The Complete Razia Series, page 101
"Nothing would make me happier," Sera said with a kind smile. "Can you arrange pick up?"
***
The sound of her ship returning set Lyssa on edge. She hated that she'd had to ask Sera for help, but she was secretly glad for it. She was also secretly glad for Sage's departure. He'd been hovering over her, and she felt like he was watching every move she made, waiting for her to screw up. Having him gone for a few hours gave her a chance to breathe.
Sera arrived wearing a simple dress and a warm smile. Lyssa was too tired to ponder the oddity of having her sister, whom she'd hated for most of her life, fly six hours across the galaxy to help out with Ragen. So she accepted the hug and offered a smile as they ascended the stairs into the house.
Lyssa hadn't realized how many questions she had until she began asking them. To her relief, Sera, having had ten children of her own, was patient and knowledgeable, and informed Lyssa that every one of the things that scared her was perfectly normal.
"Your pediatrician isn't worried?" Sera asked, rocking Ragen slowly in her chair.
"No, but…I mean…" Lyssa ran a hand through her hair and wondered when she'd last showered. "I just feel like I'm going to do something wrong and…I didn't even bother to prepare for this kid. Leveman's, I didn't want this kid up until I…" She trailed off. "That's a lie. I wanted her."
Sera said nothing, but kept the soft smile on her face.
"But at the same time, I was scared to want her. And now I've got her, and I have no idea what I'm doing and…Sage spent the past nine months studying and learning everything he could, and he just…knows everything and—"
"And you've got the added bonus of being Ragen's mother," Sera interrupted gently. "No matter how many books you've read, there's no substitute for that gut feeling. You know what's best for her."
"Do I?"
"Of course you do," Sera said with a laugh. "She's doing just fine, I promise you." After a moment of silence, Sera tilted her head in concern. "But this anxiety seems to be more than the normal amount for a new mother. What's really bothering you?"
"I'm afraid…" Lyssa swallowed. "I'm afraid that if I screw up, Sage is going to leave with Ragen and I'll never see them again."
Sera's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why in Leveman's Great Vortex would you think a thing like that?"
"I just…I feel like if I were better at this…" Lyssa said, unsure where she was going or what she could do differently. "I don't want him to leave."
"He won't," Sera said, looking down at Ragen. "Look, why don't you go take a break? Ragen's been fed, and I'll handle any diaper changes. Go take a shower and a nap. We'll be fine for a little while."
Lyssa hesitated. "Are you sure—"
"Trust me. I've had ten children."
Robotically, Lyssa nodded and plodded across the hall to the guest room where she had her things. She'd told Sage that she wanted to sleep closer to Ragen, and he'd told her he could move the baby's crib up to the master bedroom. But she wasn't quite sure she could take that step with him yet.
She went to the connecting bathroom and turned on the water, stepping inside and letting her exhaustion fall over her. She was so distracted she didn't hear the door open or see the shower curtain move. But when his cold hands slid across her stomach, she jumped and nearly took his head off.
"Whoa!" he said, his hair already damp. "It's just me."
She stepped back from him, nervous about their closeness. If she were being honest with herself, she'd purposefully avoided being alone with him. Having the baby made all the uncomfortable conversations a lot easier to shove off.
"Are you okay with Sera here?" he asked.
She supposed the sound of the water running would rule out any eavesdropping, but she couldn't find her voice, so she nodded.
"Are you okay?"
She began to nod, but stopped herself. She was so tired and frustrated. Stepping forward, she pressed her cheek against his warm chest and closed her eyes.
"Look, I've been thinking," Sage said, his voice vibrating against her cheek. "Maybe you and I need to go talk to someone."
"Talk?"
"Like…someone who's good at figuring out what's wrong in relationships. And…"
"A shrink?" Lyssa took a step back. She vaguely remembered a joking threat about therapy when she'd embarrassingly apologized to him in front of the entire pirate population. But she hadn't thought he was serious.
"For the two of us," Sage said hastily, but Lyssa was fairly sure she knew which of them was the problem.
"I'll ask Bianco if…if she knows of anyone," Lyssa said.
"Hey," Sage said, tilting her chin up to look at him. "It's going to be okay. We're in this together, I promise." His smile turned into a smirk that was refreshingly similar. "Whether you like it or not."
His threat made her long for the days when she was comfortable around him, before they'd gone and ruined everything by having sex and getting pregnant and throwing things like love into it. She used to not give a crap whether he stayed or whether he went. Now she wasn't sure she could survive if he left.
Lyssa's sharp ears picked up on the sound of Ragen's wails, and she almost shoved Sage away as she flew out of the shower.
"Sera?"
"Diaper change," Sera's melodic voice called back. "She's just fine."
"See?" Sage said, wrapping a soft towel around her. "Nothing to worry about."
"Sage, there's everything to worry about!" Lyssa said, running a hand over her face. She couldn't even remember if she'd washed herself or merely stood under the running water. She could barely even remember her own name. She was just so tired.
He slid the towel over her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist , holding her in silence for a few minutes. The sleep which had been nagging at the edges of her brain came washing over her and she slumped against him, suddenly feeling the two weeks of sleepless nights.
She must've fallen asleep against him, as she vaguely was aware of him carrying her to the bed, wet hair and all. The last thing she remembered was closing her hand around his before she fell asleep.
***
Lyssa stared at the man across the room as if he were an alien. Dr. Boronat came highly recommended by Bianco, who was pleased that Lyssa and Sage were seeking help for their relationship. But as the days ticked down to their appointment, which they'd paired with Ragen's one-month check-up on D-882, Lyssa became more antsy and had picked a fight with Sage almost every day. She knew she was the reason they were there, and hated that everyone was playing along with the charade that Sage needed fixing too.
Boronat's big brown eyes were magnified behind thick glasses, and what was left of his brown hair was cropped short. His smile was kind and patient as they stared at each other.
"So, what brings you two in here today?" he asked.
All Lyssa's twenty-three years of holding her emotions inside came rushing to the forefront, and she clenched her jaw, saying nothing.
"We just need some help," Sage answered for her. "We just had the baby and we seem to be fighting…a lot."
"That's normal," Boronat replied.
Sage glanced at Lyssa to see if she was going to speak, but when she didn't, he continued, "Well, it's just…we fought a lot before the baby, and—"
"This is idiotic," Lyssa snapped.
"What is?" Boronat asked.
"It's obvious why we're here, and it's not because we're fighting," Lyssa said. "We're here because I am screwed up. He's perfect."
"I'm not perfect—"
"Lyssa, why do you think you're the only one to blame?" Boronat asked, waving his hand at Sage.
"Because I'm the one who picks fights, I'm the one who snaps and is angry and can't control my temper. I'm the one who's the problem." She swallowed and ran a hand over her face. "But I want to be better for Ragen. I just don't want her growing up like I did. Thinking that I don't love her."
"You don't think your parents loved you?"
Lyssa snorted. "I know my mother didn't. And my father…" She swallowed. "My whole life I'd thought he'd abandoned me because of something I did. And I think that it screwed me up. I just… I feel like I make people leave because…I'm not good enough, and…" She became aware that she was still talking, and Sage was staring at her. A hot blush crept up her face.
"Sage, if you don't mind, I think perhaps Lyssa and I need to have a conversation?" Boronat said after an excruciatingly long pause.
"Sure…" Sage said, standing and picking up the baby carrier. He paused and kissed Lyssa on the forehead. "I'll be right outside, okay?"
She nodded, but didn't look at him, still embarrassed at her overshare. The door clicked as it closed, and then it was just Lyssa and Boronat.
The good doctor crossed his legs and sat back. "So Lyssa, let's talk more about your father, hm?"
***
Sage glanced at the clock on the wall as he cradled Ragen in his arms. He'd been fairly sure Lyssa would've come storming out of the office ten minutes after going in, but to his surprise, the door to the office remained closed. Ragen had taken a nap, as if she knew that it was better for her mom to be in the office than feeding her.
But their allotted time was drawing to a close, and Sage was beginning to wonder what was going on inside.
The door opened, and Sage caught a glimpse of a red-faced, tear-stained Lyssa sitting on the couch before his gaze settled on the frazzled doctor in the doorway.
"This…is going to take a little longer than I thought," he said to his assistant outside. "Can you cancel the rest of my appointments for the day?"
The assistant nodded, and the doctor disappeared back behind the door. Sage gently placed Ragen in her carrier and shrugged at the receptionist. He then pulled out his mini-computer to check the latest standings, using his foot to rock the carrier as he brushed up on who had captured whom.
LYSSA AND SAGE AND THE CURIOUS QUESTION
The first thing that came to her awareness was the sound of the ocean crashing against the sand outside the open windows. Then the salty smell and the feel of the wind on her cheeks. Instinctively, she reached across the silky sheets until her fingers made purchase on the taught skin of his chest.
"Morning." His voice rumbled beneath her fingertips. "When'd you get back?"
"Late," she replied, not opening her eyes, but dancing her fingers along his chest. "Didn't want to wake you."
"Should have." His body moved under her hand and the weight of him settled on top of her. His mouth, so familiar and yet still thrilling, pressed against hers slowly and lazily. She writhed under him, aching for this closeness she hadn't felt in weeks—
Pat-pat-pat-pat
Her eyes flew open and stared into his. They sprang apart just as a brown-haired blur flew into the bed in the space they'd just occupied.
"Every damn time," Sage moaned, leaning back into the pillow.
"Hi, kiddo," Lyssa said, brushing the hair out of her daughter's cherubic face. Lyssa'd only been gone a week, but being separated from Ragen was never easy. Especially since what had once been a squalling and blinking baby was now a walking, talking, thinking tiny human. Four years had passed so quickly, almost in the blink of an eye.
"I drew a picture for you," Ragen announced, squirming on the bed in excitement. "Daddy said it's the best one I've ever drew."
"Drawn," Lyssa corrected mildly with a smile. "Daddy says that about everything you do."
"But he said this one was good!" Ragen said, scrunching her nose in annoyance.
"Of course it is!" Lyssa said after a nudge from Sage. "How about you run downstairs and draw one for me now? Give Mommy and Daddy a few minutes?"
"A few minutes?" Sage asked. "That's all?"
"You've been faster," Lyssa muttered.
"Faster at what?" Ragen asked with wide-eyed innocence.
"Faster at making breakfast," Lyssa said quickly.
"I want pancakes!" Ragen said, all memories of the drawing forgotten. "Daddy, make me pancakes."
Sage's grimace quickly melted into one of adoration. "Whatever you want, baby. Do you want to help me this time?"
"She can mix, no skillet."
"But Daddy taught me how to flip a pancake!"
Lyssa's gaze drifted over to Sage and she gave him a tired look.
"That was our secret, Little Bug," Sage said, reaching forward and tickling Ragen on her sides. Lyssa was mollified by the shrieks of her daughter, but the look she gave Sage was one that promised a later discussion on why he was letting their four-year-old near hot iron and oil. His response was to peck her on the cheek, and allow himself to be led out of the bedroom by the small girl.
Lyssa exhaled deeply and sank back into the pillows for a moment before getting up to join her little family downstairs.
***
Predictably, Ragen made a horrible, powdery mess in the kitchen, which took her parents almost an hour to clean. Lyssa's eyes kept drifting to her tablet on the couch, her mind still spinning with the possible bounties she could capture next, but years of mental training quietly dismissed those thoughts. She'd just spent a week working; it was time for a week of family. She'd bounty hunt after Ragen went to bed—and after she got some time alone with Sage.
Ragen sat at the kitchen table and colored, humming and talking to herself. She was wildly creative and imaginative, which Lyssa chalked up to Sage's genes, because Lyssa herself was about as creative as a wet mop. When the last dish was clean, Lyssa walked over to see what Ragen was drawing. At first, she thought the stick figure was her, until she saw the yellow curls.
"Auntie Lizzie?" Lyssa asked. Lizbeth's choice of name, not Lyssa's.
"Mm. She told me she wanted me to draw her something when we go visit."
"When are we…" Lyssa's eyes widened when they met Sage's across the room.
"You forgot, didn't you?" he said.
"I didn't forget," Lyssa snapped, looking to the universal time clock on the wall. She exhaled in relief; she still had five days before Lizbeth's wedding at her parents' house.
Lyssa still couldn't believe how Bo and Lizbeth had met. Lizbeth had been following an insurance fraud lead at Bo's father's spaceship dealership, and his father had sent Bo to deal with the investigator. Not only had Bo sold out his father, but he also asked Lizbeth on a date that very night. They'd had to be discreet until the investigation finished, which Bo celebrated by proposing to Lizbeth.
Lyssa had, of course, known about Bo, and tracked his every financial move while they dated to make sure he was on the up and up. But when Bo gave her the make and model of every pirate who'd ever bought a ship from his father, she'd fallen in love with him almost as much as Lizbeth had.
"I was hoping we could spend a few extra days there," Sage said. "Water's warm enough, and I think Ragen would love to go on the boat—"
"She is not going on a boat!" Lyssa gasped, the idea sending tremors of fear through her body.
"I wanna go on a boat!" Ragen chirped happily.
"When's Lizbeth getting there?" Lyssa asked, her eyes drifting down to the stick figure. "And Bo?"
"Why don't you ask her? She's calling you."
Lyssa saw her mini-computer screen lighting up across the room and dashed over to answer. On the screen, Lizbeth looked equal parts glowing and stressed. Her hair was pulled tight behind her ears and there were deep circles under her eyes.
She took one look at Lyssa and rolled her eyes mightily. "You forgot, didn't you?"
"I merely lost track of time for a few days," Lyssa replied. "I would never forget."
"Did you forget that you promised me you'd be here a few days early to help me get everything set up?"
"I…did forget that."
"Typical," Lizbeth scoffed. "I delivered your baby, you know."
Lyssa glanced over at the child drawing and humming at the table. "How long are you going to hold that against me?"
"Forever," Lizbeth said with a devilish grin. "But seriously, I need you here. How long until you—"
"We'll be leaving in just a few minutes," Sage said, draping an arm around Lyssa's shoulders. She shared a glance with him, and he winked at her then turned to Ragen. "Bug, go get your bag and pick out which doll you want to bring to Auntie Lizzie's."
Ragen's eyes lit up, and she scrambled away from the table, her coloring and drawing left forgotten. Sage released Lyssa's arm and went to tidy up after Ragen.
"I have to run. The caterer brought the wrong kind of fish and I've got to eviscerate someone. See you in a few hours!" Lizbeth said before the call went dark.
Lyssa slumped against the couch and let the mini-computer fall from her hand. "Did you pack—"
"Yep."
"And Ragen's things are—"
"All packed."
Lyssa sighed and a grin blossomed on her face. "I appreciate it."
Sage crossed the room. "How much do you appreciate it?"
"So very much." Lyssa tucked her fingers into his belt loops and pulled his hips against her. He leaned down and captured her lips, sliding his tongue along hers and pushing her up on the couch. She wrapped her legs around his waist and feeling the evidence of his arousal, she—
"Ewwww!" Ragen's squeal was like water on a fire. Lyssa dropped her legs from around Sage's hips and leaned back, sighing loudly. Sage shared a look of annoyance with Lyssa before forcing a smile onto his face and turning back to Ragen, quizzing her on the contents of her bag.
***
Lyssa hadn't been to the planet C-47478462 in almost five years, not since she, Sage, Lizbeth, and Sage's crew had taken an impromptu vacation. And then she'd been too preoccupied with bounty hunting and her own insecurities to really enjoy the sights and the company of Lizbeth's parents.
She landed her ship in a clearing where four other large ships were already parked. There was a transport truck standing at the ready to ferry guests from the clearing to Billie and Joe's house where the wedding would take place. Lyssa made sure Ragen was strapped in tight before they took off through the thick trees. She snuck a look over at Sage, and he winked at her. Lyssa was hoping they could finally get some alone time while they were there.
