The Complete Razia Series, page 84
"I suppose."
"You're a stubborn ass, Lyssandra Peate," Sera said with a slight smack on the shoulder. "I wonder how your husband puts up with you."
Husband—Sage. Lyssa felt the ring still resting against her finger and ran her thumb along the silver band. This was his mother's ring. The mother that he'd watched his father beat to death and never told anyone about. He'd obviously gone back for the ring.
Which he'd kept.
And given to Lyssa.
And she knew that if she never gave it back to him, he'd be just fine with it.
And she almost didn't want to.
"It'll be fine, Lyss," Sera said as she pulled Lyssa back and began scrubbing her face with something rough. "The ceremony will be about the baby, not about you. I made sure of it."
"I'm not worried about that," Lyssa replied.
"So are you worried about having the baby, then?" Sera said. "I promise you, it's not as scary as you'd think. You and Alejandro have a birth plan, yes?"
"What in Leveman's is that?" Lyssa blanched.
"Your plan for when the baby comes," Sera said. "Trust me, it helps. Though if you're anything like Jinjina, you might have a quick birth. Her last one lasted fifteen minutes from first contraction to delivery." Sera's face darkened. "Bitch."
"Er…" She didn't feel like discussing this with Sera. "Sure. Do you have one?"
"I did, but I don't plan on having any more children," she said. "I don't think anyone wishes to marry the matron of a manor with ten children."
Lyssa's eyes flew open. "What happened to your husband?"
Sera peered down at her with a peculiar sort of stare. "Lyssa, we've been divorced for years."
"W-what?"
"News doesn't travel, I guess."
Lyssa recalled a particularly biting repartee the last time she was home. She had the good conscience to feel bad about making a remark about Sera's husband.
"I realized a few years ago that I didn't want to end up like Mother," Sera said. "A loveless marriage, too many children to keep track of. You know she only had so many to keep up with her sister. She wanted to have the most. I think she only stopped because it would've been too obvious that she was sleeping with someone else after Father disappeared." Sera paused for a moment, her face contorted before shaking her head and finishing with, "I ended things with my husband. And I'm much happier for it."
Lyssa couldn't help but ask, "And how did Mother take it?"
Sera paused. "She doesn't know. Or doesn't care to know. She never asks about anyone outside her own selfish bubble."
A small knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and a nanny brought in a sniveling, red-faced child. Lyssa tensed, remembering how interruptions were handled in her childhood. But Sera rushed over to the nanny and swooped the child into her arms, comforting him quietly.
"What happened?" she asked.
The child proffered a finger that was red.
Sera took the finger and kissed it. "All better?" The child shook his head and latched himself onto Sera. She nodded to the nanny and walked back to Lyssa, picking up a towel and handing it over.
"It's entirely possible to choose not to be like them," Sera said as Lyssa dried herself off. "I decided I wasn't going to let my children grow up thinking that their mother hated them. And they have plenty of uncles and aunts to give them all the love they desire."
She put the now-quiet child on the ground, and he scampered over to the corner where a pile of books sat. He opened one up and began to read.
"You should come home more," Sera said, motioning for Lyssa to join her in front of an ornate gold vanity with a white pouf chair. "It'll be good for your child to grow up with family. And it'll be good for you, too."
"Why, so everyone can just remind me how much they hate me?"
Sera snorted, a very un-Sera-like sound as she picked up a brush and ran it through Lyssa's hair. "We don't hate you, Lyss. I confess, I thought you were an entitled little brat for many years, but…after what Mother said to you…"
"And you wonder why I never come here?"
"The thing is, Lyss, Mother doesn't have the power she once had. She's grown meaner and harsher as she's aged, and no one wishes to spend time with her. We don't have to bow down to get her affection, because we don't need it. Vel was the first, you know. After you left the last time, he stood up to her. We all thought she was going to kick him out for good, but he came back the next weekend. And he looked her straight in the eye and dared her to say anything."
Lyssa cracked a smile. She would have liked to have seen that.
"Now if only I could convince him to stop looking for Father, then maybe he could move on with his life," Sera finished, putting down the brush and picking up white ribbons.
"Dorst said the same thing," Lyssa said, watching Sera's fingers braid her hair deftly. "But he hasn't asked me about Sostas in years. I thought…I thought he'd moved on from it." She considered that he'd probably never ask again, now that there was the seed of doubt that Sostas wasn't his real father. What else might that change for him? She hated Eleonora even more.
"Probably because it's a sore subject, no?" Sera said. "Your temper is legendary."
"But if it bothers him that much, he should say something. And—" A vice-like pain grew from her lower back, crawling around to the center of her stomach. Lyssa grasped her stomach and hissed at the pain.
"Breathe, Lyss," Sera said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's just a contraction."
"W-what?" She began to panic. "I'm not…it's not…"
"Shh, relax," Sera said. "Breathe in and out. Come on. It'll pass soon."
Lyssa did as instructed and the pain lessened, but the nervous feeling remained. "Does that mean—"
"Probably not. Sometimes you get mini-contractions starting in the eighth month." She paused, and her mouth twitched. "I've heard if you have sex, it can bring them on."
Lyssa's face turned bright red, and she looked forward.
"You should be careful after the baby arrives. I noticed I was most fertile—"
"Nope. No more of this conversation."
***
Sera dressed Lyssa in a white gown that tied with a silk ribbon around the back and accentuated her round stomach. Sera added some white ribbons to Lyssa's hair, and white slippers to Lyssa's feet just as there was a knock at the door. Sage poked his head in and smiled when he saw the two of them.
"You got her in a dress!" he said. "Did she fight you at all?"
"Barely," Sera said, running the brush through Lyssa's hair one final time. "I have to run and check with Helmsley to make sure everything is set." She patted Sage on the shoulder as he walked in, wearing a much-too-nice white button down shirt and black slacks.
"You look…" He couldn't suppress a grin, "pregnant."
"If you pee on me, they'll notice it."
Sage walked over to Lyssa and knelt in front of her. "Thank you for doing this for me. For all of this, coming home. Dealing with your mother and your siblings."
"It's not so bad," she said quietly. She ran her hands through his hair and smiled. "I just hope this ceremony doesn't last too long. I didn't bring my mini-computer and these things can get so boring."
Sage laughed and helped her stand. He led her out the doors and into the Temple, now full of her family. She noticed more looks than usual as she and Sage took their spot in the front pew. Sage slung an easy arm around her, drifting his fingers up and down her bare arms. She leaned into him, glancing around at the murals on the walls. Her eyes lingered on the fiery river that threaded around the room, the end state for all the religious tales depicted in the plaster. At the head of the room, she saw Helmsley, her childhood priest, conferring with Sera, who caught her eye and winked at her.
"I don't know why you hate her so much," Sage whispered. "She seems really nice."
"She's nicer than she used to be," Lyssa said.
"So are you." He pressed his lips to her cheek, and she felt the weight of his mother's ring around her finger.
Dorst came to sit beside Sage. "I know you'll be most upset to hear this, but Mother has taken ill this morning. She won't be able to attend your blessing."
"Oh no," Lyssa deadpanned.
"Such a shame," Vel said, sitting on the other side of Lyssa. They shared a grin, and Lyssa patted him on the leg. He took her free hand in his and squeezed it.
Sera took the seat normally reserved for the matriarch. She was much smaller and less imposing than when Eleonora took up the room, almost like a child playing dress up. But she nodded to Helmsley, and he turned to the congregation, holding out his hands to quiet them.
"Here we go," Lyssa whispered. Sage tucked her in tighter under his arm.
"Brothers and sisters, let us praise and thank the Great Creator, who took little children into His arms and blessed them. Praised now and forever."
A murmur of response came from the congregation. Sage shared a look with Lyssa, and she shrugged.
Helmsley led them in a prayer, then a song which Lyssa vaguely knew, but which Sage had a great time making up words to. When it was over, he whispered that he might have a future in songwriting, a comment she answered with an elbow to the ribs.
"Today, we will be celebrating the newest member of our growing family," Helmsley said.
Sera made a small motion from the front of the room and Vel pushed Lyssa a bit.
"That's your cue," Vel said.
Lyssa stood and walked the suddenly long distance up the three stairs to the raised platform where Helmsley and Sera stood. Sera took Lyssa's hand and gently spun her around to face the crowd who all wore…
Smiles.
Grins, happy faces. None of the loathing and hatred that she was used to. Even Jinjina, four months along with her next demon spawn, was beaming, between breaking up the spats of her two closest children. There was not one unfriendly face in this very unfriendly place.
"Er…what's the gender?" Helmsley said to Lyssa.
"Uh…" Lyssa blinked with a nervous look at Sage. "It's…I don't know."
"A surprise!" Helmsley said with a disgruntled look. "You would make this more difficult—"
"Helmsley!" Sera barked. "One more snide remark and you'll have to find a new family to minister to."
Helmsley swallowed and blushed, but turned to the congregation with a false happiness. "The scriptures say that children have the purest souls, welcomed through the Arch of Eron into the arms of the Great Creator without worry. They say, 'the Great Creator welcomed children, believed in their dignity, and held them up as a model for all who are seeking the Arch of Eron.'"
Lyssa shifted against Sera and caught Vel's eye. She knew all this first hand—Sostas had used her as a "good-soul-shield" when she was a child to allow him to experiment at the Arch.
"But children do need the help of grownups if they are to develop their individual gifts, and their moral, mental, and physical powers, and so keep to their pure path. Let us therefore ask for the Great Creator's blessing, so that we will devote ourselves to the upbringing of this child and so that…he or she will accept willingly the guidance he or she needs."
Lyssa glanced out and caught Sage's eye. He mouthed, "What is it?"
Lyssa shrugged with a grin, and he shook his head at her.
"And now we ask the father…there is a father, right?" Helmsley asked Sera who glared at him so fiercely Lyssa thought he might burst into flames. She turned to Sage and waved him up onto the platform.
"Stand behind her," Sera said, gently adjusting him and placing his hands next to Lyssa's on her stomach.
"Let us pray," Helmsley boomed. "Through his or her parents and the Temple, show this child the tenderness of Your own love; grant that those entrusted with his or her care will be tireless in watching over…him or her."
"You really don't know the gender?" Sage whispered.
"We can find out together at my next appointment," Lyssa replied, placing her hands on top of his and leaning into him.
"All-powerful Great Creator, You are the source of all blessings, the protector of infants, whose gift of children enriches and brightens a marriage. Look with favor on this child and, bring…him or her into Your own spiritual family, the Temple. Protect her from temptation and—"
"Hands off my sister, pirate."
Lyssa's gaze flew to the back of the Temple, where a bearded, baggy-eyed, possibly drunk Jukin stood, his trusty U-POL gun pointed at Lyssa and Sage.
"J-Jukin!" Dorst stood with a horrified look on his face. "What in Leveman's Great Vortex do you think you're doing?"
"That…that man…he…" Jukin snarled, stepping forward.
Before she could stop him, Sage pushed Lyssa to the side, into the waiting arms of Sera. "Put the gun down, Jukin," he said, too calmly for someone with a deranged former police officer pointing a gun at him.
"Sage!" Lyssa said, shoving Sera off.
"Lyssa, you don't know who this man is," Jukin said.
"I know exactly who he is!" Lyssa growled. "Put the Goddamned gun down."
"He's a pirate named Sage Teon!" Jukin said and a ripple of horrified gasps erupted from the congregation. "He is a dangerous and wanted criminal."
Lyssa couldn't believe her eyes nor her ears that he would recognize Sage and not her, even after all they'd gone through, but was more concerned with what Jukin might do.
"The Universal Police won't take care of this problem, but I damned well will," Jukin said, cocking the gun. Jinjina screamed and covered the eyes of her children.
"Jukin, don't do this here, not in front of everyone," Sage said.
"Then let's talk a walk," Jukin growled.
"Jukin, this is Lyssa's husband," Dorst said, placing a calming hand on Jukin's arm.
Jukin threw him off with such force, he went careening into the pew.
"Sage, don't you dare leave this room," Lyssa said as he took as step forward.
"It's okay, I can—"
"Don't you dare," she growled, pushing off Sera and standing between Jukin and Sage.
"Lyssa!" Sera exclaimed.
"Put the gun down, you stupid asshole," Lyssa said to Jukin. "You didn't shoot me then, you won't shoot me now."
"Lyssa, this has nothing to do with you."
"Look at me."
"What?" Jukin said, his eyes focused over her shoulder.
She balled her fists in anger. "I told you to look at me."
"Lyssa, don’t," Sage said behind her.
"I don't have time for this," Jukin said, swaying slightly. "Get out of the way and let me—"
"Look at me!" she screamed, her voice echoing in the cavernous room. Jinjina's quiet sobs and Dorst's moans of pain faded away as Jukin's eyes flickered for a moment, then finally drew away from Sage to look at her.
"What am I looking at?" he snarled. "Aside from a sister who made a dumb mistake. Did you know that he's got another girlfriend? She's…."
He swallowed.
"That's right. For once in your stupid, self-absorbed life, take a good, long look at me," Lyssa whispered. "Because you sure as shit haven't been seeing me up until now."
"God in Leveman’s Vortex," he whispered, the gun falling out of his limp hand.
"Not in your office. Not in the Presidential Palace when I saved your ass the first time," she breathed. "Not when I proclaimed in front of all of those cameras that you were innocent even though I knew, I knew, you were complicit. But I apologized for you, I made excuses. And what did you do?" She shook her head. "You arrested everyone and you made me the most wanted pirate in the universe."
He staggered back, his eyes wide.
"And not once, not once, did it ever occur to you who I really was," Lyssa said. "Not even when you were threatening to blow my brains out. Not when I told you to do it."
"It’s you," Jukin whispered. "R-Razia…"
Jukin's face twisted in anguish, and he staggered back again, his hands coming to his face in horrified realization. She hoped he was reliving every single interaction they'd shared, every moment when he looked straight at her and didn't recognize his own flesh and blood.
"W-why would you do this to me?" Jukin growled. "Why would you betray me like this?"
"B…betray you?" Lyssa gasped. "Betray you? Do you not even remember when I was kidnapped? Do you not remember what you said to Tauron? You told him to go ahead and kill me!"
"I said no such thing!" Jukin gasped.
She snarled angrily. "You said, be my guest!"
"Because I knew the gun wasn't loaded!" Jukin barked back.
Her shoulders went slack as the world tilted. "You…what?"
"Pirates are awful, disgusting creatures, but I knew that gun wasn't loaded. There's no way he was planning on killing an eleven-year-old girl in cold blood."
"Then why…why didn't you…."
"The moment he called, I was scrambling to mount a rescue attempt. I had ships, I had men, but…he dropped you off."
Lyssa couldn't believe her ears.
"Why do you think I chose Tauron to capture?" Jukin said. "He threatened my family."
"You…you went after Tauron because of me?"
"McDougall didn't want me to go after any pirates," Jukin snarled. "Said whatever I did was on my own head, and I took it. He needed to pay for what he did to you—"
"He took care of me!" Lyssa bellowed, unable to breathe. "Leveman's, Jukin—he was the only person who ever gave a shit about me!"
"He had a gun to your head, Lyssa!" Jukin seethed. "How could you have possibly ever wanted to join a crew like that?"
"I don't know. Maybe because I thought my brother left me to die on a pirate ship!" She ran a hand through her hair, feeling the white ribbons Sera had placed there. "And if you cared so Goddamned much, why didn't you ever call? Why didn't you even check to see if I wasn't completely screwed up from the whole episode?"
"I asked after you, but everyone said you were fine, not bothered at all by it," Jukin said, falling into the pew to sit. "How was I to know you were—"
A rumbling interrupted their conversation and a shadow crossed over the light streaming through the window.
"And that is our cue," Sage said, gripping Lyssa's hand and pulling her down the aisle. She wordlessly glanced around at all the faces in the room. From happy, smiling, loving—now angry, disgusted. Hurt. She glanced at the mural on the wall, the river of fire. Nothing good ever lasted for her, did it?
