The Roses of Feldstone, page 18
“Nor should you, Lord Blakeley. Now,” William said, clasping his hands together, “I fear the lady has asked you to leave.”
Lord Blakeley released the settee, came right up next to me, grabbed my hand, and pressed it to his lips. “I sometimes wonder at your judgment with the company you keep. I can’t keep sending away all the questionable characters you collect,” he said, and then he stalked out of the room.
“What did he mean about that day in Hyde Park?” William asked as soon as Lord Blakeley left the room. “Are you still meeting with that man as well?”
I rolled my eyes at William. “The reason Lord Blakeley keeps assuming that man is you is because I thought it was you. But I was wrong; it was your brother. So please just tell me what it is you want to say. I was unforgivably rude to a good friend to hear what it is, and I will not waste time explaining things that are insignificant.”
“Why would seeing Joseph in Hyde Park be distressing to you?”
I had humiliated myself in front of William so many times. I wasn’t sure why fate wanted me to be mortified again. I was grateful my mother hadn’t managed to pinch my cheeks; they had been aflame one too many times this morning as it was. “I misread the situation. Now, please, William, what is it you needed to talk to me about?”
“Was he with Lucinda?” he asked quietly.
I didn’t trust my voice enough to answer him. I could see that once again my heart would be visible enough for William to stomp on it.
“Was he with Lucinda?” he asked again, moving away from the sofa he had been sitting on and coming closer to me. He certainly was persistent in wanting to cause me distress.
“Why are you acting this way?” My frustration finally gave me a voice. “What are you even doing? Dancing with me, coming to call! Can’t you just leave me alone? Haven’t you done enough?” I could handle not being engaged to William; I had never thought it would actually happen. But I couldn’t handle almost being engaged to him and then continuing on as if we were friends.
“After you left Feldstone, I missed you, Rose. And now that I am near you again, I still miss you. I miss you the most when you are right there next to me but forever out of my reach.”
“William.” I could hear a tremor in my voice, but I hoped William couldn’t. “Please try not to say things that are just going to confuse me. I thought everything was settled between us.”
“That is what I am trying to say. And perhaps I am rushing again, but I don’t like how we have settled things.” He stopped inching forward just a few breaths away from me.
“What does that even mean? Please stop speaking in riddles!” I said, wishing he were farther away.
“It means I am trying to court you!” His voice rose in frustration to match my own. “I am sorry if my skills are so lacking that you weren’t able to notice.” His hands dropped to his side.
“But why?” I asked. There could be no possible reason why.
“I know I rushed you at Feldstone. I had never even asked you to dance. I can hardly count Elizabeth’s meddling as an invitation from me. And yet, I was hoping after that bumbling proposal in the garden that you would agree to marry me? I realize now that I was too hurried. I should have taken my time, tried to make you fall in love with me.”
“Why are you so bent on me falling in love with you?” My hands were curled up like claws at my waist. “Haven’t you caused me pain enough?”
“I am not trying to cause you pain. I want to marry you! Before you left the manor, you were the one who told me I deserve to get what I want. It’s you, Rose. Having you with me for the rest of my life is the one thing I want.” His eyes were fervent, but so had they been at Feldstone just before he’d kissed me. All it had taken was one word from his father, and it had become apparent it had all been an act to please his mother. I didn’t dare let my heart hope that he might mean what he was saying.
“Did your mother tell you to do this?” I asked. It was the only thing I could think of that would explain his change of heart.
He walked away from me and over to the dark-oak credenza at the side of the room. He rubbed the side of it with his fingertips, hesitant to answer my question. With his eyes on his hands, he said, “I worry that if I answer that, you will misunderstand.”
“So she did.” I steeled my heart against him, grateful I hadn’t allowed myself to fall once again into his trap.
“Well, yes,” he admitted. “When I told her that you refused me, she did say I should try courting you in earnest to see if I could get you to change your mind.”
“But I didn’t refuse you, did I, William?” Every time I got closer to him, he hurt me, and I couldn’t let that happen again. I knew his father didn’t actually approve of me as a wife, so even if this could make his mother happy, I wasn’t sure William would want to go against his father’s wishes. “Let’s go over what happened at Feldstone, shall we? You accosted me and left me there, feeling like I had been used. I agreed to marry you, which must not have been something you truly wanted, for you certainly escaped that situation as soon as your father gave you an out. I cannot take any more of this confusion. I need you out of my life, William. I need you to go.”
“You’re right,” he said, looking empty. “Of course you are right. I’ll go.” I bit my lip, waiting for him to leave me once again. At least this time it was of my own doing. He didn’t though. He watched me. And when he started to move, instead of making his way to the door, he came back to my side. I felt an angry tear slip from the corner of my eye, and he reached up to wipe it away with his thumb. “I am so sorry, Rose. Miss Davenport,” he corrected himself. “I didn’t mean it.”
“I know you didn’t mean it!” I said, stomping my foot like a three-year-old. “Trust me, I know you didn’t mean it.” His hand was still on my cheek, and he lifted the other to my other cheek. “What do you want now?” I asked, frustrated that he was still in the room, that he was touching me. I didn’t have the strength to tell him to leave again. “Do you want to pretend we are engaged again?”
William dropped his hands. “No, I don’t want to pretend to be engaged again,” he said with disgust.
“Good,” I replied. I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him. Because he shouldn’t be the only one who got to drive the other to the brink of insanity, and because I was starting to forget what his lips tasted like.
For a second, he stood completely still, and I didn’t care. I kissed him with all the pent-up anger I felt at our situation. I knew he didn’t want this. He had said as much when he’d said he didn’t want to pretend to be engaged. My lips were hard against his soft ones, and I molded them to mine with my head tilted first to the left and then the right. I put my hands behind his head and grabbed two fistfuls of hair and pulled him even more forcefully toward me. I heard a clink and felt the sweet pain of our teeth hitting together. What am I doing? I can’t be kissing William. I started to loosen my grip on his hair when his hands came to my waist and he pulled me closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me slowly but forcefully. The strength of his embrace caused my feet to lift slightly off the floor. It was as if he was afraid of losing me, as if he never wanted to let me go. It wasn’t true though, and I didn’t want to start believing it, so I quickly pushed away from him.
“There,” I retorted, hoping my voice sounded unaffected. “Now we have both kissed the other one when they didn’t want it.” I tried to catch my breath and prayed William would not see through my deception. I had wanted that kiss. But he could never know it.
Instead of being upset, William laughed. “Did I act at all like I didn’t want that? If this is how you would like to be convinced that I am serious in my intentions, I am happy to oblige.” He stepped forward with a smile of anticipation on his face.
I stepped away from him. “No! Any time we get closer, any time you make me feel that you might actually care for me, you hurt me immediately thereafter. I’ve had enough, William. This all needs to stop. Or . . . or . . . I am going to tell your mother I didn’t refuse you.”
“Sorry?” William stopped midstep, furrowed his heavy eyebrows, and pursed his swollen lips. “You want this all to stop, so you are going to tell my mother you didn’t refuse me?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t see how that will further your cause to get away from me.”
“She will have to see, then, that you didn’t want me after all. She’ll realize you only asked me out of an obligation to her. Once that is cleared up, you will be free to pursue other women before your time limit is up.”
“What in the world makes you think I want to pursue other women?”
“You have to if you are going to keep your promise to your mother. I know it would be easiest just to make the first person you proposed to marry you, but that is not going to happen. Your father would never allow it, so the sooner you move on, the better.”
I could see that William was mulling over what I’d said. At last, he seemed to decide that my plan to convince his mother to let him look elsewhere might work. “So, you will find my mother and tell her how I was the one who didn’t want to marry you?”
“Yes.”
“But Mother is still at Feldstone, and you hate carriage rides.”
For a moment, I was surprised that he knew that about me, but then I remembered my last trip to Feldstone. I had been quite ill. It would have been hard to miss.
“I have managed to make the trek every year, even twice this year.”
“How will you even get there?” he asked.
“If my mother won’t part with her carriage, I can hire one. I’ll bring Johanna as a companion,” I said, proud of myself for coming up with a plan so quickly.
“Bring your maid, and I’ll take you in my carriage,” he said. “I’m very interested to see how this conversation plays out.”
“You can’t go there!”
“Why not? It’s my home.”
“You will explain it to your mother in a way that puts you in a good light. I want her to see the fruitlessness of our situation. I don’t want you trying to make it seem like all you will have to do is pay me a few compliments and I will agree a second time and that your father will approve. I don’t know if you remember, but your resistance to a union was very apparent the last time we kissed.”
“Last time we kissed?” he asked, indicating the spot where we’d been standing just moments ago.
Why was it so blasted hot in here? I wanted to fan my face but didn’t allow myself the luxury. He was right. He hadn’t seemed to mind my last kiss. “I meant the kiss before that one,” I said.
“I can’t begin to tell you how much it pleases me that we have shared enough kisses for them to be confused.” His smile was maddening.
“That is not the point! The point is, I know you are only doing this to please your mother, and if she knew you didn’t want it, she wouldn’t force you to marry me.”
“So you need to go tell her because I am too afraid to do it myself?”
I threw my hands in the air. “Apparently!”
“All right, Rose, we’ll go see my mother. You can tell her it is my fault we are not engaged, and then I will be free to pursue the woman of my dreams.” He seemed absolutely happy about this arrangement.
“And no speaking to your mother until I have explained everything to her.”
“I won’t speak to her until after you have said your piece. I promise.”
“I am not sure I want you to speak to me until I am able to talk to her.” I had come so close to believing William again, I didn’t know how I would handle it if he asked to court me even one more time. He gave me a strange look but didn’t answer. It was as if he was waiting for me to explain that particular request. But I just stood there, looking him in the eye, while I waited for him to agree.
“Fine,” he said. “We will take my carriage, and I won’t talk to you for the whole of the ride. Four hours spent in your company only looking at you. I can think of worse fates.”
“Eight hours,” I said. “If you are taking me to Feldstone, you must also return me.”
“What? Today? You should pack for an overnight stay. There is no way my mother would let you get away with such a short visit.”
“I am quite certain that after our last encounter, she won’t be able to get rid of me fast enough,” I said, remembering how I had left her struggling for air in her bedroom.
“I never thanked you for that, by the way,” William said.
“For what? Being impertinent to your mother?” I was exasperated.
William smiled at the memory of it. “You were fantastic. I think you shocked Mother into health, if that is possible.”
“She is better?”
“She’s much better, although she has been doting on me a bit, which has taken some getting used to.”
I wanted to hear more. I wanted to know everything about William and his family, which was why I didn’t ask any more questions. I needed to wean myself from his life. “I had better round up Johanna and let her know she is finally going to see Feldstone Manor after all,” I said, trying to ignore the fact that what I was about to do might lead Lady Chatsworth back to her bed. She wasn’t going to be happy to hear that William was the one who didn’t want an engagement.
Lord Blakeley had left the door to the drawing room open, and I walked out of the room, and William followed me.
We stood there together in silence while we waited for Mr. Sparrow to bring William’s things. I could have left, but instead, I waited as he put on his coat and hat. William thanked our butler and then turned to me.
“I hope you find our trip to Feldstone enlightening. I’ll be back within the hour, and then we can start on our silent journey.” William gave me a wink and a tip of his hat, then Mr. Sparrow opened the door for him, and he left.
There was a rap at the door only moments after it closed. I had gone halfway up the stairs to find Johanna, but I paused to see who it was. Perhaps William had forgotten something. Mr. Sparrow opened it, and to my surprise, Lord Blakeley was standing there. He impatiently handed my butler his coat and hat and walked into the drawing room without being invited.
I followed him in, wondering what this could be about. An hour was not long to prepare for a trip to Kent. I hoped that whatever he needed from me would be quick.
“Won’t you please sit?” I asked.
His pacing back and forth between the fireplace and settee was unsettling.
“Is your acquaintance with that man severed, then?” he asked brusquely.
“I have every reason to believe it will be by this evening.”
“Why not this morning? Couldn’t you have just told him now to never see you again?”
“I don’t think I will need to go to the lengths of telling him that. Our families are close friends.”
“So I hear.” He sat and quit his pacing.
“Will you go for a ride with me in Hyde Park this afternoon?”
“I cannot.”
“Cannot? Or will not?
“I cannot. I won’t be at home,” I said.
“Where will you be going?”
I didn’t answer. How could I tell him that I was going to visit William’s mother? He would never understand.
“Where will you be going?” he asked a second time. No longer comfortable on the sofa, he stood and walked closer to me. He was livid, and a spot of fear rose up in my chest. I had never seen Lord Blakeley angry, and I suddenly felt that it would be better for me if I never did. He kept walking toward me until his face was only inches from mine. I was tempted to step back but, instead, decided to hold my ground. “Where the devil will you be going, woman?” His voice rose to a shout, and I looked toward the door, thankful that it was still slightly ajar. If Mr. Sparrow was nearby, he would come in to interrupt any minute.
“I will be traveling to Feldstone Manor, in Kent.”
“Which is—?” he asked with his face still entirely too close to mine.
“Which is Lord Telford’s parents’ estate.”
He stepped away from me and gave me a nod. My shoulders relaxed, and I breathed easier with the distance.
“Well, I have no qualms about telling someone I will never see them again.” He walked to the drawing room door. As he crossed the threshold, he turned. “You are going to have to find someone else to pay for that sooty boy’s school. I only did it to keep him away from you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were spending far too much time with the boy. Do you know what that looks like?”
“Perhaps it looks like I cared about him.”
“Exactly. It was sweet of you, I’m sure, but there was no need to get your hands dirty caring for him personally. It makes you dirty by association. It was only a matter of time until the ton started talking about it.”
“Why should it matter to me what the ton is saying about it?” This time it was my voice that was raised.
Lord Blakeley looked at me as if he had never met me before.
I assumed I was looking the same way at him. Suddenly deflated, I felt no inclination to try to smooth anything over with him anymore. “Mr. Sparrow,” I called out, rushing past Lord Blakeley and yelling up the stairs. It was easier to breathe once I was out of the drawing room. A moment later, Mr. Sparrow emerged from the upstairs hallway and hurriedly descended the stairs. “Lord Blakeley is in need of his coat and hat,” I told him.
Mr. Sparrow hurried to get them while we stood awkwardly silent. When Mr. Sparrow returned, Lord Blakeley slammed his hat onto his head, and without waiting for Mr. Sparrow, he opened the door himself and stormed out of the house without saying another word.
“Sorry to take so long, miss.” Mr. Sparrow looked sheepish about being remiss in his duties. “Your mother gave me specific instructions that if Lord Blakeley called on you, I should give you complete privacy.”
“Yes, well, you may inform my mother that Lord Blakeley will not be calling again, so no such instructions are necessary.” He nodded. “And while you are speaking to her, will you tell her that I am going to make a one-day trip to Feldstone Manor? I need to find Johanna and ask her to accompany me.” I would deal with William first and pick up the pieces Lord Blakeley had scattered afterward. I had already made tentative plans for Adam before he’d swooped in and sent him out of town. I had a good idea of a family who could help him, and a trip to Feldstone would be the perfect opportunity to ask them.
