The Roses of Feldstone, page 19
Chapter 18
Johanna and I were a flurry of activity, preparing for the ride to Feldstone. My room was covered in discarded clothing and hair ribbons.
“Are you certain we shouldn’t pack for an overnight stay? It is such a long ride.”
“Yes,” I said as she fastened the buttons on my traveling dress. Nothing would keep me at Feldstone Manor longer than I wanted to stay.
“What if the weather becomes too severe to travel, or a horse needs attention?” Johanna asked. That gave me pause. It would be quite uncomfortable if we were caught completely unprepared.
“I hadn’t thought of that. I would hate for us to need clothing and not have it ready. Perhaps we should pack an overnight trunk on the off chance something happens.”
Johanna smiled broadly. She was obviously happy with the thought of staying a night in the countryside.
“If all goes as planned, we won’t need it,” I reiterated.
“Yes, miss,” she answered, but she was still smiling.
William had a matching smile when he arrived exactly one hour later and saw my trunk.
“Oh, remove that broad grin from your face,” I said. “We are only bringing the trunk in case of emergencies.”
William tried to stop smiling, and he succeeded for the most part. However, as he watched the footman load the trunk onto the back of the carriage, I noticed the corners of his lips sneak up again.
After everything was situated to William’s satisfaction, I settled myself in the carriage and motioned for Johanna to sit next to me. Ever since William had arrived, I’d noticed Johanna sizing him up. As he entered the carriage, she looked him up and down unabashedly.
“You never told me how handsome Lord Telford is,” she whispered in my ear.
“I guess I never noticed,” I lied with a shrug.
William noticed our whispers and raised an eyebrow at me in question. He must know Johanna was commenting on his appearance. Her appraising glances were anything but discreet. As handsome as he was, whispers among ladies must have been a constant annoyance to him.
“You have something on your face,” I said, motioning with my hand on my cheek in explanation.
He laughed, a low rumbling sound that started deep in his belly. Not once did he reach to wipe off any nonexistent dirt. I should have known better than to try to misdirect him. He always had been able to read my thoughts.
“Johanna, isn’t it?” William said, addressing my maid. She looked up at him with a start, a blush already forming along her neck. “I am not allowed to converse with your mistress, but I must compliment you on how well you have done as a lady’s maid in getting her ready. She looks absolutely stunning.”
“Thank you, Lord Telford, although I must admit it is easy to make Miss Davenport presentable.”
I gave Johanna a nudge on her shoulder, and she looked at me, surprised. “Please don’t encourage him,” I said into her ear.
“Pardon me, miss,” she said, scooting farther down in her seat. Then sotto voce, she added to me alone, “But I really do think someone should.” After she looked away from me, she fluttered her eyelids at William, and he responded with a pleasant, encouraging smile that brought out the crinkles next to his eyes.
I took a deep breath. This was going to be a very long carriage ride.
“So, tell me, Johanna, does Miss Davenport ever command you not to speak to her, or does she save such treatment for me?”
Johanna sat back up in her seat. “As far as I know, you are the only one.”
“Hmm,” William said, putting his hand on his chin. “I am trying to decide whether that is an honor or a bad omen.”
“Based on how many times she had me redo her hair, I would consider it an honor,” Johanna said.
“Johanna!” I hissed. “Was I wrong to assume you value your job?”
“Sorry, miss,” she said quickly.
“We can find other things to talk about,” William said to her, “even though I am quite sure your position is safe enough. I doubt Rose will punish you for my indiscretions.”
Johanna quirked an eyebrow in my direction when she heard him call me by my given name. “Could you perhaps tell me about Feldstone?” she asked.
William went into great detail telling Johanna about the estate. He mentioned the apple tree and how we used to pluck apples from it. He talked of the bridge with family names carved into stone. “Someday my name will be there, as well as my family’s names,” he said with a palpable wistfulness. After an hour, Johanna finally seemed to tire of the novelty of a young and handsome gentleman conversing with her and fell asleep. Her head tottered back and forth a few times, then came to rest on my shoulder. I knew she would be embarrassed by it when she woke up, but I let her be. I had assumed the ride would improve once William had no one to speak to, but it didn’t. He wasn’t allowed to speak to me, but I should have also forbidden his looking in my general direction.
His eyes found mine every few minutes and always contained a mysterious glint, as if he knew something good was coming. I couldn’t break my own rules and ask him what he was thinking about, so I just stared right back at him. I’m positive my eyes showed something more melancholy. To me, it felt as if something good was about to come to an end.
I eventually just closed my eyes and ignored him, and it wasn’t long before I fell asleep. After what must have been hours of fitful sleep, I awoke to a loud thumping. Johanna jerked to a sitting position, and we both looked around the carriage in alarm. William lifted his gloved hand to the ceiling of the carriage and banged his fist to it two more times. The carriage immediately began to slow.
“Sorry to wake you,” William said to Johanna. “You may inform your mistress that I am stopping here,” William said. “We are nearly to Feldstone, and I have one errand to attend to before meeting you there.”
“You are leaving me to go on alone?” I asked in shock. He looked at me and, in a mocking way, mimed with his hands the message that he couldn’t answer my question.
“Let’s just be done being ridiculous, shall we?” I asked, ignoring the fact that I was the one who had insisted on such foolish rules. “You may speak to me.”
William let out a huge burst of air as if he had been holding it throughout the carriage ride. “Thank you,” he said. “I’m stopping here because this is the nearest point on the road that passes by the Wrights’ home, and they have an item I have entrusted them with. I am simply going to retrieve it, and then I’ll head back to the manor. I’ll only be a few minutes behind you. As I recall, you wanted to talk to my mother before I could anyway.”
“But I haven’t an invitation to your home. How will I get in?” I asked.
“I imagine Howard will let you in, assuming he can still open the front door. That door will probably outlast the stonework on the building.” He tipped his hat to us both and then swung the carriage door open and jumped out.
“Wait! William, I have something I need to discuss with the Wrights. Perhaps I should come with you.”
“Sorry, Rose, you need to talk to my mother first. I can’t let you see my errand here,” William said.
“But I don’t know if I will have another chance to see them on this trip.”
“Perhaps I could relay a message for you.” William’s hand was on the carriage door as he waited for my reply. I really would have liked to make my supplication in person. But I knew he cared about Adam as much as I did, and there really wouldn’t be much time to stop on the way home.
“I wanted to ask them about Adam.”
“Isn’t he at a school in Suffolk?”
“He is, but I want to bring him here.” William’s eyebrow rose, and I realized my presumption. I had nothing to do with this estate. “I mean, to the Wrights’. I thought they might be willing to take him in. In a few years, I am sure he could provide valuable help on the farm.”
“I will ask them for you. This would be a better place for him than a boarding school, especially at his age.” It definitely would, especially since his support was about to be withdrawn, but I didn’t mention that to William.
“Thank you, William.”
He gave me a nod and shut the carriage door softly. “I’ll see you at Feldstone,” he said, waving his hat as he walked a few steps backward, away from the carriage. His long legs would make short work of the journey, and then I would need to face him again. As bad as this journey had been, the ride home was going to be even worse.
“I am so happy to finally see Feldstone Manor!” Johanna said, and I tore my eyes away from William’s retreating back. “I have heard so much about it; it will be like visiting a long-lost relative,” Johanna declared. She had made similar declarations to William throughout the first hour of the journey, and now that we were nearing the estate, she seemed to feel the need to repeatedly let me know how much she had anticipated the view of Feldstone. It was too bad Johanna had never had the chance to come with us during Michaelmas. By all rights, she should have been there as my lady’s maid.
“Thank you again for coming with me on such short notice and for such a short trip. I am afraid we will not be there long. Just long enough for me to speak with Lady Chatsworth and have the horses rest. I would hate for the two of us to have to stay at an inn.” I shuddered and absentmindedly scratched my arm. The thought of staying in a bed at an inn was much more sickening than a carriage ride.
I took a deep breath and rehearsed in my mind what I needed to do. The last time I had seen Lady Chatsworth, I had treated her most abominably, and here I was about to do it again. I couldn’t help but feel that I was using her as a way to keep William away from me. She was so delicate I wondered what the shock of finding out what William and her husband had done in the garden would do to her.
My words really could hurt William’s mother, which was quite possibly the worst thing I could do to him, but I was tired of being the victim of William’s decisions. I wanted Lady Chatsworth to know that I had seen the honor it would have been to marry into their family and how delighted I would have been to have her as a mother-in-law. It was her son who didn’t want that.
“Oh! It is beautiful!” Johanna exclaimed as Feldstone came into view, with its hard lines and wild forests. My breath caught as it always did, but this time, it was even more poignant knowing it would be my last visit.
“It is, isn’t it?” I said. “Beautiful in a fearsome way. If strength could be beauty, I feel Feldstone would be the most sought-after estate in England.”
I hadn’t ever arrived at an estate without having a proper invitation before, and I was not quite sure how it was supposed to be done. As the carriage rolled to a stop and we descended, I decided that the only thing to do was knock and hope for the best.
“It won’t do for me to go through the front,” Johanna said. “I will find the back entrance and see about asking the cook to prepare some tea for you. It will be a long carriage ride back, and you will need some sustenance before we leave.”
I nodded, glad that at least one of us knew what to do. I watched Johanna as she found her way around the house. A stableman noticed our arrival and came to offer the coachman some assistance. Everyone else knew what they should be doing. I took a deep breath and started on my task. The first step was to get into the home.
I rapped loudly at the door and waited for it to open. The door was so large and heavy, it seemed to be set there to keep people out, not let them in.
Eventually, I heard Mr. Howard, the butler, pulling the door slowly open with all of his might. His eyes widened at the sight of me standing outside the door, but he hid his surprise quickly. “Miss Davenport, will you please come in?” he asked. I stepped over the threshold and into the foyer that, up until this morning, I had been certain I would never see again. “Perhaps you could wait in the drawing room while I inform Lady Chatsworth of your arrival.”
“Thank you, Mr. Howard.”
“Will you be staying for some time?” he asked, most likely concerned that they had made no preparations for overnight guests. Poor man. How could they have when I had given them no notice?
“No, I am just here for a short visit. My maid and I will be leaving this afternoon.”
He gave me a nod and then backed out of the room. I walked over to the fireplace to try to get warm. The carriage had been frigid, and I wanted to be completely warmed over before I had to get back in it to go home.
My ears were tuned to any sound in the house. I knew that at any moment I would hear Lady Chatsworth’s steps and I would have to face her for the first time since I had been completely discourteous to her. I rubbed my hands nervously in front of the fire. Hopefully, she had forgiven me.
I didn’t hear her steps, but I did hear the doorknob turn. I swiftly turned to face the door, and Lady Chatsworth entered the room. She had gotten here fast enough that I knew she must not have been in bed. Her face showed surprise at my being here, but luckily, I saw nothing of the contempt I was positive she would feel toward me.
“Lady Chatsworth, thank you for meeting with me, even though I didn’t think to send word that I was coming. I am afraid there wasn’t time for it. I only decided to come here this morning,” I blurted out in explanation. “I have something to tell you, but first, I must apologize not only for coming uninvited but also for my outburst the last time I saw you. My rudeness was inexcusable and unprecedented.”
“It may have been unprecedented but hardly inexcusable,” Lady Chatsworth said. “Besides, you were completely correct. It is shameful that I have made my son so unhappy these past few years. He has done so much to try to help me be content, but I was too deep in my own misery to notice.” She took both of my hands in hers and held them tightly. Her smile showed all of her straight teeth; William must have gotten his mesmerizing smile from her. More than her verbal reassurances, her nearness made me feel that I was indeed forgiven.
“I know he was happy to do everything he did for you,” I said.
“No, that is not true. I don’t think this marriage scheme has made him happy at all. It has made him quite miserable, and I know I rushed him on things that naturally take time. I have already told him to forget about the requirement. He can marry when the right woman for him agrees to it. I have been so happy in my marriage; I just wanted the same thing for William.”
“You told him what?” If she no longer held William to that deadline, why had he come to London in order to court me? He was in no rush now.
“I told him he didn’t need to be married anytime soon. I want him to be as happy as I have been in my marriage. And truthfully, it may take him some time to recover from your rejection.”
“I am glad to know you’re happy with Lord Chatsworth. Not all marriages are so fortunate,” I said, not willing to talk about William and me yet. Her words were confusing me, and I wondered if my plan in coming here was going to backfire after all.
“Do you mean your parents? They seem happy enough,” Lady Chatsworth said, surprised.
“They are happy, I suppose, individually. But together . . . I don’t think they ever found love like you and Lord Chatsworth did.”
“Is that why you refused William? You weren’t confident you could grow to love him?”
Grow to love William? He must have done a convincing job of telling her I was the one who had refused him. Growing to love William was the least of my concerns. More than anything, I needed to start forgetting him.
“Actually, that is the reason I came to visit you.” I paused and looked her up and down for any signs of ill health. “Would you mind if we sat?”
“Of course not. How could I forget my manners? I suppose I was just too surprised at seeing you.” Lady Chatsworth led us over to the deep-purple velvet settee and motioned for me to sit next to her. Happy to have her sitting for what I had to say, I gritted my teeth. It was time to tell her why I had come and be done with it.
“I wanted to tell you that I never refused William. He proposed, and I accepted his proposal.”
I waited for her to question me on what exactly happened, but instead, she laughed. “Oh, Rose! That is wonderful! When he told me you refused him, he was so heartbroken.”
I stared at her, confused.
“No, I don’t think you understand. He rejected me. I told him I would marry him, but he returned home to tell you the opposite.”
“Why would he have done that?”
“The most obvious reason is that I am unsuitable. Your husband was there and actually made that quite clear.”
“I don’t know what happened in that garden, Rose. It sounds as though I need to talk to my husband about it, but I do know my son, and he didn’t refuse you. Did you do or say anything that might have made him feel as though you didn’t want to marry him?”
I was quite certain my actions during our kiss had been hard to mistake. But after the kiss . . . who had been the first one to claim that the only reason we were going to marry was because of Lady Chatsworth? Surely it was William.
He was the one who had mentioned my faults.
Which had bothered me.
It had bothered me enough that I had quickly pointed out to Lord Chatsworth that I only agreed because of Lady Chatsworth. Could my declaration have convinced William I had no desire to marry him?
I heard a light knock, and William walked through the drawing room door. He must have kept a good pace on his walk here from the Wrights’. In his hand, he held a small pot with a dry stick rising out of the dirt inside of it. I stood up quickly enough for the blood to rush to my feet. I felt oddly self-conscious; he must have known we were just speaking of him.
