet I can’t keep up with her. She bikes all over Aspen. She skis nearly every day during the season. She’s very active.”
“Retired?”
He nodded. “She and her husband owned a business there. When he got sick, they sold it. So, no, she’s not a gold digger, as you suggested.”
She stood, pacing slowly across the floor, trying to wrap her mind around this. “So what are your plans? I mean, with Mother.”
“I’m going to file for divorce,” he said. “She’ll be devastated.”
“Yes. I imagine she will.”
“Beth makes me happy, Shelby. Life is so short. One day you wake up and you’re fifty-eight years old, and you feel like life has passed you by.”
“I’m not judging you, Dad. I know how Mother is. I just spent nearly two weeks with her, remember?”
His expression softened. “She wasn’t always that way, you know. She used to be fun and spontaneous.”
“Spontaneous? Mother?”
“Hard to believe, I know. Now, everything has to be planned out, right down to the final detail.” He paused. “But me and your mother…that’s not all I wanted to talk to you about. That issue is something I have to deal with, not you. But there’s something else I needed to talk to you about.”
“Moving the office to Aspen?”
“Yes. But I want a presence at Estes Park and Steamboat too. I know you have a fondness for Estes Park.”
Her eyes lit up. “You want me to work from there full time?”
“Yes.”
“What about my staff here? What about Rachel and Toby and Stephanie?”
“I know you rely on Rachel and Toby. We’ll have to decide if we’ll ask them to relocate or keep an office here in Denver for them. And then there’s my staff too.”
“And what about Stephanie?”
“Well, you keep telling me she needs something to do in her field. I know she’s not happy here, and I know she doesn’t contribute like you do, Shelby. I know all that. I also know she and Josh…well, they’re just getting started,” he said. “We’ll find something for her to do.”
She sat back down, trying to process it all. “You want me to move to Estes Park,” she said, more of a statement than a question.
“Are you in favor of it or does it not interest you at all? I know it’s asking a lot. You’d be essentially responsible for the operation there. You and Bruce. You don’t have to live at the hotel, of course, although I’d like for you to.”
She nodded. “I’m interested. I love it there. And my suite at the hotel…it’ll need some renovations if I’m going to live there full time,” she said. “It’s something Stephanie could do—design and oversee the renovation.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. “What about Steamboat?”
“A quick flight from Aspen for me,” he said. “I can divide my time for now. But it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the last few months. This thing with Mark just pushed it along.” He got up and went to his corner credenza, taking out two glasses. Without asking, he poured scotch into both and handed her a glass. “I know it’s a lot to take in, Shelby. It’s not something we’re going to rush into. But I’d like us to be moved by late spring, early summer,” he said.
“What about Mother?”
“That can’t wait. I’ll talk to her soon.”
She tilted her head. “Can you at least wait until Stephanie gets back from Hawaii? I don’t want to be the only one Mother has to turn to.”
“I know the two of you never saw eye-to-eye, even when you were younger. You were much too independent for her liking,” he said.
Shelby nodded as she sipped from her drink. “She and Stephanie get along much better.”
He smiled. “I don’t know if it’s so much that or that Stephanie doesn’t talk back to her.”
She smiled too. “Well, there’s that. Also my disdain for clothes shopping and having no fashion sense plays a part.”
He leaned back. “You know, since I’ve met Beth, I’ve come to appreciate simpler things,” he said. “She is the complete opposite of your mother. Well, opposite of what she is now. I told you before how much she changed after we married.”
“You blame yourself for that,” she stated.
“Yes. I think, at first, I was trying to impress her with all the things money can buy. Little by little, she changed from the innocent girl I’d married into a full-fledged socialite. She embraced her new lifestyle and never looked back.” He sighed. “And along the way, she changed into a completely different person.”
“A person you were no longer in love with,” she finished for him.
He met her gaze, and she was surprised by the sadness she saw there. “I loved your mother very much once. But I suppose we’ve both changed.”
She nodded. “Everyone changes over time, I guess.”
He looked at her expectantly. “And what about you?”
“Me?”
“We haven’t visited much since the wedding. You spent a lot of time with Josh’s sister.” He smiled. “Any news there?”
She laughed. “Are you fishing for gossip?”
“Maybe.”
Her smile faded. “Well, there isn’t any. I’ve not talked to her.” She raised an eyebrow. “Why? Were you hoping something would come of it?”
“My youngest daughter just got married and she seems very happy. My oldest daughter, however, seems…well, a little more distant than usual.”
She shook her head. “I’m okay.”
And she was, she told herself. Even though she’d barely made it through the weekend without calling Reagan. She thought it would be a friendly gesture to check on her. But in the end, she’d talked herself out of it. Reagan had her number too.
Thankfully, Stephanie would be back in the office tomorrow. Their flight had gotten in late last night and today was her “recoup” day, as Stephanie had said. Tomorrow they would look at pictures of sun, sand and surf. She hoped it would push her winter blues away for a while.
Because winter blues is what she had. She’d spent a lonely New Year’s Eve longing for company. Oh, she hadn’t been alone. She’d had her pick of parties to go to. But even surrounded by people, she felt alone…and so very lonely.
With Stephanie coming back, things would get back to normal. And now she had planning to do…a move to make. Was she ready to relocate to Estes Park permanently? Would she be happy there? Or would her loneliness only compound itself?
Who would have thought that such a brief affair with Reagan Bryant could cause all this unrest in her life? She’d always prided herself on being emotionally calm, cool…collected. She had no turmoil in her life, no personal relationships that caused undue stress—not unless she counted her mother. She was happy with her job, happy with her friends, happy with her life.
Until Reagan Bryant walked into it.
And then walked right back out.
Who would have thought she’d miss her so?
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Reagan walked along the beach, her eyes scanning the water, absently watching the surfers that were scattered about. It was another gloriously sunny day, and even on a Thursday, the beach was alive with people.
Two weeks had turned into nearly six and she found she loved the funky vibe of Ocean Beach. There was a diverse and eclectic group of people who lived there and most of them embraced their inner hippie. People-watching had become a new favorite pastime and she had to admit, there were several occasions where she’d reached for her camera, wanting to capture the moment.
Like now, for instance. The young girl in the tie-dyed T-shirt with bright red shorts to match, dancing with no less than four hula hoops as the waves lapped at her ankles. Or the pier itself, which stretched far out into the ocean, low tide making it appear much larger than it was. It would be crawling with people soon as sunset approached. She let her gaze follow the length of it, imagining the scene as the sun fell into the ocean. Yes, she nearly itched to hold her camera.
Like she had yesterday when she and Gillian had walked over to Newport Avenue in the early evening for the local farmers market. It was an overload to her senses with all the fresh, colorful produce, but it seemed more like a festival than a farmers market. Vendors were selling arts and crafts, T-shirts and tie-dyed hats, crystals, jellies and jams, and there were more food booths than she could count. The place was rocking, including a live band that entertained the crowd. They ended up getting fish tacos and tamales from one of the food stands and eating while they listened to the music. By the time they got home, Reagan was feeling energized and, surprisingly, more like her old self.
Of course, she knew simply being here in Ocean Beach wasn’t the sole reason for the change in her. Gillian had convinced her to see a therapist. Twice a week for the last four, she’d slowly gone from being detached and evasive with Dr. Reynolds to finally opening up and sharing the still-vivid images in her mind with her. Dr. Reynolds never once suggested she view the actual images on her camera though. Quite the opposite. She didn’t think it would serve any purpose to see them, she’d said. For that, Reagan was thankful.
So now, as she walked the beach alone, she knew it was time to pick up her camera again. It was time to put the past behind her. She’d tossed around a few ideas of what she could do, but she hadn’t settled on one. She did know, however, what she would not do. And that was going back to what she had been doing. Ten years was a little early for burnout, as Gillian had suggested, but she knew she was done with it. Being away from it for over two months now, she realized how depressing her life had been. She no longer wanted to see death and destruction. She wanted to see beautiful things…like the sunset off the pier in Ocean Beach. Like a snowcapped mountain peak surrounded by blue. Like a rainbow over the forest after a summer rain. She wanted to see bright colors…greens and reds and blues. For so long, her colors had been brown and gray, black and white. Even the clothes she wore…drab and colorless, anything to blend in and not bring attention to herself. That was her job. Fade into the background where no one would notice her…that’s how you got the best shots. That’s how you got the real shots.
Yeah, she’d faded into the background so much, she almost forgot she was there. Like when Richard was killed. It was almost like she wasn’t really there.
But she was. And she didn’t ever want to be there again.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“Okay, so you’re in a mood.”
Shelby rolled her eyes. “Just because I don’t like the kitchen design, I’m in a mood?”
“I told you, there is limited space to work with.”
“I know that.”
Stephanie threw up her hands. “You want me to cram twelve hundred square feet into a space that is seven hundred. Make up your mind already.”
“Now who’s in a mood?”
“Look, let’s just take the room next to your suite and be done with it.”
“I don’t need anything that big,” she said.
“If you’re going to live there full-time, why be cramped? That way you can have a full-sized kitchen and an extra-large bathroom. And a dedicated office.”
Shelby sighed and sank down in her office chair. At first, she’d been excited about redoing her suite. Stephanie’s enthusiasm over getting to design it had been infectious. But she’d balked at tearing down the wall between her suite and the next room, even if it did make sense. Her father had said to do whatever she wanted. But somewhere in the last few weeks she’d lost her drive. Maybe it was the stress over the whole thing. Even though her mother knew nothing of the plan to dissolve the corporate office here in Denver, she did know of the impending divorce. That, as expected, had been a disaster. She had been distraught and inconsolable. And then she got angry. When she realized he had no intention of backing down, she resorted to acting like a lovesick teenager trying to make him stay. It was pathetic to watch. Had she not known that her parents hadn’t shared a bedroom in years, she might have felt sorry for her mother. As it was, it was simply pitiful to see her act that way.
“Well?”
She glanced over at Stephanie, who was watching her. Even though Stephanie had shouldered the brunt of their mother’s angst, she still had that newlywed glow about her. She smiled quickly.
“Okay. Take the wall out.”
Stephanie did a fist pump. “Yes!”
“But remember…my taste and your taste are not the same,” she said.
“Oh, I know. You’re boring. I’ll tone it down for you,” she teased.
“And I want the island in the kitchen.”
“I know, I know. But if I were you, I’d take advantage of the restaurant and do room service every night.”
“Cooking relaxes me,” she said.
“Speaking of that…you’ve been a little testy lately. What’s going on?”
“Testy? Oh, gee, I don’t know. Our parents are getting a divorce and I’m moving to Estes Park.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Stephanie said.
“The divorce? Or my move?”
“Both. I’m going to miss seeing you every day.”
“I know. It’ll be a change.”
“For us too. But I’m happy that Dad is trusting me to find new office space here,” Stephanie said as she sat down across from her. “I’m still shocked about Dad’s mistress.”
“Why? We both suspected he was having an affair. And he did tell me they weren’t sleeping together.”
“And she’s sixty-two?” Stephanie shook her head. “I would have thought he’d go for a younger woman,” Stephanie said.
“I had visions of her being in her twenties,” she said with a laugh. But her smile faded. “Does Mother know about her yet?”
“She hasn’t said anything to me. But Shelby, I really feel sorry for her. She’s devastated.”
“She’ll still have her big house, she’ll still have her money. She’ll still have her bridge club and friends,” she said. “I mean, what’s really going to change for her? He spent so much time in Aspen as it was, she had to have seen this coming.”
“I know.”
“And it’s not like she’s the first one in her group of friends to get divorced,” she reminded her.
“I think she’s worried that they’re all gossiping about her.”
“You mean like she did when Barbara House got divorced?”
Stephanie laughed. “Yeah, like that.” She paused. “So what’s been going on with you?”
Shelby frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been a little…I don’t know…quiet.” She shrugged. “Everything okay?”
“Yes. Fine.”
Stephanie leaned forward. “Have you talked to Reagan lately?”
Shelby shook her head. “No…not since the wedding.”
“Really? I thought maybe you guys hit it off. You certainly looked like you did with all that dancing,” she teased.
“We…we became friends,” she said cautiously. “But I’ve not spoken to her. She had some things to work through.”
“Oh, God…I know. The bomb! Can you believe that?”
“She told Josh?”
Stephanie shook her head. “No. Told her mother. Then she took off for San Diego. As far as I know, no one’s talked to her since. That’s why I thought maybe you had.”
Shelby stood up quickly and frowned. “No one’s talked to her in over two months? Aren’t they worried about her?” She tried to keep emotion out of her voice but feared she failed. God, why hadn’t she just called her already?
“I think they’re used to her being away,” Stephanie said as she watched her. “So why haven’t you called her?”
Shelby sat down again. “I don’t know, really. She…she needed some time, like I said. I assumed she would call me if she wanted to talk,” she said. Which was the truth. But when Reagan didn’t call…well, each day that passed made it seem like a lifetime ago that they had been lovers.
