The Roses of Feldstone, page 13
Only it wasn’t William. He looked like William, only paunchier and not as well kept. His face was more burnished by the sun. I stepped back and inhaled a large breath.
“Miss Davenport?” William-Who-Was-Not-William asked.
Joseph.
“Lord Tel . . .” I began and then realized my faux pas. He was no longer Lord Telford; William was.
“It is Mr. Lawrence now.” He laughed. And it sounded like William. I didn’t remember them being so similar. Joseph had always been so much larger than William, and while he was still larger, it was no longer by much. William had slowly grown into a man in front of my eyes, and I hadn’t realized how much he looked like his older brother until now.
Everyone in the drawing room must have heard the commotion because most of them filed out to see what was going on. My mother must have stayed on the settee.
“Joseph!” William’s angelic wife called out to his brother. She pronounced his name with a strong accent on the last syllable. She is not English, I thought with a shock.
“Estoy bien,” Joseph replied and then walked over to her and put his arm around her waist. “I am fine,” he said in English for everyone else’s sake.
I looked in confusion at Joseph’s arm wrapped around the woman’s waist. Slowly, the world slid into place. It had been Joseph in the park. The beautiful baby girl that William had been holding was Joseph’s child. And the woman, whose name I really should learn now, was Joseph’s wife. The woman he’d given his title up for. I looked over at the two of them together. They seemed so comfortable and secure in each other’s arms, and for the first time, I understood why Joseph had given up everything. It was not for her; it was for them.
“But, Miss Davenport?” Lady Chatsworth asked. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, of course,” I said and then shook my head as if to clear it. “But I really should go to my room.”
William, still with concern written on his face, walked over to me and put my arm through his. “Let me help you to your room.”
I jerked away from him. I could see that he was confused and hurt by my reaction to him, but I was still in shock over the whole evening. William wasn’t married. He wasn’t even meeting with someone clandestinely. It should be fine for him to help me, but I was not quite over my feelings of betrayal, no matter how ridiculous they were. “I’m not a child!” I said, snapping at him as if I were a dog protecting a bone. “I can make it to my room on my own.” I took a few clumsy steps while William watched in confusion. “Mr. Lawrence, I am sorry for running into you. Lady Chatsworth, please excuse me for the evening. I am quite certain I will feel well enough tomorrow to visit with everyone, but for tonight, I fear I need some rest.”
“Of course, Rose, you are like family. Make yourself at home.”
I gave her a nod and headed up the stairs. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I ascended each step. I knew they were watching me out of concern, but I couldn’t help but wish they would all head back into the drawing room. I was quite through with being the center of attention.
Chapter 12
No one came to my room to check on me until after dinner, for which I was grateful. It gave me time to process what had happened. William was not married. I had made a fool of myself for no reason. It didn’t change anything though. He was still actively looking for a wife, and it wouldn’t be me. Which was fine, I reminded myself. I just needed to avoid him from now on. I couldn’t keep causing such scenes.
Lydia was the one who came to help me dress for bed. I had hoped Elizabeth would come to check on me when she arrived, but she hadn’t.
“Did my sister and her family arrive?” I asked Lydia.
“Oh no, miss, did nobody tell you?” My heart went to my throat as I thought of all the terrible things that may have happened to Elizabeth. “Apparently they started on their way, and your sister became violently ill. They returned immediately to their London home so she could rest.”
“No one told me. I haven’t seen anyone since this afternoon.”
“Really?” she asked. “I heard there was a note for you specifically. After you are ready for bed, I’ll find it for you.” She helped me into my nightgown and then motioned for me to sit at the vanity so she could undo the pins in my hair.
I sat obediently but didn’t have the patience to wait for my letter until my hair was brushed out. “Could you perhaps fetch it for me now? My hair can wait,” I said, turning to look at her instead of my wan expression in the mirror.
“Of course, miss.”
I couldn’t help but fidget as I waited for her to return. Eventually, I started yanking the hairpins out of my hair myself. When they were all gone, I sighed in relief. I grabbed the brush and began pulling it through my hair in quick, brusque strokes. The pain on my scalp was a welcome distraction. Lydia should be back by now. I stood and made my way to the other side of the room. Hoping to see her coming down the hallway, I pulled open the door.
She wasn’t there, but William was. He looked as if he had been pacing outside the door, and he turned expectantly at the sound of the creaking hinges. His face fell when he saw that it was me coming out of the room. And then he seemed to take in my appearance. I had not thought to put on my dressing gown over my nightdress, as I was only going to open the door to look for Lydia. My nightgown covered much more of me than any gown I wore, but with just one layer of cotton separating us, it felt as if I were wearing a lot less. My dark hair fell to my waist in brushed but otherwise completely wild and untamed locks. I saw his eyes follow the length of it and then stop at my waist, as if mesmerized. I hastily grabbed my thick mane near the nape of my neck, pulled it to one side, and held it together with both my hands.
My action seemed to wake him from his shock. He gave me a small nod in greeting. It seemed overly formal for the situation. “I was hoping to catch the lady’s maid,” he said, clearing his throat. He seemed to be having a hard time knowing where to look. He finally settled on a spot just above my head.
“She went to go fetch a letter for me.”
“Ah, well. I was only going to ask after you, to see if you had improved at all.”
“I am quite well now.”
“Yes, I see that.” He reddened slightly and once again tried to find a place to focus his eyes. They first went back to my hair, then down the hallway, until finally they rested on mine. “I haven’t seen you looking so unwell before,” he explained. “I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t gotten worse.” His eyes held mine fast while he talked, as if he was willing himself to look nowhere else. It made me realize how often he looked elsewhere when talking to me at balls and in drawing rooms. “I will leave you now to rest. I’m happy to see you looking so much better.”
“Thank you, William.”
His chest rose in one large, slow breath. And then he turned to leave.
“William,” I called after him. He stopped, and with one hand clenching the outside of his leg, he turned around.
“What happened at dinner tonight?” I asked. “Has your father softened his position toward your brother?”
He gave me a quiet smile that left me wistful for earlier days. “At first, he was livid. But just like with my mother, little Sophia melted his heart. He tried not to show it, but we all saw how he fell in love with his granddaughter.”
“Good. They seem very happy.”
“They do.” William stepped to the side of the hallway and leaned his back against the wall. I saw his body relax as he looked at the wall across from him instead of in my vicinity. “You know, I have spent the last two years trying so hard not to be like Joseph. I have put my family first and have tried to keep mother as happy as possible. I always told myself that I never could be happy being as selfish as Joseph has been.”
“No one can claim that you have been anything but filial,” I said, not understanding where he meant to go with this.
His head slid backward and hit the wall behind him. A low curse escaped his lips, and he struck his head slowly against the wall one more time. “Well, apparently I have no idea how to manage my life. Joseph is happy, and I am miserable.”
“You have only begun to look for a wife. I am certain you will be able to find someone who can make you as happy as Mrs. Lawrence has made your brother.”
He pushed himself off the wall and faced me once again. His eyes looked black in the dim hallway. “But I still couldn’t do it, Rose. I couldn’t hurt my parents like he did. Even as jealous as I am of his position, even as my heart breaks when I watch with envy the smiles and small touches they share when they think nobody’s watching. I see the fruit of their love in that beautiful little girl, and I want it all. This is more heart wrenching than when he left, and I think I might be a terrible person for begrudging him his happiness.”
“I believe I have seen the worst of you, William, and even I know you are not a terrible person.”
“I wish I could lay with my head in your lap in the garden again.” He smiled a sad half-smile. “But we are past that point, aren’t we?”
The hall was silent. Some of the smells from dinner still wafted through the air. I tried to think of the food I had missed rather than the pain I had endured for the past week. Thinking he was in love with someone, thinking he was married, and then still knowing he would be married someday. I couldn’t handle another moment like that in the garden. It would kill me when the time came to finally let him go. “I can’t . . .”
“I know.” William gave me a low bow, and when he came up, he was smiling as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “I am glad to see you feeling so much better. I hope we have the pleasure of your company at dinner tomorrow night.”
“I’m sure you will. Good night, Lord Telford.”
He smiled at my use of his title and then stepped forward to take my right hand away from my hair, which I had managed to keep holding throughout the exchange. My hair tumbled loose again, and William placed the briefest of kisses on my knuckles. “Good night, Miss Davenport.” His smile was gone when he turned to leave, and I watched him walk away, with my fingers still tingling from his touch.
Lydia returned only a few moments later and found me sitting in front of the mirror. I cleared my throat and smoothed down my nightdress. I hoped my agitation from my conversation with William was not apparent.
“Here you go, miss,” she said as soon as she walked through the door.
I grabbed the letter from her and tore it quickly open.
My Sweet Rose,
My hands shake as I write this, for I truly tried to make it as far as I could to be with you at Feldstone Manor for the weekend. I know how desperately you needed my moral support. After our second stop (in only a half hour of travel) so I could be ill, Charles demanded that we return home. I hope you have no fear for me; I am ill for the happiest of reasons, but I am despondent that I will not be able to make it. I will await your return to London with hopes that you were able to bear the time well.
If all else fails, you can hide in your room.
Forever yours,
Elizabeth
My fear melted away as I understood the reason Elizabeth had stayed home. I smiled as I folded the paper and placed it in a drawer in the dresser.
“It seems that your sister must be better.”
“Oh, no. She is quite ill.” My smile grew broader. I must look like a very wicked sister, indeed.
“Oh,” Lydia said, not quite sure how to respond to my statement.
“You must be so busy now that Lady Chatsworth is in need of your services. I am sorry my mother doesn’t make arrangements for Johanna to come with me.”
“You are only here for a few days; please don’t be concerned about me! Mostly, we are all just happy to see Lady Chatsworth so well.” She raised her eyebrow as she inspected my wild hair. “I see you have already started on your hair.”
“It is wonderful, isn’t it? Seeing Lady Chatsworth feeling better, I mean.”
“Your hair is magnificent, but yes, Lady Chatsworth’s health has made quite a difference in the house. Rooms that haven’t been opened for the past two years are finally being aired. There are parties again. Lord Chatsworth is a fine gentleman, but other than inviting your family to come for a hunting visit, he never planned any social visits.” Lydia looked truly happy to have the house come alive, even though that must mean more work for all the servants. “Now that Lady Chatsworth is well, I am worried about you, miss. I hear you were quite ill after the carriage ride.”
“That’s true. Carriages never have settled well with me.”
“Yes, but it seemed worse this time.”
“Perhaps it was, but I’m feeling much better now.”
“It seems you missed an exciting dinner. Lord Chatsworth was not happy at all to have his eldest son return.” I had heard this from William, but I couldn’t tell Lydia that. “He cheered up eventually though. When he heard the young master say he would be heading to India.”
“India? Mr. Lawrence will be moving to India?”
“Yes. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying what we overheard, but I figured your parents were there and you would have been had you not been ill.” Lydia looked nervous telling about what had occurred at dinner.
“Surely none of this is secret if they were discussing it at dinner?” I prompted her.
“Well, yes, but still . . .”
“Why would Mr. Lawrence and his family move to India?”
“He is going to try to make a name for himself in the military,” she said. “Apparently, Spain didn’t work out well for them, and in England, he is too well-known. He doesn’t want his wife and daughter to feel the pressures of what he gave up to be with them. He will return to England when he has earned enough to settle somewhere quiet in the English countryside.”
“I guess that makes sense,” I said, although I couldn’t imagine bringing a family on a voyage like that.
“Yes, but Lady Chatsworth seemed to lose some of her spark when the conversation turned this way. I am not sure how well she will handle being separated from her family once again.”
“I hope she will be able to handle it, for William’s sake.”
“We all hope that, but she wasn’t able to the first time around.” Lydia once again looked guilty about speaking about her employer in such a manner. “If Lord Telford gets married, he will have children of his own soon. Lady Chatsworth will be happy, I am certain.”
“I hope you are right.”
“If I’m not, Lord Telford will do something to make her happy,” Lydia said with a smile. She had great respect for William. Everyone did.
Lydia finished my braid and tied a ribbon to the end of my hair. “Is there anything else I can do for you, miss?”
“No, I just need a good night’s sleep. Thank you, Lydia.”
She curtsied and made her way to the door. Just before opening it, she turned to me. “Sleep well, Miss Davenport. I am looking forward to making up your hair tomorrow. Don’t disappoint me by staying in bed.” It sounded like something she probably would have said to Lady Chatsworth before she’d started feeling better.
“You worry about Lady Chatsworth and Mrs. Lawrence. Plan something spectacular for them. I will see if Mother can spare Judith for half an hour tomorrow. Thank you for everything, Lydia.” She gave me a nod and a smile and then was out the door.
Chapter 13
“C’est beau!” I beamed at Mrs. Lawrence. After an uneventful morning, we had been in the drawing room for the past two hours, working on embroidery. My eyes were starting to burn, and my back was stiff from sitting on the unforgiving high-backed chairs.
She blushed at my compliment, and I was struck once again by her beauty.
Mrs. Lawrence’s stitching was unparalleled, and I wanted to ask how she had come to have such talent. I had been led to believe she was a rather low-born woman, but having such skills seemed to belie that statement. Unfortunately, I knew almost no Spanish, and although she spoke some French, neither of us was able to speak it well enough to have a serious conversation.
“Mr. Lawrence?” I asked. I hadn’t seen the men all day, for which I was grateful, but I was starting to wonder where they had all gone.
Mrs. Lawrence just shrugged her shoulders. Apparently, she didn’t know either. She seemed extremely sweet, but pantomime made for an exhausting afternoon, and I was glad when it was time to retire to my room to prepare for dinner. I assumed she felt the same way.
“Mama,” I said before leaving the drawing room. “Could you perhaps send Judith to me before dinner? Lydia is already preparing Lady Chatsworth’s hair, and now she needs to help Mrs. Lawrence as well.”
“But my hair is getting so much more complicated as I get older. Your hair looks wonderful no matter how you arrange it. In fact, it looks lovely now; no need to change it for dinner.”
“Mother! It is in a cap. I will not be wearing a cap to dinner.” She hated it when I called her mother.
“Oh, fine. Then I will send Judith after she is done with my hair. But I don’t think she is going to appreciate the extra work.”
“Thank you, Mama. I’ll retire now and see you at dinner.” I gave my mother and Mrs. Lawrence a curtsy and quickly made my way to my room.
***
“I don’t see any reason why you should remove to India!” Lady Chatsworth was telling Joseph as dinner began. “There is plenty of room here at the estate. Your family should just remain here.” I could see the agitation in her countenance. Some of the bags from earlier had returned under her eyes, and she was nervously pulling at her napkin.
“That’s kind of you, Mother, but we need a plan that goes further into the future. I won’t be raising my family on my brother’s estate. No offense, William.”
“None taken, although I hope you know that you would always be welcome here in the home.” He eyed his father and then added quietly, “If it were up to me, it would still be yours to inherit.”
Lord Chatsworth banged his fist on the table. “Enough, William! We will not be discussing this at the dinner table. We went over it enough this morning. The estate is yours. Joseph could have ten daughters, for all I care. The heir has been changed by law, and there is no recourse for changing it back, not to mention that production has consistently increased by 10 percent since you have taken over.”
