Behind Closed Doors, page 12
“So, I have to ask you…” She turns her head to face me. “Because I think that we had a phone conversation but obviously I was completely wasted and I don’t remember it, but what happened on the date? Gary said that Danny has been really closed off about it, not saying anything at all, just that it won’t happen again.”
I roll my eyes and sigh. “Yep, me and Danny were definitely not meant to be. It didn’t work out.”
“I thought that he was a nice guy. I can’t believe it didn’t work out.”
“Well, I’ll admit that it doesn’t help I am not really in the right frame of mind for dating. Since I didn’t know that was going to be a double date type of thing, it threw me quite a lot.”
At least she has the audacity to look like she feels guilty for what she’s done. “I didn’t think you would come if you knew that it was going to be a date and I really thought that he was right for you.”
“Next time, please just warn me. In fact, please let’s not have a next time.”
She pouts out her bottom lip. “Sorry, I didn’t think that it would be such an issue. I won’t do it again. I didn’t realize that you were so against dating. After you hooked up with that guy that night…”
I hold up my hand to shut her down instantly. I really can’t talk about Leo with Marnie because I will end up spilling the beans. I can’t let anyone know anything until the time has passed and we are public.
“Just because I had one night of being wild, it doesn’t mean that I am ready to move on to something serious. And please don’t forget that it didn’t exactly work out well, did it? I got ignored.”
“Right yes, but that’s why I want you to find someone because not every guy is a prick.”
I feel absolutely horrible for lying to my friend, but I just know that it’s the right thing to do. Just for now. Once I admit everything to her, I can explain why I had to keep it a secret. Knowing Marnie, she will probably kick my ass but that is something I will just have to accept. I hope it doesn’t destroy us…
As I glance at my friend out the corner of my eye, I think that we will be okay. We have the sort of friendship that can with stand all sorts. She stuck around after my dad died and I think she will through this too.
“I will be ready to move on soon,” I reassure her. “This isn’t a forever thing. I just don’t want anything serious or any more hooking up at the moment. I want to be by myself. Just while I finish my credits.”
She nods slowly. “Okay, well do you want to come out with me and Gary tonight? Because I want to make it up to you. I will buy all the drinks and there won’t be any surprises, I promise you.”
“Oh, I appreciate it, but no thank you, Marnie,” I reply with a grin. “You don’t have to make anything up.”
“You don’t want to come out with us because we kissed so much last time,” she replies, surprisingly understanding what she did wrong. Well, some of it anyway. “That won’t happen again. It was just because I had so much to drink and I lost control of myself. Gary is such a nice man.”
“It isn’t because of that… although I do have to ask you if you went to the bathroom to have sex?”
She squeals in a horrified way. “No, of course not. I was being sick, and Gary took care of me.”
Fucking Danny. What an asshole. If only he’d let me go, I would have been able to help my friend as well.
“Well, it has nothing to do with that anyway. I just don’t feel like it tonight.”
The truth is I have plans, but my plans are with a man who I’m not supposed to be seeing so I can’t tell Marnie about it. But they are the sort of plans that I wouldn’t want to change for anything in the world. I just have to get through this shift, and I can be back with the man I am falling for. He was right that since we can’t keep away from one another we should continue dating, but definitely not at the university, in secret instead. I’m glad. It’s giving me good vibes because I’m sure it is the right way forward for us. We won’t have to keep focusing on suppressing the feelings and we can get our work done instead. Fighting it is just silly.
Tonight, I am eating with Leo, we’re having a night in together, and I can’t wait for it. It won’t be just us hooking up, we’re really going to spend time together and I can’t wait for it…
* * *
I feel nervous as I knock on Leo’s door, wondering what tonight will hold. I have a nice top on which I had to change into in secret once Marnie had left the sandwich shop so she wouldn’t guess what’s going on, and a pair of skinny jeans. It isn’t exactly what I would want to wear for a first date, but it’s better than nothing.
The door swings open and I’m blown away by the sight of Leo in tight trousers and a nice shirt. He looks far better than me, he makes me feel scruffy as hell, but since he’s looking at me like I’m the best thing in the world, it’s hard to lose all of my self-confidence. Leo always seems to think that I am beautiful which I love.
“Hello.” He steps aside and invites me in, a welcome which I take willingly. “How are you?”
Once the front door is closed, he dips his head down to kiss me softly. There is a more romantic vibe to this kiss, it isn’t quite as passionate as it was before, but I’m not complaining about that at all. It’s really nice.
“Something smells delicious,” I practically whisper. “Is it another take out? Where did you go?”
“Nope,” he replies, popping the p with a smirk. “I cooked this from scratch.”
“Mmm, a lecturer and a good cook. Plus, an amazing kisser. Could I ask for more?”
“I certainly hope not.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully at me. “Now, come on, let’s eat.”
I’m blown away by the way that the table has been set out. Leo has made a real effort here. It almost looks like we could be at a candle lit table in a restaurant which is nice. Since we can’t really be out in public like that, this is the closest thing we can have. This is almost like an actual grown up date.
“Wow, this is incredible,” I gasp. “This is so nice. What a great way to end the day.”
He serves me food making my pulse race at the speed of light as he does. It’s really tempting to rip his clothes off and take him because he looks so damn sexy, but I also want the food as well. I suppose I can take a step back and wait until later on when I can finally claim him once more. Just a bit of patience, that’s all I need.
“I’m glad. I know that you have had a stressful day today, so I wanted to make it better.”
I grin at him, knowing that just being around him is enough to make my day shine. As soon as he said his idea to me about hanging out in secret I jumped on board and now I’m glad for it. The nights alone just thinking about him and dreaming about him are nothing compared to actually being around him. There is nothing quite like having his beautiful warmth all around me. It makes everything so much better.
The conversation rolls easily as well, and I’m surprised to find myself opening up about a lot of things, including my father. I share happy stories with Leo, memories that me and my dad shared when I was younger, and I also discuss the hard times of looking after him when he was sick. It’s surprisingly liberating to be able to let all of this out. It’s like a weight has lifted off my shoulders and I have shown this man more of me, which he seems to like just as much as the rest of me. I suppose Danny did one good thing by helping me to see that it’s nicer to have some openness with someone I like. Not that he did anything else good for me…
Once I’m done, Leo shares a bit about his family as well. His life has been very different to mine, he has grown up with two very loving parents, but now that he is an adult, they have decided to take on their lifelong dream to open a vineyard and make wine in Italy. He says that he’s fine about this, but I can sense a little sadness there. As he talks, I reach out and take his hand to comfort him. If things go the way that I want them to, then we can be there for one another where other people are missing. Not that I’m getting too carried away with myself.
Or maybe I am. I’m not too sure, but actually I might be. I’m definitely falling for him more than I should be, I already feel more for Leo than I have done in any relationship before, I’m pretty sure that he is my one. I smile to myself as this date brings all kinds of romantic ideals in to my mind. More dates, more love, traveling, marriage, babies, the whole nine yards. I’m probably too young to be thinking so far in to the future, but I can’t stop myself. There is just something about all of this that makes me want to see the bigger picture. All the things that I didn’t even know I wanted in my life, but with Leo I would absolutely love.
Eventually, food is done, and we head over to the couch to watch a movie together… not that we do much watching. Now that we can have our hands on one another and we aren’t battling it any longer, it feels wonderful to be together. To have my hands all over his body and his all over mine as well. We strip together, peeling off one another’s clothing in unison, all while kissing desperately. There is a love in the air, and it makes it that much lovelier. Neither of us have said it yet and I definitely don’t think that we should until we can officially be together, but we can feel it. I know that I certainly am.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leo
Classes are rolling by much easier now that me and Lauren have finally caved to just being together behind closed doors. I was scared when I made the suggestion, but it’s worked out just fine. Now, we can concentrate in class because we aren’t staring at one another like two horny teenagers who are being separated like Romeo and Juliet. Now, we can have separation between the two which is exactly what we need.
I smile at Lauren as she leaves the room, not having to worry because she is coming around to mine later on for another meal and movie night, which is quickly becoming my favorite kind of night. All of this creeping around is certainly making me a better cook and host. I’m almost like a husband, greeting my hard working wife home every night with dinner, aside from the fact that she has to leave before bed time.
Much as I would love for her to stay over, we are still being cautious to keep our distance. She never does any of her university work around me because that would be really unethical, and I never let me and her affect the way that I mark her work. I know that she wouldn’t want me to anyway. She needs me to be truly honest with her because it will help her to get the right marks and move forward in her career well too. We also don’t spend more than a few hours together because it risks us getting caught, which is why she never stays… but it’s still much better than nothing. I would rather this than what we had before which was nothing.
“You all finished?” I suddenly see Noah peeking his head around my class room door. “Can I come in?”
“Oh sure.” I rearrange my face as quickly as I can, so he doesn’t pick up on anything. Not that he’s likely to. How can he if he hasn’t got even the slightest clue? “What’s going on, Noah?”
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I? No students falling in love with you?”
All of a sudden, I get a spike of fear that maybe he does know more than he’s letting on, but then I remember Bessie. Of course, she was the one in here flirting with me the other day. I let out a laugh.
“No, no one in here today. I have been left all alone. Except for you, of course.”
“Well, unfortunately for you, I’m not here to boost your ego. I’m here to see what you are up to tonight. Me and some of the other teachers are going out for a night and I wanted to see if you want to join us?”
I immediately stiffen up with awkwardness. I have plans with Lauren tonight that I don’t want to cancel. I would much rather hang out at home with her than get to know the other teachers. I know that sounds a bit dick like which is why I don’t want to say it out loud, but right now, I’m not interested.
“Is Nicole going?” I ask curiously. “Because in all honesty, it’s a bit awkward between the two of us.”
“Oh no!” Noah’s face falls. “I thought that you two would really hit it off.”
“Well, I appreciate it, but I’m not in the mood for moving on yet. I don’t want a new girlfriend.”
“But I thought that you were ready to get passed what happened with Emma? I thought that you wanted something else now? That’s why I brought her in to your classroom so you could meet.”
I smile at him. “I know, I thought so as well, but it seems not. Sorry about that. I don’t think that I should go out tonight because I don’t want to put myself in any situation to lead her on.”
“But you could just explain your situation. I’m sure that she will understand.”
I shrug and shake my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think I feel like it tonight.”
“Are you sure? Because it would be a good way to get to know everyone else.”
“I know,” I agree. “And I will. But not this time. Maybe the next time I will.”
Noah can sense that he isn’t going to cause me to back down, so he nods and finally agrees with me. “Okay fine. I will let you know when it’s happening again, and I will also try to angle Nicole in a new direction.”
“I would really appreciate that, thank you. And I will let you know if I do decide that I want to date again. I have to say I don’t think that you are the worst person in the world at match making.”
He grins and chuckles. “If only I could find someone for myself, all would be perfect.”
I smile at Noah but say nothing because we both know the truth is, he isn’t really ready to settle down just yet. He certainly won’t settle down for someone anything less than ‘the one’. I don’t even know if he’s really looking at the moment, I think that he is just enjoying his life as it is. But he knows that I have always been more of a relationship guy, not someone who likes fooling around just for fun.
“Anyway, I better get back to it,” Noah finally concludes. “But maybe me and you should go out to dinner again soon. It feels like it’s been forever since we hung out. It gets pretty crazy during the semester.”
“Oh sure, I am definitely up for that, maybe at the weekend or something.”
“Great, I will let you know. Have a good day, Leo. See you later on.”
As he goes, I wonder if I am the issue that has created a bit of distance between us. Keeping a secret so important to my life isn’t easy, I am really looking forward to the time when it isn’t necessary anymore…
* * *
I’m particularly excited with the bags of food that I have brought home tonight, because I’m looking forward to making Katsu Curry and homemade Sushi for Lauren. A little taste of Japan, to remind us both of the conversation where we discussed going to Tokyo, something that I still want to happen at some point.
It’s going to take me a while to cook, especially because I want to make it as tasty as possible, but I don’t mind. My class have a particularly hard assignment at the moment, and I know that Lauren will be hard at work on it for a long time. She’s very studious, which has come out more now that I’m not a distraction, and I really want her to keep that up. For her own benefit, of course, but also because it speeds things up with us.
There is practically a skip in my step as I reach my apartment, I’m even more glad that I rejected the night out with the teachers because there is nowhere I would rather be, than here. Just thinking about hanging out with Lauren tonight has the biggest smile plastered across my face.
“Leo?” I’m completely shaken as I hear a weirdly familiar voice. “Leo, is that you? At last?”
I glance around in the dark until I see her, the curvy shape of someone I know all too well but that I really don’t want to see. I came to California to escape her; I don’t want her here invading my new life.
“Emma?” I gasp out, wondering if I’m asleep or something. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh God, I just had to see you.” She bursts in to sobbing tears. “I have missed you so much, Leo, I made such a mistake. I came here to get you back. Everyone in New York misses you.”
I don’t feel sorry for Emma. I can’t really, she didn’t feel bad for me when she shredded me apart, this is more of an inconvenience than anything else. I already want her gone and away from the existence that I created without her because I want Lauren to come here instead. Oh God, that’s actually going to be an issue. Emma will cause all the fucking issues in the world for me if she finds out that I am with a student. Much as it sucks, it might be best for me to tell Lauren not to come tonight to not risk anything.
“Emma, I don’t know what you are doing here, but I’m not going anywhere. I have a life here now and an amazing job that I’m not giving up for anything. You should have called before you turned up. How do you even know where I am? I don’t think it’s right for you to just turn up like this.”
“You have had your post redirected, so it was easy for me to find out.”
I roll my eyes and push passed her to unlock my door and go inside. I am already one hundred percent done with this conversation and tonight. I want it over before anything else can happen. But as I step inside, for some reason, Emma takes this as an invite to come as well and she follows me in to the kitchen.
“Why are you being so cold, Leo? Don’t you want to see me again?”
“Why the hell would I want to see you again after what you did to me?” I fish out my cell phone and fire off a quick message to Lauren, making her my priority. “Why aren’t you with Rex?”
“Rex was a mistake,” she replies quietly. “A big one. I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. I shouldn’t have thrown away what we had because it was the best thing ever. I want us to get back on track, whatever it takes. Even if it involves me moving here to be with you. Whatever you need. We were going to get married and I still want to get hitched because you are the love of my life.”
She says this with passion, but it doesn’t get to me at all. I don’t feel any affect from her words because I really don’t believe her. How can I after she wrecked everything between us? I don’t even see her in the same way anymore because I know just what she is capable of doing to me.
