“Certainly,” Lord Chatsworth said. “We will have you again sometime soon.”

  “Oh, well, that is a relief,” my mother said. “And with any luck, we won’t have Rose with us next time.” Mama gave a curtsy and headed to the carriage without looking at either William or me to gauge our reaction to her words.

  Lord Chatsworth gave me a nod but said nothing. I tried not to rehearse in my head the words I had heard him say to William and just gave a returning curtsy. It was perfectly understandable that he would want his son to marry someone more prestigious than I.

  “Good-bye, Miss Davenport,” William said softly. He reached for my hand, and I gave it to him willingly. He held it for a moment, hesitantly, and then lifted it to his lips. My feelings of friendship didn’t leave; they grew and blossomed into the desire I had felt for William the night before. He lowered my hand, and I gave his a squeeze. This could be our last intimate time together, and I didn’t want it to be burdened with what might have been.

  “I didn’t see Lady Chatsworth this morning.”

  Immediately his shoulders slumped once again. “No, she is still in her bed.”

  “What?”

  “She is having a hard time with Joseph leaving, and, well, with us.”

  My mother was already in the carriage, and Father was about to join her. Without thinking of them, I turned on my heel and started toward the house. I couldn’t believe Lady Chatsworth had slunk back to her bed. Did she not see the effect it had on her son?

  “Rose?” William called after me, but I ignored him. I was determined to speak to Lady Chatsworth before I left. William followed behind me, but I didn’t care. I knew I was about to be impudent to his mother, but I was quite sure my relations with this family were coming to an end one way or another. I might never get this chance again.

  I stormed through the foyer and up the stairs to Lady Chatsworth’s chambers. I knocked once, a short rap that barely had the chance to echo, before I opened the door.

  “Rose?” Lady Chatsworth called in a faint, surprised voice. I ignored her and made my way to the closed drapes and pulled them open with a massive yank. The dim room was suddenly filled with light, and Lady Chatsworth covered her eyes with her hands.

  “Lady Chatsworth,” I began before I could think better of it. “Your son and I will not marry. I am sorry. I would have loved to have you as a mother-in-law. But matters of the heart should not be pushed in this way!”

  Lady Chatsworth sat up slightly in bed, still looking confused. William stood at the door, his handsome face looking back and forth between the two of us, and I couldn’t have cared less.

  “You need to get out of bed. You have a granddaughter who needs you. Even if she is in India, it will not be permanent, and you will need your health for when she returns.” I stopped for a moment to catch my breath before I started into the next thing I knew I had to say. “I know you may find me impertinent, but I feel that I must tell you that what you are doing to William is inexcusable. I understand you feel that you lost Joseph, and that is devastating, but I have watched William these past two years try to do everything he could to please you and to restore your health. He has taken over parts of the estate and improved them in ways no one in the county could have dreamed of two years ago. I know he does this for the sake of the villagers and workers, but I also know he comes here to tell you about them in hopes that you will get out of that bed and take notice of what he has done. He opens your drapes every day so you can have some sunshine. He visits the neighbors you feel need the family’s care. He has done all of this as you have lain in your bed and pined after a son who has left you.”

  “Rose,” William said from the doorway. My name was drawn out carefully and calmly, as if he were talking to a skittish horse.

  “No, William, I am not done,” I replied in a snap, and he backed down. He must have sensed that I was about to burst, and I suddenly felt bad that he had to stand and contend there with two unhinged women. “This marriage idea is absurd, and he has agreed to it because it has been the only thing to get you out of this room and back into life again, but I should think that as a mother, you should see that setting a six-month deadline on a marriage is a dangerous game to play with your son’s happiness. You should want what is best for him. You should want what would make him most happy. And I know that right now, that is not a rushed engagement. It is for his mother to have her health back. And that, Lady Chatsworth, is completely in your power.”

  Lady Chatsworth was sitting up in her bed and gulping for air like a fish pulled from a stream. I hoped I hadn’t made her condition worse, but I trusted William to care for anything she needed after I left. I moved away from the window and brushed past William, who was still in the doorway. As my clothing brushed against his, I felt a tiny spark. It made me turn around and say one more thing to his mother.

  “William is not Joseph, Lady Chatsworth. His choices in life are going to make you proud. They already should have.”

  “Rose,” William said again as he grabbed my hand. I wanted nothing more than to let him hold it, but I pulled it away.

  “You deserve to get what you want, William. At least in this one thing. It isn’t in your nature to hurt anyone, but that shouldn’t be an excuse for people to take advantage of you.” I smiled at him, trying to be braver than I felt. “Take care of your mother, William. I am afraid I have shocked her greatly,” I said as I walked away. “Perhaps I will see you in London.”

  I tried to ignore what I had just done as I made my way back out of the house.

  “What in heaven’s name did you return to the house for?” my mother blustered when I stepped into the carriage a few moments later. “The carriage is freezing, and you didn’t even let us know when you would be back!”

  “I wanted to say goodbye to Lady Chatsworth.”

  “Oh,” she said, a bit deflated. “I hope she is well.”

  “I hope so too,” I said.

  Chapter 16

  The next morning, I was dressed and ready early. My visit to Feldstone Manor had prevented me from seeing Adam, and I was anxious to see how he was faring. Mother hated me visiting anyone in servants’ quarters, but she didn’t go so far as to forbid me from going. Lord Percival was a widower and had been extremely accommodating about letting me come. I rarely saw him, as the House of Lords was in session, but his staff was gracious. I suspected they had all grown to care for Adam as I had.

  I knocked on Lord Percival’s door, and the butler, Mr. Kimball, answered. When he saw me, his face immediately fell. It was not the greeting I was accustomed to.

  “Adam?” I asked. “Has he gotten worse?”

  “No, no,” Mr. Kimball replied. “He was much better—so much so that the chimney sweep came looking for him.”

  I walked across the threshold and into the large open foyer of the stylish townhome. “He hasn’t taken him!”

  “He hasn’t,” Mr. Kimball said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Then what is the matter?”

  “In truth, nothing is wrong. I only feel bad that you won’t be able to see Adam.”

  “Why not? He is well, and the sweep hasn’t taken him.”

  “The sweep hasn’t taken him, but he is gone. Yesterday, a gentleman came to the door and offered to pay for him to go to a country school.”

  “A gentleman? What gentleman?” I asked.

  “I am afraid I am not at liberty to say.”

  William. His name came into my thoughts unbidden. And yet, he was at Feldstone Manor yesterday. It couldn’t have been him.

  “How did Adam take this news?”

  “He was quite happy with the arrangement. I believe seeing the sweep the day before made him quite glad to be receiving an education rather than going back to his apprenticeship.”

  “I am sure it did,” I said, still puzzled over today’s turn of events.

  “Would you care to come in for some tea?”

  “No, thank you. I will go visit with my sister just down the street.” Mr. Kimball nodded, and I made my way back to the door. Before he opened it for me, I turned toward him once again. “I truly do thank you for all the care you gave the poor boy. I know he was happy to be here.”

  Mr. Kimball gave me a nod and then opened the door. “It was a pleasure, miss.”

  ***

  Another ball.

  It was amazing that being engaged for a matter of minutes had changed my entire perspective on societal functions. I should be engaged. I shouldn’t be trying to catch the eye of unsuspecting men. But there I was, two weeks after the broken engagement, dressed to the nines, being introduced to possible matches. For the past few minutes, I had been conversing, if you could call it that, with Mr. Morris. He was a cousin of the host and a complete disappointment.

  Mr. Morris was nice enough. At least I assumed he was. I had missed a few of the things he had said to me since his voice never rose above a whisper. I tried not to get distracted by the many other more exciting conversations going on around us. As one of the later balls in my third season, I knew the host was trying to hand me an easy conquest, but I was not sure Mr. Morris knew the first thing about basic conversation.

  After our introduction, he hadn’t volunteered any information or even asked me any questions. It seemed as though he was incapable of doing anything but answer my questions to him. Our exchange was quickly becoming tedious, so I decided to stop helping him. He shuffled his feet a few times and then pulled at his cravat. I gave him an encouraging smile, hoping he could come up with something to say on his own.

  “The weather . . .” he began, and then cleared his throat, “is quite cold.”

  Brilliant! He does speak.

  “It has been quite cold. That seems to happen in winter.”

  “Yes,” he said, and I leaned in closer so I could hear him, as his voice was fading. “It was cold last winter.”

  “Doesn’t Miss Davenport look lovely this evening?” I jumped at the sound of William’s confident voice behind me. I hadn’t seen him since my family had left his home, even though there had been chances to. He hadn’t been at any parties lately. This was the first ball since our return, so he must be, once again, searching for a bride.

  “Why, yes . . . yes, um, she does,” Mr. Morris stumbled as he looked me in the eye for a split second and then looked away.

  “Just look at her eyes. The emerald color alone is enough to drive a man to distraction, but the spark in them . . .” William sighed. “What could she be thinking of to make such a spark?”

  How to be rid of you.

  Would William never leave me alone? He stood straight and tall. His words were never hard to hear, nor was conversation with him ever tedious.

  “Um, yes. You’re correct. Your eyes, Miss Davenport, are quite . . . green.” Mr. Morris was sounding more confident, as if all he’d needed was someone to tell him what to say all along.

  “Thank you, Mr. Morris,” I said, trying to ignore William. Mr. Morris blushed a deep red at my gratitude.

  “Her green eyes, her kindness, and those lovely dark locks of hair.” William’s eyes traveled down to my waist, and I knew he was remembering the evening outside my chambers. He was purposely trying to make me uncomfortable, and I didn’t know why. “Everything about her is soft and good and pleasant, like an evening by a fire, surrounded by friends. The only thing that is hard about Miss Davenport is watching her and knowing other men see it too. Or, they see a portion of it, for I am convinced no one can know and need Miss Davenport as much as I do.”

  At his mention of needing me, my breath caught, but I remembered the way he’d walked away from me and knew this wasn’t some kind of confession. He had to have an ulterior motive. Mr. Morris also noticed the intimacy of William’s words, and with a nod to me, he started to shirk away. Poor fellow—he hadn’t even mustered up the courage to ask me for a dance.

  “What do you want, Lord Telford? If it is to chase away any of my prospects, I believe you have started out well.”

  “Was he truly a prospect, then? Mr. Morris is a good man, but I would have thought you needed more stimulation than he could provide.”

  “What gives you the idea that you have any right to advise me in any way regarding suitors?” I could hear the anger rising in my voice, but I was determined not to have him hear it. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. It was hard when he was so near me and so large. His chest blocked most of my line of sight. “We were friends once, Lord Telford, and I would rather try to remember those times with fondness, but the more you interfere with my life, the more I have to close that part of me off. Please, for the sake of the friendship we once had, just leave me alone.”

  “Are your feelings that far gone, then?” he asked. “Am I starting from scratch without even our good times to build upon?”

  “I have no idea what you can mean.”

  “I made a mistake in the garden.”

  My eyes moved to his lips, and I remembered the softness of them. My hand instinctively went to my neck. His touches there had haunted me more than anything else. His eyes followed my movement, and I saw a hint of the terrible regret he showed on that day. It was a good reminder that he didn’t feel the same things I did. I quickly removed my hand from my throat. “I believe you have thoroughly apologized and voiced your regret already. I think it best if we both just forget it ever happened.”

  “Can you?” he asked. “Can you really?”

  “I . . . Well, of course I won’t be able to totally forget.” I paused and blinked my eyes. In the split second they closed, I was in the garden, kissing William. “You completely humiliated me, and humiliation is a hard emotion to leave behind.”

  “Ah, yes. Humiliation. That is what you felt.”

  “I can’t imagine what else I could have felt in that situation.”

  “It wasn’t at all what I was feeling.”

  “Oh, yes, I am aware. Your primary emotion was plain to see. The remorse you showed was unmistakable, and it still is. If you are worried that you made it unclear that you lament what happened, trust me, it has been, and is, very apparent.”

  William groaned quietly and then ran his fingers through his hair. He really should stop doing that in public places. His hair was a disaster now.

  “Will you dance with me?” he said in a swift change of subject. “The supper dance: has it been taken?”

  “Lord Blakeley has requested the supper dance.”

  “Again?”

  “Again.”

  “Are you serious about him?” he asked me quietly.

  “I honestly don’t know.”

  “That’s more than I’ve heard you say about any man.”

  “Well, I did agree to marry one once.” I couldn’t believe I said that. It was always too easy to expose my heart to William. It shouldn’t be anymore, but I frustratingly still wanted to confide in him. I knew he didn’t want me, and perhaps more importantly, his father didn’t want me, and yet somehow, I foolishly wanted him to be the one to comfort me in my heartbreak. I looked around once again to make sure no one could overhear our conversation. There was no one near.

  “Whoever he was, he was a fool to not take you up on it.”

  “At last, here is something we can agree on,” I replied.

  Our eyes met, and for the hundredth time, I wondered why exactly he’d left me in that garden. The answer was always the same. He could put up with me if it pleased his mother, but without his father’s permission, I wasn’t worth the damage I would cause.

  “Perhaps you could also agree to a dance with me. Is there any dance that is available, or am I too late?” he asked. “I hope I’m not too late.”

  “After supper, I am free. You may have the after-supper dance.”

  “Thank you,” he said and then took my hand and brushed a kiss on my knuckles. “It will be the highlight of my evening.” William walked away.

  I tried to tear my eyes off his broad shoulders and well-fitted jacket, but my eyes had a mind of their own. Nothing else in the room was quite as captivating.

  Immediately, Miss Harden pounced on him. She was blonde, petite, and the eldest daughter of the Earl of Frampton. He smiled down at her, and her eyes fluttered in a way I had never even tried to master. I pushed my sense of loss to the back of my mind. The sight of William with other women was something I needed to get used to.

  My first dance partner, a Mr. Bramy from Somersetshire, was profuse with his compliments, but I was not in the mood to be flattered. Throughout the evening, I tried to catch a glimpse of who William was dancing with. Each time I saw him, he had a different beauty on his arm. It was a relief when, after a few more uninspiring dances, it was finally time for the supper dance with Lord Blakeley. I could speak or not speak with Lord Blakeley as I was used to. His smile was becoming more familiar. It wasn’t as dashing as William’s, but it was pleasant enough.

  And his teeth looked real to me.

  After our dance, Lord Blakeley escorted me into supper and sat next to me. William sat across the table from us, and he was flanked on each side by two stout, matronly women.

  “It is unfortunate the weather hasn’t permitted any rides in the park of late. You were absolutely beautiful sitting in my barouche,” Lord Blakeley said, and I tore my gaze away from William’s stare to respond to him.

  “Thank you,” I said. “And I would love to see your horses again. They were magnificent.”

  “Oh, I’ve sold them. White seems to have gone out of fashion, so I acquired two matching chestnuts. You will be thrilled when you meet them.”

  “You sold them?” I asked. He had seemed so proud of his animals during our last outing.

  “Yes. They were still beautiful in their own right, I suppose, but I like to keep only the best.” His smile was self-satisfied. “That is why I’m constantly drawn to you.”

  “And if my particular kind of beauty also goes out of style?”

  “Well then, I suppose I will have to trade you in as well,” Lord Blakeley said flippantly and then laughed out loud. I responded with a laugh of my own, but after hearing that he had done just that with his horses, I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps there might be a grain of truth in his joke.

 

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